Chinese Chicken

April 27, 1629

"Football Head, how much longer are you on leave?" Helga called from the living room.

"Uh, I go back next Tuesday, pending my psych eval," he replied from the kitchen. Neither of them had felt much like cooking, so he was putting Chinese food on plates. "And who knows how that's gonna go."

Helga chuckled. "I can't wait for mine. That doc will probably have a breakdown trying to figure me out."

"You're not that bad, Helga."

"Yeah, right. I can't even figure myself out, Hair Boy. How can I expect someone else to do it?"

"Sometimes the outside perspective is all you need." He entered the room and raised an eyebrow at Helga, who was laying with her back on the floor and her legs draped onto the couch. She was flipping channels on the TV while watching it upside down. "Is this some sort of weird yoga thing?"

"You really should have sprung for the HBO package."

"On a civil servant's salary? Have you forgotten I'm still at step one on the pay scale, Miss Moneybags?"

"Oh right. I forget sometimes that you're still a rookie."

He carefully stepped over Helga and set the plates down on the coffee table. "I suppose I'll take that as a compliment." He threw a napkin on her face. "Come eat."

Helga groaned and rolled over slowly and got up on the couch the proper way. "We should have gotten a movie."

"I still haven't watched Serenity," he said as he popped sweet and sour chicken in his mouth.

"You're killing me, Arnoldo. I loaned that to you what, four months ago?" She stood up and went over to the DVD player, searching for movie.

"Uh, yeah, something like that. It's on the right side. Anyway, why did you want to know how much longer I'm on leave?"

"Huh? Oh, no reason. I just, uh, was wondering when I'd have to go back to being all be me onesies again." She found the movie and put it in the player.

"Channeling your inner Jack Sparrow, I see. You're not going to be alone, Helga. Just because I'll be back at work doesn't mean I won't see you. And you know Phoebe will be around most nights if you need her."

"Yeah, well, I also worry about you, ya know." The movie started playing and she sat down heavily on the couch. She stabbed at her sesame chicken.

Arnold regarded her curiously. "You've become much more… comfortable, I guess, this past week."

Helga shrugged. "Yeah, I almost died, in case you forgot. Gives a girl a bit of perspective on things. Don't worry, I can still flip the bitch switch when I need it." She winked at him.

Arnold laughed. "Oh, I don't doubt that for a second."

She gathered more of her food onto her fork. "What're you doing tomorrow? Ooh, water chestnuts!"

"You're out of control tonight. I don't really have any plans, why?"

"I need to go to the gun store."

"The gun store? Since when do you need to go to the gun store?"

"Since the office took my gun as evidence. Not for nothing, but I feel a bit naked without a gun these days." She wiggled the fingers on her right hand. "And the Five Avengers are out of commission at the moment. Ol' Betsy is good and all, but they're kind of tag team."

Arnold shook his head. "I didn't realize you had names for both hands. I just kinda figured you used Betsy as a universal term."

"Nah, that wouldn't be fair to the other half of the team."

He sighed. "Yeah, sure, I'll go with you. But you're not buying anything on the first visit. Just looking."

Helga pouted. "You're no fun."

"Hey, you asked for a chaperone."

"Negative, I asked my partner to accompany me while I make a potentially life-altering decision."

"Life altering?"

"Well, week-altering at least."

Arnold shook his head. "Totally out of control."

Helga nudged him in the side with her good arm. "Don't act like you're bothered by it."

"I don't believe I said I was."

"Now, serious question time."

Arnold wiped his mouth with the napkin. They'd barely eaten anything, and the movie was still at the title screen. But he was remarkably happy even though the food was getting cold. "Okay. What's up?"

"You think when I come back the Captain will let me paint a harpy on the side of car?"

Arnold almost choked on his chicken. "You know about that nickname?"

Helga shoveled more rice into her mouth. "I'm not deaf, ya know. Besides I'm okay with it. You know anything about harpies? Like, the mythological harpy."

Arnold shook his head. "I suppose I don't know much beyond the fact that they're some sort of female monster."

"They were servants of Zeus, who carried bad guys to the Furies. At least that's what Wikipedia tells me. So, I kinda hope it's true. Because I think that totally fits with arresting douchebags and bringing them to court. Makes me a servant to the God of Gods."

"Okay, and what does a harpy actually look like?"

Helga scrunched her nose. "Well, I guess they look a bunch of different ways depending on who's drawing them. Sometimes they're ugly, sometimes they're beautiful. Sometimes they have just the head of a woman on a bird's body. Sometimes they have an anatomically correct woman's body with wings and talons."

Arnold regarded her curiously. "Anatomically correct?"

She punched his shoulder. "Easy there, chuckle head. The closest you're getting to my anatomy is that ambulance ride."

Arnold turned red. "I didn't mean, uh, you know, your anatomy, just uh… I'm gonna shut up now."

Helga smirked at him. "Probably for the best. So, what do you think? Think they'll go for it? I'll promise to maintain their modesty in whatever representation I choose."

Arnold tapped his lip with his index finger. "I think that depends on whether you decide to be Deputy Harpy or Sergeant Harpy."

She pointed her fork at him. "Mmm. Good point."

"Have you made a decision on that yet?"

Helga sat back. "Not yet. I didn't mind dealing with your bullshit while you were on FTO, but I'm not sure I can see myself dealing with half a dozen deputies and having to guide them. I'm fine with telling people what to do, but to take responsibility for them? That's a different ball game. Besides, it'll kill my numbers."

"It's not all about numbers, Blue." Her heart still fluttered when he called her that.

"I know. I mean, it's a sizable pay raise, I'd get to keep my own car and all that, and I'd basically have the same freedom to roam the county that I have now. But I'd also have to spend hours staring at boring reports and I'd have to go to all sorts of calls I can avoid right now."

"You go to all sorts of calls anyway. Especially the nasty ones that turn into fights. I may be a shit magnet, but you actively seek out shit to get into." He smiled at her. "That's part of your rep too, you know. Pataki always has your back in a scrape."

"I dunno, we'll see. I have probably 'til the end of next month to figure it out. Wittenburg rarely took sick days and he's got tons of vacation this year, so he's going to burn everything he's got before he officially retires. They can't actually even offer it to me until that happens." Helga shoveled some more chicken into her mouth. "Criminy, Football Head, are you gonna start this movie or what?"

Arnold laughed. "Whatever you say Helga."

A/N:Nettie: That's what I was hoping to convey. I'm glad it came through that way.

Blue: He's still a little slow, but he's getting there.

Nep2uune: This story was how I decided to deal with it all, but I do some journaling as well when the mood strikes me.

Ajay: Shared experience is the quickest way to bring people together, and life or death scenarios tend to do it quickly. That's why soldiers form strong bonds with one another. Unfortunately, the way our shifts and patrol areas are arranged, we rarely get the opportunity to support one another unless something goes REALLY wrong.

Guest: She's being cynical. Arnold isn't really a narc, even if the others might see him as one. He doesn't throw people under the bus to the administration. Ultimately, having a positive person in the road room is something that helps the guys that forgot why they got into the field in the first place what they were there for. Part II of the story is going to cover a bit more of that as well as the office politics that drives cops crazy. As for IA, only large agencies have IA units. I'd say you probably don't start seeing IA divisions until you have a few hundred officers. Our agency has fewer than 70 full time sworn officers, including the administration. We're not big enough to warrant an Internal Affairs unit.