Disclaimer: Anything you recognize? Doesn't belong to me.
Spoilers: Eh, no.
Pairings: All worked out for plot purposes.
Summary: Are you prepared to face all of the consequences for the choices that you've made?
Notes: Nothing that hasn't been said already...enjoy.
Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and for everyone who has reviewed this story. I appreciate you all more than I'll ever be able to say.
Chapter 35: Lay It On the Line
Jeff Hardy let out a yawn as he shuffled out of the guest room. Katie was sleeping soundly in the room next to it, while the door to the third bedroom was wide open. Cautiously, he peered inside .. only to find it empty. A slight frown crossed his features then, the green eyed man turning on heel to head downstairs. They had taken a plane from North Carolina, the redhead insisting that Jeff accompany her and Katie back. Why exactly, Jeff wasn't entirely sure .. but he had a good inkling as to why his presence was warranted. Lita had at least informed him that John would be returning today, instead of Wednesday. She had also requested that Jeff take Katie for that night, going so far as to pay for the hotel room he would need. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that she was nervous, but as Jeff reminded her over and over .. if it was what was needed in the long run. He also reminded her that, it was what she wanted to do. At any rate, when he finally reached the living room, he found the object of his search curled in a corner of a chair. From the looks of it, he gathered that the redhead hadn't slept that night .. and mentally he questioned if that was really the wisest move on her part. Though, he also figured, given the current state of apprehension, she would be anything but calm and collected. But, at least, she was calmer than she was on the camping trip. Not by much, but noticeable enough to Jeff. He paused to stand in the entryway to the living room, the redhead's hazel eyes staring blankly at the fireplace. And for a split second, Jeff thought she had changed her mind. He cleared his throat in an attempt to gain her attention, but it was to no avail. Her eyes remained focused on the un-lit fireplace, her arms curled protectively around her waist. Undaunted however, he raked a hand through his hair as he padded forwards.
"Li?" Jeff queried hesitatanly, "Baby girl-"
"What is it?" Lita replied, her voice sounding unusually hoarse. "Is Katie awake?"
"No," Jeff crouched next to the chair, "She's still sleepin'.."
The redhead nodded absently, "Then what is it?"
Jeff raised an eyebrow, "Did you sleep at all Li-Li?"
"No." Her reply came shortly, "I couldn't sleep.."
He let out a sigh, resting a hand tentatitvely on her shoulder. "Then, do you wanna talk about it?"
She shook her head in the negative, "Thanks, but not thanks."
Jeff frowned, concern flooding his eyes. "When will John be back?"
Her shoulders lifted ever so slightly, "Don't know .. All he said was, he wasn't on the card for RAW or Smackdown."
"I see." He squeezed her shoulder lightly, before his hand fell to the arm of the chair. "Do you want me to take Katie to pre-school?"
"If you can."
He sighed inwardly, rising slowly to his feet. "Baby girl, if you change your mind.."
She only nodded in response, Jeff turning on heel to head into the kitchen. He had just reached the tiled floor, when a voice just reached his ears.
"I'm scared Jeff.."
He crossed his arms over his chest, his eyes focusing on the same spot as hers. "About what Li?"
"What if it ends?" Her head lolled forwards, red locks curtaining her face from view. "What if I lose him?"
"You won't lose him entirely Li .. I mean, look at you an' Matt."
"But it was different with Matt.." Her voice wavered dangerously, "Matt and I, yeah we had something good and so do me and John but-"
"You ain't sure if you love John." Jeff concluded with a soft frown. "Or you do love him, and that just makes you that much more scared."
"That's just it.." Lita sighed audibly, "I care about him, he means a lot to me.."
"But?"
"I don't know."
"Li.." Jeff raked his hands through his hair, "You cain't worry yourself over, what if Randy wasn't in the picture .. would you love John. You just cain't do that to yourself.. it's clear to me that he does mean a good deal to ya, it's clear to me that you're happy with him."
"But, what if that isn't enough?"
Jeff grimaced, "Then maybe you shoulda thought 'bout that before you-"
"Before all that stupid shit.." Lita sighed, her hands clenching tightly at the hem of her shirt. "I really fucked up."
"Hindsight is 20/20 baby girl." Jeff shifted his weight back on his heels. "But, it's not to say that it won't work itself out.. I cain't say that it won't and I cain't say that it will. That's between you an' John."
She nodded slightly, "I know Jeff .. and part of me just doesn't want to tell him but .. I can't do that to him."
"An' the other part?"
"Prays and hopes for the best.."
Jeff nodded in response, making his way towards her again. "You an' John, y'all got somethin'. Somethin' that, you an' Matt had .. but not exactly what you an' Matt had. I ain't sayin' that it wasn't there with Randy but.."
"Do you think it'll work out?"
"I cain't say baby girl .. I ain't John."
"Yeah.." Lita sighed once more, a hand reaching upwards to part the silken, red curtain. "It just hurts Jeff.."
He raised an eyebrow, confusion etching on his features. "What hurts?"
She remained silent for a moment, before the shaky reply finally emerged. "The thought of losing him."
Jeff crouched down to her level again, his eyes locking with hers. But, rather than say anything, he gently gathered her in his arms. Though the redhead claimed she didn't love John, or she didn't know how she felt .. it was painfully obvious to Jeff. Maybe she wasn't in love with the West Newbury native, yet, but Jeff reasoned it would only be a matter of time. He felt the gentle rise and fall of her back, the moisture starting to accumulate on his chest as the redhead released her pain. Jeff felt an overwhelming feeling of helplessness at that point, but there really wasn't much else he could do. Lita needed him, and that was all that mattered. He drew her shaking form closer to his, cradeling his best friend gently to his chest.
xxx
By mid morning, there was still no sign of John Cena. Lita had at least moved from the living room, Jeff coaxing her to at least eat some breakfast before she took a nap. As promised, he took the four year old to pre-school, Katie babbling on excitedly about Daddy. For a moment, Jeff had wondered if she was referring to Randy, but Katie had soon made it clear that she meant John. That only added to the worry that weighed on the back of his mind, Jeff hoping and praying that Katie would understand when the time was right to tell her. Of course, he realized to some extent, that the four year old might not understand .. just taking her age into consideration. Added to that, while the four year old did have many male figures in her life, John was the lone father figure. And as much as Katie idolized Randy, it appeared to sky rocket higher where it concerened John. At any rate, Jeff added that situation to the growing list of things to talk to Lita about. It was at the pre-school that Jeff experianced the snobs firsthand. He decided from the get go that he didn't like them, and if Lita's moving away was good for anything, it would mean that she was safe from their clutches. It was also at the pre-school that Jeff picked up a manilla envelope. One of the chatty women had mentioned it was from the parent's night and Jeff decided that it would be best if Lita not receive it right away. All the same, he promised Katie that he would pick her up as soon as her momma said it was okay. He kissed her gently on the forehead before sending her off, the younger Hardy brother all too eager to escape. While he was on his way back, Lita had called to request some groceries. Jeff had grumbled that he didn't know his way around at all .. but Lita had been persistent. And, by the time Jeff returned to the house with the groceries, he caught sight of a cab pulling away from the curb.
"Jeff?"
Jeff nodded in greeting as he exited the vehicle. "Li asked me to come up with her an' Katie."
John nodded shortly, re-adjusting the strap of his duffle bag. "I take it Katie's at pre-school already?"
"Yeah," Jeff busied himself with gathering grocery bags. "I dropped her off this mornin', then Li wanted me to get some groceries."
John smirked slightly, "Thanks for savin' me the trouble then .. she usually sends my ass out to do the grocery shoppin'."
Jeff rolled his eyes good naturedly, "She was just steppin' into the shower when she hung up so.."
"Gotcha," John inclined his chin to the green eyed man. "How long are ya stayin'?"
"Overnight at least.." Jeff shrugged his shoulders slightly, figuring he'd let the redhead inform John of the duration of his visit. "Not overly sure though."
At that, John nodded, grabbing a grocery bag in one arm while he tugged his luggage along with him.
"Dude," Jeff turned to him once they were in the kitchen. "I'll take care of the groceries.."
Cena nodded, smile sent in thanks. "I appreciate it bro."
Jeff returned the smile, waving shortly before he went back outside to gather more grocery bags.
John, in turn, left his stuff in the living room.. a slight shudder before he turned his attentions to the stairs. He just caught the sound of the water draining in the bathroom, and sure enough as he reached the end of the hallway, the redhead emerged.
Lita's eyes softened momentairly when she caught sight of him, the bathrobe pulled a little bit tighter around her form. "Welcome home."
He pushed back the voice nagging in his head, "Good to be home."
Silence fell between them for a moment, Lita still standing at one end of the hallway with John at the other.
"I should probably get dressed.." She said finally, "Can't go running around in a bathrobe.."
He raised an eyebrow at that, the lightest twinkle playing in his blue eyes. "Considerin' it ain't your bathrobe?"
Her head ducked, a sheepish smile on her face. "Yeah well, my bathrobe is still in the dryer and-"
"S'alright." He shrugged then, leaning against the wall. "I'll just go give Jeff a hand or whatever."
Lita nodded in response, but instead of heading inside the bedroom, she walked towards him.
He met her halfway, his arms reaching out to snake around her waist.
"I missed you.." She whispered against his chest, her hands reaching upwards to grasp his shoulders. "I missed you so much.."
John's arms tightened around her smaller form, "I missed you too Li." He rested his chin atop her head, his eyes fluttering shut a moment. "Did you use my shampoo?"
She moved her head back a touch, peering up at him with an innocent look. "Why do you think Jeff had to go to the grocery store?"
John chuckled softly, his mouth just brushing over her forehead. "You're too much, ya know that?"
"I know," She conceded with a smirk, "But, about the getting dressed part."
He gave her one last squeeze, capturing her lips quickly with his. "I'll be downstairs."
Lita nodded then, her hands grazing over his arms before she pulled back completely. "I'll be down in a bit."
John offered a nod in acknowledgement, watching her disappear into the bedroom before he left to help Jeff in the kitchen.
As she got dressed, the former Diva couldn't stop the tears from falling. She felt empty, even though he was just downstairs. Empty at the thought it could end that night .. empty at the loss of letting go of a past love, empty at the thought of losing someone who meant that much to her. The tears continued to fall as she reached for her shoes, the redhead chastising herself at that moment. She had to pull it together and be strong, because if she couldn't accomplish that now; she knew she wouldn't be able to accomplish it later. It really was for the best that John found out, after all .. she had been keeping somethings from him for so long already. A pained look crossed her face, her breath catching in her throat then. The anxiety of the situation taking its toll on the redheaded woman. It wasn't enough that she still loved her ex-boyfriend, and it wasn't enough that she had cheated .. but the added factor. The fact that she had harbored her own secrets while John kept none. For all she was worth, she wished she could just blink and make the situation go away.
xxx
The rest of the morning passed relatively quickly, the three adults passing the time with idle chit chat in the living room. John re-told a few tales of practical joke wars between himself and Chris Jericho, while Jeff told his own tales of practical joke wars. There was a sense of peace that filled Lita during those moments, a peace that she grasped like a life preserver. And as the time rolled to the afternoon, a package arrived for the redheaded woman from the corporate headquarters of the WWE. Lita presumed it was from Stephanie, setting the aforementioned package on the kitchen counter. And soon enough, the time arrived for Katie to be picked up from pre-school; Lita handing over those duties to Jeff once again. The green eyed Southerner reluctantly agreed to the task, and it was in Jeff's absence that Lita finally shed some light on why he was there. Of course, she didn't go into any details .. just mentioned that Jeff was taking Katie for the night. And when John questioned why, the redhead explained that they just needed to talk in private...free from distractions. That only sparked nervousness on John's part, but rather than question it then, he just nodded in agreement. He still couldn't shake the sinking feeling that something big was going to happen .. and he could only hope that his house would still be standing come the aftermath. John knew that Lita wasn't going to take his news with open arms, but at the same time .. he just couldn't keep that from her. The nagging guilt had only grown after he got off the phone with her, and had multiplied when he finally stepped foot inside his house. But, for sake of his conscience, and more importantly for their relationship; he had to tell her.
"Daddy!" Katie ran through the house, despite her mothers warnings, and launched herself straight at her target. "Daddy!"
John's face softened instantly as he swept up the four year old into his arms. "Hey Katie bug."
She wrapped her small arms as far as they would go around his neck. "I missed you daddy."
"I missed you too."
"Can you come with us next time, daddy?" The four year old pulled back, her lower lip drawn out. "Please?"
"We'll see Katie-bug." John cracked a smile, "It all depends on Auntie Stephanie."
Predicatably so, the four year old sighed. "Okay.."
"Why don't you tell daddy about the trip." Lita suggested from her spot at the kitchen table. "Uncle Jeff and I are going to get dinner ready."
"We are?"
"Yes, we are." Lita sent a sidelong glance to the green eyed man. "Really John, you should ask Katie about the story that Uncle Jeff told her."
Jeff rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "I really don't think-"
"Come on!" Katie tugged impatiently on her father figures hand. "Its all about a princess!"
Lita and Jeff looked on, as John followed after the rambunctious four year old. The two retreating to Katie's bedroom as Lita turned her attention to the fridge.
"I'm so nervous," She confessed quietly, "Jeff I-"
"You have to do this," Jeff intoned firmly, "It's not just for your sake Li, but John's."
"I know." The redhead expelled a dejected sigh, "It's just seeing him when he got back.."
"What about it?"
"I can't remember a time where I've felt so happy and yet so.."
"Shitty?" Jeff offered helpfully, "It's understandable Li.. I mean, this ain't gonna be easy."
"I know." Another sigh escaped as she pulled out a few items from the fridge. "I know I hafta do this, but it's killing me."
Jeff expelled a sigh of his own, "I know that Li .. but, you said it yourself, it has to be done in order for you to move on."
"Yeah.." The redhead nodded sullenly, her eyes brimming with fresh tears. "Can you open that package for me?"
"What is it?"
"Probably some more stuff from Stephanie about the job."
The green eyed man nodded shortly, ripping the tape from the box. "It's a contract, a tentative script.."
"Any details?"
"No," Jeff skimmed over the cover letter. "Your start date has been changed though."
The redhead turned her attention away from the cabinets, "When's my start date?"
"Three weeks from today."
"Well that's just lovely," Lita shook her head, "How the hell am I going to look for a new house, plus start the job and find pre-school for Katie?"
Jeff shrugged his shoulders, "I'm sure you'll find somethin' Li .. an' if it all comes down to it, you an' Katie can stay with me or Matt until you find a place of your own."
"I suppose," Lita chewed thoughtfully on her lip as she filled a pot with water. "When there's a will, there's a way right?"
"Absolutely," Jeff grinned fully, "Now, what am I doin'?"
The conversation switched gears then, the two reminiscing about the days of Team X-Treme while they prepared dinner. And amidst the dinner prep, an amused looking John and a still exhilerated Katie trekked back downstairs. John remarked that Jeff had quite the gift for story telling, but to please stick to his day job. That warranted a smirk from the redhead, the four settling in the kitchen to take on various stages of dinner preparations. Admist all of that, one food war was started, Jeff and John finding themselves the 'victims' under the joint attack by mother and daughter. It was also amidst the dinner prep, that Lita informed Katie .. and reminded John in the process .. that Katie would be spending the night with Jeff in Boston. She re-assured her daughter that, she would be at school the next morning, the words prompting the four year old to garner a solemn oath from her Uncle. And finally the dinner was ready, the four settling in at the dining room table.
xxx
Once dinner was over, Katie retrieved a few stuffed animals, her barbies and then her backpack from her room; she and Jeff departing the house shortly afterwards. That also marked the point where the mood shifted from light to uneasy in a matter of minutes. While neither John or Lita had uttered a word yet, it was the silence that cloaked them that made it tense. They were settled on the couch in the living room, Lita at one end with John facing opposite. And though, they were still silent, the mood wasn't overly dire as it should be. All the same, they remained in silence for a few more moments before the redhead nervously cleared her throat.
"Before I say anything else.." Lita began awkwardly, "There are a few things I need to get off my chest .. things that I need to say and-"
"In other words, you just need me to listen for now?"
Hestiantly she nodded, "Exactly.."
John nodded in turn, gesturing for her to continue when she was ready.
A shaky breath escaped her, a sharper one sucked in as she gathered her thoughts and the courage to go through with it.
"I'm not exactly sure where I should start but .. it all started again when Randy was here." She let out a short sigh, the former Diva sweeping her locks from her face. "I don't know what Dawn told you, but .. when he was here, the parent's night .. the night after .. we .." She trailed off again, her head ducking as her lower lip was drawn between her teeth. "The parent's night, he.. he kissed me and I..kissed him back." her voice wavered dangerously then, the redhead swallowing down the rising fear and overwhelming guilt. "Then .. at the hospital, he said, he loves me..at first I thought it was nothing and-"
"Can you look at me please?" John interrupted softly, his hands clenched tightly at his sides. "That's all I'm askin' of ya..please, just look at me."
Apprehensively she nodded, her hands coming to rest in her lap as she leveled her eyes with his.
"It happened again later that day .. we went back to the hotel to meet Katie and Dawn and in the hotel room, we kissed again.."
She winced when she heard the disbelieving snort from the opposite end of the couch. But, rather than stop now, she willed herself to go on.
"When he was here .. it happened again. We watched some old tapes, from Victoria's wedding and then .. I don't know, we stopped..or I stopped, and he slept down here.. then you got home the next morning."
John nodded shortly, his eyes flashing dangerously for a moment. "Is that all?"
"No." she whispered hesitantly, "That's not all .. the camping trip, it happened again .." 'and again' her mind added. "He told me he loves me, that he wants to be with me.. and I-"
"You love him, don't you?" The voice sounded foreign to the redhead. "Answer the damn question Lita, do you love him?"
"Yes.." She stated softly, her knees drawn up to her chest in an instant. "I do..but I told him we couldn't be together."
"Ain't that sweet."
"All of the tapes, photos, everything that .. I held on to, everything from my relationship with him.. it's all upstairs, in Katie's room."
"You said you had gotten rid of that shit."
"I tried .. but I couldn't." Tears spilled over her cheeks, "I didn't want to let go yet and-"
"So instead, you lied to me about that .. you still love that asshole and-" John swung his legs down from the couch, his elbows resting on his thighs. "Why?"
"I don't know."
"Bullshit." John ground out through clenched teeth, "Bullshit, you don't know Lita. You lied to me an' you .. you.."
"I cheated on you.."
"Why?" He turned his face towards her, the former Diva wincing at the pained expression. "Why?"
"Because I couldn't face my past." She offered quietly, her chin resting atop her knees. "I couldn't face my past, but instead of moving on from it, I turned to it .. embraced what I wanted to see from it and-"
"Shut me out in the process." John finished bitterly, "So, what then? Is it over?"
"I don't want it to be over between us."
"Was there ever an us Lita?" John raked his hands over his hair. "Or was it another lie when you told me I wasn't just a replacement."
"That was the truth," Her eyes fluttered shut a moment, the tears slowly reducing. "You weren't a substitute for him, that was never part of it."
He held her gaze a moment before he turned away. "I just don't know Lita, I mean-"
"If it's over than just say so John." Lita spoke quietly, her voice faltering with each breath she drew. "If that's what you want, then just say so."
John hesitated a moment, "I..there's somethin' you need to know."
The former Diva blinked, "About what?"
"That night, you had that stupid parent's thing.." John bridged his hands together, his chin resting atop them. "I went out that night after I called her an' Dawn told me you weren't there. I went out with the sole purpose of getting so shit faced that I could just forget that he was there with you."
The redhead nodded, waiting in silence while he gathered his thoughts.
"That night, I got so plastered.. I couldn't walk straight by the end of the damn night. I know I made it back to the hotel .. an' that I made it back to my hotel room.." he trailed off then, his own eyes closing as he relayed the last bit. "But I didn't return alone."
Lita blinked back her tears, "What are you saying?"
"I slept with someone." As much as he was kicking himself for that one, he felt it best somehow that Lita not know it was Stacy. He would tell her, just not now. "I had a one night stand, with someone .. I didn't know their name an-"
"You cheated on me.." She whispered brokenly, "You.. you.."
"Slept with someone else, while I was so drunk that I couldn't remember my own damn name." His eyes turned towards her, his usually warm gaze hardened with hate. "You, cheated on me while you were of a right state of mind."
"That doesn't make it any better," Lita spat back bitterly, "You fucking cheated on me!"
"An' you cheated on me!" John clenched his hands, "Over, an' over without a fucking second thought."
"It-"
"It makes a damn difference Lita." John turned fully so he was facing her again, "I don't even remember what happened, but I bet you .. or that fucking asshole .. could tell me in detail. An' what's more .. you still love his sorry ass."
Lita opened her mouth to retort, but the venemous words would not spill. She could feel her stomach clenching tightly, the sob resting in her throat. "Then .. I guess, we have nothing more to say to each other."
Another moment of silence passed between them, tears flowing freely down her face as he held her gaze.
"Then I guess this is it.." He stated finally, "All we could've had-"
"I don't want it to end this way," She stated softly, mostly to herself. "It can't end this way."
"Then what are we gonna do, huh? How am I supposed to show up an' wrestle, knowing that asshole is there?"
"Fine," Lita whispered dangerously, "Have it your way then .. we're done John. Are you happy now?"
"Don't do that." He warned just as dangerously, "Don't even try an' put the blame on me."
"I'm not John, we're both at blame here." Lita swept her hair from her face then, "But maybe what we need is to break up."
"Why? So you can go runnin' back to him?"
The former Diva expelled a bitter laugh. "There is nothing left between me and Randy."
"Aside from the fact that you still love him."
Lita smiled sadly, "Love isn't enough in all cases John .. I guess you and I are proof of that too."
"Don't.." John held up a hand then, "You said I wasn't a substitute for him, so don't try an' compare what we have to what you an' him had."
With the slightest rise of her shoulders she conceded, "But it is true .. love isn't enough, love wasn't enough for whatever I had with Randy.. I don't know if it ever will be."
John merely snorted, "Then what is enough? For us.."
"I'm not sure John but.." Lita trailed off, her tears starting anew. "I think we should take some time apart .. if the roles were reveresed .. I wouldn't want to be with you."
Hestiantly, John nodded. "An' what about the future Lita?"
Her lips pressed into a thin line, "I honestly can't say but.. I want to be with you, I just don't think it's going to work very well right now. And I know you said don't compare us to what Randy and I had, but .. I'm going to tell you the same thing I told him .. I think what we need to do is start from the ground up."
John fell silent again, her words processing as the minutes ticked on. "From the ground up.."
"In a sense.." Lita conceded quietly, "I need to find me again .. without Randy, without you .. I just need to find me."
"How long?"
"As long as it takes John." The redhead let out a tired sigh, "I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear but .. I need to do this, for me."
John nodded shortly, "In spite of what happened .. I do love you. I don't know if that'll change or whateva, but know that now .. I love you."
Lita offered a shaky smile, "You don't know what that meanst to me John.."
He could only nod again, "Yeah.. well .. I think I'm-"
"I'll sleep down here," She stated quietly, "It's your house anyway."
"Yeah.." A short sigh escaped him as he moved from the couch. "Night then."
"Night.." She replied, bloodshot hazel orbs settling on the window.
She wasn't sure when she fell asleep .. she wasn't sure if she would be able to sleep. But, the tears from earlier, the lack of sleep from last night finally took its toll. The former Diva turning a wet cheek to the arm of the couch as a dreamless sleep overtook her weary body.