Merlin awoke abruptly as the sun shone in through the small window in his bedroom. Light fell across his face and he closed his eyes tight to block out the light, then rolled onto his stomach and away from the sun's glare. He lay still for a few moments feeling irritated by the light and the noisy birdsong outside before suddenly realizing that it was actually a long time past sunrise and he should have been up and about hours ago.
He cursed and threw back the bedclothes, still with eyes firmly clamped shut and muttered "cum y'ere" which caused his clothes to spring up from the chaos that was his bedroom floor and land in his lap. He shucked on his trousers and pulled his shirt over his head and then got to his feet and staggered a few paces until he reached his wash stand. Drastic action was needed he decided, so he muttered a cooling spell over his wash jug, then without pausing to think about it too much, he tipped the contents over his head.
He yelped and then swore from the shock of the cold water and finally blinked his eyes open, at last fully awake. He could feel that his eyelids were puffy and as he pulled on his boots he wondered if that was due to severe lack of sleep for the last few days, or from crying so much the previous night. Whatever it was, he mused as he stood up and headed for the door, he was certain that he looked a fright.
He drew in a steadying breath before opening the door into Gaius's work room. He was still angry with the physician and had no idea what he would say to the old man this morning having stormed out on him the previous evening. As luck would have it, Gaius had already headed off on his rounds to visit the sick in the Lower Town. He must still be angry decided Merlin, since it was almost unheard of for the old man to leave without making sure that he wasn't going to oversleep. He took a crust from the table and munched on it unenthusiastically as he headed out and trudged toward Arthur's chambers. Despite being hopelessly late for work, he didn't rush. He figured that he would find the King still in his bed, groaning and vowing to have all alcoholic beverages burnt or outlawed as Enemies of The Kingdom.
With this in mind he didn't knock (of course) but instead of barging in like he usually did, he opened the door to Arthur's bedroom slowly and quietly. He was fully expecting to be greeted with a darkened room and the sharp smell of alcoholic sweat. He actually gasped in surprise to find the room awash with light. All the curtains were drawn back and the windows thrown open. The bed linen was awry and clothes and debris littered the floor from when Merlin had put Arthur to bed last night. A breakfast tray sat on the table untouched. Arthur was nowhere to be seen.
Merlin left the room again scratching his head in puzzlement and looking both ways before heading off left. He stopped at the end of the corridor and quizzed a passing servant who informed him that the King had been awake 'since dawn' and was currently down on the training ground.
Merlin thanked the man and made his way down to the training fields. He wondered if Arthur had slept at all since it had certainly been close to dawn when he had finally left the King and headed to his own room.
Arthur was quite alone. He was wielding a mace and going through the steps and moves that Merlin had watched him perform hundreds of times before. For the moment the King was oblivious to his presence. His manservant winced as the mace hit the wooden block and sackcloth dummy again and again sending splinters flying in all directions. Merlin glanced at the other six dummies and winced again when he realized that Arthur had reduced them to nothing more than shreds of fabric and kindling. The only other time that he remembered his master causing so much damage to inanimate objects was when, years ago, Morgana had fallen down a staircase and had been gravely wounded.
Merlin steeled his nerves before making his presence known. Without speaking he walked around until the King was able to see him.
"Ah Merlin", said Arthur, pausing and taking off his helmet. His hair was plastered to his scalp and he was bright red from exertion. "Good to see you finally deigned to show up for work today."
"Sorry Sire", said Merlin a little sheepishly, "But it was a very late night. Anyway, after the amount that you drank I assumed that you would want to sleep in."
Arthur gave his manservant a withering stare. "Two things, Merlin", he said, "One - we Pendragons are made of strong stuff. It takes more than a skinfull of wine to lay me low. And two - never assume anything. We both know that you are an idiot and will always make the wrong assumption."
Merlin ignored the jibe. "Well", he said cheerily, "It is good to see you up and about. How are you feeling about...everything?"
Arthur put his helmet back on after taking a long drink of water from a nearby barrel. "I just told you", he said impatiently, "I'm not a lightweight like you when it comes to drink."
"I can see that", conceded Merlin, 'thought I bet my ministrations last night helped."
"Hmm", said Arthur non-committally, swinging the mace above his head, "I'm still not convinced you weren't trying to poison me."
"And what about...you know...the other stuff?", asked Merlin a little uncertainly.
"What 'other stuff'?" asked the King, not looking at him.
"You know", pushed Merlin, "The Dolma...and...stuff."
Arthur made no answer but replaced his helmet and let loose a volley of blows on the practice dummy with his mace. Merlin took several steps back to avoid being hit by the splinters of wood that flew in all directions. The barrage of blows went on for several minutes until the sackcloth dummy fell to pieces and the wooden pole split in half. Arthur stopped and huffed his annoyance staring down at the mess. He once again removed his helmet and noticed Merlin still standing nearby.
"Why are you still here?" he asked, "Haven't you got any work to do?"
"Nothing that can't wait", shrugged Merlin, "I just wanted to make sure you are alright."
Arthur rolled his eyes. "I'm not a girl, Merlin" he said with distain.
Merlin looked steadily at Arthur with his arms crossed.
"You know that you can talk to me", he said quietly, "...about anything."
Arthur looked blankly back at him. "Just for a change, I have absolutely no idea what you are wittering on about.", he replied. "But if you want to be useful, then pick up that wooden shield and let me carry on with my mace practice - these dummies were very poorly put together...I shall have words with the squires about such shoddy workmanship."
Merlin looked over at the flimsy wooden shield and then back at Arthur who was swinging his mace around above his head again.
"Not bloody likely", he said, taking a few steps backward. "I've just remembered - Gaius needs me to - er - scrub out the leech tank or something." Having spoken he turned on his heel and hurried back toward the castle ignoring Arthur's annoyed calls for him to come back.
He made his way back to the King's chambers and began to put them in order. It took him until almost lunchtime to clear up the mess from the night before; there was soot everywhere from the enormous fire that the drunken King had made. He occasionally paused in his work and looked out of the window to check on Arthur who was still on the training field but had switched to running since there was nothing left for him to hit. When he saw that the King had finally tired and was heading back up toward the Citadel he called for a bath to be bought up. It was already set up and steaming in front of a clean fireplace when the King finally came into the room.
Usually when Arthur came up dirty and hot from the training field and saw a bath already drawn he would give a groan of appreciation and sometimes even thank Merlin. Today however, he came into the room with a set jaw and a grim expression. He didn't speak at all as Merlin undressed him and got him into the bath. He remained tense as his manservant washed his hair and back. Even an impromptu massage to ease the muscles in the King's back didn't relax him. Merlin tried several times to make small talk in order to lighten the oppressive atmosphere in the room, but Arthur merely grunted in response. In the end Merlin gave up and just performed his tasks in silence.
Once Arthur was clean, Merlin held up a towel for him and then turned back into the room to sort out the King's clothes for the rest of the day.
"What are your plans for the afternoon?", he asked as he opened the wardrobe door and looked inside. "Are you in Council today?"
"I have cancelled my meetings", replied the King as he towel dried his hair. "I shall be joining the Northern Patrol. Bring me my chainmail."
"You're going out on patrol?", asked Merlin in surprise, "that's...unusual. Shall I saddle up our horses once I've got you dressed?"
"I've already spoken with the stable boys", replied Arthur as he walked behind the changing screen and began to put on breeches and a shirt, "and you are not coming with me."
"Oh", said Merlin feeling disconcerted, "I can do my chores for Gaius this evening, I'm sure he won't mind if I do them once we get back."
"You're not coming with us", said Arthur firmly from behind the screen, "There's no reason for you to do so. You are not a Knight."
Merlin felt utterly wrong-footed and stood dumbly looking at the changing screen. He was still blinking at it when Arthur stepped from behind it.
"Where is it, then?", said the King, looking around the room in an exaggerated fashion.
"What?", asked Merlin, looking around too.
"My chain mail?", said Arthur sarcastically, "That I asked you to bring me? Are you deaf as well as stupid?"
"Oh - oh yes", said Merlin coming out of his confused trance. "It's in the armoury" He stood looking at Arthur who glared back at him unblinking. "I'll...er...just go and get it, shall I?" he said as he backed toward the door and headed out. Arthur simply rolled his eyes and turned back to his table without saying anything.
Merlin felt most discombobulated on his way to and from the Armoury. Arthur was behaving as though the previous night's outpouring of emotion had never happened. Perhaps he was embarrassed, thought Merlin, or perhaps he had been more drunk than Merlin had anticipated and genuinely didn't remember crying. Whatever the reason, it was deeply unsettling.
Even more unsettling however, was Arthur's declaration that Merlin would not be accompanying him on patrol. Since they had won back Camelot from Morgana all those years ago, Merlin had unofficially become a kind of companion to the King and went everywhere with him, whether it be to settle disputes in the Lower Town or investigate reports of bandits or failed crops in the outlying villages or simply out on a hunt. It had never mattered before that he wasn't a trained Knight. Why would Arthur suddenly decide that it was no longer suitable for Merlin to accompany him?
When he got back from the Armoury Merlin found Arthur looking distractedly out of the window. He put the chainmail over the King's head and buckled it in place.
"Why are you leaving me behind?", he asked a little petulantly as he stood behind Arthur fiddling with the shoulder strap.
"Eh?", replied Arthur, not really listening and still looking off in the direction of the forest.
Merlin walked around until he stood between the King and the window causing Arthur to frown at him.
"Why are you going on Patrol without me?", he asked again.
"I told you, Merlin", said Arthur looking away and picking up his cloak, "You are not a Knight. There's no real reason for you to come."
"But I always do", argued Merlin, "why not today?"
Arthur stopped and turned back to look at him for a few seconds. "Merlin, it's not all about you, you know", he said a little impatiently, "I'm taking three of my newest Knights out to show them the Patrol route and to explain the dangers. I'll do it much more efficiently if I don't have you at my side talking incessantly about nonsense and then complaining because you are hungry or because your little bottom aches from all the riding."
Merlin pouted and stepped back and away from the King.
"Oh, and now you're sulking again," said Arthur as he fixed the clasp of his cloak at his throat.
"Am not sulking", said Merlin as he stepped back in and adjusted the clasp and straightened the cloak across the King's shoulders.
"Yes, well. Whatever", said Arthur rolling his eyes and pulling on his riding gloves. "I'm sure Gaius will be glad of your company for a day or so. Anyway, I feel like I've spent the last week almost entirely in your company. Perhaps it's time for a bit of a break, don't you agree?"
Merlin had no real argument against that. After a few seconds he shrugged and replied sarcastically, "How will I survive without being insulted and hit for one whole day?"
Despite his dour mood, Arthur huffed out a laugh.
Merlin headed off toward the door, but before leaving the room turned around and said, "Seriously though, if you change you mind, you know where to find me."
"Goodbye Merlin", said Arthur impatiently as he pulled on his gloves.
Merlin walked off back toward his chambers with a bad feeling. Arthur's explanation for leaving him behind was valid but it still left Merlin feeling bereft at the prospect of not seeing the King for a whole day. It was only because he was worried about Arthur's current state of mind and wanted to keep an eye on him, he told himself, but then he admitted the truth to himself. Since this whole episode with The Dolma had begun (if not before),he felt somehow incomplete if he wasn't in Arthur's company day and night. This was a worrying development. Extremely worrying. Halfway to his own rooms he decided to head back to the Armoury. He had a lot to think through and he found that the process of sharpening swords and polishing armour somehow therapeutic.
Several hours and much deep-thinking later, a rumbling stomach alerted him that it must be lunchtime. With no Arthur to tend to, he collected victuals from the kitchens and headed back to Gaius's chambers. He bought back enough food for two, assuming that Gaius would come back tired and hungry from his rounds. He assumed correctly. Gaius was just putting down his medicine bag and taking off his sandals when Merlin walked in with two steaming bowls of lamb stew and a bowl of fruit.
"Ah perfect", said the old man, "I shall just wash off the dust of the road and we shall eat."
Merlin smiled despite his anxious state. The peace-offering of food had worked and Gaius was speaking to him again. It was a huge relief, with everything else going on he felt that he needed his mentor's support. He set the table and sat down, presenting Gaius with a nice cold goblet of water as he shuffled over and sat opposite him.
Gaius took a long drink from the goblet then smiled at Merlin. Without further ado he tucked into the lamb stew and they ate in companionable silence.
"You look a bit better for having slept", said Gaius once he had finished his stew and was eating some grapes that Merlin had liberated from Arthur's breakfast tray. "Are you feeling a little less dramatic today?"
Merlin was cutting the skin from an apple and looked sheepishly up at the old man through his eyelashes. "A little", he said, "I'm...sorry about last night. And I'm sorry I lied to you."
"Yes, well", replied Gaius sighing, "I just hope you learnt your lesson this time. Honestly, Merlin, I really thought you had grown out of such hair-brained plans."
"Hmmm", said Merlin non-committally as he chewed his apple.
"And how is the King today?", enquired Gaius.
Merlin thought briefly about telling Gaius everything that had gone on the night before with Arthur, but he decided against it. He was sure that the King wouldn't want anyone else to know about his mini breakdown. Also he couldn't face Gaius saying 'I told you so' again. Given Arthur's seeming return to normality today he couldn't see any point in dragging out the whole sorry tale again.
"Oh, he seems to be fine", answered Merlin blithely, "a good night's sleep seems to have done him good too...perhaps we were both a little overtired. He spent the whole morning out on the training ground wrecking all the dummies."
"Indeed", replied Gaius, looking steadily and unblinkingly at Merlin.
Merlin felt uncomfortable under such scrutiny. "...and he's taken the newest Knights out on Patrol this afternoon." he added.
"Indeed", said Gaius again, still staring at Merlin. "Are you not joining them?"
In an attempt to avoid the stare, Merlin got to his feet and began to fuss over the plates and to tidy up the table. "Apparently, I distract the new recruits." he smirked, "so Arthur decided to leave me here."
"Interesting", said Gaius, still studying him. Merlin was beginning to feel unnerved.
"It's only for a day or so", he said with forced levity, "I should enjoy the peace whilst it lasts I suppose!"
"Well, I could certainly make good use of your unexpected free time", said Gaius, finally looking away. "There are a good many herbs that you could bring me from the forest, there are tinctures to be distilled, bandages to be washed and wrapped, bottles to be washed... and that leech tank really could do with a proper clean out."
Merlin pulled a face. "Any chance I could do that last one using magic?" he asked, "it is on it's way to being legalized, after all."
Gaius rolled his eyes. "Very well", he sighed, "As long as you make sure that the door is bolted when you do so."
Merlin gave him a wide grin and gathered up the plates to take back to the kitchen. He hooked the herb-gathering basket over his arm.
"I'll get straight to work with those herbs, shall I?", he said and left the room.
That afternoon and the next day passed surprisingly quickly doing all the chores that Gaius requested of him and being so busy helped him not to miss Arthur quite so much. It had been a long time indeed since he had spent so much time with the Physician and he remembered just how much he actually enjoyed the old man's company. He was in such an agreeable mood that he even ended up cleaning out the leech tank without the use of magic.
As the sun began to set on the day after Arthur had left, Merlin visited the kitchens to collect a plate of cold meats and bread and a pitcher of wine. He left them on the table and started a fire in the hearth, anxious that the room would be comfortably warm for the King's return. He headed back to Gaius's chambers and busied himself with grinding seeds and leaves into fine powders for the Physician's use. He kept the door ajar so that he might see any messenger approaching to tell him that Arthur was returned. Despite the enjoyable time he'd had in Gaius's company, he was anxious to see the King again.
The sun set and the first and second watches were called and the Patrol had still not returned.
As the midnight bell struck, Merlin headed up to the top of the North Tower and focused his magic to detect the approach of Arthur and his companions. He could feel nothing. He frowned and descended the staircase again and sought out Leon who was on watch.
"Hullo Merlin", said a surprised Leon who was warming his hands at a brazier in the courtyard, "I thought you were off on Patrol with the King."
"He decided to leave me behind this time", said Merlin, joining him next to the small fire, "He reckons I distract the new recruits."
Leon looked at him for a few moments, "Indeed?", he asked.
"Anyway", continued Merlin, "It's past midnight. If they patrolled the Northern Border, shouldn't they be back by now?"
"Don't worry yourself", smiled Leon, "It's the first proper outing of the new recruits. If I know Arthur, he's probably putting them through their paces. No doubt they will all be back tomorrow, tired and grumbling."
Merlin was a somewhat relieved by Leon's words, but not entirely at peace. He returned to Arthur's room to bank the fire and to collect the untouched food. He munched on it thoughtfully as he headed back to his own room, thinking over a list of jobs to keep him occupied on the following morning. Amongst them, he decided, was rebuilding the wrecked practice dummies on the training field. If Arthur returned in the same mood that he had left Camelot, it would be better for him to vent his aggression on the straw men rather than on his poor Knights and Squires.
The repairs took him most of the following day, and he paused often in his work to look off toward the forest track from which the King would come. By mid afternoon there was still no sign of the Patrol and the manservant was becoming increasingly anxious. He spent a couple of hours in Arthur's chambers, cleaning the windows but mostly staring out of them toward the forest. When the light had completely gone, he climbed up the North Tower and focused his magic again, but could still feel no trace of Arthur, even if he pushed his powers as far as he was able . Worried, he came back down and went to visit Leon again.
Leon listened to him and said, "Merlin, you've been out on Patrols yourself. You know that they are not always straightforward. Perhaps they are investigating something. Maybe they found a trail left by the Queen and are following it. Perhaps the weather has delayed them as it did the other day when you were out with him."
"Or perhaps they met some bandits and are in serious trouble", added Merlin wringing his hands. "I should never have let him go without me."
Leon looked at him with raised eyebrows for a few seconds. "Yes well", he said slowly, a tone of amusement in his voice, "I'm - er - sure you would have been a great help if they have indeed been apprehended by bandits."
Merlin huffed in annoyance. "Maybe we should think about sending out a search party?" he asked.
Leon laid a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "If they are not back by tomorrow evening then we will certainly do so", he said. "But I am sure there's a logical explanation. Try not to worry Merlin, he really is the best fighter in the whole of Camelot."
Merlin slept fitfully that night and was a ball of anxiety for the whole of the next day. He cleaned bottles and ground herbs and made labels until Gaius chased him out of the room when he finally became exasperated by the boy's endless to-ing and fro-ing from the windows. In the afternoon he took each of the horses from the stable in turn and brushed them down until their coats shone in the sun. All the time as he worked he glanced off toward the forest. As sunset approached, he gave up all pretense and joined the guards up on the ramparts, looking northward as he paced up and down whilst nervously biting at the ball of his thumb.
The last rays of the sun were still casting long shadows as he hurried down to find Leon.
Merlin opened his mouth to speak but the Knight held up a hand to silence him. "I know what you are going to say, Merlin", he said, "I actually sent a couple of Knights off this morning to ride the patrol route...your worrying is contagious."
"And?" asked Merlin, wringing his hands impatiently.
"No sign of them", concluded Leon.
Merlin paced up and down scratching the back of his head in consternation. "Why did you wait all this time to tell me?", he fretted, "We could have set out hours ago to find them."
"The riders only returned at sunset" explained the Knight. "There would be no sense at all in sending out a search party in the dark...especially since there is no moon tonight."
"But we could take the dogs", insisted Merlin, "surely the sooner we get going the better."
"Merlin, we go at first light.", said Leon with finality.
Merlin opened his mouth to argue again and once more the Knight held up his hand. "Trust me", he said in a gentler tone, "I am concerned as you are, but there really is no sense in rushing out into the darkness. We could walk within yards of them in the forest and never know. No, we shall leave at dawn and you shall accompany us."
Merlin deliberated for a while before finally nodding his head in assent.
"Good", said Leon. "Now...go get a good night's sleep. It might well be a long day tomorrow."
Merlin turned and trudged back to his rooms. He ate a quiet supper with Gaius but didn't taste a thing. Despite his best efforts the old man could not console Merlin nor distract him from his fretting.
He took himself off to bed before the sky was properly dark, determined to be well rested for the following day. He barely slept a wink, imagining all sorts of disasters that may have befallen Arthur and trying very hard not to think of what he would do if his King was indeed gone forever.