Chapter 38: The Orc and the Urn
I felt the flush crawling up my cheeks and forced my eyes to break from Gils'. "I think Fathis will be at the Merchants. I planned to go early for my rehearsal with the band and try to beard him in his suite. That was before Owyn decided to send me with every man in Cyrodiil in tow. It'll be impossible to make up with him with an all male entourage at my side."
"Owyn knows how to kill a good time, that's for sure. He thinks nothing of walking up and passing the time of day with you while you're in the middle of pleasuring yourself, asking questions and refusing to take a hint no matter how broad it is to get the heck away…what are you laughing at?"
"I owe him a Septim."
"WHAT?"
"It's called payback."
"You did that to me? Why you! I oughta!"
"GAAAAH!" I burst out the door into the main area on the run with Gils close behind. Owyn doubled over laughing when he saw it. I plopped a Septim into his hand and he could barely hold onto it he was laughing so hard.
Gils was fuming. "This is war! Owyn, how could you!"
Owyn choked out something unintelligible and held up the Septim.
******* Agronak
Agronak had to act fast, there was no time left. Everything seemed to be crashing around him. Once Maxical left that Bloodworks he'd get her to that house with no problem, he could easily pour paralyzing poison into that constantly open [censored] mouth of hers. But she was the least of his worries right now.
Gils was right. How could he enter the Arena being banned from both Bloodworks? They couldn't do that to him, he was the Grand Champion! He had fights scheduled and couldn't drop off the balcony to enter the Arena!
Agronak had a lot of long time fans that would rampage the Arena for his mistreatment there if they knew what was going on. He stopped walking, slowly lowering the crate down and sinking onto it as thoughts suddenly began whirling through his mind.
That was the moment when the epiphany struck, a vision of fans protesting outside the gates of the Arena carrying picket signs…stomping their feet in unison as they raised the signs up and shouted, "Justice for the Gray Prince!"
He would be the sympathetic victim. His fans could call for a boycott of the Arena, others would refuse to cross the picket line. Jack would be forced to act, demanding both Haki and Owyn give him keys to their Bloodworks. Owyn would be ordered to drop the legal ban…Jack may even fire them both due to the bad publicity for the Arena…
He could reach all of Cyrodiil in one day with the Courier. Grabbing his crate, Agronak headed at a brisk pace to the Market District. Hassiri was out, but the two other brothers welcomed him. Both raised their pads and Agronak smiled, raising his head a little higher. He stepped into the offices of the Courier carrying the crate.
"Hassiri isn't here right now, but please come in. I just baked some cookies, they are fresh out of the oven. Please join us. You haven't dealt with us before, we are Hassiri's brothers. My name is Urjabhi, and this is my brother Ra'jiradh." Urjabhi led him to their living area and invited him to sit in a huge overstuffed chair.
"Rihad? Jabur? I always wondered how you Khajiit come up with such outlandish names. I feel like I need a spittoon handy trying to pronounce them." Agronak laughed at his own joke, but didn't want to appear unintelligent.
"Is that another language?"
"Yes it is."
"What language is it?"
"Khajiit."
"Ha! That's funny. No really, what language is it?"
"Our language comes from the moons and from Azura."
"Azura! You probably don't know this, but that's a God. I don't see them teaching cats to speak."
"Eh, you got me. It's the language of Fukaryudumb." Urjabhi moved his hands around as if making a sacred sign.
"Fukingdom, Is that a kingdom for cats?"
"Believe it or not it is filled with Orc."
"I knew you were trying to pull one over on me. I'm too smart to fall for stuff like that." Agronak flipped the side of his head with his index finger. "I'm only half Orc you know. My father is a real Lord, and that is the side I identify with most. I am about to get proof of my heritage, when I do the Palace will probably name the Arena after me, maybe a road too. You and your brothers can come to the naming ceremony."
"What can we do for you today, your Lordship?"
Agronak preened. That was the first time anyone had called him that. He could get used to that kind of respect.
"I have been having some problems with the powers that be over at the Arena. I wanted to get the word out to all my fans in Cyrodiil that their hero is being mistreated. I am sure the second they hear of my difficulties they will come from all over to picket and protest. Those cretins will realize how important I am when my fans call for everyone to boycott the Arena. I am the Grand Champion, the Gray Prince. That Arena would be nothing without me, no one would even come to the matches without me there."
"Tell us what this is all about so we can make the proper plea to your fans."
As if by magic a plate of cookies was placed in front of him along with a mug of steaming cocoa. The cookies were still warm and laden with melted chocolate hunks bringing back memories of eating them that way as a child.
Agronak began weaving his story between mouthfuls of cookies. When the plate emptied Urjabhi brought a fresh tray. Both brothers treated him with a deference and kindness that made Agronak wonder why that stupid [censored] Andronicus had used Hassiri all these years. Their sympathetic pats on the back and commiserations with his situation were as unexpected as the never-ending cookies and cocoa. Before he knew it Agronak was talking to them freely and openly.
The aroma of homemade food cooking permeated the living area and filled his nostrils, once again striking tinges of memories from his childhood. Agronak leaned back and settled into the comfort of the chair.
There was no doubt the brothers were enjoying his visit, treating him like a king and hanging on his every word. Agronak was sure they intended him to stay the night, as it was getting quite late and they had shown no indications that he should leave. On the contrary, they even offered him to partake dinner with them…although it was long after his stomach had begun making loud protests. Agronak cleaned his plate three times before the offers to refill it stopped coming.
The vision of Maxical's discomfiture when she found out Agronak was living at the Black Horse Courier was the deciding factor. He would stay here, and maybe even talk them into giving her some bad press for a change. That arrest had not even made her look bad the way it was written.
Agronak lay his empty plate next to the nearest brother in a hint that he needed a refill and began talking about Maxical. That led to bringing up Fathis and Gils, and the fact that both Gils and Maxical had been lying to him and playing him for a fool. Agronak's anger rose as he talked about it, and twice he found he had leaped from the comfortable chair in a rage over Gils perfidy and Maxical's duplicity.
That this was an error was brought home to him by the gaping mouthed faces of the Khajiit men. He needed to regroup. The best thing to do would be to break, make a trip to the urn. He felt a pressing need to evacuate anyway. When he returned he would start fresh.
"BRAAAAAAP! Ah, good food. I've worked up a pretty big fudge dragon and need to visit an urn, who wants to show me where it is?"
Urjabhi choked and Ra'jiradh threw open the windows. Urjabhi nearly pushed Ra'jiradh out of the way to gulp in some fresh air.
"Hello…I need an urn here or this mud monkey is going to escape."
"Er…urn?" Ra'jiradh turned from breathing out the window. He looked as if he had never heard the word before.
"You can tell by the smell I've got business to take care of. U. R. N. …Most Khajiit probably don't know what one is, but your home is so clean I assumed you had one. I've enjoyed this evening so much I nearly forgot you even were Khajiit. So where do beast folk go when the need hits? Do you use a sandbox or something? You don't go outside do you? BRAAAAAP!"
"Yes, we use the garden paths, it fertilizes and keeps the flowers blooming year round." Urjabhi said, scowling.
"No need to be embarrassed Rihad. Just give me a big pot from your kitchen and I'll bring it to my room. One of you can show me which room I'll be staying in and the other can bring the pot. Rihad? Jabur? You look so much alike I can't tell who is who, but we need to hurry here. Things are starting to move down if you know what I mean. You know what ground-hogging is? BRAAAAAAP!"
Ra'jiradh stared hard at him for a second. "Room? Oh we have no rooms, we beast folk sleep all together on the floor like rats. We could never ask a real Lord's son such as yourself to stoop so low as to sleep with us beasts."
"Your Lordship needs a throne, not our old cooking pots. You mustn't demean yourself, you know." Urjabhi added.
"I understand. You are probably not used to having royalty as a guest. You will be sure to print this up right away so my fans will be aware of what is happening to their hero, right?"
"We will work all night to be sure this story goes out first thing in the morning." Urjabhi said. "You should definately make these personal visits part of your campaign to draw attention to your plight."
"That's an excellent idea!" Agronak envisioned free home cooked meals every night.
"This has been a very revealing evening. I hope you get your situation worked out." Ra'jiradh led the way to the door
"Don't forget your crate." Urjabhi stuck it in his hands.
They both stood in the doorway, waving goodbye and smiling. Agronak left feeling like he had made two solid fans. Andronicus always carried a stack of free passes to give the press, Agronak didn't have any to give them but both men were smiling warmly at him. What a waste paying for those passes had been all these years, when all it would have taken was a personal visit like this. They would gladly pay to see him now even if it did mean sitting in with the general population instead of in the manager's box.
Agronak turned his key in the door and was letting himself into his mother's house when the courier from the Imperial Commerce arrived.
"I need you to sign for this sir." He handed him a board with parchment clipped onto it.
Agronak took the proffered quill and signed. "What is it?"
"I don't know sir." He held his hand out.
"I don't give autographs free."
"Tip sir."
"I don't have to tip you."
"It's a courtesy sir."
Agronak snatched the rolled parchment from him. "Here's a courtesy for you. BRAAAAP! You kept me standing here when I have a golden steed charging out my…hey, I wasn't done!"
He hurried inside, barely making it to the urn. While sitting he broke the seal and unrolled the parchment. It was the deed to the house, there must be some mistake! Agronak scanned down and saw his name as owner inherited from his mother…as if no other transaction had taken place. That idiot at the Imperial Commerce…
Suddenly the memory hit as clearly as if he was watching it being reenacted…Maxical storming toward the Market District gate when Gils tackled him. That [censored]! She had done this!
With a roar Agronak heaved off the urn, tipping it. He flung the door open, banging it against the wall and ran back to the Arena cursing and bellowing.