I am here! Thanks for taking my story back and the ones who re-read it…just thank you. I am speechless. I wish I can make you as happy as you make me.
APOV:
Maroon 5's "Misery" echoes through the walls of my kitchen as I crack eggs in a glass bowl. Making pancakes as my morning routine. Actually I only make pancakes when I am really happy or really sad. The ass I am shaking to Adam Levine's "Oh, Yeah" tells me I am not feeling sad at the moment. I throw the eggshells away and start beating up the eggs mixing it with milk. Suddenly I feel two strong arms wraps around my waist. I gasp, nearly flipping off the bowl in my surprise. My heart picks up to hundred miles in a second and it doesn't slow down one beat when I feel a warm breath on my neck. I recognize the familiar smell surrounding me. Clean soap and a hint of aftershave mixed with something unique. Something you can only recognize as the natural smell of someone's skin.
Suddenly I am anything but afraid.
"Christian" A breathless whisper escapes my parted lips as I resist my body instant urge to melt into him. I lean my back on his chest anyway. For some reason my resistance weakening more than usual. But still guarded. He doesn't seem to like that. Not one bit. I feel his arms tightening around me, his breath ragging on the vulnerable skin of my neck. He didn't even need to utter a word but I can feel the threat of his anger hanging in the air around us. Thickening it. I feel the body heat leaving his body and swallowed by mine. And I feel how hungry my body is for his touch, rough it be or gentle. Just fucking touch me. "Please…" As soon as the plea leaves my lips one of his hands moves up and wraps around my poor neck, pushing it up and back as his lips presses more violently against my skin. I hear a moan and I think it belongs to me.
"I am sick of this game!" He bits out in a deep whisper that sends shivers down my body, starts a heat at the bottom of my bully and a wetness between my legs. An ache. He jerks me up against him and my breath comes shallow and labored at the same time and I realize something.
I have never been this fucking turned on.
I feel the heat of his need digging in my lower back and it doesn't scare me like it should. It sends a wave of excitement followed by pure need to my pussy. My body answering his call like a slave. Fuck.
"Tell me the truth" he hisses in my ear. Low and deep. Heavy with need and shaky with anger. The hand on my stomach moves lower down my body, passing my bellybutton and pausing at my navel. His fingers toying with the rope holding my shorts on my hips. I feel his lips planting a tender kiss behind my ear although his tight grip on my neck never loosens. Not that I want it to. "Tell me you want me" He almost pleads out as he graces my neck with more kisses. Then he takes the sensitive skin between his teeth biting lightly on it. I moan again feeling the wetness increasing between my legs and the ache turning almost unbearable. But words still refuse to leave my mouth. For some reason I can't tell him what he wants to hear. I just can't remember why. Dammit. His hand slips inside my shorts and I almost scream in relief. Yes, yes, please yes. I feel the tips of his fingers brushing my wet folds and I jerk against him overwhelmed with need. I bite my lips to suppress a groan as he digs one finger inside me and I hear his growl shaking me out of my foggy wanton desire. "You belong to me and you know it"
"SAY IT"
I shot up in my bed with the words still echoing in my head. So real. So vivid. My body is covered in sweat and my skin is heated despite the cool temperature of my room. And the unmistakable wetness between my legs bitch slaps me in the face waking me up. I run my hand over my face trying to clear my head of the fog left from the dream I just had. Some fucking dream. The sound of my alarm almost makes me jump. I glance at it, 5:45. Awesome, I feel like I have slept half an hour and not almost six hours. Is that how everyone feels like when they walk up turned on from a wet dream? Oh god help me. I turn off the soft ringing of my alarm and swing my legs getting out of bed. My bones curses me as I make my way to the bathroom stripping out of my clothes as I walk. I don't even want to see how wet my shorts and panties must be. I step under the shower head and turn on the water. Cold shower, indeed.
What The Hell?
Okay, so it is not like I never wondered about how it would be like to be touched so intimately by Christian but man, wondering is one thing, actual dream is another. This felt different. And also…the neck grabbing, the growling, the rough hands….my subconscious sure has a taste. She likes it rough. You mean you like it rough? Oh hell no, If I even know a thing about my sexuality is that I do not like it rough. Being controlled just doesn't do it for me. And feeling helpless only brings back memories, the kind of memories that can make me freak out mid thrust during sex. So what the fuck was that? That dream was more about Christian than me. I mean that is how I would imagine him to be. He is a fucking Dom for fuck's sake. What I didn't imagine is that being my thing in anyway.
"You belong to me and you know it. SAY IT"
I shiver chasing away the remind of the haunting dream out of my head. I press my head against the shower's cold wall to cool myself off. I know I am still attracted to him and I think he is attracted to me too although I am not sure. We have been doing the friend thing for almost a week now and so far the pull between us hasn't weakened. If anything it is actually getting stronger. We dance around each other trying to avoid the big horny elephant in the room telling us how much we both would like to jump each other's bones. But that has been the case a week ago when we both decided that being friends is the best bait. So what changed now?
A week ago I didn't trust him. Now I do.
But I am still scared all the same. His intensity still scares me, his foggy past, and his lifestyle that I don't fit in. I look at him and I see that he wants me but what if when the clothes comes off and the tension cools down he starts thinking I am boring. I mean I can only imagine the kind of sexual adventures the man has been on, the women has been with. Fifteen, all willing to do as he wishes, to submit. I am sure the less indulging one of them will be much more open than me. Better for him than me. I don't like being second best. And it is not just that I am inexperienced, I also don't want to be experienced. More like can't actually but that is the thing, I will be boring for him. Okay, so I am not saying he is only after sex but sex is important for a relationship.
Add all that to how the man flat out told me he doesn't have a heart to give me.
I don't believe that. Not one bit. I know him well enough to see through this "I don't have a heart" bullshit but I see his meaning. He means that he can't love me. Can't or won't? Doesn't really matter. What matters is the way my heart hummers up around him trying to get out of my rib cage before I punch it back in. What matters is that I know if I let myself go I will love him. And what is the point in loving someone if they don't love you back? No, I won't put myself in that position, I know better.
With a groan and a sad sigh I turn off the water and step out of the shower. Grabbing a towel I wrap it around my body before I start blow drying my hair. So yes, Christian Grey is no good for you and you are no good for him. He plays in a different level both sexually and emotionally from the ones you play in but then I think of some stuff. I think of the time I caught his eyes watching me liked he wanted to devour me. I think of the way he kissed me and how I come alive under his touch. I remember his body against mine. I remember the heat, the longing and the desperate desperate need radiating from his eyes and vibrating from his body. I feel a new heat covering my skin and force that brain of thought to wreck.
I walk out of the bathroom and the first thing I see is my new books sitting innocently on my nightstand. I didn't have time to read them last night but I ran the pages and couldn't miss the highlighted sentences in each book. One in each book. With a very light marker, almost the color's page. A part of me is grateful for that because I don't like ink in my books. Stepping closer I trace my finger over the cover aching again to reread the three sentences he put his mark on.
"I tried so hard to fix what I have ruined. I tried every single day to be what they wanted. I tried all the time to be better but I never really knew how.
I only know now that the scientists are wrong.
The world is flat
I know because I was tossed right off the edge and I've been trying to hold on for 17 years. I have been trying to climb back up for 17 years but it is nearly impossible to beat gravity when no one is willing to give you a hand"
"We are synonyms but not the same"
"In a world where there is so much to grieve and so little good to take? I grieve nothing. I take everything. Ignite, my love. Ignite"
And then the last one from the novella of the male POV.
"Friendship is not a thing I have ever experienced. Not as a child, and not as I am now. Except. One month ago, I met the exception to this rule. There has been one person who's ever looked me directly in the eye. The same person who's spoken to me with no filter; someone who's been unafraid to show anger and real, raw feeling in my presence; the only one who's ever dared to challenge me, to raise her voice to me—"
I reread these words over and over again last night before I finally slept from exhaustion. I kept turning them over in my mind, trying to figure out the reason why he chose them in particular. I finally came up with a conclusion.
A memory, a fact, a wish and finally a confession that can't be said so clearly.
The first quote is a struggle of a misfit. I remember how he told me once that he always felt out of place in his too nice family. And I have been an outcast all of my life so I share the same memory with him. The loneliness, the need to change, to be better, to be…enough. But never good enough. But I know it is a memory for him or at least I think so. He doesn't act like a man who is trying to fit in. he acts like the world has to fit in around him. Master of his universe. And my heart pounds in pride of how far he has gone. How he managed to prove himself not just to everyone but also to Christian Grey himself.
The second one is a fact. During the period of time I have known him I discovered time after time just how similar we are. Although we differ in a lot of things we still share fundamental similarities than make us understand each other on a deeper level.
The third one is a wish, a goal. Christian is the type of guy who likes his wins. He wants to reach a point in his life when he is untouchable. Nothing can break him or hurt him. Because he thinks that he needs this kind of armor in the wicked world we live in. and although I agree with him to a degree. The hopeful naïve little brat inside me still wants to believe that caring for something or someone makes us stronger and not weaker. And it does. And it doesn't. The more you care for someone the more the power they have to hurt you, they become you soft spot. But also the more you care, the more they become you anchor. They become the rock and the purpose. You live for them and that makes things much more…just more. And that gives you a unique kind of strength. I wish Christian acknowledges that he can have that strength. He already has people who love and care about him but he can still have more. He deserves much more.
The last one mirrors his confession for me yesterday.
"You are my first real friend, Ana"
One more thing I have been thinking about since I left Escale. My mother and her unknown source of sperm. He said it so causally that he must think I already know it from digging after him but all I really know is that his mom was poor and she either overdosed or killed herself. No mention of his biological father was in the back ground check Wade provided. I guess even Christian himself has no idea who gave him his other half of DNA or simply doesn't care to know. What kind of life he had to survive until he was adopted by the Greys…god, there is still so much I don't know about him. He is much more complicated than I thought he was and it should scare me but that part doesn't. I don't know why I am welcoming his fucked up side like this. It is not a desire to fix him. It is more of a need to understand where his every move is coming from, what goes on in his beautiful head when he is putting on his impassive face like a boss.
I want to unravel him.
I want to watch him come undone. I have never felt that passionate about someone and yes it is scaring me as much as it is exciting me.
I think about how open I was with him last night. More open than I have been with anyone in a long time. And I remember how well he took it, how he listened with non-judgmental eyes as I told him my sad story of being born. How he took my hand in his and told me with his eyes that I was worthy, that I wasn't a mistake. And I can't help but feel like we deserve a shot. No matter how much we are unlikely to work out, no matter how messy it may end between us. We deserve a shot even for the smallest chance that this could work. That it could turn into something more beautiful than we can ever imagine. It is a still one huge ass risk but I find myself feeling that maybe I am willing to take it. Maybe for the first time in years I am willing to put my heart on the line for the smallest chance of happiness I can have with him.
That is how dangerous Christian Grey is to me. He got under my skin and made me question my rules. Made me crave dangers I vowed to avoid all because he is so fucking tempting. All because of that fucking pull between us that will be the end of us both. Or maybe just me because I am that stupid.
I shake my head and stare at my workout gear. Today is a good day, sky is clear and sun is showing its shinning ass so I am gonna be sweating like a pig real soon if I wear my sweats. I walk over to my closet and dig out the summer workout clothes I bought last summer but never had the courage to wear. I am normally comfortable with my body and don't mind showing skin. I only mind it because of the dirty looks I may attract. Men are pigs and that is a fact. Mostly. Well, it is really early on a Sunday and Seattle will be mostly asleep and I will be running so the chances of being eyed like a piece of meat is slim. In a moment of courage I grab the scraps of clothes and start putting them on. I put my long ass hair in a high ponytail and check myself in the mirror. Well, I look hot and it makes me feel better than it should. Maybe because you know who you are running with in a few minutes and you can't wait to watch his face when he sees you. Well, If I am gonna talk him into giving us a chance I am gonna want him to see what he will be risking for. You want that hot body, baby? Well, you gotta give up a few things to get it!
Like your assumingly non-existent heart for starters!
My phone rings singling a new message and I try to ignore the shot of excitement and the fucking butterflies in my stomach when I see that it is from Christian. Shit, why am I acting like a fucking thirteen year old?! Pathetic, Steele.
*I am nearing your house, Steele. Is your lazy ass up yet?*
I grin as I type back a reply.
*My lazy ass is up and almost out of the door. Sorry to disappoint*
His reply is almost immediate.
*I am the one who is sorry if I ever gave you the impression that your ass disappoints me. It never does*
A stupid blush covers my face and I bite back a giggle as I shake my head at his newly gained smooth flirting. This man will be my death. I drop the phone in the back pocket of my shorts and grab my headphone heading for the door. I put on my sneakers and pick my keys and a cold water bottle of the coffee table. Closing the door behind me, I almost jump when I hear a whistle behind me. I turn to find David climbing up the stairs with a grin on his face. Indeed back from one of his long nights. Well, at least some of us are getting some. Others are just burning up the sexual frustration by running with the source of said frustration.
"Looking good, baby doll" He winks and I roll my eyes at his silly nickname.
"Back from another walk of shame yet again, Dav. People are talking" I smirk mentioning to his once pressed now wrinkled white shirt and dress pants. He just grins and walks over to me.
"Men don't do walks of shame, baby doll. Mostly a march of pride after tapping a new ass" He wiggles his eyebrows and I response by making a gagging sound.
"And that wasn't sexist or anything. Man, I wonder why I am even friends with you"
"You know you love me"
"Just like you love every woman you sleep with"
"Hey, whoa. I never say 'I love you's not ever after a good blow job" He raises his hands faking innocence.
"Come here" I mention him closer.
"Yes?" He eyes me in confusion as I wet my thumb and reach up to rub his forehead with it.
"Nothing, you just had the word 'slut' written. Thought I would help out a friend but no such luck. It won't come off. Did you get it tattooed?" I grin at my own joke.
"Ha ha, very funny" He glares at me but doesn't look very offended. We both look up at the sound of their door which is across from mine opening. Both of our heads snaps to the man walking out of the door. Jet black messy hair, pale skin and bright blue eyes, with a lean built body the dude could be the un-tattooed version of Adam Levine! I almost shiver remembering my dream. Before the hottie can get out of the door a hand reaches out and grabs him back and next thing we know Kevin is pinning Hottie to the door and kissing the life out of him. David and I stare like idiots as Hottie melts against Kevin and then reaches out and grabs Kevin's ass pulling him to closer.
Okay, so I am the only one who didn't get laid last night?! I feel so left out!
I would blush and look away if I wasn't so damn shocked I couldn't stop staring. Not only Hottie is the first dude I see with Kevin who is actually hotter than Kevin but also because I have never seen Kevin that hung up on anyone. Not since…Paul. His first and last boyfriend when we were in college. The guy was a bi which is cool. Except he was a fucking asshole! He treated Kevin like shit but Kevin was so in love to see it until he got screwed over royally. Ever since then his love life didn't contain more than a few one-nighters and none of them stays to the morning. Actually, none of them comes here. He just screws them in their place to avoid attachment. Yes, both Kevin and David have commitment issues but they deal with it differently. Kevin finally decides to release Hottie and the dude stares at my friend with a dreamy look on his face.
"I will call you" Hottie says before he turns away to leave.
"I just bet you will" Kevin shoots back with a smirk and Hottie throws him a grin before he disappears down the hallway.
.God.
David and I are still locked in a shock spell when Kevin turns to us looking like he already knew we were watching but didn't care. I am sure my jaw is still on the floor while David breaks into a dirty grin.
"What?" Kevin rolls his eyes at our silent gawking. "I am not allowed to kiss my date goodbye?"
"Of course you are, man" A slight frown appears on David face as he replies so quickly. I am sure remembering his homophobic days and feeling guilty about it. It is gone in a minute as the dirty grin appears again. "I was just about to run after him and ask him about his intentions. I just saw him groping your ass. Be honest with me, Kev" He walks over to Kevin and puts his hand on his shoulder. "Did you give him your virginity?" And my shock struck face breaks into a grin at their normal banter.
"Screw you, Asshole" Kevin bites out shrugging David's hand of his shoulder.
"If you can, you would"
"You wish I would" I let out a chuckle before I decide to join in the conversation and cut their nonsense.
"How long have you been seeing him? Why did I never see or hear of him before?" I question Kevin barely able to contain my excitement. He turns his attention from Dav to me and his green eyes soften.
"We just met two weeks ago" He smiles shyly and looks down. Yeah, that is my Kevin. "Actually that is our first…" A slight blush covers the top of his cheeks as he struggles to find words.
"Duuude" David sings in glee before he continues on his annoying teasing. "You totally gave him your flower! I am so proud of you, did it hurt?" I expect Kevin's good mood to flatter at his best friend's antics but instead he turns to face him with a grin.
"It was freaking awesome actually. You should try it sometime when your head isn't so far up your own ass. Seriously guys, prostate rocks. You are so missing out"
"Gee, no thanks" I and David say in unison then David goes on. Not that I even have a prostate but I get what he means. Anal is definitely off the table for me. Thank you very much. "Truth be told, ass play in blow jobs could be freaking awesome. Hold on a fucking second!" His eyes snap to me like he just realized something big. "Sweet Annie, Jose never tapped that?!" He questions in shock as his wide eyes goes to my ass. I resist the urge to punch him in the face. He is your friend, Ana. He is just messing with you. It is no big deal, stop being such a freak! Despite my effort to take his words lightly I find myself crossing my arms as a wave a self-conscious washes over me.
"I am not answering that!"
"Man, I am disappointed! Please tell me he at least eats ass!" He pleads.
"Ew. Shut up. What the hell is eating ass anyway?" What in the blue hell happened in the sex world and why wasn't I notificated?! Now there is ass eating? How….fuck! Okay so may be Jose and I aren't the adventurous type and honestly it suits me just fine. I am okay with doing it missionary every time too. But now with the possibility of being with Mr. Dom I am more horrified by how far behind I may just be from what could be his norm!
"Darling" David puts a hand on my shoulder with fake sympathy while Kevin watches us looking so done with David's shit. "You need a sex ed class so bad. Pay me in cookies and I will be at your service. Hell, I will even demonstrate but that is an extra" He grins.
"Oh, no thanks" I decline shrugging his hand off.
"Your loss" His grin doesn't flatter. I turn my attention to Kevin.
"So you are two dating or just banging?" I ask with a grin.
"A bit of this and that" He replies and I see a ghost of uncertainty in his eyes. "You are all geared up to run, I don't wanna keep you" My eyes widen as I remember that Christian may be just down the building now. As if on cue, my phone vibrates in my pocket.
*Ass. Down. Now*
Bossy asshole!
"Whoa" I hear David whistle and I realize he is peeking over my phone. "Brutal. Something you wanna tell us, Ana?" I resist the urge to slap my phone to my chest because that would look fucking suspicious!
"I have a running date and it is none of your business" I answer rolling my eyes as I slip the phone in my shorts causally.
"With who?" It is Kevin who asks this time with narrowed eyes. I don't like being questioned like that but I also don't want to snap at my friends like the psycho I truly am.
"Mr. Big Boss" David sings before I could open my mouth. Kevin's eyes narrow further I can barely see the green now. Shit. Shit. Shit. Damn you, David! "Well, tell Loverboy to come pick me up in two hours for the race. And please, safe some energy for the bicycle" Oh yes. The charity race is supposed to be today.
"Fuck you, David" I spit it out. Can't help it. It is Kevin who senses my mood and saves me.
"Hop in the shower asshole, you smell like cheap perfume. Screwing Sandra again? I swear it is a miracle you never had any STDs"
"I need some sleep" David mutters unfazed by Kevin's scolding but does as he is told and disappears into the apartment. My phone vibrates again and I pulled it out.
*I don't like to wait. You have twenty seconds before I come up and spank you, Anastasia*
Fuck! His words make me shiver and my skin tingles. Spanking isn't a turn on. I repeat, spanking isn't a turn on. Not for you, Steele. Spanking isn't a turn on.
Maybe it isn't. But Dom Christian apparently is. Scratch that, Christian Grey is a turn on all on his own.
"Ana" Kevin's stern voice pulls me from my sex haze and I feel busted. I shake my head with a sigh. I know what is coming and I know I can't stop it. Not with Kevin. He was the first person I let myself get close to after years of social isolation.
"We will talk when I get back" I state and he nods in agreement but doesn't say anything else. I respect that. Turning on my heels, I start taking the stairs as fast as I can instead of waiting for the elevator. I am setting on my playlist for today as I step out of the building's front door and I spot him immediately. His back is to me and he is talking on the phone which gives me time to drool without making a fool of myself. He is wearing dark grey sweat pants that hang low on his hips with a loose-fitting light grey sleeveless tank top. So…arms. A line of sweat is already marking the centre of his back. Has he been running already? Did he come running? God, of course not. I mean he is not a freaking secret agent or some shit. Suddenly all thoughts fly off my brains andI watch memorized as he raises the hand that isn't holding the phone and rubs the back of his neck. Biiiiiceepsss. I have a half mind to whistle and shoot "Cool guns, gorgeous!" He turns and his eye finds me immediately. My cheeks heat in embarrassment I shouldn't feel and my eyes drop. He stops talking for a minute that I think he hung up. I look up and he still has the phone glued to his ear but his eyes are on me. All of me. They travel over every inch of me. His heated gaze burning my skin on its walk and I feel the first drop of sweat forming at the back of neck.
Holy shit!
"I will call you back" He snaps at whomever on the other side of the phone. His tone is angry and I almost feel bad for the person on the receiving end of his wrath. He runs his eyes over me again as he walks to me. I clench the water bottle in my hand and I swear I hear the plastic cracking under my fingers. "Water" He says once he is a feet away from me. His eyes meet mine and I am caught in the fog of wanting him again. How does he do that?!
"Huh?" I ask stupidly because I have no idea what he just said. His eyes fall on my parted lips for a moment before they drop to my heaving chest. He licks his lips and I follow the movement with my eyes, obsessed.
"I forgot to bring water" He explains as a smirk touches his lips. "Can i…" he licks his lips again. Motherfucker! "Have a sip of yours?" It takes me a minute to understand his question. And I am supposed to be bright?! I hate him for turning me into a mushy gushy puddle of hormones!
"Yeah, sure" I say after I clear my throat trying to gain my composure. Damn him. "Sorry for…you know, keeping you waiting" Where is your wits, Steele? Just dig a hole and die! I extend my hand with the bottle and he takes it without making any skin contact. Thank god for small miracles! I rub the cool hand that was holding the water over my neck hoping to cool myself the fuck off.
"Fuck, you look hot" He mutters it out like a curse before he brings the bottle to his mouth. I swallow hard and look down knowing I am covered in blush probably down to my damn toes. Why did I have to be so effected by his word? David just said almost the same words to me and I didn't bat an eyelash. The thing is, Christian doesn't compliment. He doesn't say flattery things to flirt or even be nice. No, that isn't him. When he says things like that you know it is the hardcore truth he couldn't help but say. And it gives his words weight. Maybe that outfit wasn't a bad idea after all. Since when do you dress to impress men, Steele? Shame on you! I didn't dress to impress him! I dressed and now I am glad it impressed him. There is a difference. I watch his throat work as he swallows mouthfuls of water. His Adam's apple popping up and down. I have a sudden urge to lick it.
What is happening to me!
"Sorry" He mutters after he releases the bottle and gives it back to me. I wonder what he is apologizing for. I should be the one apologizing for ogling him like a piece of meat! Shame on you, Steele. Shame. On. You.
"For what?" I ask with a confused frown.
"What I said" Oh. He is apologizing for saying I look hot?! "I should stop saying things like that" He says the last sentence with a very very hidden underlying sadness. If I didn't know him well enough I wouldn't have seen it. I feel a flick of sadness too when his meaning is clear.
"It is…" I clear my throat. Why is my mouth suddenly so damn dry?! "It is okay. I mean…you look…good…too" Okay, now I am stumbling. Damn you, Hormones. I hate you. Without thinking I unscrew the bottle and bring it to my dry mouth. I take one big mouthful and stop when I see the gray in Christian's eyes turn stormy. I suddenly remember that his mouth was just on the same place.
Ops.
Too quickly I reseal the bottle under his gaze. I am nervous and flushed and so fucking screwed because…how in hell am I going to talk to that man and get him to do what I want? I now know Christian enough to know that he is a man who is used to getting what he wants no matter what, I also know that no one can make him do anything he doesn't want to do. Because he is freaking stubborn like that.
But then that is why I like him so fucking much. That is what makes him irresistible, along with a few other things.
He gives me a knowing smirk before he steps out of my personal space. What is with him and invading my personal space? I can't tell if it is an intimidation or seduction mechanism but knowing Christian it is probably both. He reaches up and runs his hand through his hair brushing back the sweaty strands that have stuck to his forehead. Triceps!
Both, most definitely both.
"Come on, Steele" He shoots before he turns his back to me and start jogging. "You planning on moving? You are not gonna stay here all day, are you?" He taunts behind his shoulder.
"Coming"
Beautiful asshole.
An asshole indeed. But you love him anyway, don't you?