Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy yet, hey Christmas is coming soon , maybe I will get it then. All I want for Christmas is Grey's Anatomy so I can do it my way. Ha!

What else, can happen, she feels nauseous, tired, can't eat, doesn't Lyss already have it bad enough. Apparently the cancer and the chemo don't agree. That's half the chapter, the other half is for what everyone has been asking for, Merder time. ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Her eyes flicker open then closed again. It was light out obviously morning again. It hurt her eyes. But what was today. What was the date, the month, she couldn't remember. Did she have chemo today, or was it yesterday, the day before, she couldn't remember. Lyss tried to sit up to check the time but she fell back down on the bed from dizziness.

"Pathetic," she muttered. "It's only been a few freaking week of chemo and I can't even get out of my freaking bed." The tears that had formed a long time ago started to fall down her face. Exhausted Lyss closed her eyes and ran her hands through her hair. When she opened them she let out a gasp as she noticed the blond strands of hair that laced around her fingers.

Her hands started to shake as she got up, ignoring the dizziness. She hopped off the bed, but too quickly making her stumble toward the mirror. Her hands went out to grasp it and she pulled herself towards it. As her vision cleared Lyss made out the small bald spot that exposed her scalp around her widow's peak. She started to shake as she ran her hand through her hair once more. This time a large chunk landed in her fingers leaving a large spot in the back of her head. She needed her mom.

As Lyss tried to call out to her but her voice shook and a short high-pitched scream replaced it. Seconds later Lyss heard footsteps coming up the stairs. By now Lyss was shaking uncontrollably and her vision was blurred from the amount of tears that fell down her face. Mere barged through the door and made a shocked sound.

Her eyes instantly traveled to her hand where the hair still laid, and then to the large bald spot the rested next to her part. Lyss turned around to look at her mother revealing the second bald spot.

"Oh Lyss," Mere breathed and rushed up to hold and hug her daughter.

"Mommy," Lyss cried as Mere embraced her. She cried into her chest as Mere guided Lyss's hand to put the hair down on the dresser. Lyss was still shaking as her knees buckled and she collapsed in her mother's grasp.

"Shhh, baby girl," Mere soothed. "It's gonna be alright, Shhh." She hugged her daughter tightly as she noticed the blonde stands of hair that were now resting on her chest. "It's okay Lyss, you're gonna fight this, Shhh." Lyss cried harder as Mere began to lead her to her bed. That's when Noah came in.

"Mommy, what's wrong?" he asked. "Lyssa it's gonna be okay." He walked over and touched Lyss on the arm lightly. This freaked Lyss out sending her on a rampage.

"Shut Up!" she screamed at him. "Get away from me and just Shut Up, Shut Up, Shut Up! You little brat!" Noah looked at her for a second stunned and scared until he ran out of her room bursting into tears. Lyss still fumed started shaking more until she realized what she had done and stood still for a second. Her anger was too out of control though. "GET OUT!"

"Alyssa, stop it!" Mere gasped, she helped her over to the bed, kissed her on the cheek, and ran to get Noah.

"What is wrong with me?" she thought. "I yelled at Noah, he didn't deserve it at all. It's just my hair, my hair, why can't I just die already?" She started shivering and laid down on the bed in a fetal position. She heard Noah's cries beginning to die down but hers wouldn't stop. They were silent now but the tears wouldn't stop running down her face. Meredith finally returned and sat on the bed and rubbed Lyss's back gently. Lyss finally sat up although some tears still ran down her cheek, at least she was calming down.

"Is Noah okay Mommy?" she asked looking at her mother with regret.

"He will be, it's just, it's hard on all of us," Mere told her gently.

"I shouldn't have yelled, it's just my hair," Lyss said quietly. She ran her fingers through her hair even more then the last time falling out.

"I know Lyss, he will forgive you."

"But can I forgive myself?"

"You should, it's not your fault your hair is falling out."

"I know Mommy." Mere hugged Lyss and Lyss snuggled in her grasp. "Mommy, can you stay like this for a while."

"Of course sweetheart." Mere rubbed Lyss's back.

"I love you Mommy, always remember that."

"I will sweetie, I love you too." Mere started to rock her back and forth gently. Lyss let out a sigh and closed her eyes. She ended up laying down on her mother's lap and Mere tentatively began to stroke her hair. The rhythmic motion was the last thing Lyss remembered before going to sleep. Mere set her down on her pillow and kissed her cheek lightly before stroking it. She left the room silently and closed the door. Periodically she checked in on her until it was Derek's turn.

When he first came in he was shocked by the bald spots that were now scattered on her head.

"My poor baby," he whispered. Derek kissed her on the cheek but she didn't stir. The next day Lyss woke up but decided she would wait for her mom to help her downstairs. She looked on her pillow and she let out a gasp. it was covered in her hair. She but her hand to her head and gasped, she could feel her head. Her hand moved around her head slowly and Lyss felt the patches of hair, not long, not too short, but not enough to cover her head. She laid down across her bed and watched the door.

When her mother finally entered she was carrying a bag. When she saw Lyss's face and the almost bald head she ran to her side.

"Lyss sweetie, I am so sorry."

"It's okay Mommy," Lyss whispered. "But it's just gonna keep falling out.... I.... I don't think I can take that." She pulled out a few wisps of hair.

"Yes you can baby," Meredith reassured. Lyss only shut her eyes. "Why don't we shave the rest off?"

"What?" Lyss whispered, opening her eyes in shock.

"You don't have to if you don't want to, but it will keep falling out until there is nothing left," Meredith sighed.

"Then let's do it," Lyss nodded and allowed Meredith to help her up. Meredith led her gently to the bathroom where Lyss gasped. She stared at the girl in the mirror. Her hair was only a few inches long and sticking out between patches of bald. She looked like a freak and not like Alyssa Shepherd at all. Meredith grabbed Derek's razor and plugged it in.

"Are you sure baby?" Meredith questioned.

"It's what's gonna happen anyway," Lyss shrugged and looked into the mirror. Mere nodded and began shaving the rest of Lyss's hair off. Lyss was looking intently at the mirror when this happened. Once she was done, Lyss looked down and saw her hair that was piled around her feet.

"Lyss..." Mere asked warily. "Lyss baby..." All of a sudden, Lyss reached out for her mother and let out a desperate sob.

"Mommy," she sobbed. Meredith took her in her arms, reached her hand up to stroke her hair, but then she realized she had no hair left.

"Shhh baby girl," Meredith soothed. "It's gonna be okay."

"Mommy... my.... my hair," Lyss whimpered.

"I know," Mere whispered in her ear. She led her back to her room where she sat in bed holding her until her sobs died down.

"I'm okay now Mommy," Lyss finally whispered.

"You sure?" Mere questioned, knowing that Lyss was just like her. She could say she was fine when she really wasn't.

"Yeah," Lyss sighed. "It's just hair... it just.... makes the cancer real." Mere stroked her face gently and remembered the bag she had originally carried in.

"Hey guess what Lyss," Mere said grabbing the bag. "Your Aunt Izzie, Aunt Lexie, Aunt Christina, Aunt Bailey, and I went out shopping and got these." She emptied the bag to reveal a multitude of scarves in many colors. Lyss laughed as she picked a bright pink scarf, her face brightened.

"Aunt Izzie?" she asked laughing.

"Uh... yeah, she insisted." She went to the yellow and orange one next.

"Aunt Lexie?" she asked knowing yellow's her aunt's favorite color.

"Yepp, are you gonna keep guessing?"

"Yepp. It will keep me entertained ... for now." She picked up the green and blue tie dye. "Aunt Christina?"

"Nailed it." the next was another pink one with her name stitched into it in purple.

"Aunt Izzie."

"Wow, didn't think you'd get that." She winked at Lyss.

"The stitching gave it away. And the pink." She acted like she was gagging.

"Ahhh got ya." She laughed as Lyss picked up the purple and blue tie dye.

"You?" Mere nodded. "Then obviously the red one is Aunt Bailey's."

"You know your Aunt's well Lyss. Okay now don't laugh, this one is from someone else." She held up a ferryboat scarf that resembled her father's scrub cap.

"Daddy?" Lyss laughed.

"Your father, Uncle Mark, Uncle Alex, Uncle George, and Uncle Owen picked it out."

"WOW!" Lyss laughed weakly.

"You don't have to wear it."

"I will, one day, in the near or distant future." At that Meredith picked up the pick one with her name on it and wrapped it around her head.

"Thanks Mom."

"Your welcome sweetheart."

"Mom, what's today's date and day."

"It's Monday the 22th."

"Of what?"

"October."

"Okay."

"Why did you ask?"

"I can't keep track. I'm pathetic."

"You are not pathetic sweetie. You're just sick, with a terrible disease which I wish never happened, but it did, and you are fighting it. That makes you anything but pathetic," Mere said gathering her in a hug, Lyss started crying softly into her mother's shoulder.

"Mommy, I just want it to be over," she whispered.

"I know sweetie, me too."

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As her daughter fell asleep in her arms Mere put her on the bed and made her way out the door. She checked on Noah, walked past Kelsey and Jake who had questioning eyes. Sophia decided to take everyone to the mall to give her mother a break. Exhausted Mere flopped on the couch and started crying. She wiped the last of Lyss's hair off her chest.

Mere closed her eyes and tried to relax. But how could she relax. Upstairs her daughter's world was falling apart, and as hers fell apart, Mere's did too. She couldn't just sit there as her daughter slowly died, slowly slipped away from her. Mere couldn't imagine life without one of her children. She started to hyperventilate, she started to have a panic attack. She needed her daughter to be okay. The tears started running down her face even faster then before.

She couldn't handle this, Lyss losing her hair, it just made the chemo, the cancer real. It was actually happening. Mere couldn't be here alone, her daughter upstairs, so upset it made Mere's heart hurt. Shakily she grasped the phone in her hand and dialed Derek's cell, hopefully he didn't have a surgery. His phone continued ringing until she heard an echoed voice answer obvious he was on speaker.

"Mere, baby what is it, I am in the middle of clipping a......"

"Derek, it's Lyss, her hair," *gasp* "and I'm alone," she began stuttering and gasping losing her air quickly.

"Mere, honey breathe, deep breaths, talk to me, explain more slowly."

"Lyss," Mere cried shakily. "Her hair started falling out today, I stayed strong for her, but I can't take it anymore, I need, I need someone, I am all alone, I can't handle it."

"Mere where are the kids?"

"Sophia took them out so I can be alone but that's the last thing I want right now."

"Mere, I am sorry but there is no other neuro surgeon on call, it's gonna take at least two hours to finish up here."

"Okay," Mere whimpered quietly, still crying and shaking.

"Now I want you to breath, slow deep breaths," Derek commanded. He listened as his wife obeyed. "Okay, now call Sophia, get them home, how long ago did they leave?"

"One hour ago."

"Good, she'll be begging to leave soon, then you won't be alone."

"Okay Derek."

"I love you Meredith."

"I love you too Derek, see you soon, go save people's lives."

"Bye Mere."

"Bye Der." She called the kids and they were already on their way home, Sophia, Hayley, and Paige had had enough. While waiting for them to come home Izzie, Bailey, Lexie, and Christina came bursting through the door followed soon by her kids.

"Get up," Christina urged. Mere looked up but then looked away.

"Meredith Elizabeth Grey Shepherd get up now, we are taking you out," Bailey demanded.

"Shhh," Mere said and pointed upwards. "Where are we going?"

"Shepherd told us to distract you until he could get home, the last thing you need is stress."

"Sophia already agreed to stay and babysit, it's a good thing I am a cool Aunt who knows her cell number," Izzie said smiling. Mere shook her head.

"I can't what happens if she wakes up and I'm not here. I can't have that."

"Mere, she had chemo yesterday, she's probably wiped out," Lexie disagreed.

"But she gets up to throw up a lot on the second day."

"Did she eat anything today?" Bailey asked hesitantly.

"No."

"Then she should be fine," Christina protested.

"Mere get up, it will be good for you," Izzie urged.

"We aren't afraid to grab you and drag you out the door," Miranda threatened. Mere sighed.

"Fine, but I have to check on her one last time."

"Of course, we'll come too," Lexie answered for everyone. Mere opened her mouth to protest but decided that it could do no harm. She made her way to Lyss's room kissing Noah on the forehead as she went passed his room since he still hasn't recovered from Lyss yelling at him. She opened the door tentatively and looked in. She walked over to the bed and bent down beside her daughter.

Everyone else waited at the door in silence and in shock. They saw people go through this everyday, but when it was their family, so weak, pale, thin, and not to mention the growing bald spots. Mere kissed her lightly on the cheek and pushed back some hair with ultimately fell off. She stoked her cheek whispering inaudible words and walked away wiping away her tears. They went out to the mall, they tried to get her shopping but she wasn't in the mood.

When they passed a wrack of maybe 50 or more scarves Mere stopped, everyone saw what she was looking at and began sorting through them, each picking out one, Izzie picking out two because on one she wanted two stitch Lyss's name on it. When they looked at the clock, they decided to pay for them and leave, they dropped Mere back at home and Mere sent her kids out to do various things to distract them from what was happening upstairs. She checked on her one more time, Lyss was still asleep.

Mere waited on the couch for Derek and when he finally arrived he had a bag in his hand just as Mere had one next to her.

"Mere, I'm home," Derek said kissing her on the cheek.

"Derek," Mere sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. She started crying again.

"Shhh Mere it's alright."

"How can you say it's alright our daughter has cancer, fucking AML, fucking CANCER. Do I have to spell it out for you C-A-N-C-E-R!" Mere snapped.

"Don't you think I fucking know that!" Mere sighed and started crying turning away from him.

"I'm... I'm sorry, it's just."

"Shhh. I know."

"Her hair, it connected her with me, she's the only one who had my hair, her eyes, my eyes seem lifeless, smile, gone, I can't stand it Derek. Watching her go through this, is hell, on her and me. It's so hard. She's my daughter, my baby girl, I wanna help."

"I know how you feel, I would give anything to kiss her and make it all better like we did when she was little. I wish our love for her would take the pain away. I wish it could be me with the cancer, not her."

"No Derek, no cancer for anyone that's what I wish, I couldn't stand losing any of you. Your my family, my life, my love, without you guys, my life falls apart, I would be nothing."

"Shhh, calm down Mere."

"I can't calm down Derek, not when she is up there slipping away from us. I can't stand to lose her. I always had this bond with her. Ever since she was born."

"Come on baby, please stop crying," Derek pleaded bouncing his crying daughter up and down. Mere came walking in.

"Derek give me my baby," Meredith said.

"It's my turn Mere go back to sleep, you need it."

"Like I can go to sleep with Lyss waling like that, give me my baby."

"Okay, I'll go get her a bottle, maybe she's hungry."

"You go do that Derek." He hands Lyss to Mere. She begins to bounce her up and down, holding her close to her chest.

"Hey baby girl, Mommy's got you, you're okay." Her cries continued. Mere sat down in her the rocking chair that was beside her crib.

"Hush little baby, don't say a word, Mommy's gonna buy you a mocking bird," Mere began singing quietly to the little girl in her arms. Lyss green eyes looked up to Mere's, her cries dying down slightly.

"And if that mocking bird don't sing, Mommy's gonna buy you a diamond ring. And if that diamond ring don't shine....." her voice trailed off as she noticed the baby drifting to sleep in her arms. She was resting on her chest as Mere began to drift asleep too. Derek walked in and smiled, turned off the light and shut the door.

"You re an amazing mother Mere," Derek said kissing her forehead.

"I don't feel like it, I can't help her, I feel so helpless."

"Me too, but our family is strong, we will get through this."

"What if.... what if she....."

"Let's not talk about it now Mere." Meredith rested on his chest until she noticed the bag.

"What's that?"

"I heard you girls went out shopping for scarves for Lyss, so the guys went out and got one."

"Oh god..."

"Here look, we all picked it out." He held up a scarf resembling his ferry boat scrub cap.

"Derek," Mere laughed. "She is never gonna where that!"

"You never know, it could give her a good laugh, you two are a lot a like cause you certainly got a chuckle out of it."

"And how are we alike."

"Well you both snore, your stubborn, you look alike, you twirl your hair when your nervous, your smile, and your laugh, they're identical."

"You are so corny."

"But you love me."

"Believe that while you can McDreamy."

"McDreamy," Derek said sounding shocked and offended. "McDreamy!" He turned to face her, looked at her for a second, and started tickling Mere.

"Derek..... Derek....." Mere squealed. "STOP!"

"I won't stop until you admit you love me."

"No," she protested squirming and laughing.

"Say it," he said tickling her more.

"Never," she said trying to resist.

"Say it!"

"Fine I love you McDreamy!"

"Say I love you Derek Shepherd the absolute best husband in the world, he towers above all in greatness."

"And build up your already too big for your own good ego, NO WAY!"

"Then I hope you like being tickled."

"No," she told him. "Fine I love you Derek Shepherd, you're the best father and husband in the world. I am so lucky to have you."

"Oh, I like that better."

"Whatever."

"I love you miss dark and twisty," he whispered in her ear.

"Shut up!" she said smacking him playfully.

"I really do love you."

"Me too, I love you so much, too much for my own good. Your my knight and shining whatever."

"And don't you forget it."

"I won't," Mere giggled settling comfortably in Derek's arms. "Your an amazing husband, and father, at least that much was true, I love you so much."

"Your the best mother, and wife I know, I love you so much."

"I'm not my mother."

"Far from it Mere, far from it."

"Really."

"I've never doubted it for a second."

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Please R&R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!