Chapter Thirty Five: Moving On (Part One)
I didn't go back to work until early March. When Paul said he wanted to pull my match at the Elimination Chamber Pay-Per-View, I didn't fight him. I wasn't actually ready to go back emotionally. Instead, to prove that he didn't have to strip me of my World Heavyweight Championship title, he sent me to Philadelphia for a full medical work-up. The doctors there were amazed at my miraculous recovery from being shot and having a heart transplant. At the end of the work-up, they reported to him that I had the heart and physicality of a teenager. I kept my title and was told that I would face whoever won the second Elimination Chamber match for Wrestlemania.
When I met up with everyone for my first Raw back, I went straight to Paul's office. Joe knew I was in the arena, but he didn't know what I was doing. I was nervous about what I was doing and didn't want to talk about it. I knocked on the door and waited.
"Come in," Paul called me in.
I walked into the office.
"Cassie, what can I do for you, Kiddo?"
"This weekend, instead of going to do the house shows with Joe in Toronto, can I go to the house shows in upstate New York?"
"What's this about?"
"I wanna take my SATs, Paul. This whole thing with Jonathan Good, nearly dying, the heart transplant, all of it, it made me realize, I may be stronger than most women, but I can't wrestle forever."
"So what's your plan?"
"I found a college I'm applying to for the fall. It won't interfere in my touring schedule. I'll only actually have to go to the campus two weeks a semester, mid-terms and finals. Everything else is online. And, I can arrange it so that I miss minimal shows even within those two weeks. I wanna start college," I explained then looked down at my shoes.
"Good for you, Kid!" Paul exclaimed. "But what's your problem?"
"I barely finished high school. Joe has his diploma and college degree. I feel like an idiot sometimes. I wanna do this without him being overly supportive and making me feel worse, that's why I just want him to think we're just being sent to different house shows this weekend. I can do the house show in Buffalo on Saturday night, the SATs I'm scheduled to take are there on Saturday morning. I want to do this alone, to know I can do it or fail on my own trying."
"You can do this Cassie. You barely finished high school because you were having other issues, not because you weren't smart enough. I'll switch you to the Buffalo and Rochester cards for the weekend. I know you'll pass your SATs with flying colors, but good luck this weekend. Just think, as you stress out, you've got matches to take your aggression out for the week."
I started laughing.
"Thanks, Paul. I appreciate this."
"No problem. I'm sure your father is going to love hearing that you're gonna go to school."
"Not until I know if I can get in."
"I'm sure you will."
"Thanks for the confidence."
"I'll see you later, Cassie."
I left his office and went to my locker room and found Joe waiting for me.
"Where were you, Baby Girl?"
"I went to talk to Paul about something."
"What is it?"
"I need to go to Buffalo for something this weekend, so I've asked him to move me off the Toronto card."
"What do you need to go to upstate New York for, Cassie?"
"You'll find out when the time is right, Joe. Now's not that time."
I kissed him, trying to distract him. He pulled me into his lap. The distraction was working. We kissed for a bit before he stopped us. Looking at his watch, he realized we should head out for lunch and relax before the show that night. We had lunch at a diner and went back to the hotel. He went to drop his things in his room and I followed him in, closing the door behind me.
"Cassie, are you…" he started to say before I cut him off with a kiss.
It was now or never, I thought in my mind.
I pushed Joe back towards his bed, still kissing him. When he bumped against his bed, he stumbled into a sitting position. He pulled back from me.
"Cassie, are you sure?" he asked.
I nodded at him. After taking off his shirt, he put me down on his bed and started kissing me again, his body on top of mine. Every time my mind started to wander, I started to focus on him, his body, his hard Samoan muscles on top of me. It helped me push away the fear that was trying to make me run away from him and hurt myself.
Somewhere as he started touching me, stroking every scar and smooth inch of flesh on my upper body, my shirt and bra wound up on the floor and we were pressed against each other flesh to flesh from the waist up. Everywhere he touched me with his fingers and tongue left me feeling like I was on fire. He took my breast in his mouth, teasing my nipple with his tongue as he massaged my other nipple with his thumb. I felt like I was going insane.
We lost the rest of our clothes and it was insane, even with how nervous I was, how natural it felt to have his naked body against mine. I could feel how hard he was getting as he pressed against me. He was kissing me and fingering me, and as he thrust his fingers into me, I could feel how hard his cock was against my leg. As hard as it was to do, I pulled my lips away from his.
"Take me," I said breathlessly.
"Are you sure?" he asked just as breathlessly. "We don't have to. We don't have condoms."
"I want you. I need you now, Joe. If I stop now, I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust myself again."
He kissed me again and repositioned my hips, so that I was straddling his. He leaned over me and started pushing his cock into me, gently at first, making sure that I was okay, but then he started thrusting harder. It hurt at first, with how big he was, but my body got used to his size and soon, I got lost in the rhythm of our bodies.
He rolled over and put me on top of him and had me ride him, giving me complete control over him. It was fun. I hadn't been with a guy like that in a long time. I leaned over and bit him, knowing I'd leave a mark, but knowing his hair would cover it. We moved in complete synchronicity. As I came down on him, he thrust his cock up into me. He grabbed my breasts as I bounced up and down on him. Stroking them, making me feel incredible, making me remember what sex was like before the choice had been taken from me.
We ended the way we started, him on top of me as we came together. Both of us were covered in sweat and breathing raggedly. Joe rolled off of me and pulled me closer to him. I could feel his naked body against my naked back. I wasn't afraid. I pulled my cell phone out and texted Paul and told him we'd be at the arena by 8:30 since both of our matches were after 10. Then I set an alarm and we fell asleep, naked and in each other's arms for the first time since we'd been together.
Getting up at 6:30, I got in the shower first. I was sore, but more in shock that I had slept with my husband. I had been afraid of him and that for so long, and now that I had done it, I couldn't believe I had been so scared. When I got out of the shower, I ordered dinner while Joe took a shower. I got up before him, worried that we might not be able to stop ourselves if we got up together. By the time he was showered and dressed, dinner was delivered.
"Cassie, about earlier…" he started.
"What about it?"
"I didn't mean to…"
"Didn't mean to what, Joe? Didn't mean to finally make love to your wife who was telling you she was willing? Why are you apologizing?"
"Are you sure you were ready?"
"I wasn't fully sure then, but I'm glad I did it now. I couldn't keep letting my life be run by fear. Until two years ago, I never did that."
"We didn't use protection."
"Well, we know I've been STD tested every few months to be on the safe side since the rapes, so unless you've been cheating we should be fine."
"What if you get pregnant, Cassie?"
"I didn't tell you, did I? I thought I did, Joe…"
"Tell me what, Cassie?"
"I've been on birth control since right after the abortion. I didn't want to take any risks, especially not with them still out there. I thought I told you last year, but I guess I got so caught up in fighting to keep my Wrestlemania match I forgot. I'm sorry."
"No, don't apologize. This isn't that big a deal. It's a good surprise. I don't think either of us are ready for kids just yet. Today was huge, but I don't think it was huge enough to jump straight to parenthood."
I kissed him.
"I really thought I had told you this one. I'm sorry. I didn't hide it on purpose."
"I believe you. I'm not mad. The last two years have been insane for you," he said as he looked at the time. "We're gonna be late. We're supposed to be at the arena at 7:30. It's already 7:15!"
"Don't worry. I told Paul we'd be there by 8:30. Both of us have late matches anyway. If we get there earlier, so be it, but don't freak out that we're running late."
We ate dinner and made our way to the arena. My first match back was a Wrestlemania preview against the winner of the Elimination Chamber for the Number One Contendership to my title, Drew McIntyre. I wasn't nervous to be in the ring with him, I was excited to finally be getting my life back together.
By 9:15 both Joe and I were ready for our matches. As I hung out waiting backstage for my match Jeff, Matt, Amy, and Trish came over to me in the locker room. I was alone because Joe had gone to go check on Colby and Saraya.
"It's great to have you back here," Jeff said as he jumped onto the bench next to me.
"How ya feelin' Cassie?" Matt asked.
"I was a little worried when you stopped answering my calls for a while," Amy said.
"But we're all glad that you pulled through," Trish said.
"I'm fine, guys. I needed some breathing room. I wasn't ready to talk or face anyone. Jonathan Good was such a jerk to me, he put me through hell, and in the short time before we got shot, I found out we were more alike than either of us ever knew. Figuring that out, getting shot together, then waking up to find out the only reason I'm alive is because his heart is now beating in my chest… It was a lot to take in. I considered hurting myself. I considered going back to old habits. But honestly, I needed to take time to understand someone who was so misunderstood who is now so much a part of me. I'm sorry, but you guys couldn't help me understand him. I've spent time talking to Sami Johnston. He was Jon's best friend on the indy circuit and he's been helping me understand Jon."
"But Cassie, did you go back to any of your old habits?" Amy asked.
"I've cut a few times. When the pain was so overwhelming I didn't know how else to process it, cutting was the only way to make me process it. But no, I haven't gotten high, no matter how tempting it's been."
"I'm proud of you," Jeff said, as he hugged me.
"Thanks, guys. I know you've wanted to be here for me and I'm sorry I wouldn't let you, but I feel weird sometimes."
"What do you mean, Cassie?" asked Trish.
"Sometimes I feel like I'm me, but I'm not me."
"Like you're changing or just someone else?" asked Matt.
"I'm not sure."
"Has Jonathan Good appeared to you since you've woken up?" asked Amy.
"Yeah. He didn't understand why I gave him a funeral. He also told me to take care of Colby and Joe, that he thought I was a better person than him and I needed to be Colby and Joe's lunatic fringe now."
Joe walked back into the locker room and we all fell silent. None of us talked about Jonathan Good in front of him. He had accepted giving up his friendship with him when he found out that he had raped me. He was having problems coping with the fact that in the end, he died to make sure Joe didn't have to feel heartache.
"Cassie, Drew is looking for you. He wants to see you before you guys go out for your match."
"Alright, I'll go find him. Guys, I'll see you later."
I left the locker room to find Drew. I hadn't seen him since before I got shot. He was among the long list of people that I just wasn't putting a huge priority on seeing after. Walking down the corridors, I got a lot of stares from Superstars and Divas. I ignored them. If they wanted to talk to me, they could, but I refused to be the circus freak for their amusement.
I finally found Drew in the locker room with Heath and Raj. I knocked on the doorframe of the open door and walked in. 3MB jumped to their feet to welcome me.
"Cassie, we're glad to see you back on your feet. The last time we saw you, you didn't look so good," said Heath.
"Thanks," I said sarcastically.
"We've been worried about you. What happened?" asked Raj.
"I don't wanna talk about that night."
"Cassie," Drew said, grabbing my arm and leading me back outside, "I've been really worried about you. You haven't been answering my calls or anything. Joe and your father have been trying to keep me up to date, but I wanna hear from you how you're doing."
"Drew, I'm… I'm coping," I responded. "I'm not gonna tell you I'm okay. I'm not. There is no way to be okay with everything that happened between me and Jonathan Good from beginning to end, especially since just as I was beginning to understand why he was such a dick to me, he died to save me. So the best I can do is cope. Have I hurt myself? Yes. Have I gotten high? No. My life has been in a tailspin for years because of him and its worse now because now I feel like I have to forgive him for everything because he died for me."
"You don't have to do anything for him."
"You weren't there, Drew. He tried to stop that fan. He tried to draw her attention away from me. And he took his last coherent moment to tell them if they couldn't save him, to donate his organs to me if it would save me. There were so many similarities between me and him. The sad thing about all of this was if he hadn't been an asshole for all these years, he would've seen he didn't have to fuck up my life. It already was fucked up."
"What are you talking about?"
"He told me why he's always been an asshole to me. He wanted me to understand what it was like to be like him. If he had taken time to get to know me, he would have realized underneath my façade, I already was."
"You've had a good life, Cassie."
"It's been fucked up, though Drew. My parents fighting over me even though my mother never wanted me and my father dumping me as soon as I turned 18. Him picking his real families over me almost every time since. Nobody knowing the real me. You saw how that affected me when we were together. You knew about my drinking and drug habits that I had broken not long before we got close. You knew I had been a cutter. You knew no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't fully let you in. My life wasn't all sunshine and fucking daisies like everyone thought. My best friend died in my arms when I was 12, Drew. I tried to save her and I couldn't. She had gone to my father to block the ability that could have helped her because it was killing me. So she died in my arms, Drew. Her heart just stopped one day and that was it. The only person on the road with me who was even close to my age and understanding me was gone. Just like that. So yeah, I had a lot more issues than I let on."
Drew tried to hug me, but I didn't let him.
"Cassie…"
"No. I don't want your pity Andrew Galloway. We have a match to get ready for. So if you want to do that, fine. If not, I'll see you in the ring."
"No, we should talk about the match. You haven't been live in almost two months. Are you sure you're ready?"
"Fine. Let's talk about the match."
We sat and talked about the match until it was time to head to the ring. Drew entered first and at the last minute, Paige came to follow me out to the ring.
"I've missed you, Cassie. I've been worried about you. Besides, I think Morgana should have her sister out there for her first match back."
I hugged her and we started down from the stage to the ring. I handed my title to Paige and then my jacket before entering the ring. The crowd went wild. I had been out of action for nearly two months and there had been no official word as to when I would return… At least not until my match was announced that night.
I faced Drew and the bell rang. I felt bad for Charles Robinson. He was stuck between the daughter of The Phenom and The Chosen One who'd fallen and was trying to regain his title. Drew grabbed me and performed a Hip Toss on me, trying to follow it up with an elbow to my stomach. I rolled out of the way and hit him with a Big Boot in the head. When he got up, I grabbed him and hit him with a Power Slam before he could get his bearings.
3MB's music started playing again and I got distracted by Heath and Jinder running down the ramp. As Paige stopped them, Drew Power Bombed me. Drew went for the cover and I kicked out almost immediately. He got up and started kicking at me over and over again. Finally, I grabbed his foot and tossed him to the turnbuckle.
Getting back up, I followed him into the corner of the ring where I delivered punch after punch to Drew's gut. Finally, I grabbed his arm and climbed up onto the top ropes and hit him with Old School. As he tried to get feeling back in his arm I hit him with an Enziguri kick that knocked him to his knees. Picking him up, I hit him with the Tombstone Piledriver for the win. When the bell rang, I climbed out of the ring and joined Paige.
We walked up the ramp with the members of 3MB trying to call us back for a rematch, which we ignored. I just wanted to be safe in my locker room. I was feeling antisocial again and I wasn't sure why. Saraya came with me to the locker room where Colby, Matt, Jeff, Amy, Trish, Jonny, and Josh were already waiting. I grabbed my things and went right into the bathroom to shower. I heard them send Renee Young away. When I got out of the shower, I just sat on the floor by Jeff listening to everything but not participating in anything. At least not until Paul came in.
"Ah, Saraya. Cassie. I was hoping to find the two of you together. I need to talk to both of you. Can you come outside?"
Saraya and I got up and followed him out.
"Saraya, it was amazing to see you win the ladder match for the Intercontinental Championship. Personally, I loved it and I think it was a crowd pleaser."
"But…" Saraya pressed him.
"But, Stephanie and Vince don't agree with your actions. You knew you would have to give up one of the titles because you can't fight in both divisions. They've chosen to have you vacate the Intercontinental Championship at the Smackdown taping where a match will be held to find a new Intercontinental Champion."
"Why do I have to vacate? Cassie was the Intercontinental Champion. I can handle the men as well as she can."
"That may be, Saraya, but Cassie came to us and requested being moved to the men's roster before she became one of the men's champions. She was under contract for the men's roster before I gave her the Intercontinental Championship match."
"So I have no say?"
"I'm sorry. I would love to have you and Cassie on the men's roster, but after the way Vince tried to screw Cassie just before she would have earned that full contract, I don't think he'd give another woman a chance right now."
"Fine. I'll do it. But what did you need both of us for?"
"Well, like I said, we're holding a match to find a new champion at Smackdown on Friday. 'The Authority' has chosen one of the two contenders and it will be Bad News Barrett. We want Cassie to choose the other contender for the match."
"Jeff Hardy," I said without hesitation.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Alright, you guys can let him know. Again, Saraya, I'm sorry. I tried to get them to change their mind."
Paul walked away and Saraya turned to me.
"Why Jeff?"
"We've been through a lot together and he came back here for me. He deserves a shot. I'm sorry they're taking this from you, but he's an awesome wrestler."
"Okay."
"Can you explain when we go inside? I'm not up to talking much."
"We've noticed. Are you sure you're alright?"
"I'm trying. Really I am. I just need to figure out what's inside me now."
"Well, we're all here for you, you know."
"I know. I appreciate it, but it's like I can't let you in until I can find my way out first, you know?"
"Yeah. We'll be waiting when you find that way out."
We walked back inside and Saraya explained what was going to happen and that Jeff would be the second contender at my request. Everyone had mixed feelings, but Jeff was happy I gave him the chance. Things got too emotional in the locker room. I got up and grabbed my things.
"Where are you going?" Josh asked.
"Let Joe know I'm taking a cab back to the hotel, guys. I'm feeling a little wiped out. I guess it's being back after so long. I'll see you guys tomorrow," I said as I walked out the locker room.
Jeff and Amy followed me. I was holding onto the ankh they gave me for dear life.
"Do you want us to come with you, Cass?" Jeff asked.
"We don't mind," Amy said.
I stopped and looked at them. Part of me wanted them. Part of me wanted to be left alone.
"I'm just going to go to the hotel room and relax with a book and then crash. I'm not gonna be much company. Stay with everyone else. I'll be okay. Really. Don't worry about me."
I walked away. As I did, I heard Jeff say something to Amy.
"I'm really worried about the way she's pulling away Aimes. I heard she's even requested going to a different set of house shows than Joe this weekend."
I had to leave it alone. I couldn't worry about other people when I had so much to deal with by myself. When I got to the security checkpoint I asked them to call a car for me to get me back to my hotel. The car only took ten minutes. Unfortunately, I couldn't leave the arena alone. Paul had made it known if I wasn't leaving with Joe or one of my friends, one of the security guards had to escort me to my destination and stay with me to make sure a crazed fan didn't try to kill me again. Not willing to fight, I just let Tino one of Paul's personal bodyguards bring me to the hotel. He stayed in the living room area of the hotel room while I went into my room and closed the door.
I opened the SAT study books I had bought while I was home to help me study for the test. When I realized that I was having some issues understanding some of the math I got frustrated. Out of desperation I picked up my phone and called the one person I never thought I'd ask for help.
The phone rang three times before she answered.
"Cassie is something wrong?"
"Yes… No… Kinda…"
"What's wrong? Do you need me to get your father for you? He's checking on Kaia right now," Michelle McCool said.
"No! Please don't tell Dad I called you. I don't want him to know what I'm doing yet."
"What's wrong?"
"I kinda need your help, Michelle. Do you think you can make an excuse to leave Kaia with Dad and meet me in Buffalo on Thursday? It would only be for two nights."
"What do you need my help for, Cassie?"
I took a deep breath.
"You can't tell Dad. I'm not even telling Joe. Not yet anyway. I don't want more pressure on me than I already feel," I started.
"What is it, Cassie?"
"I know I can't wrestle forever. And I barely finished high school. I'm applying to an online program for the University of Massachusetts so I can work on my college degree while I'm still traveling. So, I need to take my SATs, which I'm doing Saturday morning in Buffalo. I've been studying on my own while I've been out because of the surgery, but I'm realizing the math is confusing me. You were a teacher, can you come help me?"
"I can't believe you're asking me for help."
"I guess that's a no?"
"No, I'll come. It's just this is the first time since I've been with your father you've reached out to me for help with anything. I'm just in shock."
"It's not easy for me to ask you, but I really want to do this, and I need help. Joe is overenthusiastic about things and would drive me nuts. I figured since you were a teacher you wouldn't be as crazed. But please, I don't want anyone to know about this until I find out whether or not I got into the program. They told me it will hinge on my SAT scores at this point. If people know it's just gonna stress me out. I wanna do this alone as much as I can."
"I understand. Just text me the name of the hotel you'll be at and I'll book everything for Buffalo."
"Thank you so much, Michelle. I really appreciate the help. I really need it. I'm ready to throw the prep book out the window right now."
"Take a deep breath, a warm bath and get some rest. Try studying earlier in the day when you're not exhausted from work. It will make it a little easier. And just think, it will be over soon."
"Thanks I'll try and…" I started as I heard Joe starting to talk to Tino. "Michelle, I'll text you later, but I gotta go. Joe just got back to the hotel and I kinda left the arena without him. I'll call you tomorrow. Bye."
I hung up my phone, covered the SAT books and jumped onto my bed with my iPod just before Joe came into my room.
"Baby Girl?"
I looked up at him.
"Are you okay?"
I took off the headphones.
"Yeah. I just got a little overwhelmed and tired so I came back here."
"Amy and Jeff are worried about you."
"I know. I heard him tell her as I left. I just needed to get out. I feel like an outsider now. I don't feel like me anymore, Joe. And on top of it, there was so much tension in our locker room with our friends that I needed to get away."
"What do you mean?"
"At the Smackdown tapings, The Authority is stripping Paige of the Intercontinental Championship. They chose Bad News Barrett to compete for the title and left the other competitor up to me. I didn't think about it. Jeff's name automatically came out of my mouth. So when Saraya told everyone, some were pissed she was losing the title, some were happy Jeff was getting this chance, some were jealous he was getting the chance. It was too much. I grabbed my stuff and left. I didn't realize Paul made an edict that I needed an escort to leave the arenas now, which is why Tino was here."
"They wouldn't let you leave the arena alone?"
"Not after Jon died and I nearly joined him. Apparently either I leave with you or friends or I leave with a bodyguard."
"It won't last forever."
"I hope not. I haven't been the most social person in the world lately."
"I know that, Baby Girl. And we're all trying to be supportive, but we don't know what to do for you."
"Neither do I. I need time, Joe. When I figure myself out, I'll let you guys all know what you can do to help. I promise. For now, I need to figure this out and Sami is the best person to help me. He knew Jonathan the best. I'm sorry. I know it's hard for you to know that for me to get better I need to know him better, but I do. I need to understand him better to deal with this."
"I'll never stand in the way of what you need to do, Baby Girl. I promise."
"Thank you, Joe. This is the best I can do for now. I'm kinda on autopilot sometimes. Other times I'm me. Other times I feel like I'm not me. But this is the best I can do for now."
"I'll take it. Get some rest. We've got an early flight tomorrow."
Joe kissed me and was getting ready to leave when I stopped him.
"Why don't you stay in here with me?"
"You mean spend the night? The whole night?"
"Yes. We should start acting like we're married and this afternoon was a huge step. Don't you wanna try sleeping in one bed?"
"Only if you're ready for that."
"You really gonna ask that after what happened earlier? Go get changed and come back in here."
Joe came back a few minutes later, his hair brushed out and wearing nothing but boxers. He got into bed behind me and I rolled over curling onto his chest. He started playing with my hair. I started to relax.
"I love you, Cassie. No matter what happens."
"I love you too, Joe. Even if I'm having trouble showing it right now."
I leaned up and kissed him before putting my head on his shoulder, where I fell asleep. When I woke up in the morning, Joe was still holding me. It was nice. It was the first time we'd stayed in one bed for that long where I hadn't woken up with a sore throat from screaming and he hadn't been all scratched up from trying to calm me in my sleep.
The Main Event and Superstars taping were uneventful. I had a match against Dolph Ziggler on Main Event, since I had promised to give him a match the night our match was cancelled and I got the Intercontinental Championship. I didn't have a match on Superstars. I beat Ziggler while he was in shock that I got up following his Zig Zag.
Just before we started Smackdown, Paul came to me again. He told me he needed two things from me during the taping. One was to main event against Randy Orton. I told him fine. The other was to be the special ref of the Intercontinental Championship match. I was uncomfortable with it, but agreed anyway. I think it was his way of keeping me in the arena until everything was over. Going into my locker room, I found the referee shirt they wanted to me to wear. I grabbed it and stormed out heading to Paul's office, where I just barged in.
"No way in hell!" I yelled at him as I threw the shirt down at him.
"What's wrong, Cassie?"
"I am not wearing anything that revealing out there! One, you know I have self-inflicted scars! Two, I have the transplant scar! Three, my character has never worn anything this revealing and never will! Four, I'm still coping with having been fucking raped and you want to objectify me?! No! If you want me to be the special ref, then you need me to treat me like a Superstar and not like a fucking Diva! I'm not on the Divas roster, Paul!"
"This is what the women wear when the ref a match, Cassie."
"The women on the women's roster. I'm not on the women's roster. I'm on the men's roster. Either change the shirt or find a new special ref because I'm not doing it, Paul. Not in that."
I left the office and went back to my locker room. Joe was ready in his gear. My hands were starting to smoke. He dragged me right to the bathroom and stuck my hands under the cold water in the sink. When he was sure that my hands wouldn't ignite, he brought me back outside.
"What was that all about, Cassie?"
"Paul asked me to be the special ref for the Intercontinental Championship match tonight. I agreed even though I wasn't sure. When I got in here, he gave me one of the ref shirts that accentuates the girls' boobs and exposes her stomach. I went to his office and told him no, either change the shirt or get another ref for the match because between my scars and the shirt going against my character completely, I won't wear that thing."
"I can't believe he did that to you. You may have healed internally, but your surgical scar still looks fresh. That was a dick move."
"Whatever. I'm gonna start getting ready for my match. If he changes the shirt, I'll just throw it on over my ring gear. If not, I'll be ready very early for my match."
I grabbed my gym bag and went into the bathroom to change. While I was in there I heard Paul come in and try to convince Joe to change my mind. Joe told him he was out of line and he couldn't bill me as a Superstar and treat me like a Diva. Not to mention to be so insensitive about my heart transplant scar which would stand out under the lights and be very distracting to everybody. Finally, he brought up the one point I hadn't brought up to Joe, the rape. He pointed out if he tried to force me into wearing that shirt it would be as bad as what Jon and Colby had done because he'd be taking away my control of my own body. Paul apparently took his word on things because he left, giving up on getting me to wear a midriff baring ref shirt.
"Thank you," I said coming up behind Joe and hugging him.
"For what?" he asked.
"I heard what you said to Paul. Thank you for standing by my side."
"I'm always on your side, Baby Girl. Standing up to Paul for you is nothing to standing up to your father for you," he said laughing.
I kissed him and then took my wedding band and engagement ring off, putting them in my gym bag and locking it like I did whenever I had a match. Joe could keep his wedding band on because there was nothing that could hurt anyone on his band.
Ten minutes before the Intercontinental Championship match Devin was finishing my hair and make-up, telling me I had done the right thing by telling Paul no and not compromising on the ref shirt. She said Dad would be proud to know that I wouldn't let them force me into some sexualized shirt just for the viewers. As I left hair and make-up to go back to my locker room in solitude, Jeff ran up to me with something in his hand.
"Cassie! There you are! I've been looking all over for you," he said.
"What is it? You should be getting ready for your match. I'm going to relax in my locker room. Good luck."
"That's why I needed to find you. We need you to ref the match. Nobody else will take the match because of why you told Paul no. Not even the actual refs will take the match. So Paul is giving you what you want," he said as he handed me one of the guys ref shirts, "pull this on over your ring gear and let's go."
"How did everyone find out what happened?"
"Word travels fast when you get pissed off, Cassie. Especially since you went storming into the boss' office. You don't do it too often and with you coming back from heart surgery, you getting that pissed off catches everyone's attention. Everyone is on your side. They think he's a dick for trying what he did. Come on, we've got to go. The match is gonna start any minute and you have to enter first."
"I've never reffed a match before Jeff."
"You'll be fine. You know the rules. Call it down the middle. That's all there is to it. Don't let him cheat, don't let anyone cheat for either of us, don't let me cheat."
We rushed off to the gorilla position where Rodney gave me three seconds to pull my ref shirt over my head and sent me out. I was in the ring when Bad News Barrett came down first, talking about how Jeff Hardy may have been high for most of his adult life, but tonight he was going to be as low as he could be as he went down for the pin… One, two, three. Next, Jeff came out to "No More Words." I loved the song and loved Jeff's in-ring ability, but the boy was a spaz when he tried to dance and I struggled not to laugh at what he called dancing on the stage. When both were in the ring, I showed them both the Intercontinental Championship belt which was given to me when I reached the ring, handed it back to the ring announcer, and had the timekeeper start the match.
Barrett went straight for Jeff's knees, but Jeff jumped right over him. As Barrett got up, Jeff ran up the turnbuckles and hit him with Whisper in the Wind, which is even more amazing to see up close. Jeff went for the cover and I slid down onto the mat to start counting. Barrett kicked out at two. Barrett got back to his feet and elbowed Jeff in the head and then hit him with a clothesline. Jeff was seeing stars. Barrett went for the Bullhammer, but Jeff was ready for that. He ducked under his arm, turned, kicked him in the stomach and hit him with the Twist of Fate. Covering Barrett again, I started counting, but again, Barrett kicked out at two.
When both men made it to their feet, Jeff went to kick Barrett, but Barrett caught his leg. Jeff used his other leg and performed a reversed mule kick on him. Barrett went back down and Jeff bounced off the ropes and did a baseball slide into Barrett's head. Jeff covered him and this time Barrett barely got his shoulder up before the three count.
Jeff got up before Barrett did and went to the top rope. He got the crowd pumped and performed a Swanton Bomb. It would have been a perfect end of the match, but Barrett got his knees up and Jeff landed with his lower back on Barrett's knees. As Barrett got up and started getting ready for the Bullhammer again, I went to check on Jeff.
"Are you okay, Jeff? Can you keep going?"
"I'm fine. I'll be up in a sec."
I backed off, even though I was worried and my instincts were to fix him, to stop Barrett in his tracks. I knew I couldn't. My job here was to stay impartial and considering the revolt I'd started in the back over this match, I couldn't afford to start a problem in the match, even though my empathy was already picking up on both of their injuries.
Jeff got back up and Barrett went for the Bullhammer. It connected this time. Barrett went for the cover on Jeff but he kicked out at two. He got up, hit Barrett with the Twist of Fate followed by the Swanton Bomb. Barrett tried to get back to his feet, but Jeff hit him with Whisper in the Wind and he didn't get back up. Jeff covered him and I counted the three count. I called the end of the match and got the Intercontinental Championship Belt to hand to Jeff.
As Jeff was up on the ropes celebrating, Barrett did the natural heel move and tried to hit me with the Bullhammer. I don't know what overcame me, but I knocked him to the ground and started beating him like a brawler. Then I picked him up and hit him with the Tombstone Piledriver. Afterwards, I grabbed Jeff's hand and held it up in victory once again before rolling out of the ring and going back to my locker room. I stripped off the ref shirt on the way backstage and handed it to Rodney.
In my locker room I hid in the bathroom, knowing the only person who would check in there would be Joe. I didn't know where the instinct to attack Stu the way I had come from. Joe came and checked on me and when I told him I didn't want to see anyone, he said he'd let them know and to hang out in the locker room instead. He let me stretch out with my iPod and didn't ask questions.
My match with Randy was going fine. My chest was a little sore from the three RKOs he'd already hit me with, but I was pretty sure that his head was still stinging from the Tombstone I'd hit him with. As the match was supposed to be winding down the crowd started going wild, which meant someone was coming down the ramp. Turning away from Randy to get away from another RKO I was kicked in the stomach and hit with a Twist of Fate by Matt Hardy.
"What, Morganna? Did you forget that I'm better than my brother? You may have some kind of feelings for him in that warped heart of your's, but I can beat you just as easily as I can beat him!"
I sat up like Dad. Before Matt could run I grabbed him and Chokeslammed him. Then I picked him up and hit him with the Tombstone Piledriver. Furious, I called flames around the ring and picked up his mic, noticing for the first time that Randy disappeared when Matt attacked.
"You and I haven't seen much of each other in years Matthew Hardy. Do not misjudge my choice of Jeff over you as emotions that aren't there. You have just stepped into a demonic world you may not be able to survive. After all, you barely survived my father and in many ways, I am very much my father's daughter."
I dropped the mic and walked through the flames I made as the stage hands got fire extinguishers to put out the fire to get to Matt. As I walked through to the gorilla position Paul was standing there, he went to say something but I held my hands up, silencing him when he saw they were smoking. He turned and walked away from me. I went to my locker room to shower and change. Joe was on the bench when I was done.
When we got back to the hotel room Joe wanted to talk about what had happened that night. Things didn't typically get to me like that anymore. Not since I started finding strength in myself again. Still, I refused to talk. Frustrated with me, Joe went, took a shower and went to his room.
I walked into Joe's room before he got dressed from his shower, he was wearing nothing but a towel around his waist and his hair was still dripping down his body. Getting closer, I pulled his towel from his waist and pushed him onto his bed.
I started kissing him, starting with his lips and working my way down his body to his cock. When I got to his cock I started licking the length of him and teasing the tip with the tip of my tongue. The protests of shock were gone and he was moaning and wrapping his hand in my hair as I continued to work his cock with my mouth and tongue. When I finally took his cock in my mouth and started sucking on him he cried out my name. As I bobbed on his cock with my mouth, I ran my tongue all over the shaft and tip of his cock, driving him nuts. I didn't stop until he started begging me to let him fuck me.
Joe took control then. He bent me over the bed and thrust his cock into me full force. It hurt and felt good at the same time. He wasn't being gentle like the first time we'd slept together. He wasn't holding back at all this time. I got lost in him. He fucked me through my orgasm, fucking me as hard as he could.
We went at it for hours. It was nearly three in the morning when he finally collapsed next to me in a sweaty heap of exhaustion. The moment would have been perfect if I didn't know the hotel room phone would be ringing soon.
"That was amazing, Baby Girl," Joe said to me.
"I love you, Joe."
"I love you too, Cass."
"But I need to go shower and get dressed. The hotel should be calling me soon."
"What? Why?"
"We were arguing last night. You were so intent on talking about what's going on with me at work in the ring and then you stormed off into the bathroom I didn't get to tell you that Paul had a new itinerary dropped off while you were in the shower. My flight to Buffalo leaves LAX at six. I have to pack and be ready to go by 3:15."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"You were so upset with me. I didn't want us to part like that, Joe. We won't see each other until Monday in Hartford."
"I'm upset because I feel like I'm losing you to that darkness again, Cassie."
"Not completely, Joe. I'm not lost. And I'm trying to find my way out. I need to do this one on my own. I need your patience. This isn't like before. I knew what was going on in my head and was just overwhelmed by everything before. I don't understand everything in my head now. I need to figure it out before you or anyone else around here can help me."
"But Sami Johnston can help you, Cassie?"
I winced. I hadn't lied about Sami. Joe knew I spent a lot of time talking to him and even visiting him before I came back to work. I was wrong about it not hurting him.
"Sami is just a new friend. He is helping me, yes, because a lot of what I don't understand is about Jonathan, Joe. Sami is the best person to help me with that because he knew him better than any of us. He knew the Jonathan that was hidden from most of us in the WWE. So, yes, Sami is helping me. When I understand this, if you're ready to face your own demons about Jonathan Good, than maybe we can face this together.
"I know you've been having issues with the fact that he died for me Joe and you don't want to talk about him. You need to deal with those issues before you can even think about trying to help me with mine when I'm ready. Because right now, I feel like I can't bring him up without upsetting you. I get it. You were so close and when you found out what he did to me you cut him out and then he saved my life. It's confusing. It's why I'm so fucking confused and lost, why I need to learn more about him, to understand why he did it, maybe forgive him. But at this point I don't want to upset you more by bringing him up so even if I'm talking about him with other people we stop when you come around."
Joe pulled me closer to him.
"I'm trying to deal with what he did for you. I don't know how, Cassie. I'm just as lost here as you are."
"That's why I'm talking to Sami so much. He's helping me understand Jon before any of us knew him. Me and him really had more in common than any of us would like to admit to. Just try to be more patient with me, Joe. I feel like I'm drifting out to sea sometimes. I'm doing things I wouldn't normally do, becoming more anti-social than I've been since right after Denise died, and I'm still coping with all of this. I may have healed myself physically but that doesn't heal the psychological scars, Joe."
"I promise I'll try to be more patient with you if you can be more patient with my stupidity. Can you forgive me?"
I kissed him.
"Deal and I forgive you."
At that moment the phone rang. Joe picked it up.
"Hello?"
He listened for a moment.
"She's awake, thank you."
He hung up the phone and turned to me.
"You have half an hour until your car gets here."
I kissed him again.
"I'm sorry, Joe. They set me up for a meet and greet before I can check into my hotel."
"It's not your fault they changed things on you. Come on, I'll help you pack."
We went into my room after he put on boxers and I put on a robe. I forgot about the SAT books.
"Can you pick clothes for me and get a shower ready for me? I can pack everything else while you do that. You know I don't unpack much at the hotels."
"Sure, Baby Girl."
He laid out clothes on the bed and went to the bathroom. I grabbed the SAT prep books and stashed them at the bottom of my suitcase. I started grabbing my few other belongings around the room, only leaving toiletries out and packing them quickly. I was packed by the time he got back.
"That was fast."
"I told you I don't unpack much. We're only in a hotel room typically for a day or two."
He kissed me again before I got in the shower. Fifteen minutes later I was showered, dressed and sitting with Joe at the table. He wanted to come with me to the airport to see me off.
"No. You need some rest before you head out later. I'm not driving at any point today. Paul insisted on hiring a driver for me until I meet back up with you. You'll be driving. You're exhausted now. Sleep. I'll text you from Buffalo and we can talk tonight, okay?"
"Are you sure, Baby Girl? I feel like we're finally getting somewhere with each other. We should spend every moment we can with each other."
"I'm sure. We're okay, Joe. I'm not mad at you. So unless you're still mad at me, we're gonna be just fine."
"I'm not mad, Baby Girl."
"Then stay and sleep. It will make me feel better."
"Alright."
My cell phone started ringing. I answered on the second ring.
"Hello?"
"Yes, Ma'am. I'm waiting in front of the lobby to pick up Mrs. Anoa'i to take her to the airport."
"Thank you. I'll be down in a few minutes."
"I'll be waiting Ma'am."
I hung up the phone. I looked at Joe who looked so sad.
"I have to go."
"I know."
"We'll be okay for a few days. We've been apart longer."
He pulled me to him and kissed me. When he let me go I put my shoulder bag on, grabbed my gym bag, my rolling suitcase, and draped my coat over my arm, knowing it would be cold when I got off the plane in Buffalo. Joe kissed me again and I walked out of the room.