The following does not reflect the views or opinions of Marvel or the author known as 'Kinetically Charmed'.

Entry number thirty eight:

It's Jean and Scott's one year anniversary, and to celebrate the occasion, they got the hell out of here. They took Rachel up to Jean's parents, and disappeared for an undisclosed amount of time to an undisclosed destination.

I mean, it's great for them. They totally deserve it. It's just that Scott entrusted Alex to house sit for them while they were away.

It's not like I wanted to do it or anything, but it's a little upsetting when Alex is your go-to guy. I don't even care if they're brothers, it's still upsetting.

Anyway, I figured that their absence was the perfect time to finish working on the mural for Rachel's room, and I even managed to talk Remy into helping me. It wasn't exactly like I had to twist his arm or anything, I think the poor guy is going crazy with boredom while he "rests his foot", which is really the only explanation as to why he'd agree to help me paint owls on a wall.

The two of us worked away in Rachel's room while Rogue "supervised" as she worked away on some homework in the background, totally engrossed in whatever it was she was doing.

"I think we're actually gunna finish this thing." I said, turning to Remy with a grin. "This is great, Jean's gunna be totally surprised when she gets home."

"Uh huh." Remy grunted unenthusiastically, "Tell me again why you're doing this...?"

"I don't know." I shrugged as I swiped some green paint onto the wall, "It seemed like a good distraction. Plus, Rachel deserves something better than peeling yellow paint."

"I really don't think she cares." Remy squinted and tilted his head, "Why exactly are the little pink devils in the tree?"

I furrowed my brow at him and rolled my eyes, "They're owls, Remy."

"Then why do they have horns?"

"Because they're horny owls." I said through my teeth, "And shut up about the horny, okay?"

He chuckled at me and shrugged, "Do you think the devils are gunna freak Rachel out?"

"No, because they're not devils, they are owls." I grumbled, "Friggin' idiot."

He smirked and pointed with the tip of his paintbrush, "You know, I think they'd look better if added a a few dragonflies over there-"

"I think you should shut your whore mouth." I snapped.

Remy lifted his hands innocently with an amused little grin, "Geeze! Relax, would you? Fine! Leave your demon owls how they are."

"They're not demon owls! They're just normal owls! Normal horny owls!" I clipped, "Rogue, would you please tell him they are owls?!"

I craned my neck to look at Rogue, only to find that she was still completely engrossed in her work, and not even remotely paying attention to our horny demon conversation.

She distractedly glanced up and grunted, "Huh?" Before going back to what appeared to be counting of some sort.

"They're fine. And I think I did a damn good job, if I do say so myself." I lifted my chin indignantly and noticed Remy shift his weight as he reached for the top of the tree and stifle a wince. I pretended not to notice for about 10 seconds before eventually saying, "You know, it's probably not smart to be wearing shoes all the time."

"Yeah? You a doctor now?" He grunted as he dipped his brush into the paint.

"No, but I do know that air helps wounds heal faster. It needs oxygen to like, heal. Faster." I said like a moron.

"You just wanna see it." Remy said with an eye roll.

"Well, yes." I replied honestly, "But I also genuinely don't think shoes are helping you."

"I don't give an (eff) what you think." He snapped, "And I'm not showing you my foot, so leave it, Kitty."

"You don't need to get all snippy about it, geeze." I muttered, "Some of us are just kind of curious... what it looks like now that your piggy has gone to market, permanently."

He shot out a breath and turned to glare at me, "Would you drop it?! I'm not gunna show you! It's (effing) bad enough I get people gawking at me for my (effed) up eyes, now I have another physical deformity on top of that?! It's like I'm the (effing) bearded lady or some shit, Jesus."

"Seriously Remy? It's your pinky toe. Calm the eff down." I frowned at him, "And your eyes aren't a deformity, so stop feeling sorry for yourself."

"I'm never gunna get laid again." He lamented suddenly, "I'll have to have sex with socks on for the rest of my life."

"Oh my gosh, are you even listening to yourself right now?" I turned to him and shook my head, "One tiny little pinky toe is going to have zero impact on your sex life. Women will still flock to you, honestly. Care to weigh in here, Rogue?" I asked, glancing over my shoulder, assuming she was listening to this portion of the conversation.

"Your owls are fine, Kitty. Just ignore him." She muttered before looking up at me with a frown, "When did you bomb that poetry pop quiz? That was what, like four weeks ago, right?"

Remy and I exchanged a look, utterly baffled by Rogue's ability to tune out the entire world around her, before I turned back to her with my brow furrowed, "I don't know... it was before Valentines day. So like... four or five weeks ago? Why, you don't think another one is coming up, do you?"

Rogue knit her brow and closed her folder, "Sure. I gotta go take a whiz."

I looked back at Remy and rolled my eyes, "I'm so glad she agreed to help."

Remy squared his jaw and dipped his brush back into the paint, and I had to wonder if he took her indifference on this topic as a jab towards his mojo. Even though she clearly hadn't been paying attention the entire time. I decided that he could definitely use a nice distraction from this topic, and since I was the one who technically brought it up, I decided to bite the bullet and sacrifice myself.

"I went to the concert." I said as I swirled some white paint onto the blue sky, "With Doug, remember?"

"Oh yeah," Remy's sullen look disappeared and a smirk spread across his lips, "How'd that go? Did you get to show off that dragonfly?"

I rolled my eyes, "No. And it went great actually. We discussed things and mutually decided that we're just not romantically compatible. Which is a huge relief."

Remy knit his brow at me skeptically, "That's it? You discussed things?"

"Yes." I lied, because I definitely did not intend to tell Remy that Doug and I made out after sharing a double bed for the night. "We were very mature about it."

He snorted, "You?"

I ignored his comment and continued on, "Anyway, things have been completely 100% better. Like, not even remotely awkward anymore."

"That's good." He said with a shrug, "I guess. I mean, it seems like kind of a waste. You had ample opportunity to get some action."

I pressed my lips together and turned back to the mural, "We're not romantically compatible." I repeated.

He rolled his eyes and I could tell that the subject was quickly losing his interest. I suppose unless there are boobs involved, no subject really holds his interest for very long anyway. "What does that even mean?"

"It means that we..." I cleared my throat as I tried to think of the best way to explain what it meant, without outright telling him that we're awkward as hell, and didn't feel any fireworks. "We just don't think of one another that way."

He squinted at me for a moment before shaking his head, "I don't get it."

"Oh come on, surely you have met a member of the opposite sex with whom you do not connect with on a... physical level." I rolled my eyes and swirled some more paint onto my brush, "Like Felicia, without the sex."

"Well what would be the point of that?" He frowned.

I let out an irritated breath, "Like you and I."

He laughed abruptly, "As if you wouldn't jump at the chance to hop into bed with the master."

"Ugh, don't... call yourself that." I shook my head, "And no, for your information, I wouldn't. And also, I feel like I should be offended that you wouldn't want to get with this." I said, flicking the paintbrush towards myself.

The corner of his mouth tugged up and he turned his attention back to the painting on the wall, "I seem to recall the desire for some pity sex-"

"Oh shut up." I cut him off before he had the chance to drag that up again. Honestly, you consider going to a guy for pity sex, and write about it in your online diary *one time*, and he will never let it go.

He smiled to himself, and wisely let the topic drop, and the two of us worked in companionable silence. We've reached the point in our friendship where I no longer feel the need to try and fill the silence with idle chit chat, mostly because I've learned that Remy absolutely hates it when I try to fill silence with anything but more silence. I mean, he loves me and everything, but the guy has his limits. After ten minutes of this "silence", in which I inevitably ended up humming some random song rather than actually being silent, Alex came to a stop in the doorway off to our right and said,

"Hey Jem, how many times a day do plants need to be watered?"

I suppressed a sigh at his use of my much hated pet name and rolled my eyes over to him, "What?"

"You know, like plants." He clarified for me. "It's like, four, right?"

"I don't know." Four definitely didn't sound right. "Didn't Scott leave you instructions?"

Scott left instructions for how to not touch anything in the house while he was gone, I find it kind of hard to believe that he'd leave the fate of his houseplants in Alex's incapable hands without any sort of direction.

"No totally." He nodded, running a hand through his blonde hair as he pulled a folded piece of paper out from his back pocket, "It's just that, I might have accidentally spilled some soil on them." He cleared his throat as he unfolded the instructions, "And then some water..."

"It's definitely four." Remy said with a nod and a smirk, "Like people."

Alex crossed the room and held out the soiled piece of paper, "I can't make any of it out." He said before flipping it back to try and squint through the mess, "Flllll- flllam... frrrame... Wait is that a P? Prraaa... fffp..." He let out a sigh and ran a hand through his hair again, "Shit. Man! This was supposed to be my way of proving that I could totally be a responsible uncle, you know? Chicks love the bambinos, they're chick magnets, but Scott doesn't think I'm responsible enough to babysit so he's makin' me prove myself with some stupid house plant."

"I can't understand why Scott doesn't trust you to babysit ..." I commented wryly.

"One of the great mysteries of the twenty first century." Remy added.

"Well it's not like I killed the thing. I just knocked it over. Once."

"Kids are much more resilient." Remy nodded, "You can knock 'em down a few times before they start to show any damage."

Alex turned to glare at Remy, "Bite me." He snapped, lifting the paper up to his nose as he tried to sound out muddled sentences.

"A real man doesn't need a baby to attract women." Remy said with a smug grin, "Some of us just have a natural talent."

"Yeah, and some of us aren't willing to settle for butch chicks, like you, brah." Alex muttered under his breath, "Speaking of butch, Rogue took off. She said something about leaving a book back in her room or some shit. I don't know, her voice is too deep sometimes, I couldn't catch it all."

I glanced over at Remy, wondering momentarily if he was going to try and defend Rogue's honour, but he seemed pretty unaffected by Alex's jab. I mean, realistically, he's kind of right. She is pretty butch.

"Whatever, I'm gunna go ask Storm to bail me out with these plants" Alex said as he stuffed the useless instructions back into his pocket, "Mural's lookin' good, Jem. Those bears look bitchen."

Remy grinned silently and I called out after Alex, "What?! They're not bears!" I turned to glare at Remy, "They don't even remotely look like bears! Bears don't have pointy ears!"

They're both idiots.