A/N: FFnet is being buggy again and won't let me send PMs or answer reviews for whatever reason.

It's also making me run laps to add chapters again. Ah well.

So I will give a grand ol' THANK YOU to everyone here for their reviews until I can get back to responding individually.

SO THANK YOU!

Chapter 37

Leon sort of expected the facility to explode in a fiery mass of doom and brimstone when Reno escorted him back to his cell. He was feeling very targeted. Like his world couldn't get much worse and it would be just his luck to die in an explosion. He was also completely aware of how immature he was being, but he couldn't help himself. He really wanted to crawl under his bed and hide for a few days until he could glue his dignity back together. He would need some tweezers and a magnifying glass for the pieces.

He was relieved when he got back to his cell without conflict. He felt substantially better after a proper meal, clean clothes, and bathing. He flipped his mattress over and sat on it, wincing as his ass reminded him how he needed to be gentle for a few days. He sighed, trying his hardest to push the memory away but he failed miserably. Every vivid detail came rushing back and surged into a threat for a headache. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples, attempting to clear it all away. He eventually gave up and figured he should force himself to lie down and possibly sleep. It was obnoxiously early in the morning and the sleep he got in Reno's company was a cat nap at best.

He was beginning to think he wouldn't be able to just disregard what happened like he initially thought he could. He was starting to doubt his willpower, which worried him. He didn't like thinking that Cloud could break him. He was determined to not let it happen, but what his mind could handle and what his expectations for himself wanted were two completely different wavelengths. He had lost his control over just about everything and it tore him apart. He knew he needed to leave soon; before he lost everything he was barely hanging on to.

Cloud was pretty sure that there was a bus out there made for the express purpose of running him over. At least, when he woke up the next morning, that's what he felt like. He flopped out of his bed and went to the dresser where he had unpacked most of his things. He dug around in the drawers until he found his little square case where his spare Mako was kept. When he opened it, it was empty. He had forgotten to get a refill. He let out a grumbling sigh and plunked his forehead against the top of the dresser a few times, berating his ineptitude. He felt bad, but he wasn't withdrawal stricken just yet. He felt he had enough time to shower and head down to the infirmary to get some Mako.

"What do you mean 'no'?" the blonde asked angrily when he eventually made it down to the clinic. The nurse was firm on her claim and crossed her arms over her chest indignantly.

"Mr. Shinra's orders. I can't give you a refill. I'll give you some to keep the withdrawal at bay, but you're on observation still. We can't have you dying from your own stupidity before you fill your use. You have to report here every morning for your ration so we can keep an eye on you," she said grumpily. Cloud balked at her but didn't have the energy to argue with her. He just wanted his Mako so he could feel normal and go about his day.

He took his ration and was sent on his way. He headed back downstairs to Leon's cell and barged in like he had done several times before. The Carrier was in his bed, seemingly asleep, but Cloud wasn't convinced. He cleared his throat and waited for Leon to respond. He slammed the door shut and waited again. The brunette ignored him. What the blonde didn't realize was that Leon was trying to get his heart to stop racing. He hadn't anticipated the amount of anxiety he would feel when he had to face Cloud again, and was having a hard time coping.

"Hey," the blonde deadpanned, putting his foot on the bed and shaking it. Leon squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath.

"What?" he asked as evenly as he could. He didn't want to turn around and know if Cloud was high or not.

"Get up," the blonde ordered.

"Why?"

"Because I said so, that's why. Do I need a reason otherwise?"

"It'd be nice. I'm rather comfortable," Leon lied.

"Well are you going to talk today?"

"Hadn't planned on it."

"Then get up," Cloud said, leaning over Leon so he could grab the front of his shirt. He yanked the Carrier around to face him. Coming face to face was not something the brunette's head could wrap around and he immediately shoved the blonde away harshly. Cloud didn't have the strength or reflexes to stop him, and staggered back and bumped into the wall.

"Don't touch me," Leon spat, sitting up and scooting himself back into a corner. He briefly glanced up to the ceiling corner and saw that Reno was watching. He didn't have any bandages over the healing gash on his face and Cloud's eyes were fixed on it with a confused scowl, but he didn't say anything about it.

"Whatever. You understand that they're probably not going to do anything to you once you talk, right? They want to keep you around as a bargaining chip," Cloud said, sliding the rest of the way down to sit on the floor. His eyes were glowing a bit, but his body language was completely different than before, giving Leon the impression that he wasn't as on edge as he had been in the past. The realization didn't help with his rationality though; he was still shaken.

"I know," the Carrier said.

"So why don't you?"

"Because I don't have anything to say."

"You're such a liar," the blonde sighed, running his hand through his hair tiredly.

"It doesn't matter what I say to you. You'll still keep me here. What motivation do I have to give you anything?"

"Well depending on what you give, they could grant you a few luxuries."

"Like I need those. I've gone months without," Leon said spitefully. Cloud rolled his eyes.

"Look, don't take your vendetta against this country out on me. I'm just here because you called me. It's really hard for me to believe that you did it for no reason. Just tell me whatever it is you need to so we can move on and not have to see each other again."

"I have nothing to say."

"Seriously, don't make me smack you around. I'm really not feeling it," the blonde said, rubbing his eyes. Hearing that helped calm Leon's nerves some. He wasn't ready to drop his guard any time soon, but at least he didn't feel like his ass or life was at stake anymore. He took a deep breath and thought about his options. He figured he could try again from the beginning.

"I'll talk."

"Good th—"

"About you."

"What?"

"I'll talk about you," Leon said. Cloud furrowed his brows.

"Uh, okay? What about me?"

"Are you happy?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Just answer the question. You want me to talk, right?"

"Talk about something useful—"

"Just answer the question," Leon repeated. Cloud blinked and glared at the floor for a second.

"Yeah? I'm happy enough."

"Liar."

"The fuck? You ask me a question and I give you an answer just so you could tell me I'm wrong?"

"Not wrong. Just lying. Anyone that lives for the military like this isn't happy. Can you honestly think about all the things you've done and take enjoyment from it?"

"And what the fuck do you know about what I've done?" Cloud asked angrily.

"I know a lot about you; the things you've done, the people you've killed, the women you've raped."

"I didn't rape anyone. And so what if I've killed people? That's my purpose," the blonde said. Leon scowled. He had mixed feelings about Cloud's forgetfulness about the rape. Part of him wanted to see if his Charge felt bad about it, and the other part wanted to make him feel bad about it.

"You're okay with it? You're okay with all of the people you've killed?"

"I'm not exactly throwing confetti around for it all but it doesn't bother me. I don't wake up in the morning with a plan to go out eliminating people, but if it happens, then it happens. Why does it matter?"

"You don't see how awful this country is? You're running through you life blindly in accordance to what these monsters want you to do. You're encouraged to kill, and that's not only a waste of other's lives, it's a waste of your own. There are bigger things out there other than what this place has for you, Cloud."

"How do you know my na—"

"If you're really alright with all the things you've done, then that's fine. But I want you to understand the extent of your sins and what you've cost yourself before you lie to yourself anymore," Leon said. He was angry. Furious, in fact, though he doubted Cloud could see it. He didn't need to relive his own trauma, but he wanted the blonde to hurt. He wanted to make him upset, to bring him down to the level he had been reduced to. He looked to the camera bug in his ceiling. "Reno, I'd like you to bring me my computer."

"Who are you talking to?" Cloud asked confusedly, looking up at the ceiling as well. He scowled at the bug, but didn't know what to make of it.

"Just be quiet and wait," Leon said.

Reno drove the bug out of the room and out into the hall, to show that he had heard everything. He didn't know what his friend was up to but if Leon had a plan, he wasn't going to get in his way. He doubted showing Cloud the videos of himself was going to make much of a difference. In fact, he was pretty sure it would only make him angry. But at the very least, Reno felt he could wait around outside the cell and make sure things didn't get violent. He didn't like how stone-faced Leon was. He arrived outside the cell shortly after Leon requested him and shoved the closed computer through the slot where Leon's meals came in. It just barely fit.

Cloud was startled, but watched the brunette cautiously. Leon opened the laptop and quickly brought up the archive of recordings of Cloud's life. He considered making Cloud watch all of his sins in succession but he had to remember that they didn't affect his Charge as much as they did him, so they were useless. No, Cloud needed to see the impact he had had on his own life, so Leon brought up Aerith's murder and turned the machine around so the blonde could see. He started the feed and handed the computer off to him. Cloud took it curiously and was more concerned about inspecting the computer itself until he realized he was watching himself.

"Aerith… please. I need quiet."

"Well sorry for being upset."

Sobbing. A loud smack. A scream. Cloud visibly flinched and his expression fell, his face paling.

"Be quiet!"

More sobbing. A disturbance. A yell. Another slap. Frightened scrambling. Commotion at the door. Bloodshed. Cloud didn't seem to be all that upset over whoever he had stabbed through the door, and ran his fingers through his hair, his face thoughtful more than it was upset. He was more concerned that he had hit Aerith. Seeing her again was painful, but his focus wasn't on mourning as it was on what he was doing to her. He didn't fully understand what was happening. He didn't realize he was that vengeful but it made a lot of the pieces click into place for him. He now understood how a lot of the bodies turned up after he had spent a day obliterated out of his skull.

Silence. The squeak of a door. Another blood curdling scream. A rage filled growl. Stomping against floorboards followed by the 'whoosh' of a giant blade. Cloud gasped loudly and covered his mouth, his face as white as a sheet. Leon scooted off his bed and sat in front of him.

A cough. A wet plop. More stomping.

A loud commotion of soldiers rushing the house. Cloud's furious struggling. Fire. Children screaming. Leon took the computer off of the blonde's lap and muted it before closing it and sliding it back through the door. Reno took it quietly but stuck around outside. Cloud was frozen in his place, staring into space in disbelief. His mind was reeling through every conceivable scenario. It couldn't have been real, he refused to accept it, but he couldn't deny that things had changed drastically since he returned from Nibelheim. Barret had stopped visiting him, Jessi seemed standoffish, and Sephiroth had started to like him way too much. That, and the blonde had never seen a movie in his life and had no idea video editing even existed. The idea that what he had seen may have been fake never crossed his mind. Leon couldn't even say for certain if Plane 087 had any sort of silver screen entertainment. All he had ever seen was the news on poor quality televisions.

The brunette sat in front of his Charge quietly, watching his reaction turn from shock to distress, to outright breaking apart. The blonde blurted out a hysterical cough and his eyes turned panicky. His breathing sped up and he held his face in his hands, half of one hand gripping his hair tightly. He couldn't stop the tears from rolling out of his eyes, and even then, there wasn't any sobbing. Just incoherent huffs of noise between breaths; it didn't take long for it to start, though. He slowly curled in on himself, folding himself in half and covering his ears with his hands as the frenzied wailing broke out of his throat. His hands were shaking and he started to rock himself in his place.

Leon didn't feel any better. If fact, he felt worse. All he managed to do was traumatize a victim. He felt ignorant for thinking it would help. Selfish. Even if Cloud deserved to pay for what he had done to him, Leon didn't feel he had handled it the best way. If anything, he should've waited until he could think things over rationally. He let his emotions get the better of him. Rape or no rape, he couldn't excuse himself for losing control. He didn't know what to do. Cloud was shattered, and he couldn't even begin to understand how to put the pieces back together.

"Squall?" Reno called from the other side of the door, purposefully using Leon's pseudonym just in case. He sat down in front of the slot and peeked inside. Leon looked at him.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Did you need me for anything? Should I stick around?" the redhead asked. Leon looked at Cloud and shook his head.

"No. He's done hurting people, I think. I hope."

"Okay. I'll be watching if you need me."

"Okay," Leon said. Reno left quietly. The brunette let Cloud have a few minutes, but the hysterics didn't ease any. His anxiety spiked and he hesitated for a moment, but was able to force himself to put a hand on the blonde's back. Cloud immediately shot upright again smacked his hand away harshly. He quickly skittered backwards and away from the Carrier and huddled himself in the furthest corner, staring at Leon like a beaten puppy.

"What d-do y-you want f-from me?" he stammered shakily, his voice hoarse. The puffy eyes, the wet face, the sniffling runny nose, and his defeated posture made him look childlike, stripping him down to a scared ten year old. The guilt was immense. Leon couldn't think of anything to say. Cloud pulled the bottom of his shirt up and wiped his face and nose with it. He laid his face on his knees afterward, staring ahead of himself, thinking. The huffing and puffing didn't end there and he spent the next fifteen minutes falling apart and trying to pull himself together again and again and again while Leon watched, his face void of emotion. Once it was quiet enough to speak over him again, the Carrier sighed and scooted closer to him, but not close enough for Cloud to reach him easily.

"Are you still okay with all the things you've done?" he asked flatly, trying to remain as neutral as possible even though his first instinct was to stuff Cloud in the safe and secure box he had wanted to keep him in since day one; even if it meant saving his Charge from himself. He doubted Cloud would forget this meeting or what he had done to Aeirth. He was too rational, too human, and not angry enough to be able to forget.

"What does it m-matter? Why do you care?" the blonde muttered.

"Because I need to know that you care so I can help you change it. I can't help you if you're alright with the way things are."

"Help me?" Cloud parroted, his voice sounding more normal. He picked his face up and looked Leon in the eye with an angry glare. "She was already d-dead, and I already hated it. How is making me realize it's my fault helpful? Couldn't you have just let me have my ignorance and m-move on?"

"You wouldn't have understood had it been anyone else. If you really want to, I can show you the other people you've killed."

"Fuck you. I haven't done anything to you, hell, I don't even f-fucking know you, and you call me over here like some sort of creep, for what? To 'help?' Help me do what? Help me want to k-kill myself? Help me never be happy again? Because you're really good at your job if that's what you're here f-for. You win. We're done. I don't want to see you again."

"I can change it so you don't have to do this anymore. I can take you away from here. From Midgar, the military, and the mistreatment. I don't blame you for what you've done. I blame them. They took a good person and turned him into a monster. Just like they did his father."

"H-how do you know all this shit?" Cloud asked, mouth agape. "If this is some weird new thing Balamb has come up with to rip us apart f-from the inside, you all are scarier than any of the bastards here."

"This has nothing to do with Balamb. It's just me."

"And I'm the lucky fuck that you picked to beat to death?"

"Yes."

"Fuck you. I don't care if they drag me out into the desert, I'm not coming back down here," Cloud spat and pushed himself up to stand. He made to walk around Leon and leave but the Carrier grabbed his wrist and kept him in place. Cloud pulled on his arm. "Let go."

"Just listen to me for a second," Leon said.

"I've already listened enough," the blonde defended and yanked his arm again. He wasn't in any condition to get away and the brunette pulled back much harder. Cloud ended up half falling over him, landing on the floor with a grunt. Leon fixed him with a serious gaze.

"I'm much stronger than you. Just sit the fuck down and listen," he said. Cloud pulled his hand back, and Leon let him have it. The Carrier scooted over to the door and sat against it, barring the exit. The blonde sat himself up against the opposite wall, angrily glaring daggers at the other. "I need your help."

"Fuck off. No way," the blonde immediately spat.

"We can help each other. You need something positive in your life, and I can give you that."

"Something positive. It sounds disgusting coming from you."

"Can you really sit there and tell me you'd rather stay here and murder more people when you have an opportunity to do something else that will make you smile? I really don't want to believe you're that awful of a person."

"I'm not a murderer," Cloud lied.

"Oh you're not? Systematic killing is different? Because you haven't done any of that, either. Killing in the battlefield is just as deplorable to me and you haven't even been out there properly. As far as I'm aware, all the people you've 'eliminated' were innocents and on your side."

"Shut up."

"Aerith wasn't innocent?"

"Shut up!"

"She deserved it?"

"Stop!" the blonde yelled, covering his ears and pulling his knees to his chest. His biggest desire in that moment was to forget. He begged the meager amount of Mako in his system to take charge and force him to think of nothing. He couldn't.

"What do you have left here that is worth hanging on to? That is worth the countless other lives you'll probably take if you stay where you are? Are you okay with having that blood on your hands?" Leon asked. Cloud hugged his legs and looked away.

"…Yes," he said hesitantly.

"Liar."

"Am not."

"Don't fucking kid yourself, Cloud. I know it's nearly impossible to see, but I'm not here to make your life a living hell. I don't want to hurt you despite all the damage you've done. I just want you to wake up. I want you to help me so I can help you. If you really don't believe my intentions then you can talk to a guy named Reno and his friend Rude. They're both in the same boat as us. They're upstairs down the hall from Rufus Shinra's living quarters."

"Why the hell should I believe them when I don't even believe you?" Cloud asked. Leon shrugged.

"I can't force you to do or believe anything. But everything that's happened between us so far is not my fault. I may have called you here, but I never made you kill anyone, hurt anyone, …rape anyone. All I did was make you face yourself. It's time to stop being delusional. You know full well that you'll continue on the path you've already made for yourself if you stay here. There's no one left to hate you but yourself. If you come with me, and help me, I can give you something worthwhile to live for."

"I don't believe you."

"Fine. But you agree with me?"

"Fuck off. This is a trap. You're going to use me to get out here and then kill me when we're in the clear."

"You said it yourself that you already want to kill yourself. What's the difference if I do it or you do? At least if I do it, you won't die a coward."

Cloud hesitated, glaring at him for a moment. "…I'm not a coward."

"I know. But if you kill yourself, that's what people will see you as," Leon said, folding his hands on his stomach. "What's keeping you from believing me?"

"Other than the fact that you're a complete dick and I don't like you?"

"Yeah. Other than that."

"You're with the enemy. You can't be trusted."

"I'm not from any country that exists here. No one here has my allegiance. I'm actually just taking advantage of Balamb."

"Liar. That doesn't even make any sense," Cloud grumped. Leon shrugged.

"You're welcome to think I am. Call me whatever you like, just do yourself a favor and don't lie to yourself. I know as well as you do that you never wanted any of this."

"You don't know shit about me."

"I know a lot about you."

"What's my favorite color?" Cloud asked. Leon pursed his lips.

"…Pick something else," he said. The blonde rolled his eyes with an unimpressed sigh.

"When's my birthday?"

"August 19th," Leon said automatically. The blonde's eyes narrowed on him suspiciously.

"What's my mother's name?"

"Which one? Your biological mother? Because you don't even know that. I know Nana's name was Natalie, though."

"…Fucking stalker."

"Possibly."

"What color were my eyes before I joined the military?"

"Hazel."

"You're fucked in the head. That's nasty."

"If knowing random bits of trivia is enough you make you think I'm nasty, I can only imagine how you feel about yourself after all the shit you've pulled."

"Fuck off. Damn, give it a rest. You said you didn't blame me."

"I don't. I was talking about how you felt about you," Leon said. Cloud glared at the Carrier's placid face, crossing his arms over his chest. They stared at one another for several minutes. The blonde's patience ran out quickly.

"Are you going to let me leave? I don't have anything else to say to you."

"Alright," Leon said flatly and ambled up onto his bed so the door could open. Cloud kept skeptical eyes on him as he left, waiting for the Carrier to attack him or try to keep him there again. He was surprised when Leon didn't and allowed himself to be locked in the cell again.

Reno was by himself. Rude went out with Tseng and Elena for a few drinks and wouldn't be back until late. It took almost two hours to get from the facility to Deling City so the travel time was only half the wait. His job back home was to make sure he was available for Rufus if he needed anything. So far, he had just been helping his boss get himself ready for bed. Rufus' team of nurses were busy rushing about getting him cleaned up and dressed, so Reno was left to do the legwork and fetch things for them. All in all, it was a quiet evening; no different than the ones before it.

"Reno," Rufus called from his bed when things were just about finished. The redhead raised a brow and went to sit next to him. "I'm losing my patience with you," the man said.

"What did I do?"

"This prisoner is useless. You're lying to me."

"You're sure he is? Cloud hasn't come to report anything?" Reno asked as innocently as he could. His heart sped up with the sudden nervousness.

"No. He hasn't."

"Well ask him first. He's sort of stupid. He might have just blown it off."

"I intend to. I just wanted to make it clear that I'm at the end of my rope with this. If Cloud doesn't have something for me tomorrow, I only have one other option before I cut him loose."

"What option is that?"

"Bring in someone who can make use of the prisoner. If that fails, well, I hope for your sake it doesn't."

"…I understand."

"You're excused," Rufus said. Reno nodded and took his leave quietly, his heart thudding in his ears. He wished he understood what his boss had meant by 'make use of' but he was sure it was nothing good. He sighed heavily and racked his brain for answers or a plan. He didn't think of anything right away and headed towards his apartment. There was someone there already, leaning against the door. It was Cloud.

"What are you doing here?" the redhead asked angrily. Cloud glanced over his shoulder, his expression a mixture of tense bleakness and confusion.

"Squall said I should talk to you," he said. Reno raised a brow and stepped around him, digging in his pocket for his keys. He unlocked the door and let it swing open, gesturing for the blonde to go in. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do, but he figured he was supposed to help convince Cloud to act in Leon's favor.

"What did you need to know?" Reno asked. Cloud helped himself to the couch and sat with his elbows on his knees and his fingers laced together in front of his chin. He stared thoughtfully at the coffee table. The redhead was surprised and thankful the blonde was so calm.

"He said he can help me. I wasn't aware I needed help until I met him but… I guess I do. He said that if I don't believe him, I should talk to you and your friend because you're in the same situation as we are."

"We have the same goals, yes. The situation we have versus you two's is way different, but that's beside the point."

"I don't understand what he wants me to do."

"What did he say?"

"He wants me to help him. With what?"

"I'm not sure I should be the one to tell you that, but I can guarantee you it's nothing bad. In fact, it's very very good. Rude agreed to help me, and I'm a million times thankful for it. We just haven't gotten a chance to get away and get started. What is the problem you're having with him?" Reno asked, taking a seat on the couch across from him.

"I hate him. He's done nothing but beat me over the head with what I've done but then has the nerve to ask for my help. I don't like him, I don't trust him, I hate him for what's shown me, I hate him for stalking me… and I hate myself for knowing he's right. I just… I don't know. I'm so fried," Cloud sighed, rubbing the heels of his hands in his eyes.

"I'm not going to lie to you. He and I are friends. We have the same intentions, the same goals, and we come from the same place. I probably know him better than he knows himself and I can say with the utmost certainty that he would never do anything to hurt you."

"He's already hurt me."

"No, you hurt yourself. He's just overly honest."

"It still hurts."

"And that's the way life works. I'm sorry you're upset, but you can't blame him for wanting to show you everything you missed. He's abrasive and an ass, but he's not malicious. He wants to help you get away from here and to do that, you have to be willing to help him as well."

"I still don't believe either of you."

"Well, it's not surprising. It's a weird place to be in, but if you think he's right, why not just give him the benefit of the doubt?"

"Because he's tricking me."

"Then why would he send you to me?"

"Because you're a co-conspirator."

"Then why are you here?" Reno asked. Cloud didn't have an answer for him and averted his eyes to the floor. "You know he's right. You need help. He's offering it to you, so why not take it? You don't have to like him to use him. The worst that happens is he helps you, and then you drop him and go on your merry way. He's not going to force you, and he's not going to hurt you. I can guarantee it."

"Some friend you are. Encouraging me to use your friend and drop him like a used up whore. That's low."

Reno shrugged. "I can pick up the pieces afterwards. I just need him to get out of here, and he needs you to do that. If you still don't think he has anything for you once you get far enough away from Midgar, then you're free to do what you please. But at least you'll be out of here and won't have to bend to the military's will, yeah? That's a positive. You can start over."

"I need to think about it," Cloud said. Reno smiled a bit on the inside. Leon was under the blonde's skin, and all he needed was a nudge in the right direction. He was fairly confident that if Cloud helped Leon escape and they were alone together for a day or two, the blonde would understand that his friend wasn't out to kill him and that his intentions were genuine. Whether or not that would breed a healthy or positive relationship in the end was still up in the air, but at the very least Cloud would follow. Reno just hoped neither of them fucked it up with their big mouths.

''Think all you want. Though I should probably tell you that Mr. Shinra is pretty much done with this whole arrangement we have going. If you don't get anything from Leon by tomorrow, which you won't, he's going to bring someone else in to do your job."

"Good, I don't want to do this anymore."

"But I don't know who this someone else is. If Leon gets hurt by them or something, it may ruin your chances of getting away."

"If it happens, it happens. I'm not going to try for it, but I'm not going to cry if I just have to go back to normal," Cloud said gruffly, sitting back and crossing his arms over his chest. Reno frowned.

"Whatever floats your boat, kid."

"Anyway. Where is this Rude guy I'm supposed to know?"

"He's out. You're welcome to come back when he's here. Probably tomorrow. You'd have more in common with him than you have with me."

"I will," Cloud agreed and stood. Reno didn't make an effort to walk him out and the blonde didn't make an effort to say goodbye. He simply left. The redhead let out a sigh and slouched in his seat. He waited until he was sure the blonde had headed away before going to Leon's computer and making a camera bug follow after him.

Cloud trudged down to his room slowly, watching the floor. His face was a mixture of grief and indecision. He was trying his hardest to focus on the situation with Leon but his crushing guilt was bubbling up now that he was by himself. Once back to his room, he closed the door gently and leaned against it, sliding down until he was sitting on the floor. He stuck his hand in his pocket and retrieved Aerith's picture. Tears were quick to spring to his eyes. He kept a straight face as they dripped down his cheeks. Reno couldn't figure out what Cloud was thinking, He knew what Leon had told the blonde and he had expected more hysterics. There was nothing but a quiet loathing.

The blonde didn't want Leon's help. He didn't want it since the beginning, but he wanted it even less now that he knew what he had caused. He felt he didn't deserve it. It was much easier to give in and go back to floating through life blissfully unaware of what day it was or what he was responsible for. The only problem was he knew things were different. He wouldn't be able to go through the motions like he had done before. He wouldn't forget. He couldn't forget. It was impossible. The images were seared into his mind and were never going to go away.

If he was to go back to the way things were before, where he was out of control, he didn't know what he'd do to himself. His rational thinking would fly out the window and all that would be left behind was his dead spirit and his regret. He doubted he would have the mind to stop from killing himself. He agreed with Leon that suicide was a coward's way to die, if only in reference to himself. Despite how he felt at that moment, he didn't want to be a coward. If he was to die, then he would accept it, but he couldn't see his rational self going out of his way to get it done. He sighed, wiping his face.

He flicked Aerith's picture to the side and let it flutter to the floor. He stared up at his ceiling, searching for answers that weren't there. He felt like he was walking through a void of white noise, lost, and without a guide. He had nothing. No home. No family. Nothing to look forward to. He didn't have the desire to make anything of himself and just wanted to crawl into a cave and never come out. He considered letting Leon do it all for him, since he was apparently so eager to start something. Whatever that something was had to have been better than what he had now, even if he was led to his death.