Disclaimer: Victorious, and most particularly the actors, are not owned by me, because slavery is illegal. At least until I can kidnap them to Mars.

Cat's lips taste like strawberries, soft and sweet, and I run my tongue over them, dip it into her mouth, lap at her like she's cold ice cream on a hot day, but it's the wrong way around. I'm cold and she's warm, so warm, burning my palms where they're pressed to her skin, slid under her shirt. I'm kissing her like she's the only thing that's keeping me alive, like she's oxygen and I've been holding my breath for too long, and I'm gulping her in, and she's diffusing in my veins, in every cell.

I'm kissing her harder and harder, a moan rolling out of my mouth, muffled by our crushed lips, my hand tightening roughly on Cat's waist, on her breast, nails digging into the soft, hot flesh, marring the tanned skin with little furrows. And Cat's pushing me away, gasping for air. I'm not oxygen for her, she doesn't need me to breathe. I'm stopping her from breathing, from living, and it's not fair. She should need me; I need her. "What's wrong? What's the matter?" My voice is rough, ragged, impatient. The taste of strawberries is fading.

Cat's chocolate eyes are wide, scared, her lips flushed and trembling. "You're hurting me."

I look down at my hands, confused, and they're flexed into her flesh, knuckles strained white, clawing into her like I'm digging for something, like I want to see her bones. I'm not letting her go. "I can't let go."

"Jade, you're a monster."

My eyes narrow, Cat's voice soft, so quiet I didn't even see her lips move, didn't even hear the words cut through the air. Just there, in my head, buzzing around, crawling into my honeycomb of a brain. "I can't let you go. I love you." I'm trying to make her understand. I can't. I can't do it, and my voice is deep, more of a growl, teeth grinding together, fingers digging in tighter, flesh yielding under my sharp nails. I kiss her again, Cat squirming against me, gasping, writhing, my teeth pinning her lower lip, stopping her short, the taste of strawberries flooding my mouth in a hot spurt, Cat's sob ringing in my ears.

"Why are you lying? Why did you have to lie?"

I wake up with a grunt, fingers twisting in Beck's sheets, nails hurting from where they're dug in. I'm almost rolled off his bed, face pressed into a navy blue pillow, hair in twisted strands over my face. I sniff, pressing a lock to my nose. Strawberries. Of course. I sit up groggily, muscles aching from the uncomfortable position I curled myself into while I slept. It was just a dream. Of course it was. Cat's gone.

"Hey sleepyhead." I look up, automatically glaring. It's too bright, even in here. Beck grins easily at me, light touching the planes of his face, his cheek, turning his skin pale wherever it strokes. It makes him look so clean cut, so pure. It makes him look cold. It used to make Cat glow, like the light was shining from inside her, like she was the morning, and the sun outside was just imitating her out of spite, out of jealousy. She blinded me, she blinded me for so long it took me forever just to see her, but once I did, I couldn't look away.

Watching Beauty and the Beast last night... my eyes were glued to the television, to the flickering, animated images, but it wasn't the movie I was seeing. I was seeing all the time I spent with Cat, all the times I kissed her, all the times I held her, all the times my heart twisted when tears rolled down her face, carving salty paths and dripping off her chin, and I wanted to catch them, to give them back to her and say "Stop, please stop, I'm here.".

I didn't make it to the end. I never saw Belle return to Beast, I never saw the happy ending.

"How'd you sleep?" He sits beside me gracefully, his lanky form folding up, knee touching mine. I glance down at it, pulling away a little, hand rubbing my eyes.

"Not well." I rub my fingertips together, fingers smudged with black from my eyeliner, ridges of my fingerprints coloured in, like I'm some criminal waiting to get booked. I glance back up at Beck. "Bad dreams."

He puts a hand to my face, strong delicate fingers brushing my cheek, thumb swiping under my eye. "If you wanna clean up, you can go in the house. My parents won't mind."

I stand, shaking my head. This... it was a bad idea to stay here. It's too comfortable, too easy to fall back into what I was with Beck. "I'm gonna head home."

Beck runs a hand through his glossy black hair, eyebrows hovering over his dark eyes. "Are you going to school today?"

I match his move, fingers tugging through the knots in my long hair, a sigh escaping me. "Yeah... I... I am." There's a chance, a slight, slight chance, Cat might be there, and if she is, I can get her alone. I don't care if I have to drag her off into a locked room, I'm going to talk to her. I'm going to fix this, even if I have to break her more to do it. Even if I have to reopen the wound I've caused, that she's trying to lick clean and heal. I need to keep my wound open.

Beck stands, muscles greased like oil, the motion smooth, arms sliding around me, pulling me to him, my face pressed against his chest, the peppery smell of his cologne tickling my nose, and... it's nice. And it's too tempting to stay here, to stay with Beck and not have to be alone. To have someone on my side, to have someone to lean on. But I don't want my lean to turn into a grasp, to pull him down with me, to give into despair, and to settle for safety, not love. I don't want that anymore. "Hey, everything's gonna be okay."

His voice rumbles into my ear, soft and comforting, the sharpness of his jaw pressed against my hair, and I untwist my fingers from the material of his black shirt, step back from his warm embrace, skin cooling, the smell of cotton and cologne, the smell of Beck exhaling from my lungs. "I've gotta go." I say it as a statement, wanting him to understand. I don't want to go, and that's the problem. I need to, simply because I want to stay. I want to live in nostalgia, skip school with him, go get coffee and talk about safe things, about bands, about movies. I want him to hold me and make me feel like I'm better. Like I'm special, like I'm perfect. But I'm not, and I don't wanna feel that way.

He nods, straightening. "I'll see you at school." His dark eyes scan over me, so much darker than Cat's, so much harder to read. He rubs his chin, and I know it's because his skin itches after he shaves, and he does it without even realising. And it causes a pang in me. There's so much I know about Beck, so much time I put into knowing him, into knowing everything about him, because I loved him, and I didn't think that would change. I didn't want to let it change. I know him so well, but what he did, how he acted... I didn't know that guy. That wasn't Beck, that was something I created. That's how much damage lies can do. I thought I was protecting everyone, protecting myself, but it only protects for as long as it stays buried. When it surfaces, it causes so much more damage. It was nothing but a time bomb I refused to defuse. I always put it off, someday, later, when we're stronger, when things change, just not now, not now.

I slip out of Beck's trailer, chilly air hitting me, light cold and bright, the sound of birds chirping, trilling through the silence. I wonder if they sing for the same reason I do; to escape, to - just for a moment - soar. But then they don't need to escape, they don't need to soar through song. They have wings, and I have so many ties binding me to the ground.

I know I must look terrible, with my raccoon eyes, tousled hair, faded shirt and too tight jeans that feel like they've sliced a permanent line into my waist... anyone who saw me would think that Beck and I...

Fuck. I'm only just realising how much of a bad idea this was. What's Cat gonna think, what's Tori gonna think if they find out I spent the night at Beck's? Neither one of them is gonna believe me, that all I did was watch a movie with him, as friends... why would they? It was my plan all along, wasn't it? To get Beck back? I broke both their hearts, there's no one I haven't damaged with this fucking plot. I keep trying to fix things, to be better, and it's just making everything worse. Who I was is finally catching up to me, and maybe I deserve it. Maybe things shouldn't be easy for me, maybe I should have to fight for this, fight for happiness. I haven't earned it, I lied and cheated my way into it. But maybe I can still make things right, maybe I can win this, can deserve my happiness. I have to at least try.

I climb into my car, dew beading over the metal skin, windows fogged around the edges. The leather seat is cold, chilling my skin through the worn material of my shirt, and I shiver. I just... I feel cold all the time. I bitter smile tugs at the corner of my lips. Of course, Cat was the sun, and now she's set. She's nowhere to be found, and it's dark, and cold caresses me like clammy hands, begging me to stay, to give in, to stay in the night, in the embrace of darkness. But I remember how it felt when she shone, when she was my sun. I remember how she warmed my skin, how her hands and her lips lit fires in me. They're the stars in this night sky; these memories. But they're so distant, so far away, and there aren't nearly enough to light my way. They're a pale imitation of her.

The engine turns over as I twist the key, catching with a soft rumble, loud in the quiet of the morning, birds cutting off abruptly, startled into silence. It's so easy to ruin something, to affect something. It's too easy.

I throw the car into reverse, engine growling quietly as I accelerate onto the empty roads, and I switch the radio on to drown it out, to put some music back into these sharp, harsh sounds that vibrate through my car, the sound of burning, of churning. It's a soft song, a slow one, the picking of guitar strings backed with piano, a man's voice weaving through the melody. I don't know it, it's not my kind of song, but it's easy to relax into, to listen without hearing the words. And that's a good thing this morning, since nearly every song is about love; losing it, finding it, casting it away and trying to get it back. And this doesn't sound like a happy song.

I glance in the rearview mirror, catching sight of my eyes, rimmed with smeared black. It's like the night inside me is seeping out, that I've become so full it's bleeding, staining my skin. I need Cat to rise again, I need her to warm me, to fill me, to make me clean. I can't stay in this darkness, not when I know how good it feels to stand in the sun. Not when I know what real happiness feels like.

A/N: Please to review.

A lot more was supposed to happen in this chapter, but then I drank some juice and time slowed down there for a bit. It was in a juicebox :3

The juice, not time, that is.

So... it got all fancy and pretty and if this chapter had a pinky, it'd be shrouded in lace and waving delicately. But I do hope you enjoyed it anyway ^_^