Regina

She and Henry were beginning to have a very hard time.

No, they had been having a hard time for a while now.

Once Henry had gotten over his righteous protection of Regina, his pleasure at having gotten away from his childhood home had begun to wane.

"Isn't there anywhere else we can go?" Henry groaned and flopped back down on the bed that has been designated his own. "I'm so sick of Granny's."

In truth, so was Regina. She was sick of eating out all of the time. She wanted a good, clean, healthy home cooked meal. She missed vegetables that weren't boiled and multigrain. She wondered yet again if she should be looking for other accommodations for herself and her son. Perhaps with Emma's help - or the twins - she could build them something like she had built for Mal. Her mind swirled and her breath grew instantly tight in panic as it always did when she thought of making their living conditions more permanent. "I suppose we could go into the city and go to a new restaurant."

Henry didn't seem any more excited about that idea either. "It's whatever," he growled moodily, sounding so much like Emma. "Can Luke come over later?"

Regina frowned. She was fine now - well, as fine as she ever was - but she was on her way to see Virginia and Ivy. She knew she would be exhausted by that evening, emotionally drained and buried under the pressure that had been released. They had begun to lessen her barrier bit by bit each visit, easing her into the feeling. She didn't think she could handle two rowdy boys shouting over violent video games that she didn't approve of in the first place. "I'm sorry, sweetie but I don't think so."

"Why?" He demanded.

"Because we are living in one room and-"

"But I'm freakin' bored! God, I'm always bored! This summer sucks!" His legs jerked in a childish tantrum.

"Why don't you see if you can go over to his house?"

"Because." He groaned. "His weird sister likes to talk about how much she likes my hair. It's creepy."

Regina swallowed a laugh. She didn't have the heart to tell him that she was fairly sure Luke's little sister was experiencing her first crush. "Well, I'm sorry, sweetie but not today. There just isn't enough space."

Henry sat up, his face growing serious. "Okay. Mom."

Regina sighed, readying herself. "Yes, Henry?"

She already knew what he was going to say because he said it all the time. This fight had become an almost daily occurrence.

He was going to be disappointed again.

"How long are we going to stay here? This is a motel, Mom." He said it in such a slow patronizing tone that Regina felt herself flare into annoyance instantly. "People aren't meant to move in. Why don't we look for an apartment? Or even better. Why don't we go home?"

"As I tell you every single time we discuss this, you already know why, Henry."

"No! No, I don't! You won't tell me! No one will tell me! All I know is that for some reason you guys split up! That's not telling me anything!"

"We are not split up."

"Mom." He spoke as though Regina was the biggest idiot on the planet. "Whether you're willing to tell me why or not, you're split up. You're not speaking. You're not living together. Split. Up."

"Henry." Regina said taking care of her patience and ignoring the majority of his very painful words. "As I tell you every day, if no one is telling you why we are in this... situation, then it's because there is a reason why you do not need to know."

This was getting increasingly harder. Henry was tired of living at Granny's. She knew he missed his things and his room. She even knew that though he would not admit it, he missed his mother and siblings. He wanted life to go back to the way it was.

So did Regina, but she couldn't make that happen. She had no idea how.

"But that's not fair, Mom! You guys act like I'm not involved!"

Regina took a very deep breath and turned toward her son. "I'm going to Virginia and Ivy's in a few minutes. Would you like to come? Perhaps we can have dinner there. If I phone them now then Ivy might even make the pot roast that you love so much."

An almost smile flicked onto his lips. Shitty teenager or not, she knew he loved the twin crones.

"Is that a yes?"

The smile dropped before it could fully form. "No! I want to know why we can't go home! People don't just break up! Are you getting a divorce?"

She sat beside him and pat his knee. "Sweetheart, I'm sorry you're struggling."

He threw himself back onto the bed and let out a moan. "I don't get it! This is such crap!"

She reached over to pat him again and he yanked away, standing and savagely kicking the wall.

"I deserve to know! This is my life!"

"Henry! Knock it off."

"NO! Tell me! I hate this! I hate it here! I want to go home!"

"Then go home! No one is making you stay here, Henry. If you're unhappy then please go home. You belong at home."

"SO DO YOU! And no! I won't! Not until you come home too."

Regina snapped a little bit, those raw nerves bleeding again. "Well Henry, I can't go home! You, however, can and frankly should!"

He glared and then flopped back on the bed again. "This isn't fair, Mom!"

Alarm ripped through Regina as she realized her son was whimpering.

"Why won't anyone tell me?"

"Henry. Come here, don't cry."

"I'm not crying!" he yelled, his voice cracking with his sluggish tears.

Regina studied her hands, trying to wipe away the hurt.

She should tell him. He deserved to know and the only reason why she wasn't telling him was because right now he was the only person fully in her corner. She didn't think she could bear the look in his eyes after he knew the truth.

As selfish as that was.

Not wanting to push him, she stood and walked around to the dresser they were sharing, putting on her earrings. "Come on, Henry, let's go."

The crones opened the door with such severe looks on their faces that both Regina and Henry took a step back off of the front mat, unsure of which one it was that was in trouble.

"Leaving home." Ivy finally chided. "Do you know how much heartache your mother has had over this?"

Henry's guilty face shifted, looking uncomfortable. "She has?"

"Yes. But you knew she would, didn't you? That's why you did it and that is why you're not answering her calls."

"You're not answering her calls?" Regina barked. She hadn't thought to ask but now that it was brought up it she thought she could have guessed.

"Err-" Henry's face screwed up, looking like the little boy he once was.

"For shame, boy." Virginia shook her head and then caught him in a tight hug. "Part of growing up, Henry, is meeting situations that perhaps are not your favorite or ideal but handling them with grace and kindness anyway."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning she should kick your butt from here to China, young man." Ivy grumbled and hugged him too and pulling him inside.

"And you!" Virginia turned on Regina making her jump. She hadn't even gotten in the door yet! "Don't think that the reasons you're not telling him are valid. How are you supposed to move forward if you refuse to take the next step?"

Regina had nothing to say.

"Hmmm. Like mother, like son. Neither of you thinking of anyone but yourselves."

Chastened, both mother and son sat down at the kitchen table as though it were the time-out chair.

But the women had gotten it out of their systems, it seemed, and soon they were all chatting about the summer, updating one another on what was happening in their lives and laughing.

"Oh, it feels so nice to cook for someone again. Ivy, we need to invite guests over for dinner more often."

Ivy gave a noncommittal grunt, always the more somber of the two.

Regina and Henry's bellies were full, distended and the soporific scents throughout the house were making their minds go fuzzy. It was nice, a short reprieve from the stress they were living in.

"It was very nice to have something home cooked. Thank you, Virginia."

Virginia nodded, her smile warm.

"Regina." Ivy let out a long, deep sigh and set her plate to the side.

Regina frowned, knowing the break was over. "I need my book. Can you get it for me?"

One eye popped open and she was not fooled at all by Ivy's general look of laziness. Were they really going to do this in front of Henry? Her eyes shot open, bouncing between Ivy and her son. Panic rose again and she was instantly caught.

"You brought him for a reason," Virginia said in a light tone.

Henry was looking between them, his eyebrows pulled together.

"I-"

"My book please, dear. On the living room table."

"I'll ge-" Henry started to get up, but the crones stopped him with small, warm smiles.

"Let your mother do it, sweetheart."

Flushing and already knowing she would fail, Regina tentatively let a very small amount of energy build, probing toward the living room and trying to call the book to her. The first try rendered nothing.

"A little more." Ivy nodded at the table.

"Wha-" Henry started and again was shushed.

Fearfully, she gathered a little more.

They heard something heavy smack in the living room, almost as if a book had been picked up and dropped.

Flushing deeper, she tried again. She felt the sudden surge of gathering strength behind her eyes and in her stomach and panicked, afraid of building too much, of losing control. There was a loud crash as though the book shot across the room in the opposite direction of where it was supposed to go.

Henry stared around him, waiting to hear the punchline of a joke.

Humiliated, her hands beginning to shake, Regina reached again, grabbing the proper amount of energy quickly and efficiently so this could be over.

The book appeared a foot above the center of the table and dropped with an indignant crash.

"Thank you, dear."

"Wha-" Henry began again.

"Come with me, Regina," Ivy said while Virginia patted Henry's knee.

"Only one bowl of ice cream, Virginia," Regina said, feeling sick with embarrassment.

She spent hour with Ivy working on remastering her Craft, listening to the lectures about allowing herself to be as well as forgiving herself. She was getting better, but thus far, the only thing she could do steadily was get herself to their house and back.

It wasn't that she didn't want to use it... she was just terrified and absolutely sick with herself.

When her mind felt as though it would crumble, Virginia entered the living room and the three of them moved to the Working room.

"What is Henry doing?" Regina asked, settling herself on the table.

"I gave him a book to look through and a second bowl of ice cream."

Well. She hadn't expected there to be less than two bowls.

Lying down, Regina took a deep breath and tried to allow the room to enter her as she had been taught. She could feel the stones around her and the soft evening light coming through the window. She tried to reach for serenity as she felt the two sets of hands tenderly begin to caress her back, their soft hum buzzing in her mind.

As always she felt herself begin to drift and the river to flow.

Why had she brought Henry?

That hadn't been appropriate, not at all. He was too young. He couldn't understand.

God, she didn't want him to see.

She didn't want him to know this side of her.

She didn't want him to know that she was dangerous.

Because she was dangerous.

As if in proof the image of Mal under her palm, her face turning purple under her choking grip popped into her mind.

"Now. Are you going to give me what I need?"

She could have killed her that day that she had pressed her against the wall.

She remembered, could feel how good it had felt when she had sat in her lap and closed her fingers around her throat, when she had slapped her, drawing blood. She had wanted to do it again and again. She had wanted to sink her teeth in and -

Oh god, she was a fucking monster.

Suddenly her forehead splintered with pain, ghosting the moment when her head had been slammed into the stone wall. It burned and throbbed, as her center, as her anus split open. Her fingernails cracked as she scratched at the stone in front of her, her forehead hitting it again and again as the pain in her apex doubled, tripled as Mal drove into her.

She could smell blood. She could feel it flowing down her face.

And yet, she had felt nothing at the time.

How had she felt nothing? She was being ripped in half! Whatever Mal was using on her - in her - it was tearing her apart. Yet, she had only wanted more.

"God, I forgot what a freak you are! - I just took you in pretty much every hole you have. I bet if I wanted to fuck your ear you would let me."

Those were not compliments!

She had no idea what was in her, what was happening to her. That wasn't -

Then as the pain slowly began to subside she remembered more. Reaching over and hitting Mal so hard that her lip had spurted blood across her cheek.

Had she even noticed in that moment? She didn't think so.

God, and she had done all of that! That had been her!

She hadn't even been that far gone! Words had already begun to make sense again!

God!

No, no, she didn't want to think about it anymore! She didn't want to be it!

She could hear the women crooning to her, whispering to let it out and as she wailed she felt it slowly draining from her. Her lungs ached. Over the sound of her own screaming, she could hear sobbing somewhere near her as Virginia felt everything going through Regina.

She had been horrible.

She was horrible.

To want to hurt, to damage -

She was ugly and dirty and disgusting. And-

Her heart gave an extra hard thump and Regina gasped, feeling it begin to grow, to warm, replacing and overpowering the misery.

She had felt this before - but where?

Ever so slowly she felt herself open, warmth and light filling her as she felt her heart connect.

She was whispering Emma's name. She could feel her naked skin warm against her love's. She could feel, she could see the energy, soft golden rivers and highways connecting her chest, her heart to the one below hers. It was beautiful, heaven on this earth. The love between them was binding them, creating a soft golden bubble around them, sealing them together. Every inch of their skin that touched connected as one as she began to make love to her wife.

She watched Emma's lips part and they met again, unknowingly exchanging tiny wisps of themselves as they kissed, white blending with purple.

How - she didn't understand how she could do this when a moment ago she had been so black, so ugly.

It faded and she slowly was dropped back into her own head.

When she sat up her face was puffy and wet as though she had spent many hours crying. She sat, shaking and trying desperately to get a deep breath, but she couldn't. The tears were coming too fast.

"Every coin has two sides, Regina my dear. It is true of all of us. The question, my love, is who do we want to be. Your Craft can bond you or it can break you. Only you can decide."

She felt hands softly caressing her face, wiping away her tears.

She didn't want to open her eyes. She wanted to hang onto that feeling, to the sight of their bodies connected by a thousand strands of energy, for just a few moments longer.

"I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix it," she sobbed, her face in her hands.

"You're so close. Two more puzzle pieces and you will have your answer. Just keep working."

She wasn't sure if she felt better hearing that or not.

She felt Ivy step in front of her and knew what was coming.

"Are you ready?"

She shook her head.

"Dear girl." Soft fingertips brushed her cheeks.

She let out another sob and nodded, not at all ready but this was all that was left to do today.

She felt better, as though a small weight had been lifted off her shoulders, like some amount of bloody and oozing baggage had been taken from her and made clean and she wished that she could simply leave it at that.

Ivy's hands covered her ears and she felt her lips press softly to her forehead.

Slowly her head began to swim, pounding and pounding. Her eyes felt as though they would explode from their sockets. It was too much - this couldn't be right - oh god she was going to be sick!

And then the feeling popped, filling her with a moment of blissful relief from the constant throbbing headache she lived with.

Just as suddenly, it came crashing down on her. Her skin itched. Her head ached. Her mouth had gone dry. She felt as though she had suddenly been ripped out of a warm, comfortable bath and flung into the snow naked. Everything hurt. And for just a moment she lost control, readying to lunge at the woman before her and take and take and take until-

"Steeeeady Regina."

With effort, Regina pressed her lips as tightly together as she could and nodded. After a moment she began to swallow it, adjusting to it.

This was bad. But she thought she could do it.

"Regina?"

It took her a while to answer, but eventually she began to nod.

Her eyes opened and she thought she would pass out.

It was worse than being hungry. It was far more consuming that being thirsty.

But - she thought she could manage.

She felt large and expansive, so much to pull from so much begging to be used.

"Get it under control, Regina." Ivy warned.

She looked down and realized her fingers were glowing her personal shade of purple.

"Can you stand?"

Regina let out a small laugh. "I think so but I don't really want to." Her voice was thick, raspy as though she had just smoked a pack of cigarettes all at once.

She would have taken the women up on their offer and simply gone upstairs to sleep for a bit like she usually did but, "Henry?"

A choked sob came from across the room. "Mom?"

She looked up into Henry's wet and sobbing face.

She wasn't entirely sure how they got home, her body aching as it was, but she knew that her son helped to support her as she hobbled her way across the room and onto her bed.

Henry had not stopped his tears and with a deep, steadying breath Regina caressed his face and pulled him to her.

"You were screaming, Mom! You were screaming and it sounded like someone was killing you."

She wanted to be furious with Virginia and Ivy for letting her son watch. She had assumed they had sound proofed the room. Today she just didn't have it in her for that kind of anger.

"You sounded like you were in so much pain!" He let out a thunderous sob and wailed, "And then you just started to cry but I've never heard anything like it. It was worse! It was like - like - you had just lost everything you had ever wanted - like someone had died! Mom! I was so scared! Are you okay?"

She hugged his awkward, gangly body to her tighter. "Henry, I'm so sorry I scared you. I'm so sorry."

He buried his face into her chest and, shushing him, she rocked him like when he was a little boy.

"What happened? What happened?"

She just shushed him and rocked, her tears flowing silently.

Finally, after a long while he wiped his face, seeming slightly embarrassed and slumped up, his back bowed, his face hidden.

She cupped his cheeks and sighed, pulling him up. "That was something that you weren't supposed to see."

"I'm glad I did, though. I think. What... what was it?"

She didn't know how to answer.

"You look sick." He finally said.

"Henry... I am sick... in a way."

"What, like cancer?" His face paled dramatically and desperate to reassure him she shook her head.

"No, sweetheart, I..." She didn't know how to explain.

"It's your Craft."

Her breath caught and the never ending tears fell faster. "Yes."

"I live in this town, I've heard..."

"Sweetheart, I am not like your mother or Mal or anyone else you know with Craft. I - I have too much. I like it too much."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that when I use too much, when too much is in me - I lose control of myself. And I don't care that I have. I only want more and more. It's almost like -"

"Like an alcoholic."

"More like a drug. They – they tell me I have an-" but she couldn't say the word.

His eyes flashed with intelligence and she knew that he suddenly understood. "What did you do?"

The mistrust in his face almost stopped her but there was no explanation except the truth.

"I had an affair, sweetie. That's why your mother kicked me out of the house. This isn't her fault. It's mine."

There. She had taken the next step.

She looked into the eyes that he shared with his other mother and she could see his world view crumbling. She could see the last remnants of his boyhood falling away and it broke her heart.

"I- I- I regained my Craft, by accident, and then I - I just drifted away. I was doing this terrible thing and I couldn't get myself to care, not like I should." She was sobbing now, wishing she could do anything other than tell her son this. "Henry, I need you to understand. Addiction… it's zero to sixty in a manner of seconds. You think you are fine and then before you know it… you're just not there anymore and in your place is someone else entirely."

"Addiction?"

Again, she couldn't answer.

"Mal." He accused. "It wasn't Maleficent, wasn't it? I saw the way she looked at you and you were so different once she was here. You wouldn't even hold Bonnie anymore! You left Mom to handle everything."

She nodded. "God, I know, I know! Henry, you have to be careful with Craft. It's so easy to lose yourself in it. It happened to my mother. It happened to me."

"I don't have it." His voice was like ice.

"I know, honey." She carefully touched his cheek. "But you never know if someone you will love will have it."

Henry's eyes grew dizzy. "So this is what happened then? This is... this is it, what ripped my family apart?" His voice had grown high as though he were choking back some violent emotion. "You cheated on Mom? For how long? Was it once? Was it twice? For how long?"

She didn't answer, just watched the emotions flicker on his face until finally he settled into tears.

His head dropped into his hands and he cried like a little boy.

"Henry..."

He shrugged her hand off.

"Henry..."

He pushed away from her.

She watched him, feeling helpless. She couldn't help him right now, dear god she couldn't help her son.

"Just leave me alone!"

"Henry..."

She took a moment and stared at him, perplexed. She was his mother. She was supposed to be the one who could help, always. What was she supposed to do? She... she was his mother.

"Okay, Henry. I'm going to get in the shower and give you some space, all right? Afterward, I would like to talk a little more."

Slowly he nodded.

Standing on very shaky legs, she gathered her things. A few minutes alone was what he needed. She was sure of it. A few minutes and then she would explain...

Nine Years Before

"Come out, come out wherever you are!"

Silence.

"I'm gonna find you!" Regina called, tiptoeing through the house and peeking around the corners. Damn. She wouldn't expect a seven-year-old to hide so well. "Fee-fi-fo-" But she had just jumped into the last room on her second search and he clearly wasn't here.

"Henry?"

She checked each room again, fighting off panic.

She heard a muffled thump and her head craned up toward the ceiling. Had he gotten in the attic? How had he -

There was a muffled screech and her heart leapt into her throat. "Henry?"

She hadn't realized she was running until she tripped over a stuffed bear. Oh god, Henry's bear!

"HENRY?"

Sure enough, the pull-down ladder for the attic was ajar.

Heart hammering in her throat she threw herself up to it, calling the boy's name.

"Henry? Henry?" She couldn't see anything. Where was he?

"He-"

Then came the muffled scream of a cry again. She whipped around, her mouth dry as desert sand.

"Henry?"

"Regina!" A tiny voice cried.

For a moment, she couldn't tell where it was coming from until she heard the soft pounding of little fists on wood.

The wardrobe!

"Henry!" She grabbed the handle and yanked but the door wouldn't budge.

"Regina! Regina! I'm scared!"

"Hold on, Henry!" Panic high in her throat, she tugged with all of her might and it swung open.

The tiny brunette boy came with it, falling toward the floor.

She caught him just before he hit the ground, dropping to her knees as her heartbeat pounded in her ears.

He was shaking, his face and shirt wet from his frightened tears.

"What happened?" she cried, wiping his face clean.

"I got trapped!" He wailed. "I got trapped in the dark and I thought you would never, ever find me again!

"Oh, Henry!" She cooed, holding him close and rocking him as he cried. "Don't you worry about that. Don't you worry, my sweet boy. I'll always find you, sweetheart. I'm always here, my little prince. We will always be together. I will always, always find you."

The hot water felt like needles on her skin and it took her a long while to control her shaking. Once she had mastered that, it took her even longer to control her tears.

Now was a moment to be strong. She needed to be there for her son. He deserved that. She would answer any questions and then, when they were done she would take him to Granny's for a milkshake and try to figure out what to do next, now that he knew. Maybe he could help her. Maybe he would be able to see a way to make it better. Henry was very good at things like that.

It would be fine. She would explain to him that being a parent didn't make you perfect.

She would make him understand the huge, horrible mistake she had made and implore him that once he found love, he needed to cherish it, nurture it always.

She toweled off, gathering her strength. This was not going to be easy.

"Henry-" she began as she stepped from the bathroom and froze.

He was not in the room and the chair where his usual pile of clothes and belongings lived now sat empty.

He was gone.