A/N – This chapter is probably more like 2 short chapters put together because of the different content, but I thought on their own they would have been too short. Usually I try to do chapter splits at a better spot than this. So then the next chapter is sort of similar too I guess. I'm also being a bit sporadic on my posting now, so sorry it's not going to be very predictable. There's also a chance the next chapter of my other story won't make it up tomorrow, but hopefully by Saturday morning if not later tomorrow night. Definitely will not be up tomorrow morning for sure!
As always, thanks for all the support and for continuing to read along. Please let me know how you're liking it with a quick review. I absolutely love reading all the comments, so take a second to let me know what you think.
Disclaimer: All original VM characters belong to Rob Thomas.
Chapter 37
Logan woke up and rolled over to wrap his arm around Veronica. He felt around the bed for a moment before he realized she wasn't there. He glanced at the clock and it said 2:48am. He let out a frustrated sigh and climbed out of bed to find her. He checked the other bedrooms as he headed to the stairs and didn't find her in any of them. She'd better not try to tell me there's nothing going on with her this time. He slowly headed down the stairs and saw her lying on one of the couches with Archie curled up on the floor near her feet. He quietly walked over and knelt down in front of her.
He was going to say he was only joking about her sleeping on the couch with Archie until he saw her expression. He could tell her eyes were slightly watery by the way they glistened in the small amount of illumination coming in from the outdoor lights. She looked at him with a sad apologetic expression. He gave her a tender smile and placed his hand on the side of her head and leaned in and kissed her forehead. "Can I join you?" he asked softly. She nodded and scooted over slightly so he could climb in behind her and wrap his arms around her.
"I'm sorry Logan," she said quietly after he had wrapped his arms around her and she had covered his hands with her own.
"I know," he said tenderly. "I wish you felt like you could explain what's going on with you, but I'm not going to push you if you're not ready. Please just know I'm here for you whenever you are ready to talk about it though."
She sighed and turned so she was facing him and pressed her head against his chest. "It's not that I don't want to… I'm just not sure what to say… or even what's really going on with me…" She spoke with a sad broken voice.
"Does it have to do with what happened with Morgan?" he asked as he gently ran one of his hands up and down her back.
She nodded again. At least she's finally willing to admit there was more about Morgan than she's talked about so far. He hesitated for a moment before he asked the next question that had been plaguing him ever since the second time he'd woken up without her next to him. He really didn't want to push, but he also wanted to better understand what was going on so he could try to help her. "Did this happen with Piz and Trevor too?" He tried to ask it in a way that came across as more concerned than jealous. He hoped that's how it had sounded to her as well.
She took a deep breath. "Piz and I… it was too soon after everything happened… we didn't get that intimate when we got back together after my accident." She shifted a bit so she could look in his eyes. He gave her a small smile and nodded, then kissed her on the forehead again.
"And Trevor?" He asked again quietly when she didn't continue on her own.
She let out a sigh. "We didn't usually stay over at each other's places…" she replied. He wasn't sure if she was going to elaborate more or not. He also didn't know exactly what that meant, other than he didn't think it probably had happened with them.
When she didn't continue, he gave her a compassionate look. "Do you think it's because I remind you too much of him?" Her expression became troubled and she shrugged. He saw a few tears well up in her eyes.
"Shhh…" he said softly as he kissed her forehead again. "It's okay Veronica."
"But it's not. It's not fair to you at all," Veronica said through a soft sob. "I don't want to react this way. Not to you." She paused for a moment before she continued. "I hoped it would stop, that I wouldn't…" She shook her head gently and closed her eyes.
"Wouldn't what?" he asked as he ran his hand up to her head. "Please tell me. I want to help you, but I can't if you won't let me."
She took a deep breath and shifted her head back down to his chest and squeezed him a little tighter, but didn't say anything.
"What else did Morgan do to you, Veronica?" he asked softly, hoping she might at least tell him that.
They laid there quietly for several minutes. He thought maybe she'd fallen asleep but then he felt her take another deep breath and then she started talking in a very low voice. "He'd been gone on an assignment and came back like nothing was wrong. I'd gone to his house that night after he'd gotten back. I didn't pick up that anything was different. We had sex and I'd gotten up to get some water. That's when I knocked over his messenger bag accidentally and papers that I wasn't suppose to see fell out. And then I realized he was involved in the case and he knew without a doubt that I knew then too." She took a deep breath before she continued. "He got fairly rough and threw me on the bed. He accused me of being worse than a whore for sleeping with him for my case. It got even uglier before I was able to get to my phone and signal for help. At some point he'd grabbed his gun that I didn't even realize he had..." Her voice had gotten shakier the more she spoke.
"I'm sorry Veronica," he said when she stopped talking. He placed a kiss on the side of her forehead and hugged her a little tighter.
He felt her shake her head softly again. Her voice was even more devastated now. "After… now… when I wake up in the dark… after… I have an anxiety attack or something and I just… I have to get away… That night just comes back to me again…"
"You could try waking me up and talking to me instead," Logan offered in a gentle voice.
"I didn't want you to think it was your fault," she replied softly. "I just feel so broken sometimes."
"Then let me help fix you Veronica," Logan said before placing a soft kiss to her lips. She nodded and put a hand on his face. She gently ran it across his cheek, to his chin and then back toward his ear again.
"I never thought to ask this before," Logan said hesitantly, "but did Morgan have a beard too?" For some reason he hadn't pictured him with one because he hadn't had one when he left, but that was sort of a stupid thing to just assume.
She let out a little sigh. "Yeah." The word came out almost so quietly that he barely heard it.
"Oh," Logan replied. He hadn't expected that to be the answer. "Why don't I shave mine off then? Maybe that would help?" He figured even if it didn't hurt, it couldn't make things any worse.
She gave him a puzzled look before she responded. "You don't have to do that. I know you look less like you used to with it and you didn't want anyone to figure out who you really were."
He laughed softly, "Hey, I'd gladly go back to being Logan Echolls for the entire world to see if it meant it would make things even a little bit better for you."
She smiled and looked a little amazed too. "I don't want you to have to do that for me."
He smiled tenderly at her, "Veronica, you should know by now that there's nothing I wouldn't do for you." He stared intently into her eyes for a moment. "I really do still love you, you know?"
She nodded and her expression became softer as her eyes scanned over his face and then she pressed her lips to his as she closed her eyes. He wished so badly to hear those words in return. But he also wasn't going to push her to say it either. He realized all those years ago that asking if she loved him too wasn't the same as her actually declaring that she did and he wasn't going to make the same mistake again. He'd wait for her to say it this time and then he'd know she truly meant it.
After their lips separated, she opened her eyes again and looked at him lovingly. I'll have to be satisfied with these moments instead of actually hearing her say it. He brushed his hand over her hair. "Do you want to stay down here, or try going back to bed?"
"Let's go back upstairs," she said with a small smile. She climbed off the couch and held out her hand for him. He stood up and started to follow her. Archie glanced up at them and also stood and followed a few steps behind them.
When they were half way up the stairs Logan asked something else he was wondering. "I'm sure they made you go to therapy right after the incident right." She nodded and turned slightly to look at him over her shoulder as she continued to slowly climb the stairs. "Did this sort of thing come up at all?"
She shrugged and let out a small huff of air. "No, not specifically."
He gave her a compassionate smile, "Maybe you should see if you can talk to someone again. Maybe they'd have some professional advice that would help."
She gave him a small smile and nodded. "Because you know how much I loved all those talks with Ms. James right?"
He gave her an understanding look and nodded his head. "I just want you to feel better Veronica."
She nodded again and stopped to place a kiss on his lips. "Having you back in my life really does make me feel better Logan." It wasn't an 'I love you' yet, but he still felt moved by at least that small admission. He tipped his head slightly and gave her a shy smile. She smiled back, then turned and continued to lead him back up to the bedroom.
They climbed back into bed and snuggled closely together. He stroked her hair and gently rubbed her back until he felt her fall asleep again. He was relieved that at least whatever was going on with her seemed to be out in the open and that she was admitting there was something there, unlike the other times he'd brought it up. He still hoped that in time, those bad memories of Morgan would fade completely and be replaced by only good memories with him. They really hadn't been back in each other's lives very long. Was it really only two weeks ago that she found me in the hotel bar? So much had happened in those two weeks that it was actually hard to believe that's all the time that had gone by. They'd had so many ups and downs that first week, and even a few since they'd been back to LA. It took them almost 6 years to find their way back to each other and he wasn't going to be foolish enough to think that everything was going to be fixed in two weeks. He dozed off thinking about how much he wanted things to work out this time and that no ghost from her past, or an ass from the present was going to stand in his way.
He thought he'd heard Veronica tell Bryn that she'd text her when they woke up to come over and get Archie, so he didn't understand why someone was ringing their doorbell while they were still snuggled up in bed. Who ever it was seemed to be extremely persistent though and he heard Veronica growl and get up to head downstairs before he was completely awake. He took a deep breath and hoisted himself up to follow her a few seconds after she'd left.
He'd made it to the top of the stairs just in time to hear Dick's booming voice come through the door. Fuck, she's not going to be happy to wake up to that.
"Good morning Lindsey," Dick said through the open door.
Logan watched Veronica shake her head in annoyance before she spoke. "No one's here Dick, so you don't have to pretend."
"Sweet," he quickly replied. "Nice to see ya Ronnie. Is Logan up?" He chuckled to himself, "I mean awake?"
Logan was halfway down the stairs and saw her shake her head in annoyance again as she turned to look at him. "Your buddy's here to see you." She said as she stormed off toward the kitchen, not inviting Dick in, but not slamming the door in his face either.
Dick took a step inside when he saw Logan reach the bottom of the stairs. "Hey, I brought donuts!" he yelled out toward the direction that Veronica had gone.
Logan shook his head and gestured for him to continue to follow him into the kitchen. Veronica had already started a carafe of coffee in the Keurig and shot a scowl at Dick. "It's like 7am Dick. Shouldn't you be nursing a hangover or waking up in some floozy's bed instead of waking us up?"
"Nah, the floozy kicked me out at 6am before her boyfriend's flight got in, so I thought I'd come and hang with you guys." Dick gave her a lecherous smile as he walked closer to the kitchen counter.
Veronica shook her head as she rolled her eyes and went to get the creamer from the fridge. "Nice to see you're still the same old man whore, Dick."
Dick shrugged and set the bag of pastries on the counter. "If it ain't broke, why fix it?"
Logan ran his hand over his face and through his hair. This was so not how I wanted to wake up today. "You could have called first, Dick," Logan finally said.
Dick had a devious grin on his face, "Yeah, and you would have told me to not come over, so I didn't." Fair point.
Veronica finally went over and looked into the bag that Dick had dropped on the counter. She eyed him a bit suspiciously and then reached in and grabbed one of the Danishes. Her annoyance seemed to soften slightly as she took a bite of the pastry. She set the creamer down on the counter, and then went and grabbed three mugs out of the cupboard. Logan was actually a little surprised she got one out for Dick. She should know better than to be too welcoming if she didn't want him to repeat his little surprise visit. The Keurig finished up the carafe and Logan went over and grabbed it to take to the counter. Veronica held up her cup for him to fill first, and then went about adding cream and sugar to it.
"Actually I have some stuff I need to do in LA today anyway, so you should hang out with Dick while I'm gone." She shot an angry glare at Dick. "I just didn't expect to get such an early start at it though." She took another bite of the pastry and then grabbed both it and the coffee and started to head back upstairs. "I'm going to go get ready to go."
"Wait," Logan called out quickly as she turned to leave, but she just continued on her way back upstairs. He let out a frustrated grunt. "I'll be back in a few minutes," he said quickly to Dick and then followed Veronica.
She glanced over her shoulder as he caught up to her but she kept walking. "I don't want to spend the day with Dick. I want to spend it with you," he complained as they continued walking. They'd reached their bedroom and he closed the door after he walked in behind her. "Come on Veronica. It's Sunday, can't you spend the day just relaxing?"
She gave him an apologetic look. "Sorry, but my job isn't necessarily a Monday thru Friday, 9 to 5, type thing. Criminals don't take the weekends off, so when I'm working a big case I don't either." Logan understood, but it didn't make him any happier.
She easily read his expression. "When the case is over though, I can get a few days off as long as there isn't another top priority case, and then we could do something uninterrupted. I'll even let you pick the destination if you'd like."
He gave her a brief smile and nodded. Definitely someplace warm and sunny where clothing would be optional.
"I really should catch my partner up on what I found yesterday and see what new developments there are on the Aurelio lead," she continued saying as she set her coffee cup down and then took another bite of her Danish.
"The partner I like right?" Logan said with a slightly annoyed tone. It wasn't so much that he would have been mad if she'd had to talk with Trevor, as much as he was just disappointed they couldn't spend the day together.
"Yes, Ratner." She said with a little smirk.
"I could come to LA with you," he offered.
She walked over and her expression softened a little. She wrapped her arms around his waist and looked up at him with a tender smile. "Why don't you spend the afternoon with Dick and then I'll be back later and the two of us can go out for a romantic dinner if you want."
He would rather have spent the day with her, but if that wasn't an option, at least spending the day with Dick would beat hanging out all alone. "Fine." His smile changed to be a bit more mischievous. "We can at least take a nice long shower together before you have to leave, right?"
She raised her eyebrows at him, "What about your buddy downstairs?"
"Well I certainly don't want to shower with him," he replied teasingly.
She shook her head and rolled her eyes slightly. He gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "I'll get rid of him." He gave her a warning look. "Don't you dare get into that shower until I'm back. Got it?"
She gave him a sultry smile and nodded.
Logan practically sprinted back downstairs to make Dick disappear. He found him sitting on the couch with Archie next to him getting his belly scratched.
"Dude, I didn't know you had a dog?" Dick said enthusiastically as he looked up at Logan.
Logan shook his head. "It's actually Bryn Delaney's dog. We were just dog sitting him last night for her while she was out with Larkin." Dick's eyebrow cocked up in the way that always signified he was thinking about how hot some chick was. Logan gave him a quick glare and Dick's expression changed to be completely innocent.
"Anyway…" Logan said getting back to the task at hand of getting rid of Dick, so he could take a shower with Veronica. "I'm going to hang out with Veronica for a little while longer until she heads to LA and then I promise I'll head over to your house, okay?"
"Promise?" Dick said a little skeptically. Logan nodded and gestured toward the door with his hand.
"Thanks for the pastries," he said as Dick stood up and started for the door. "I'll see you in an hour or two."
Dick gave him a knowing smile, "Is she already naked up there waiting for you?"
Logan shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Bye Dick."
Dick just laughed as he walked out the door Logan had opened for him. Logan quickly closed it, and made sure to lock it, before he sprinted back up the stairs to join Veronica.
He hesitated when he got to the bedroom. Veronica was sitting on the bed and had just finished her Danish and was still drinking her coffee. He gave her a slightly concerned look. "If you'd rather not shower together… you know after last night…"
She tilted her head and gave him a seductive little smile. "Honestly it's just been a middle of the night thing."
He let out a relieved breath. "Well I guess that's good, especially since showering with you is so… enjoyable." He gave her a little wink. "Hey, give me a few minutes, okay?" he gestured to the bathroom with his head. She gave him a slightly confused look, but nodded anyway.
He closed the door, and then pulled out the electric beard trimmer he would use to keep his beard from getting too long. He quickly shaved off as much hair as he could with it, but realized he'd have to get a better razor later to get it nice and smooth. He couldn't remember the last time he'd actually seen himself without a beard. It felt a bit odd with it being gone, but if it made her feel even the slightest bit better he was more than happy to do it.
"Okay, you can come in now," he yelled back out to the bedroom.
"Do I even want to know what that…" she stopped in mid-sentence when she had opened the door and saw him. "Okay, I guess what you were doing is pretty obvious." She gave him a shy smile, "You really didn't have to do that for me though."
He made his way closer to where she was standing and gave her a questioning glance. "Do you like it better though?"
She squished her face up in a happy expression and nodded.
"Good," he said as he leaned in to kiss her. She put her hands on both sides of his face and ran her fingers over the coarse little bit of stubble that was left. "I'll get a better razor later so I can get it smoother." He waggled his eyebrows at her, "Shower time now?"
She smirked at him and nodded. He wasn't sure what he found so alluring about showering with her now. They'd only done it a few times during college since they weren't living together and always seemed to be running off with other things to do. But having her naked body wrapped around him with the steam and hot water, was something he doubted he'd ever be able to get enough of. And it was so much better now than back then for some reason too. Maybe it was the way she seemed more confident in herself or just him missing her for all those years, but whatever had caused it, he was thankful for it. He was also thankful that this house had one of the most amazing showers he'd ever used and lots of hot water. Lots and lots of hot water.