Jade's point of view
When I was 9-years-old my mom was an alcoholic. Three days before my 10th birthday she asked me what I wanted for my birthday.
"Nothing," I said
"Come on honey," she told me, "You must want something"
"Yeah," I said, "I want for you to stop drinking"
The next day my mom started an in program treatment to stop her alcoholism. She hadn't touched a drink after that until she died. I didn't know how painful it was for her to quit. I didn't know at the time what it took to be a mother. I didn't know that being a mother would be exhausting and exhilarating at the same time.
I didn't know how long it would take sometimes to get her ready for school. I didn't know that there would be times where she would go through a pack of diapers in a week. I didn't know all the nights I would sit up with her when she was sick worrying. I didn't know there would be times where she would drive me crazy and I would have to somehow draw the strength to be positive even when I positively felt like getting mad or some other form of negative correction.
At the time I thought being a mother would be easy. Being a mother is a lot of things. It's amazing. It's heartwarming. It's terrifying.
I didn't know how much it would hurt me to hear Willow's cries every time she had to get a shot for her diabetes. I didn't know how much I would get so sick and tired of reading and watching Cinderella over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. I didn't know that at the same time I would love it because it was an opportunity to see my Willow laugh and giggle and cheer. I didn't know how hard it would be taking her from place to place and skipping out on things I wanted to do. I didn't know how it wouldn't even bother me.
I didn't know how every time we went into a toy store she would want something… and usually not something cheap either. I didn't know how I would always, not almost always but always impulsively get it for her. I didn't know how when I was sick my first thought would be about Willow. Even after my rape my only thoughts were of Willow.
I didn't know how I would be waking up nights and coming into her room just to check to make sure she's okay. I didn't know I would settle into a routine. Being a mother was a lot harder then I thought. It was such a relief to have Beck's sister helping me with Willow but despite her objections I took over the main parenting. Willow was my child.
If I had to do it all again I wouldn't change a thing. I love every minute. I could do without the cereal boxes being poured out onto the floor or the continuous readings and watching of Cinderella but I could never do without Willow. Willow is my sister and my daughter. Willow is my life.