I run up as they all stop and throw myself onto Daryl who hasn't even got off his bike yet.
"Oh thank God!" I cry into him
He wraps his arms around me tightly and he buries his face into my hair. "I told you I wouldn't die, didn' I?"
I sob loudly into his shoulder then pull back to look at his face then kiss every single part of it! "I was so fucking worried!" I say between kisses.
I land on his lips last. I pull away then feel arms lock around my shoulder "Gwen! Thank God!" Lori says in my ear.
I grab her arm tightly with one hand, the other still gripping Daryl, scared he might disappear. "Lori" I sob. Carl attaches himself to my hips.
Daryl looks between them half amused half annoyed and he climbs off his bike, with difficulty considering I'm still gripping his, well, Andy's hoodie.
"Where'd you find everyone?" Rick asks Daryl
"Well, those guys' tail lights zigzagging all over the road... figured he had to be Asian, driving like that." Daryl replies
"Good one." Says Glenn.
"Where's the rest of us?" Daryl asks
We're the only ones who made it so far." Rick says
Lori pulls away from me and I move myself and Daryl wraps his arm around my shoulder so I would let go of his hoodie and Carl remains attached to me and Lori take my hand as she asks "Shane?"
Rick shakes his head. Nessa and I look at each other, neither of us surprised.
"Andrea?" Glenn asks
"She saved me, then I lost her." Carol says
"We saw her go down." T-Dog says
"Patricia?" Hershel asks
"They got her, too." Beth says "Took her right in front of me. I was... I was holdin' onto her, daddy. She just... what about Jimmy? Did you see Jimmy?" She asks
"He was in the RV. It got overrun." Rick says and Beth breaks down in tears
"You definitely saw Andrea?" Carol asks
"There were walkers everywhere." Lori says
"Did you see her?" Carol asks
I'm gonna go back." Daryl says
"I'll go with you." I say
"No!" Lori says gripping my hand
"We can't just leave her." Daryl says
"We don't even know if she's there." Lori says
"She isn't there. She isn't. She's somewhere else or she's dead. There's no way to find her." Rick states
"So we're not even gonna look for her?" Glenn asks.
I notice the same walker from before walking towards us. Daryl notices too because his arm slips from my shoulders
"We gotta keep moving. There have been walkers crawling all over here." Rick says
"I say head east." T-Dog says
"Stay off the main roads." Daryl says grabbing his crossbow "The bigger the road, the more walkers, mo assholes like this one." He raises his crossbow to it "I got him" He shoots it in the head and it goes down.
"Right, lets get the hell out of here" I say.
Carol walks up to me "Can we swap places? I'm not fond of that bike"
"Yeah you can go in my car" I turn to Andy and beckon him over. He comes over "Carol's going with you and Nessa, I'm going with Daryl, keys are in the ignition" He nods and Carol walks with him to my car.
I walk over to Daryl who is getting on his bike "Guess who you're stuck with again?" I tease climbing on behind him.
He smirks "Wouldn' wanna be stuck with anyone else"
He starts off first and everyone else follows. We drive for half the day until there is a beep from behind us. Daryl stops and I climb off the bike first.
Rick comes walking up to us "You out?" Daryl asks
"Running on fumes." Rick replies
"We can't stay here." Maggie says
"We can't all fit in one car." Glenn says
"We'll have to make a run for some gas in the morning." Rick says
"Spend the night here?" Carol asks
"I'm freezing." Carl says
"We'll build a fire, yeah?" Lori says rubbing her son to try and get a heat in him. Rick takes off his jacket and gives it to him
"You go out looking for firewood, stay close. Only got so many arrows. How you doing on ammo?" Daryl asks
"Not enough." Rick replies. "Andy?"
Andy shakes his head "half a box if that"
"We can't just sit here with our asses hanging out." Maggie say
"Watch your mouth. Everyone stop panicking and listen to Rick." Hershel says
"All right, we'll set up a perimeter. In the morning, we'll find gas and some supplies. We'll keep pushing on." Rick says
"Glenn and I can go make a run now, try and scrounge up some gas." Maggie offers
I shake my head "No, we stay together."
Rick nods in agreement "God forbid something happens and people get stranded without a car."
"Rick, we're stranded now." Glenn says
"I know it looks bad, we've all been through hell and worse, but at least we found each other. I wasn't sure... I really wasn't... but we did." Rick says
"We're together. We keep it that way. We'll find shelter somewhere." I say, hoping but not really believing my own words
"There's gotta be a place." Rick continues
"Rick, Gwen, look around. Okay? There's walkers everywhere. They're migrating or something." Glenn says
"There's gotta be a place not just where we hole up, but that we fortify, hunker down, pull ourselves together, build a life for each other. I know it's out there. We just have to find it." Rick snaps
"Even if we do find a place and we think it's safe, we can never be sure. For how long? Look what happened with the farm. We fooled ourselves into thinking that that was safe." Maggie says
"We won't make that mistake again." Hershel says
"We'll make camp tonight over there" Rick says pointing to a ruin of some sort "get on the road at the break of day."
"Does this feel right to you?" Carol asks me, I look at her shocked
"It's all we've got" I tell her
"What if walkers come through, or another group like Randall's?" Beth asks Rick
"You know I found Randall, right? He had turned, but he wasn't bit." Daryl says
"How's that possible?" Beth asks
"Rick, what the hell happened?" Lori asks
"Shane killed Randall. Just like he always wanted to." Daryl says
"And then the herd got him?" I ask Rick
Rick looks at us silently for a moment before saying "We're all infected."
"What?" I ask confused
"At the CDC, Jenner told me. Whatever it is, we all carry it." Rick says
What the fuck. "So if we die, we turn regardless, if we are bit or not?" I ask
He nods. "Fuck" I mutter.
"And you never said anything?" Carol asks accusingly
"Would it have made a difference?" Rick asks
"You knew this whole time?" Glenn asks in disbelief
"How could I have known for sure? You saw how crazy that mo..." Rick starts but is cut off by Glenn snapping
"That is not your call. Okay, when I found out about the walkers in the barn, I told, for the good of everyone."
"Well, I thought it best that people didn't know." Rick says before walking away.
Lori grabs my shoulder and nods at me before going after Rick, I turn to the group and say calmly "Come on, guys. What the fuck? Rick is trying his hardest so stop busting his balls every two minutes"
Carol scoffs "I remember you being the leader first then Rick comes along and takes that away from you"
"I never asked for that. It just happened, Rick and I lead this group together" I tell her
"Well he doesn't seem to realise that" Carol replies
It was Daryl's turn to scoff "Rick asks Gwen to sign off on everything before he does it"
"Not lately" Carol argues.
Nessa steps forward angrily "Gwen's has been doing other things, she's not superwoman she can't do everything"
That shut Carol up. I turn to look at Rick and I'm shocked at what I'm seeing. Lori was bent over like she was about to throw up and when Rick reached for her she batted his hand away, he reached for her again and she did it again. She turns away from him and walks towards us looking distraught.
I ask Daryl to go with Glenn, Andy and Maggie to get firewood and ask T-Dog to take first watch. Lori grabs me into a hug and just holds me to her and whispers in my ear "Rick killed Shane"
"I thought so" I reply.
Her voice is shaky "Carl put him down"
I freeze, Carl… oh my God… how? I hold Lori tightly and lead her over to the ruin and sit her down Carl joins her, as does Nessa. I look at Rick and smile sympathetically. He nods to me.
That night we have a fire going and T-Dog is on watch. Daryl sits behind me and pulls me in between his legs. The cold seems to be getting to everyone apart from Andy, Nessa and I. This is nothing compared to Scotland, this is a day in august to us.
Carol speaks to Daryl and I quietly "We're not safe with him... Keeping something like that from us. Why do you need him? He's just gonna pull you both down."
"No. Rick's done all right by me." Daryl says
"Me too, he made things a lot easier for me" I tell her
You're his henchman, you're his problem solver and I'm a burden. You both deserve better." Carol says
"What do you want?" Daryl asks Carol, annoyed
"A person of honour." She says
"Rick has honour." I tell her
"I think we should take our chances." Maggie says from across the fire
"Don't be foolish." Hershel says "There's no food, no fuel, no ammo."
There is a rustle in the trees and I stand up "What was that?" Beth asks
"Could be anything. Could be a raccoon, could be a possum." Daryl says, standing with me
"Walker." Glenn adds
"We need to leave. I mean what are we waiting for?" Carol says
"Which way?" Glenn asks
"It came from over there." Maggie says
"Back from where we came." Beth says
"Yeah." Maggie replies
"The last thing we need is for everyone to be running off in the dark." I say quietly
Rick comes out of nowhere and says "We don't have the vehicles. No one's travelling on foot."
"Don't panic." Hershel says
"I'm not... I'm not sitting here, waiting for another herd to blow through. We need to move, now." Maggie says
"No one is going anywhere." Rick snaps
"Do something." Carol demands
Rick snaps "I am doing something! I'm keeping this group together, alive. I've been doing that all along, no matter what. I didn't ask for this. I killed my best friend for you people, for Christ's sake!"
Everyone stares at him in shock, I'm not surprised, he did what he had to do. I warned Shane. He did the exact opposite to what he promised.
"You saw what he was like, how he pushed me, how he compromised us, how he threatened us. He told me he'd rather see Gwen dead than with another man! He staged the whole Randall thing, led me out to put a bullet in my back so he could then kill Daryl and, after the baby was born, kill Lori! All so he could have Gwen and the baby and act like a happy family. Then if Gwen still protested he would kill her!"
Lori looks up at him and looks guilty, like really guilty then she looks at me with even more guilt. I'm staring at Rick wide eyed and honestly feeling really sick. Daryl grips my waist protectively.
"He gave me no choice. He was my friend, but he came after me. My hands are clean. Maybe you people are better off without me. Go ahead. I say there's a place for us, but maybe... maybe it's just another pipe dream. Maybe... maybe I'm fooling myself again. Why don't you... Why don't you go and find out yourself? Send me a postcard. Go on, there's the door." Rick continues while motioning to the darkness
You can do better? Let's see how far you get." Nobody moves. "No takers? Fine. But get one thing straight... you're staying. This isn't a democracy anymore. You listen to me or Guinevere. That is it!"
I'm physically shaking by this point. Pressure, that's all I feel. Rick can't make decisions without my go ahead then fine. I refuse to take any more shit. I will say what I think from now on. I want a semblance of a life again and if I have to prod these people in the right direction then so be it.
I refuse to be afraid of living.