The Girl Who Waited: Two Shocks
"I'm not on my own," Rory tried to reassure himself after hearing the comms. cut off, "I've got my wives," he held up both thumbs at the Amys.
"Do not be alarmed…" a Handbot began.
Rory turned around to see three Handbots marching towards them, "Incoming!"
"...this is a kindness."
Future Amy tossed her past self her staff, "With me."
"Do not be alarmed, this is a kindness. This is a kindness."
Rory and the Amys took positions as Future Amy crept along the side of the wall, out of sight of the Handbot sensors, and took out one of the Handbots before looking back at Past Amy, "Amy, Kate Hayler, year ten hockey."
"Go for the shins!" Past Amy muttered before smashing the Handbot before her in the shins, flipping it over onto its back. Rory tried to push the last one back while also staying out of reach of its hands.
"This is a kindness."
"Duck!" Past Amy called, swinging the staff and knocking the head off.
Rory's eyes widened as five more Handbots appeared via a teleport, "They're cutting off the Departure Gate. We can't get back to the TARDIS."
"Side door," Future Amy called, "We'll go behind them," she jumped over the counter beside her, Past Amy and Rory following as she led them down a hallway and down a stairwell.
"Think you're coming with us, just like that?" Past Amy had to ask, having heard everything over the comms..
"Yeah, just like that."
"Rory, talk to her!"
"Rory! Talk to her!"
"Now, ladies..." Rory began but both Amys huffed and continued on, stepping out the bottom door and walking through a maintenance hallway.
"Where are you going to live?" Past Amy asked.
"Not with you, don't worry. I'll go travelling. Pop back for Christmas, maybe Easter."
"Amy, you always say, cooking Christmas dinner, you wish there was two of you," Rory remarked, trying to lighten the mood.
Future Amy pushed through another door and they reached the Gate Room. Past Amy stood by the door with the staff, keeping watch as Future Amy and Rory ran over to the controls, before using the 'probe' on the door sealing it to try and keep the Handbots out a little longer.
"Can't we just teleport in?" Rory asked.
"It's not a teleport, it's a time jump," Future Amy replied.
"They can't shunt within the same time stream," Past Amy added.
Older Amy looked up at her, a bit startled her past self had picked that up so quickly and nodded, "Yes."
"The TARDIS is in the Gallery," Rory shook his head, not having followed any of that but just trying to be useful.
It was weird, when Angel talked time and time travel he could usually keep up...and she called herself 'not a genius,' which he found amusing. He had a teacher once who always said that truly knowing a subject, truly being an expert in it, meant that you knew it well enough that you could explain it to others in an easy way, in a way they could understand. And, that sort of made sense with Angel and the Doctor, now that he thought about it. The Doctor was brilliant, a stone cold genius, he knew, but the man himself did admit at times to having no clue what he was doing. And the way he rambled about some things or what he compared them to...like conceptual space being banana-like, made people question not only his sanity at times, but how well he actually knew time travel. He was sure the Doctor knew it very, VERY well...but Angel understood it inside and out, and always managed to explain it and simplify it so that anyone could understand. That had to be a sign of genius too.
"Gallery closed," Interface replied.
"Controls are stuck," Future Amy remarked as she pressed the controls, "They've locked them from outside."
"Can you unlock them?" Rory asked her.
"Yeah, give me a minute and your cutest smile," Rory quickly smiled at her before looking away, nervous of Handbots entering, "That's the one."
Rory glanced at Past Amy and then her future self, "Can you stop flirting with me? You're old enough to be..."
"I've known you my whole life. How many games of Doctors and Nurses?"
"Shh!" he flushed.
"Don't get coy now," she tapped his nose...and suddenly all the gate doors opened and Handbots entered.
"Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness," Past Amy tossed the staff back to Future Amy, "Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness," Rory used the sonic on the controls and pressed the button to the gallery, "Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness."
They ran through the doorway into the gallery, Future Amy leading the way, using her sword and staff on the Handbots that had been waiting on the other side. Past Amy and Rory ran across the room, along the outside walls, pushing down a Handbot at the end of the room as Future Amy spun around and kicked the Handbots in her way, cutting them down.
"Come on!" they shouted back for her.
"Go!" she urged, "I've got your back!"
Past Amy and Rory rushed through another door...when Amy froze, yelping as she nearly ran into another Handbot that had been waiting for them.
"Do not be alarmed. This is a kindness."
Past Amy jumped back...only for a second Handbot to touch her on the side of the face. She fell to the floor as Rory forced the first Handbot's hands together before rushing over to her, "No!" he grabbed a copy of the Mona Lisa and rammed it over the second Handbot's head, shorting it out before kneeling beside Amy.
Future Amy had just entered the door, watching as Rory lifted her past self into his arms and carried her to the back of the room where the TARDIS was sitting.
~8~
The doors to the TARDIS were kicked open as Rory ran in, gently laying Amy, Past Amy, on the ground, the Doctor rushing over to help while Angel tried her level best to keep the TARDIS in place by the controls, this time it was the Humans who had been cutting it rather fine.
"Ah, it's just an anesthetic," the Doctor reassured Rory as he grabbed the sonic off the man and flashed Amy, checking on her before he covered the girl with his jacket, "She'll be fine," he stood and ran to the doors, peeking out them, watching as Future Amy threw aside her staff and sword and ran for the TARDIS, "I'm sorry," he breathed...
Before he slammed the doors closed, just as she reached them, locking them.
"What are you doing!?" Rory demanded as he stood.
"I lied to her, Rory."
"Doctor?" Future Amy pounded on the door, "Let me in!"
"There can't be two Amys in the TARDIS. The paradox is too massive…"
"She'll die if we keep her out!" Rory glared.
"And Angel will die if we let her in!" the Doctor countered, his own expression morphing into a glare at the suggestion Rory was making. Granted, Rory likely didn't know what paradoxes and the TARDIS seemed to do to Angel...but...just the thought of Angel dying from a paradox again...chilled him to the bones.
Rory blinked, stunned at that, "What?"
"The paradox is too massive," the Doctor whispered now, unable to even speak about what had happened to Angel before, "And paradoxes...they affect the TARDIS in a BAD way Rory, in a VERY bad way...Angel is affected too. It could KILL her Rory..."
"Doctor let me in!" Future Amy pounded.
The Doctor shook his head, closing his eyes, "No," he murmured to himself, "She'll never have existed. When we save our Amy, this future won't have happened," it was the only thing he could think to say that would make doing this even slightly better.
"But she happened!" Rory pointed at he door, "She's there!"
"Doctor!" Future Amy tried to shake the door open, "I trusted you! Angel please, don't let him do this!"
Angel looked down at the console sadly, her hearts breaking as she heard the Doctor repeat, "No, she's not real."
But she WAS real, she was standing outside the doors, right now, begging them to save her.
"She is real," Rory shook his head, agreeing with Angel's unspoken words.
"Look, we take this Amy, we leave ours," the Doctor opened his eyes to look at Rory, a hard look in his eyes, refusing to even entertain the thought of having both Amys, of creating that sort of paradox, inside the TARDIS, not given what he knew it would do to Angel, "There can only be one Amy in the TARDIS. Which one do you want?" he put Rory's hand on the latch, "It's your choice."
"This isn't fair. You're turning me into you."
"Your choice, Rory."
"I, er…"
Future Amy pounded on the door, "Doctor?" but he walked away, checking on Past Amy once more, trying to focus on her so that he wouldn't have to listen to Future Amy's cries, "Doctor! Angel? Doctor!"
The Doctor stood and headed to the console, not able to look back, he could feel Angel's heartsbreak at this as well and he just...he wanted to get there, help her set the controls to get them out as soon as possible so that they wouldn't have to be there any longer than necessary. It was breaking his hearts as well.
Rory looked up as Future Amy's hand appeared in one of the window panes, "Rory?" she whispered through the door, "Please…" he put his hand on hers against the glass, not seeing Angel look over, watching him with tears in her eyes, "The look on your face when you carried her. Me. Her. When you carried her away, you used to look at me like that. I'd forgotten how much you loved me. I'd forgotten how much I loved being her," Rory leaned his head against the door, crying now, a sight which broke Angel's hearts all over again, "Amy Pond, in the TARDIS. With Rory Williams."
"I'm sorry, I can't do this," he started to unlock the latch when…
"If you love me, don't let me in," Rory looked up, alarmed, as Angel flinched and looked away, "Open that door, I will, I'll come in. I don't want to die. I won't bow out bravely."
The Doctor looked at Angel across the console as she continued to look down at the controls, unseeing them, tears in her eyes as well as she just...stared. She could relate oh so much to giving up her life for the man she loved. But it wasn't even just that. Amy, Future Amy, was still their Amy to her, she was still Amy, she was her companion's wife, her 'sister-in-law,' her family...she'd lost one of the most important members of her family, she didn't want to lose another, not like this, not ever.
"I'll be kicking and screaming, fighting. To the end."
Rory's voice broke as he spoke again, "Oh, Amy. Amy, I love you."
"I love you too," Future Amy started to cry, "Don't let me in. Tell Amy, your Amy, I'm giving her the days. The days with you. The days to come."
"I'm so, so sorry."
"The days I can't have. Take them, please. I'm giving you my days."
"I'm so, so sorry."
Angel sucked in a breath as the TARDIS hummed around her, listening to Future Amy speaking softly to Rory through the door, actually telling him not to open it…and it was too much.
She couldn't bear it, neither, it seemed, could the TARDIS.
"Could it work?" Angel asked the box, looking up at the rotor as she placed a hand on the console. Rory and the Doctor seemed to have heard her as they both looked at her in confusion. The TARDIS simply hummed again, "I don't care if it's dangerous, can it work?!" she half begged.
There was a moment...before it hummed again.
Angel nodded, blinking the tears from her eyes before she closed them, reaching forward to put her other hand on the rotor, "Then we have to try. Will you help me Sister?"
The TARDIS hummed again and the light of the rotor grew brighter.
The Doctor cautiously made his way around the console, to Angel, "Angel…what are you doing?"
Angel's face scrunched in concentration and, instead of answering him, said, "Rory…open the doors…"
"What?!" the Doctor's eyes widened as Rory's mouth dropped open, looking between them for confirmation, "Rory don't you dare…"
"Rory," Angel called again, opening her eyes as they blazed gold, the energy picking up around her, swirling her in a golden cocoon, making her shake at the sheer power coursing through her, "Open the doors! Quickly!"
Rory didn't need to be told again, quickly unlocking the doors, throwing them open.
True to her word, Future Amy ran inside, slamming the door behind her so the Handbots that had begun to swarm her couldn't follow.
The reaction to the paradox was instant.
Angel cried out in agonizing pain, her legs giving out from under her as she partially collapsed onto the console, clinging to the controls, doing her best to keep her hand on the rotor as the energy whirled madly around her. The TARDIS began to shake, the lights turning red, as angry, pained hums began to sound more like alarms than anything.
"Angel!" the Doctor cried, running to her side, only to be held back by the Vortex creating a wall around her, keeping him from stopping her.
"Get...us...out," Angel ground out, her words coming across more like she was trying not to scream, "Hurry! Please!"
The Doctor hesitated only a moment in his shock at what she was planning and attempting to do, before turning and piloting them away as quickly as he could. His eyes remained on Angel though, watching as she struggled with the power, as it rippled off her in waves, her face contorted in pure pain. He pulled a lever, setting them down with a jolt in the only place he could think to take Future Amy.
He immediately turned, turning to Rory where he and Future Amy had fallen against at the sudden departure, "Get out!" he shouted to Future Amy, "Rory get her out, NOW!"
Rory jumped into action, opening the doors and half shoving Future Amy out of them...the lights in the TARDIS instantly turning normal the moment she was out of the room.
The Doctor spun around, to Angel, seeing the golden swirls fading from around her and raced back to her side, skidding to the ground, his arms wrapping around her as she fell to her knees, struggling to breathe. He quickly took her face in his one hand, unwilling to let go of her with his other, looking her in the eye, using their connection to see if she was alright, not wanting to waste the time it would take to pull the sonic out.
The power of the Vortex was still settling within her though, making the sensations muddled.
All he could tell was that...she was still alive.
He stared at her in shock, completely stunned by what she had accomplished with the TARDIS's help. It literally should have been near impossible for both Amys to exist even for a split second within the TARDIS, but, somehow, Angel had been able to boost the TARDIS and, not only that, use the Vortex to maintain the paradox. And, given what happened the last time a paradox was maintained by the TARDIS…he honestly couldn't believe she was even still breathing.
Angel let out a small weary laugh, catching his thoughts, "You should trust me more Theta," she wheezed, her voice hoarse and soft, her words breathy, still trying to catch her breath and stop shaking, there was a fine layer of sweat on her brow as well, a tired...still very pained...look in her eyes to match, "If there's one thing I've learned from being with you…I am stronger than I think I am and far stronger than I seem…"
He nodded, still too stunned to really do anything else.
He knew that was true already, he knew she was stronger than anything even before she'd met him. It had nothing to do with him really...look at all she had survived from even before he'd found her. She had endured her mother's death, her sister's death, the entire War, without letting it corrupt her or bitter her. She'd survived 50 years alone with just a Dalek, survived experimentation and dissection and captivity and still managed to trust humanity and see the good in them. Look at what she had done just then! Look at what she'd been able to achieve with the Vortex! And then, because of him...she'd endured more than anyone deserved...and she was still there! She'd lived through their Mating, through two years of her dying and a poisoning, through his amnesia, her own capture, her pregnancy, their...daughter. She had lived through so much and was still standing...there was nothing anyone could tell him that would EVER make him believe she was weak.
She was the strongest woman he knew.
"I know," he whispered, pulling her into his arms, holding her tightly. He rocked her just a bit, too overwhelmed that she had survived that, closing his eyes in thanks, before he dropped a kiss to her hair, to the top of her head, "You're ok," he murmured, dropping more kisses to her hair, "You're alright, you're ok...thank the stars..."
"Doctor?" Rory called from the doorway, slightly interrupting the moment, Future Amy standing behind him in the distance, "Um…Jack's asking what happened…and I'm not entirely sure I know…"
The Doctor nodded, helping Angel to her feet and leading her to the doors as Rory entered the TARDIS, helping Past Amy up as she slowly woke.
"Where is she?" Past Amy asked her husband.
Rory just nodded to the doorway where Future Amy was standing, waiting for them.
As soon as Angel had stepped out of the blue box Future Amy was pulling her away from the Doctor and into a tight hug, "Thank you," she whispered in Angel's ear, tears evident in her voice, "Thank you. It was you. I knew it would be you…36 years of thinking the Doctor abandoned me…that Rory had given up on me…it was never you, I never thought that about you. Because I've seen you," she pulled away to look at Angel, a small smile on her face, "I talked to all those people who came to help in Demons Run, all those people you saved when the Doctor couldn't…and I knew you'd save me too, somehow."
It was why she had been kinder when Angel spoke, why she was less bitter about her. The Doctor...he ran, he didn't look back, Angel never let go, Angel kept everyone together just like the Dream Lord said, she was the glue. Every single person, all those people, hundreds of them, that Angel had saved had been connected from that moment on. All those people were ones the Doctor had nearly failed to save. Angel saw the future, she helped save people all the time, in little ways, and she knew...she had hoped, that Angel would do the same to her. That...well, as corny as it was to say, that Angel would pull a miracle, and save her too. Save her like all those others.
Angel smiled, reaching up to put a strand of Future Amy's hair behind her ear fondly, blinking quite a bit and swaying, "I'm glad…" she managed to whisper...before her eyes rolled back into her head and she collapsed to the floor, the Doctor just barely managing to grab her before she actually hit the ground.
None of them had seen that coming.
"Angel!" Jack shouted as the rest of the Torchwood team crowded around her, Owen frantically checking her, "Owen what's happening?"
Owen looked up at Jack, wide eyed from where he'd been listening on his stethoscope, "Her left hearts given out!"
"Get her to the med-bay now!" Jack ordered as he and Rory moved to help Angel up, Past Amy moving to help her future self tug the Doctor away as the man seemed to have gone into shock at the last bit of information, she could feel him shaking under her hand...
~8~
It was all a blur to Rory and his 'wives' as they stood in the med-bay after it was all over. Really it was a medical examination/autopsy room with a small exam table that Angel was now lying on, the Doctor sitting by her side, holding her hand tight, as Jack stood across from her with Gray, Ianto up by the railings, watching, as the rest of Torchwood kept an eye on things in the rest of the Hub, though all of them wandered past, looking down at them to check in.
After Angel's left heart gave out there had been a mad scramble to get her to the med-bay, Owen and Rory quickly getting to work, hooking her up to machines to monitor while they checked what was happening. And then she' had suddenly started to convulse and her right heartbeat started to pick up to a disturbing pace before flat lining completely. The Doctor had gone through a strange cross between feeling his own life on the brink of ending and trying to scramble to her side, beside himself with concern and wanting to be near her. It reminded the Amys very much of how he'd freaked out and 'lost his cool' when he'd thought she was going to give birth in the Dream Lord's world. As calm and collected as he normally was under pressure...they had truly seen him lose it entirely when Angel had literally died. It wasn't like with River in Berlin, Angel wasn't conscious to keep him calm, Angel was dead in front of him and he'd just...snapped. It had taken Gwen, Gray, and Future Amy to literally hold him down to keep him from interfering or getting in the way as Rory, Owen, and Jack worked on Angel. Past Amy, Tosh, and Ianto had been forced to stand to the side, watching and praying everything would be ok.
After a few shocks of a defibrillator, which they'd all doubted would work, Angel's right heart had started to beat again…and slowly (they had to be very careful with their shocks) they finally got the other heart again. It had been so alarming and terrifying for Jack to see Angel like that because...there hadn't been any sign of regeneration, Angel had just keeled over too quickly for it to set in, it seemed. So they'd rushed into action to try and save her, bring her back and save her like she had all of them. The Doctor had calmed down considerably when both hearts were beating again and, once Angel was stable, had been able to explain to Jack what had happened on their last adventure, telling him about Future Amy, now dubbed Amy-O for 'Amy One' as Rory had called the Amys what felt like ages ago, and asking him if he could watch out for Amy-O in the timelines, which he'd agreed.
But that still left one thing…
"Doctor…" Rory began softly, moving to stand beside the Doctor but by Angel's head, "What happened to her? Angel's used her powers before but…they never almost killed her…"
Jack snorted at that, "That you know of," they looked at him and he sighed, "Seems like almost every time that girl's died since the War, it's involved her powers."
The Doctor nodded solemnly, thinking on that, on how true it was. Yes, not all the times since the War had been a result of her powers, but...they were always being used when it happened it seemed. The Dalek had killed her, made her regenerate, but she hadn't known about her Vortex power then. She had nearly died using if if he hadn't saved her facing the Daleks. But then...there was when she'd defeated the Beast, using the Vortex. Yes, she'd died from the paradox but she'd also been using her Vortex power at the time as well. There was Mars and how close she'd come then...there were SO many times where she'd nearly died or did die using the Vortex, and this had nearly been one of them.
"She used too much of her powers took quickly," the Doctor murmured, "She wasn't ready…"
"What, exactly, did she do?" Amy asked.
"Not only was she maintaining the paradox of having you both inside the TARDIS," the Doctor began, moving his other hand to Angel's as well, her hands were cold and he just...he had to make them warmer, "Something that killed her twice before mind you," he sighed, "But she was literally fighting against time to do it."
"How so?" Amy-O asked.
She understood enough about time, Interface had told her everything she wanted to know about it, which was everything the Apalapucians knew about it...she hadn't had much else to learn about while in Twostreams...to know that what Angel had accomplished in getting her out as well should have been impossible. She had known it at the time, known that asking the Doctor and Angel to take both her and her past self was impossible, but she'd had to ask and she'd thought, if anyone could twist the laws of time or find some loophole, the Time Lords could. She just...she didn't know how anyone could literally fight time to do it.
"Angel's powers, the Vortex inside her…it makes her a conduit for the power of time…" the Doctor swallowed hard, not wanting to divulge this tale, not wanting to admit it to Jack especially, "We had a trip once, her and I, to Mars…" he looked up at Jack, "Bowie Base One."
"No!" Jack's eyes widened.
"What's Bowie Base One?" Gray frowned, looking at his brother's alarm.
"The first human colony on Mars," Jack explained, "In the future. It blew up with no warning, no one knew why...it's also a fixed point in time," he shook his head, not sure he wanted to know, "Doctor tell me you didn't..."
The Doctor nodded ashamedly, "I…snapped, tried to change it…" he let out a mirthless laugh, "Tried to alter a fixed point in time…and it worked for a moment or two…but…Angel, the Vortex…" he shook his head, "It used her to reverse time, to take us both back to our bodies before I changed what I did. Nearly killed her to do it. But, back then, she had no control over that, it just happened…but now…" he squeezed her hand, leaning forward to brush a lock of damp hair from her unnaturally pale face, "This time, she fought against that, against time wanting to reverse what we were doing, and…she succeeded…" he let out a breath, cross between being terrified and impressed by it, by what it could mean, "She's becoming more powerful than time itself…"
"And…that's bad?" Rory guessed.
"Time Lords were NEVER meant to take in the Vortex," he told them, "We'd become corrupt, vengeful, too powerful to be controlled…"
Amy snorted this time, actually managing to lighten the mood with her next words as well, "And you think that could ever be Angel?"
"Never ever," he murmured, a small smile appearing on his face as he looked at his Mate.
"She's an angel," Amy-O said softly, to which everyone couldn't help but agree.
~8~
Jack sat in another part of the hub, his team idly working around him as he sat with the Doctor, Rory, and the Amys. They had wanted the Doctor to eat something, to come into the hub and join them for dinner but he wouldn't leave Angel's side…not until the girl woke up. They had half-demanded he go eat something, insisted that Angel would be fine for a few minutes as Owen checked her vitals. He'd still been anxious to leave until Rory volunteered to help the other Doctor. Rory had just joined them moments ago to say everything seemed to be fine, that Angel's vitals were getting stronger, that she had woken up but was insisting the Doctor finish eating first.
Jack sighed, nodding his thanks to Rory before looking at the Doctor, "So Doc…how are you coping with everything?"
"I'm alright," the Doctor sighed, shaking his head, though they all knew he wasn't, especially with how his glance kept getting pulled to the doors that led to the med-bay and how he was trying to scarf down the food Jack had piled in front of him so he could go see Angel again, "I'm always alright."
Jack nodded slowly, "And Angel?" the Doctor was silent, "How are you coping with her?"
The Doctor looked at him, slightly confused, "What do you mean?"
Jack just looked at him, shocked, before he realized something, "You…can't see it can you?"
"See what?"
Jack tensed, glancing at his team, who had all seemed to be watching them out of the corner of their eyes, to see them exchanging looks. They knew what he was speaking of, having seen it first hand.
The Doctor seemed to notice the looks as well and turned a firm look at Jack, "Jack, see what?"
Jack sighed, getting up, "Red, Beaky," he turned to Amy and Rory, "You might want to stay with him. Tosh?"
"On it," Tosh nodded as he left, rushing to a monitor before them in the wall, flicking it on to the surveillance feed from autopsy. The Doctor frowned, scooting closer with Rory and the Amys, watching as Jack entered and motioned for Owen to leave…
Jack sat down before Angel, pulling up a small stool, "Hey sis, how are you?"
She smiled at him, sitting up on the small exam bed and shrugging just a bit, "I've got both my hearts beating again, so…"
His gaze turned more serious, "That wasn't what I was asking and you know it Angel," she looked away at the full use of her name, he only ever called her 'Angel' instead of 'Angie' or 'Ang' when he was being very very serious about something, "Do you want to die?"
The Doctor sucked in a breath, the air leaving his lungs as the question was asked…
"Why would you ask me that?" Angel frowned at him, though everyone was aware she hadn't actually answered with 'no.'
"Amy told me about your adventures since the Doctor regenerated," Jack began again, not answering her question either, "About volunteering to stay in a forest of Weeping Angels, going into a school of hostile aliens, getting abducted by Silurians, facing an invisible Krafayis, going into an exploding TARDIS…" Angel looked away, "Anyone else would think that's just you being you and helping people…but Angel…I saw that look on your face when you stepped out of the TARDIS just before, it's the same one the gang saw every day I worked here before the Year-That-Never-Was, the face I saw in the mirror, the face of someone who just...doesn't care anymore..." he leaned forward and took her face in his hands, tilting it to look at him, "Look me in the eye, Angie, and tell me…do you want to die?"
A moment later, Angel crumbled into tears as Jack pulled her into a hug.
And that was all the answer they needed.
The Doctor's mouth dropped open, stunned. His hearts stopped, he felt chilled, like ice water was running through his veins, every pore in his body being pricked by cold air, he couldn't breathe…he didn't know it had been that bad…
He winced.
Because that was a lie.
He did know, he HAD known, he could see it, feel it, in the way she hid things from him…he just hadn't wanted to believe he'd hurt her that badly that she'd been that apathetic to her own existence…
He felt Amy put a hand on his shoulder and realized...he was crying.
~8~
The Doctor passed Jack as he neared the med-bay, having left the room to go there the moment he saw the man get up from comforting Angel, having soniced the monitor off so the others couldn't watch this, this had to be private. Both of them exchanged a solemn look before the Doctor stepped into the main room of the Hub and made his way across it. He paused at the top of the stairs to autopsy, just...taking a moment to look down at Angel. She was lying on her back, staring at the ceiling, her eyes red and puffy, with a bit of moisture still in them.
He hesitated going down, because he didn't know what to say. What could you say to finding out someone you loved more than anything didn't want to live anymore? Or hadn't wanted to live at one point? He honestly wasn't sure how she felt anymore.
"You were watching," Angel spoke, already knowing he'd heard everything.
He nodded, heading down the stairs and into autopsy, "Why didn't you tell me?" he breathed, walking over to her side, taking Jack's stool and sitting beside her, holding her hand.
"When?" she asked him, not in a cruel way, but a genuine question, "You didn't remember me Theta, you wouldn't have understood, and when you did remember, I was being held by Kovarian, and then Ayla was taken, and we've been trying to find her nonstop…" she shook her head, "When would have been a good time to tell you something like that? Is there ever a good time?" she sighed, "It's not something I ever wanted you to know."
"Angel…" he shook his head, "You almost died. Trying to save someone that never would have existed…"
"But she did exist," Angel countered, looking at him, "We knew it, we met her, she was there," she shook her head, tears in her eyes, "I lost my daughter Theta, I cannot lose anyone else, not even a soon-to-be aborted future version of Amy. I can't handle losing another member of our family. I can't."
"And what if you had died saving her?" he swallowed hard, hating even the thought of it.
"Then she would be safe," she said simply.
His hearts broke at how...easily she cast off the thought that she would have died in the process. He didn't want to be selfish with what he said next, it was the LAST thing on his mind, but there was only one thing he could think to say that might get through to her, "And I would be alone."
He didn't doubt that she hadn't been thinking that he would die too. He'd seen how upset she had grown as Amy-O had been talking to Rory, how devastated and...he knew, in that sort of mental state, that it was hard to think past the moment, past the pain. He hoped very much that Angel had done what she had because, in some way, she'd known that she would survive it and rescue Amy in the process...much like she had known she would die if she want with him to face the Dalek in Van Statten's even if she hadn't realized it at the time.
He really, REALLY hoped she had felt that she would survive.
Unfortunately, his words had brought an unbidden thought to Angel's mind, no, he wouldn't be alone...because there would be River.
She winced, seeing his expression shatter at the thought that reached him, "I didn't...mean for you to hear that," she shook her head, "I didn't mean for you to ever find out I felt that way either."
He took enormous relief in how she was using the past tense just then, in that she HAD felt that way but, and he prayed so hard, that she didn't STILL feel that way.
Angel sniffled, "I didn't want you to realize how weak I was that I..."
"Hey, hey, hey," he moved closer, sitting on the side of the bed, putting his arm around her in comfort, "Nella...you aren't weak," he felt tears come to his eyes, knowing full well his actions had led her to feel that way, "No one who feels that was is weak. If anything, they just need to be reminded of how strong they really are, that they're still here," he took a breath, trying to calm down, "And you...are the strongest person I know," he held her a moment longer, waiting for her to calm down as much as she could, "When did it start?"
She looked at the ceiling instead of at him, it would be easier to do it, to tell him everything if she didn't have to truly say it to his face, to admit to him that she wasn't strong enough, good enough, for him, because this just proved it all again.
And the thought struck her again, she'd never be as perfect for him as River was…
"Nella," he cut in, reading her thoughts, needing to read her thoughts at the moment, as he squeezed her hand, River had truly done a number to her hadn't she? And he hadn't been much help. Well, he'd make sure that changed, "I will never, ever think that about you, ever. If anything, it's the reverse, you're too strong and good for me," she let out a disbelieve in laugh, "You're still here Nella," he whispered, squeezing her closer, "You've fought through all that, and you survived, you held on, you stayed…you didn't run…that's more than I can say for me," he let the silence hang a moment before repeating the question, "Now tell me, when?"
She sighed, rubbing her forehead, "When I started to realize you might never remember," she blinked quickly as tears came to her eyes but she tried to hold them in, "I tried to fool…" she swallowed hard, "I tried to convince myself that everything would be fine. That, at first, it was just you settling into a new personality, but then I saw that you'd forgotten me. Then I thought, maybe you just needed me to jog your memory a bit and it would come to you...but it didn't. So I tried to believe that you would just need time and…that's what did it. How much time? Two months had gone by when I started to wonder about that. Would it be two more months? Two years? 200 years? 2,000? 2 million? 200 trillion? Never?" her voice broke at that word, "I tried so hard to believe that it would all be ok, that I would be fine just being with you even if you never did remember…but I wouldn't have been able to stay, not after Ayla was born, it would be too complicated, hurt too much if you looked at our little girl and didn't believe she was yours…I'm stronger than I know, but I'm not that strong…"
The Doctor looked down at that, Angel was guarding her emotions even now. Her thoughts were coming through, her mind too tired and worn to hide much, but her emotions...she wasn't hiding them exactly, but dimming them. He knew the pain and fear he was feeling from her was only a fraction of what she had truly felt, what she was feeling even now.
"What would you have done?" he asked her quietly, "If I hadn't remembered?"
"Gone to Sarah Jane," she shrugged, "She offered me help if I ever needed it, she could tell I was pregnant when we dealt with the Shansheeth and I told her what happened, what I knew of it. I would have gone to her and then, as Ayla grew older, probably contacted Jack and Torchwood for help, but it wouldn't be the same to raise her knowing her uncles and aunts but not her father…"
He was silent for a moment, absorbing her words, trying to come to terms with just HOW close he'd come to never knowing his daughter if he hadn't remembered when he had, before asking the question he already knew the answer to, but he needed to hear it from her. He told himself it was to confirm it all, but deep down, he knew it was because her answer would hurt him badly, and he deserved far worse a punishment than that for what he'd put her through, "I hurt you that badly by forgetting, didn't I?"
She was silent a moment as well, "It's...difficult...to want to live when your reason for living won't even look at you," she answered quietly.
He winced, closing his eyes, feeling his hearts break at that. He knew that, whatever she was feeling, it had been made multiple time worse by the Mating. Mating meant...everything to their people, it meant that your Mate was, quite literally, the person you lived for. To have him 'rejecting' her the way he had had just been...torture, for her, had just hurt her all the more. Mating was serious, it was everlasting, and it was NOT something to be entered into lightly, to reject the Mating...it was...unheard of. You literally felt everything your Mate did and to reject them, to do anything to hurt them, was equal to hurting yourself and so much worse because you had to live with the knowledge that you were the reason they were hurting. It was why so many Mated pairs rarely ever fought as terribly as the simply 'married' pairs did. The Mating gave insight to the other person, gave understanding, and gave a need to see them happy and unharmed. Matings were magical and deep and to do what he had done, even unknowingly, was horrible.
But Angel squeezed his hand, pulling his attention back, "But I found another reason," she looked down a bit, the tears coming now that they'd moved onto an equally, if a bit more, painful topic, "At first it was hard to believe I actually had another reason and I was terrified, truly scared that I would lose that too, like mum and my sister had, it was so...small, but...as time went on and it grew larger, I was less afraid I'd lose it and it became a reason to go on…"
"Ayla," he nodded.
"Ayla," she agreed, trying to smile at the thought of her daughter despite her pain.
He had started to smile as well, at how their daughter had given her hope like Angel always gave him hope...and then he shook his head fiercely, "Don't. Don't do that Nella. Please don't."
"Don't do what?" she looked up at him, actually confused as to what he was talking about.
"That. What you always do. You're trying to make me feel better, you're trying to make me feel less guilty about all this. I forgot you. I hurt you. I made it so you didn't want to live anymore," his voice broke at that as more tears filled his eyes, "And you're trying to make ME feel better? I don't deserve it, I don't deserve you…" he swallowed hard, "I deserve a worse hell than what the Teselecta sentenced Melody to."
Angel's response was to simply give him a small smile, "I do it because I love you, Theta," he looked at her as though stunned that she could even still consider having feelings for him, let alone good ones, after everything, "And I always will. Forget me, remember me, love me, hate me, it doesn't matter because I will ALWAYS love you. You are my Mate, it's my job to bring you peace not pain. And, as I told you once, I have no desire for revenge, least of all against you. I can't use this to hurt you Theta, and I won't, because...this? It isn't something I want you to suffer with," she looked up at him, "We need each other, now more than ever," she gently put her hand on the side of his face, stroking his cheek, "I can't survive without you Theta, I can't do this alone, I need you."
"I need you too," he breathed, leaning into her touch, sniffling, "I will make this up to you Nella."
"You have nothing to make up for," she told him softly, despite the fact that they both knew he really did have quite a lot to make up for.
But she couldn't help but admit...how she felt...it was partially her own fault too. She COULD have left, she could have gone to Sarah Jane earlier, she could have avoided all of the pain, or at least some of it. But she hadn't. She had decided to stay, yes, mostly to protect Rory and try to help Amy, but...the point was, she could have left but she didn't. And because of that, she had been left there to watch River and the Doctor and deal with everything with the Silence and Ayla.
The Doctor closed his eyes, kissing her forehead before turning her to hold her close, resting his chin on her head, "Then I will spend the rest of my lives being the best Mate ever," he promised her lightly...
His eyes snapped open, feeling the briefest flash of...fear...shoot through her before it disappeared.
He knew better than to ask her about it, not now. This was far too trying a time to try and force any more truths from her, it had taken her nearly dying to find out about this. He would talk to her later, when things had calmed down, when they settled. But he WOULD ask her, he would ask her why she felt fear at his last words.
There was only one thing he really did need to know, "Do you...I mean, is it still...are you...do..."
"No," she cut in gently, laying her head half on his shoulder, half on his chest, "I...I don't still feel that way," she murmured, knowing what he'd wanted to ask. What had happened before was a...lapse...it was everything just getting to her. She'd seen it in Jack, during the Year-That-Never-Was, he got better near the end but, every so often, she saw flashes of that look in his eyes once more before it disappeared.
He swallowed hard, she had said that when she 'lost him' she'd found another reason to live in Ayla...but their daughter was gone, "Are...are you sure?"
She closed her eyes a moment and shifted her head to look up at him, "Look at me Theta," and he did, he looked down at her, into her beautiful eyes, and she managed a small smile, "One of my reasons for living is looking at me again, isn't he?" she asked him, "And we WILL find the second, won't we?"
He managed a small smile as well, realizing what she was saying, all she really needed was him, as much as he needed her, "Yes, he is," he nodded, "And yes we will," he added, moving to rest his chin on her head once more as she snuggled into him.
~8~
"You should do it now Jack," the Doctor murmured as he and Jack stood in the back of the room, watching as Angel said goodbye to the Torchwood team on the other side of the room by the TARDIS, Amy and Rory already in the box, ready to head out, Amy-O staying with the team.
"Do what?" Jack asked as he stood beside the Doctor, his arms crossed, looking out at Angel, his eyes on her instead of the man talking to him.
"Punch me," the Doctor explained, "The team's distracting her," he watched as Gray and Angel shared a very tight hug, his jaw clenching as he repeated a mantra in his mind that it was her 'brother' and to stop, "She might not notice or see it coming if you do it quickly."
Jack let out a long breath, "I'm not gonna hit you Doc."
The Doctor blinked and looked at him, "You're not?" the man had punched him for simply letting Angel get captured and not noticing. This...this was FAR worse than that and he...wasn't getting hit for it?
"Not this time at least," Jack swallowed, and the Doctor could see there were actually tears in his eyes, "We all saw it," he continued quietly, "We SAW how unhappy she was every time she contacted us or we contacted her," he shook his head, "We all noticed something was...off, but we didn't..." he cut off, his voice breaking a moment before he cleared it, "We're all to blame for not saying something earlier, for not checking in more, for not asking her about it. We were...we were trying to give her space but we...and she felt..." he stopped talking.
The Doctor nodded, "I understand," and he did, and he knew that, no matter what, no matter how guilty Jack or anyone else felt...HE felt worse, because Angel had been with him more than anyone and he SHOULD have noticed. He HAD noticed she wasn't happy but he just...hadn't made the connection, he cursed the memory loss once more.
"Just...do me a favor Doc," Jack looked at him, finally pulling his gaze away from Angel as Tosh and Gwen gave her a group hug.
"Anything Jack."
Jack nodded, "Take care of her," he whispered, staring the man down, "Just...be a doctor, and make her feel better because...we can't."
It was hard to admit that. To admit that he couldn't help his little sister the same way the Doctor could. It didn't matter if he was Angel's 'brother' or not, this was...this was something so far beyond anything he could really help with. Angel could have come to stay with them, and when she had he'd been able to help her a little...but this...this was something the Doctor would need to do, need to resolve, and need to take care of. The entire family could be there for her, but...if the Doctor wasn't too...he knew they'd only be able to help just a little and not...really HEAL her completely. The Doctor had been the one to build her up from the girl she started as to the girl she'd regenerated into, it had been mostly HIM, and HE would have to be the one to make her ok once more.
And that was ALL he wanted, Angel to be ok again.
"I will Jack," the Doctor nodded, "I will do anything to see it happen."
Jack nodded as well, "Good."
A/N: Didn't I say we'd find out just HOW bad Angel felt from the Vincent episode here? :( I suppose now we know why she was able to relate to him so well :'( But I snuck bits of fluff in there too! :) And Jack! ^-^ And...I can say that's probably the BIGGEST issue for them to deal with. There are still...2 more, but definitely not as big as this doozy was :) And fluff! Can't forget the fluff ;)
Yay! Amy was saved, both Amys! ^-^ I felt SO bad for future Amy, how she gave up her life essentially to save her younger self, how she told Rory not to let her into the TARDIS, I just really wanted to save her :) And, I think, one thing that's always kept Angel from really letting loose with the Vortex was knowing that, if she did something too big, it could kill her, here there was still a residual of her wanting to die from earlier, she just, in that moment, didn't care what happened to her and went for it :(
Oh, quick note, I snuck a little line in here from Supernatural, so virtual cookies to anyone who spots it. I can hint it's from the 'Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid' episode ;)
I can't believe Series 6 will be over in about...2 weeks! Oh man! I can also say that a question was brought up on tumblr that I feel I should probably put here. It was asked that, if we hit 1500 reviews, if I'd answer how Angel can forget forever but not all that long at all. I can say that I will consider answering that, and, if we hit 1250, I would announce then if I'd answer or not :)
And we made it to another sneak peek! Woo! You guys amaze me constantly :)
~8~
Angel gasped and spun around from where Amy and Rory and Rita were talking in the dining room, "Doctor!" she bolted out of the room, Amy and Rory racing after her as Rita smiled and headed out slowly after them.
Angel ran up the stairs and around a corridor, coming to a sudden stop, Amy and Rory nearly running into her back as they took in the sight before them. The Doctor was sitting before a closed door with '11' on it, his back to the wall, his knees up, his head in his knees, his hands over the back of his head, shaking, crying…
~8~
All I can say is that I think you probably know what episode this is from but...it's SO much worse than it appears... }:D
Some notes on reviews...
Thanks :) I'm glad you're excited for the next Time Lady story and for the future stories too :) I'm excited as well, I miss good River very much ;)
Oh Torchwood would enjoy that very much }:)
I can't say what causes the amnesia for Angel, we'll have to wait and see }:)
That's cool :) I can definitely see what you mean about the difference between 2000 and 36 and how Rory chose to be there where Amy was forced :) It could slightly be argued that Amy had adventures too, exploring all the rooms of the facility and learning about time and things, and if she had that conversation with her future self as she implied she might have known exactly when Rory would arrive :) I touched a little here on why Amy didn't resent Angel, all those people Angel saved made quite the impact on her lol :) I have no idea how she was able to hack the Interface lol, I wish they had explained that more in the show. Maybe she asked it hypothetical questions about how to reprogram something and then used the same techniques? Not sure :) She might have asked the Interface how to make a probe though or for lessons on physics :)
Lol, nope, Amy couldn't really blame Angel, sort of hinted at why here, she knew for a fact that Angel had been able to save people the Doctor couldn't and was hoping it might happen for her too :) But I agree, I think it also hit harder for her because the Doctor was HER Pilot and the one she trusted most yup :) I think she'll be very happy now that both she and her past self are alive and well ^-^ I think, if Chen7 hadn't affected Time Lords and it was Angel...she probably would have just gotten quieter, maybe learned more about things she didn't know before, and disabled all the Handbots so there wouldn't have been any danger to the Doctor when he came to get her :) She spent centuries working in TARDISes and essentially alone and happy being alone, she'd probably just build things and work on things and pass the time waiting :( I think Rory needed to be the one to make the decision, it was his wife and the one who would be with younger Amy even after they stopped travelling with the Doctor :) I agree, the guilt is what makes him good, if he felt nothing then he'd be very...dark and very bad :( I think Angel's trials are more ways to make her amazing and build her up into a stronger person, for Evy and the Professor, they were already confident and incredible, but Angel's really about journey to see her becoming it and growing :) The bad definitely make us appreciate the good :) Yup, Angel will still leave the TARDIS at one point in the future, I can't say how it happens, but I can say that it won't be the Doctor who leaves her, not after this chapter :)
I'm glad the stories make you happy :) I hope it continues to do so in the future :)
Ayla isn't dead :) Ayla was the little girl in the spacesuit that the Time Lords were trying to save (NOT the one at the Lake) and she is the little girl regenerating in NY. I was being truthful when I said that Ayla would die. I just never finished with ...and regenerate ;) So at the moment she IS alive. It'll depend on whether the Silence or the Time Lords find her after she finishes regenerating to determine if she'll continue to survive or truly die }:)
Yes, that's part of the Mating, being able to read the other's mind :) It's a symbol of trust and understanding, getting a new perspective :)
Lol, the two words were Angel saying 'Not Always' when the Doctor remarks about how living is better than dying ;)
Lol, nope, they can't have a normal husband/wife relationship, because Mating isn't a marriage, it's alien and different and would end up with a different dynamic than a marriage would :) The Doctor WAS married before he met Angel, but with the War that's gone :( I sort of touched on here why they don't fight often, the Mating, being able to feel the other's emotions and hear their thoughts sort of tampers that off. They can't yell and shout and scream at each other because it hurts the other, and because of that, hurts themselves as well. Being able to have that connection also gives them understanding and insight into the other's mind :) I can say there will be moments, like here, where there are tense situations, where they WILL fight a little about things, but never all out screaming :) They're not married, or 'together' or partners, but Mates, which, as detailed in the past 6 stories, is a much deeper and more profound relationship. It takes YEARS to reach the point of finishing the Mating in which time they HAVE to get that close ;) I can say that Angel will develop more strength to her and stand up for herself, but this is a story about the journey to it, and the setbacks of it, being timid IS a fault that Angel will be working on and overcome one day. But it can't happen over night. Here she's dealing with more than any woman should and it will take time to heal, but we will see her standing up for herself and getting a bit of spunk and fight to her ;)
They might find Ayla first, but then the Silence might as well :) They don't know she's dead nope, because she's not, currently, dead ;) When we saw the future Angel she never actually said that the baby died, she said 'I held her for an hour and then she was gone' }:) She never specifically said 'and then she died,' Rory was the one who assumed she meant the baby died when she said the baby was gone ;) I did say that Ayla will die, and she IS, she's currently dying (AND regenerating) in New York :) It will depend on who finds her first as to whether Ayla will continue to survive or die due to circumstances/the Silence training and things :)
I can say that Time Lords DO age in this story, I try to come up with different aging processes for each of my OC series. There'll be more about it in a later chapter, but I can say that they age very slowly at first and then stop, usually, however, around puberty (when their bodies change drastically) they can choose to age at a normal, almost human rate, but more like a slower human rate. So, in this story, the 1st Doctor would have chosen to age like his favorite species ;) But there'll be more about that later :) I am planning to write more Time Lady stories but all for NewWho, however a few AU versions of this series (and the Lunar Cycle, and Academic Series) might attempt at looking more at Classic Who. But I can't say for sure because I would only consider myself ready to write them once I've seen Classic Who and it would take me about 2 years watching 1 episode a day to catch up to that, so I can't really promise my stories will enter Classic Who territory till then. My story Recollections tries to do that a bit with bringing up the 1st and 6th and 7th Doctor and things :) I'm glad you're considering writing your own New Who story :) I wish you the best of luck with it! :)
Angel will definitely be getting stronger, we saw it here, how strong she really is, now if she could just see it herself lol :) But yup, the paradox was brought up and explained a little bit :) Didn't stop Angel though ;)
Oh Amy is SO lucky, I LOVE Rory so much and I really just wanted to highlight a little bit just how much he's grown throughout this story :) Lol, I would love to see Stewie and Alfie meeting one day ^-^ I can say you're very close with Clara, she'll definitely be a member of the family ;) Oh boy, just wait till she meets Jack! Lol :) I'm very excited for Dinosaurs too :) Oh I'll be going all the way into whatever the show does, Capaldi and beyond for each and every TL series I do ;)
Not weird at all :) I'm excited for them too :)