.:Chapter Thirty-Seven:.

Finally

Usually I don't write on my journal this often but you've always told me to write about everything even if it's something that you think is small. Okay, I don't really do that, but this was something I felt I needed to write down. Call it excitement whatever, but all I can say is finally.

Finally, I feel like things in my life are working out. I want to get better at school, I don't want to be so negative about everything, and I want to focus on the future and what that can bring. Rhuben reminded me of that, actually. I called her right after I threw up again and I poured everything out to her, how I found out I was going to be back on the basketball team and how all of that made me throw up again.

She was very helpful. If I didn't have her to help me I don't know what I would do. "Setbacks like that are normal, Zack," She explained gently to me. "It's like, PTSD in a way. You went back to the place you've been before, the place that basically made you binge and purge and exercise yourself to death. So it's not uncommon that you didn't know how to deal with it. I have the same issues when I go back into a dance studio every now and then, or when I think about performing for something. As much as I love it, I know it was a big part of the reason why I did start and can be something I can start again, yeah?"

"What about with Robert?" I asked her.

There was a long pause and I knew she knew what I was talking about. She and her siblings had decided to come back to Boston after their Christmas trip to Australia. I don't know if it was because of something I said, or maybe that Cody said, or if they wanted to be around their friends more, but I was honestly a bit surprised. It had to be hard to go back knowing Robert was trying so hard to get in contact with them again when they probably didn't know how to feel.

"That's an entirely other thing," Rhuben said after a long moment and I could practically see her rubbing at the scar in her eyebrow, the same way she always did when she wasn't sure how to respond to a question that was asked. "That's like…trying to get closure but not knowing whether or not the closure is going to result in what we want or getting a backhand to the face. I don't even know what's going on with that. With Robert you never know."

"Mhm."

I didn't know what to say. As a matter of fact if it were me I would have no idea how to react, really. He did hurt them for a long time, but as they also said, he was stuck in a vicious cycle of abuse himself. I was floored when, after he was taken away and it was all brought to light, they felt a little bad for him. Scratch that. I know how I feel. The guy didn't have to do the same thing his father did and he put my Mom in danger. That's that. As far as I know he didn't do anything to Mom but if he did…

That's not the point; I'm getting back to my point.

"Seriously, Zack. There are always going to be times where you relapse, if you want to call it that, or even bloody think you'll be nothing more than your disease. But that's normal. It's to be expected. This isn't easy and if it were, it wouldn't be a disease that's constantly being researched. The best thing you can do is find something to take your mind off it. And I've told you before, mate, I'm always here to help."

"Yeah," I replied, holding my phone tightly. "Thanks."

"Actually, I think I know something that can help you. Do you already have plans for New Year's?"

And that's how me, Cody, Mom, Dad, and all of our friends ended up in New York. I knew the Jacksons and Crystal were partially Japanese, but I didn't know their Japanese grandparents lived in the US. I always thought they lived in Japan. But no, they live in a nice, high-rise condo in New York. (Of course there's a Tipton hotel in New York where the rest of us stayed, Mr. Moseby was so excited about us leaving that on top of Mom's discount for working at a Tipton, and he took off even more money for the nightly fare. I have no idea how he did that but there's something to be said about annoying a hotel manager enough so that he makes your stay amazing when you leave his side).

Anyway, Hiroki and Autumn Himada (the grandparents) are awesome. Hiroki is Japanese and Autumn is American and its amazing how well they've adjusted to each other's cultures to use it to live in harmony. We were supposed to take off our shoes every time we went into their house as well as give specific prayers to different statues that were situated within the apartment. Then Autumn certainly showed us what New York was really like. We went to Times Square, the Rockefeller Center, and underground clubs and art galleries that I had no idea were even there. To be honest I thought they would bore me to death (having to go on field trips like that were usually for a grade than anything else and I would rather be anywhere than there at the moment) but they were pretty cool.

Again, not the point.

I know you were the one telling me that I shouldn't alter my life too drastically, but then you were also the one that told me I shouldn't give up on what makes me normal. (Honestly, Dr. Morrison that just makes things really confusing. I date as I usually do but then that ended up with the whole Sadie debacle. But then the idea of not dating is…weird. And to be honest I don't know if it's weird or if I just don't like to be alone). Which is what made things hard for me and Riley at times. Don't get me wrong, I think the world of every girl in my life that has stayed in my life despite all of their flaws. (I don't think they get how annoying it can be when they all jump on me in 'Mom-mode' or do that things that make the rest of us guys feel stupid. It's not our fault we do off the wall things to have fun).

Flaws and faults aside I had a feeling that things were going to work out for me with the New Year. I mean its romantic right? And we were away from Boston so there wasn't any baggage that was being brought along as well…and it helped that the Himadas' apartment had a great view of the city and the lights and everything made it better.

So, it was New Year's Eve and we were having a party, having a lot of fun. I was talking with Hiroki, trying to learn some of the common Japanese phrases he had been using that weekend—when Cody and Bailey weren't constantly drilling into the man's head everything he knew about Japan and Japanese culture, I'm surprised the man sat so still and patiently with them. I would've punched them in the face. And it was awesome to see the Jacksons and Crystal able to speak with him and even Autumn in the foreign language with as much ease as they spoke English, translating for everyone else that didn't understand.

Then it was about a half hour before the ball dropped—not that we could see it from where we were, but as Autumn said it was better to be in the comfort of your home than on the streets—and just hanging out and talking. I don't know if there was like a signal or something that I missed but the next thing I knew, everyone else was in the den leaving me and Riley in the living room. Not that I cared so much but geez guys, you can be a little less obviously.

Subtlety is key.

"So what do you have planned for your resolution for the New Year?" I asked her, to break the ice. Not that I was nervous, but she could be pretty quiet when she wanted to be or filled with as much energy. Tough I've learned over the years that when she was quiet there was generally a storm brewing that was only moments away of exploding.

Riley smirked at the question, gently rolling her eyes. "I haven't made a New Year's resolution in years. They never end up coming true."

"That's because you have no will power," I teased her.

"I don't think a resolution of trying not to let my anger get the best of me is having no will power," Riley commented easily. She looked away for a moment. "Especially when most of the time it wasn't my fault."

My eyebrows furrowed together. "What do you mean?"

Riley sighed heavily and sat up, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. "I mean, you were partially right as to why I wanted to go back home. I was running away. But not from Robert. I don't ever want to run away from him anymore, I don't want to be afraid of him anymore. I ran away from knowing that I can't blame anything on him anymore. I can't blame my temper, the massive amount of energy that I show off trying to keep from…" she closed her eyes. "Now I'm trying to avoid the topic. Okay." She brushed her hair back from her face. "I didn't want to have to deal with knowing I'm the real reason that things have been so weird, why I'm always so hot and cold around you from one minute to the next, why I can even be a jerk to my best friends."

I waited for her to continue.

"I suffer from bipolar disorder and I haven't been taking much of my medication for it recently. It's hard…because when I'm on my medication I'm numb, I don't feel much of anything because it stabilizes my mood. But when I'm off it I'm allowed to actually feel everything, it gives me the chance to reach my full potential, to be more creative because I have more energy, yeah? But the downside…I go into manic mode and when that happens it's when I'm at a high, basically. It's when I feel more like myself because it's when I'm at my happiest, when I have a lot of energy, and I smile a lot more, and I'm more open…but the flipside of that high is when I get angry and it comes in fast." She snapped her fingers to emphasize her point. "Then there's the crash where I don't…care and I don't want people around me and I fall too far into darkness and wanting to be alone so I don't hurt anyone and so no one hurts me."

I held my breath, listening to everything she explained to me and I felt like I had an epiphany. It made so much sense. I mean, yeah there was a chance that she didn't like me. But I knew there was a reason why it was so obvious to everyone and yet she continued to deny it. I knew there was a reason why she was constantly flipping back and forth over how she felt. (Of which the information came from Cody as she usually wouldn't say it to me no matter how bluntly honest she could be).

"That, coupled with Robert coming back just…I couldn't handle it, and I needed to get away," she said.

"Well," I said after a second. "I'm glad there's finally an explanation. I mean, Tom, one of the people I met in the hospital, he was bipolar too, but I didn't really know—"

"—Not everyone reacts the same way to it," she explained. "The general chemical imbalance in the brain is what links it, but there are those who suffer more form depression others who suffer more from mania, but it usually comes in a pattern of years. Thankfully I was diagnosed years before but…" she ran a hand through her hair. "I don't like the way I feel when I'm being treated so I'm constantly at a fucking battle of wills with it."

"Well, if we're going to be admitting things here," I said. I hadn't known when I wanted to bring this up. But it seemed as good a time as any. And Riley seemed to be in a good mood all day so maybe I wouldn't get hurt too badly from her embarrassment. "You know last year how we did that trade where you helped me with the guitar if I helped you with your swimming?"

Riley shrugged and nodded.

"I know how to play the guitar," I admitted.

Riley's eyebrows rose then lowered. "I'm sorry?" she asked, blinking rapidly.

"I know how to play the guitar."

Even repeating it, I could see she was having trouble grasping the seriousness of what I had just said. I tried not to laugh but the look on her face was just so funny. "No, you don't," she insisted and I could her frustration starting to come into her voice. "I watched you play, mate, you were actually pretty bad at it."

"You do realize you're telling this to the guy who can pretend that he doesn't understand what people are telling met o get out of things, right?" I pointed out. "Besides, I can't have a Dad who's in a rock band and not know how to play the guitar." I mean, really? Even Cody had wanted to play at one point because Dad promised that it was a great way to meet girls. But then he got his first callous and it hurt him so badly that he decided to stop playing. (At least that's what he told me, as far as I can tell he just hated how much it broke into his study time).

Riley shook her head but didn't say anything else. But then I noticed the smile on her face, the one that was real and let me know she wasn't angry over being duped. Maybe flattered a little. If not impressed that she had been tricked so easily. One thing I actually greatly dislike about her is how perceptive she can be, especially when I lie or am at least thinking about lying.

"Changing the subject, since you don't do resolutions, can I at least say Happy New Year?" I asked. I don't know why I lowered my voice. Maybe my body realized what was going on before I did. I don't know.

"Happy New Year, to you too, Z," she replied, absentmindedly running her hand through her hair. "Though I hope this one is better than the last."

I scratched the back of my head and, catching a glimpse at the time reading on my watch, shifted closer to her on the couch. She didn't move back, so that was a good sign. Then I felt myself starting to lose a little bit of confidence. "Ah…will I get punched for doing this?" I asked.

"That depends." Her eyes flashed with amusement. "If you plan on making things awkward by sending out anymore naked pictures of yourself?"

"Hell no," I replied quickly. "I'm never making that mistake again." It took me that long to get Sadie off my back and…okay, I don't completely regret it. I learned from my mistake. But I wouldn't do it again. Not when it made things so vulnerable and weird and scary. Then I grinned at her. "I mean, if you still have it on your phone you can look at it at your leisure."

Reaching out, Riley pushed my face away from hers as she rolled her eyes. "I deleted that almost as soon as it came to my phone."

"Yeah, right," I teased.

"Yeah, right," She replied. "You try explaining that to Uncle Christian if he ever picked up my phone."

My smile immediately faded. I hadn't thought of that. I just assumed everyone knew and it was only a matter of time until Mom and Dad found out, even though I did my best to keep that from happening. Even Maddie and Julius knew and they didn't go to our school. But that just proved my thought; with a group of friends as big as mine a secret wasn't a secret for too long.

"Well, the next time I go over there I'll at least expect for him to threaten me in some way," I said honestly. Weren't all dads supposed to do that anyway? "Like I said, it was a mistake." I looked at her meaningfully. "Besides, someone made me realize that I can do anything…even be in a relationship if I don't doubt myself. If I had known that before…I'm an idiot." I lifted my hand before dropping it back to the couch with my matter-of-fact statement. "I've managed to screw things up so many times that I can't even count but you're still there. To support me, to care, even just to make me laugh. You keep telling me that I'm better than what I think of myself, that I'm smarter, more attractive—"

"I never said that," Riley interrupted.

"I know; I threw that one in for myself." I smiled as Riley laughed. She turned her head away and Zack followed her, keeping his eyes on her. He noticed the corner of her mouth start to turn up. "So what do you say? Will you give me another chance?" He paused. "Why do you like me anyway?"

I may have asked her that question before, I don't know. But I don't remember ever getting as straightforward of an answer as Riley gave to me that time.

"Number one reason being that whenever I told you 'no' to dates you never pressured me into it or make me feel guilty about it. Even when were joking around to ask me out and I said 'no'. And the fact that you went out with other people is something I liked because that meant you weren't fixated on me like some sort of stalker."

Pressing his lips together, Zack's eyes shifted towards the ceiling. "That…might…be…debatable," he ground out, causing Riley to laugh once more.

"And you make me laugh," she said. "Which is always good in my book. Either that or I'm completely crazy, yeah?"

"Well, I just got out of a mental hospital this past summer so I guess we're two peas in a pod." I looked her in the eye. "Ley, I want nothing but for you to be happy and even if that meant you being with someone else, then that was okay with me. I'm not a bitter person. Call me a hopeless romantic but I always had a feeling that you would change your mind about me, so I never gave up hope." I pressed his palms together. "So…what do you say? Don't make me throw in the puppy dog eyes, I may be seventeen but it still has some power."

I'm being completely seriously; my puppy dog look still works on the right people.

Riley flicked her hair out of her face, finally turning back to me. "If it'll get you to stop begging. Though I'm surprised you haven't gone as far to kiss my feet." She held up her hand. "Don't ever do that by the way."

"Promise." I tilted my head to the side and flashed the most charming smile I could manage. It was one thing to say you would give someone a chance and another to prove it. "You do know there's a New Year's tradition, right? I mean, we got the bright lights and everything"

"Ah, well." Riley threw up her hands in mock exasperation. Then she smiled back a smile I hadn't seen in a long time. "Who am I to deny tradition?"

You probably don't need all of these next details and everything but I'm in a good mod so read at your leisure. (Pleasure? Leisure? I'll ask Cody which word is better to use later).

I leaned and pressed his forehead against Riley's, giving her a chance to pull back if she wanted, before I tilted my head and kissed her. I have to admit, I was a bit taken aback at Riley's eagerness when she kissed him back, bringing her hands up and lacing them together behind my neck. I swear I felt my heart stop. Or maybe I was holding my breath too long. I don't know. I thought I was going to pass out, how's that for imagery? (I do pay attention sometimes, Miss. Tutweiller).

We kissed again, this time a slower kiss and only stopped when my idiot of a brother interrupted us. I mean, I may mess with him from time to time but I never cut in on him when he's with a girl. (Okay, Jolie aside, but she was French. And I got her in the end so that doesn't matter. You know, I've been asked why I've never been into Crys and Rhu and I really don't have a reason for it other than it just doesn't work. I can't say I haven't thought about it, but with those two we're better as friends. They're both very beautiful and very hot (I always have to bring it up) but I don't know…and its' not like I haven't kissed them before. I have. I've kissed Bailey, too. But a relationship, no. I don't know).

I scowled as Cody clasped his hands together and fell to his knees. "Thank you. Thank you so much. Finally, I'm free!"

"Cody—"Riley started.

"Ignore him," I quickly interrupted her, shaking his head. I took Riley's attention away from Cody; I brought my hand up underneath Riley's chin and tilted her head back and kissed her again.

So the rest of our friends, hearing Cody's cries, reacted essentially the same way as he did. Saying 'finally' and 'took you long enough'. I think I even saw Tapeworm give Bailey some money, too. And, honestly, I have to agree with them.

Finally.

Finally things were getting better.

-Zack

A/N: If you follow us on Twitter ( DarkElements10) you'll know this chapter came about because I annoyed myself with how long it took for me to get to this point. I had another idea for this chapter but then realized this worked better (for timing/pacing purposes) and pushed back my other idea to the next chapter.

Finally, right? But as I've said on Twitter, I am someone that relishes in slow-burns of couples and Riley and Zack had a lot they needed to work through before they could get together. In my defense there were good reasons they hadn't gotten together yet as Riley and Zack had explained here, but geez, fucking finally.

Fun Fact: Of all of fandoms I write in and the pairings I write (canon pairings and with OCs) Ziley is the relationship that would take the longest to actually get together if we were going by canon. (Not sure of the ones for Rhu, you'd have to ask her). They wouldn't get together until the very last episode of Suite Life on Deck: Graduation on Deck. That was what I was gearing towards when having first written the 'Episode Collection' series as some of you may remember it, but never completed it. But who knows; at some point I may do what I do with BTR and Flash stories and write the show with my deviations and ideas added in.

As it is I still have the re-write of the Home series as well maybe a sequel to Downfall to do and I'm working on those as well, as well as a Ziley-centered romance story, as well as another romance centered story that has to do with multiple pairings.

Anyway, thanks for reading, I'll update again soon.

Cheers

-Riles