****This is a short Jasper outtake. Please don't read it if you'd prefer to keep only to Edward's POV. I will post all the rest of the Jasper outtakes when the story is completed.*****

This is unbeta'd and not pre-read by anyone. All mistakes are my own.

MA: This story will have explicit and lemony scenes. If boy x boy relations offend you please don't read any further.

*****iwtfy*****

This outtake takes place on Valentine's Day, after Edward moves out of his parent's home and before Jasper calls him.

*****iwtfy*****

He picked out a simple card. It had the requisite red heart on the cover and Happy Valentine's Day greeting, but the inside was completely blank. He liked the whiteness of the inner pages and he knew he needed all that space for his letter - a letter to a lover he'd never experience. Oh he had someone specific in mind, but the fact that they'd never be lovers was a fact he drilled into himself on an almost daily basis. It was an inner battle he'd come so close to losing. And if he had, lost that is, he might have gained the love of his life. But at what cost and for how long? When the day came that Edward realized what kind of man he was, well, he never wanted to see that look. It would gut him. He didn't think it was a situation he could ever recover from. No, it was better this way. Tennyson was only human, who's to say he was smart enough to know about love in all situations. No, he was definitely wrong in this particular case.

If he was honest with himself, the idea of becoming lovers was only a problem for him. He had a past he was ashamed of, and the idea that his lover would one day feel dirty for having been with him was all the incentive he needed to keep his course. Last summer he'd let Edward take the fall and make their breakup real, but it was an outcome that would have happened no matter what. He knew his boy still had hopes for a future together, but he also knew that a teenager's heart was fickle and he'd move on, most likely long before his own. That was why he'd stayed away for so long, never allowing a moment of weakness to morph into direct contact. He was too weak for that.

When he got home, pleased that he had the condo to himself, he sat down at the dining room table and penned the letter quickly, his hopes, his dreams, and his feelings for a non-existent future came pouring out like a faucet set on full spray. For the first time he confessed about his past. He clarified how his fears would have surely become realized if they'd become lovers while Edward was so young. He compared their ages with those of his first relationship and he explained how when he thought of James he felt dirty and could only feel disgust for the man. Not at all the way he'd felt as a teenager. It had taken years for the realization of what he'd been through to cultivate into a clear understanding. It had taken maturity. The idea that Edward would have one day felt the same for him was beyond painful. It was what made his conviction strong. He didn't want to be James. He didn't want to follow in the cycle.

Once the card was filled with his messy scrawl, Jasper sealed it in the red envelope and put it in a shoebox in his closet. He had no intention of actually giving it to Edward. It felt cathartic, yet depressing to have written out his justifications, but he had no intention of ever sharing them - at least not while Edward was still so young. He wanted Edward to have no regrets, to have a healthy relationship with someone closer to his age.

Maybe on some valentine's day in years to come he might retrieve the card out of the box and share it with Edward.

It was a small sliver of hope he usually never allowed himself to have.

Tired, he fell into bed for a nap.

Tomorrow, he'd make himself forget what'd he'd written.

Tomorrow, he would once again convince himself they didn't have a future together.

It was the only way.

*****iwtfy*****

So, I'm a little nervous…. Let me know your thoughts!

F.Y.I. Jasper will eventually explain a little more about his past and James. No, he wasn't abused, and in reality it is nothing like what's going on between him and Edward. But, he can't see that for himself at this point. Edward's going to try though. :)

Thanks for reading!