Christian frantically paced the hallway directly outside their bedroom, silently cursing to himself, the purple-bluish tendons and veins in his neck about to burst.
His stomach lurched when he heard the bathroom door creak open. What was left of his heart shattered when he saw his wife, her anguished face soaked in tears and her eyes puffy and hollow.
He ran past Flynn toward her but stopped when Ana recoiled from him, stumbling backward into a dresser, fearful and confused.
"Baby," he choked out, trying to tame the storm of emotions threatening to inundate him. "Don't be scared. It's just me. Please. Did you see the video?"
Ana vacantly nodded, the fight seeping out of her.
"Ana, would you like to sit down?" Flynn stepped in.
She nodded again, shuffling to the side of the bed before looking up at her distraught husband. His skin was a ghastly shade of white and his own bloodshot eyes were rimmed with tears. The knuckles on his right hand were swollen. She assumed there was a wall somewhere nearby with a giant gaping hole in it.
"The girls?" Ana blurted out. "Did they hear us? Where are they?"
"They're fine," Christian reassured her, standing as close to her as possible without spooking her. "They didn't see anything. I told them we both had work emergencies at the office and asked if they wanted to spend the night at Gail's. They jumped at the chance. I know you don't like them to see us when we're fighting or upset."
"Thank you. I'll call them later," she said, her voice scratchy. She cleared her throat and went on, drained but determined. "I have a few questions that I need answers to."
"Yes baby," Christian said, his eyes riveted on her every movement.
She wrapped her arms around her waist, hugging herself tightly. Christian flinched. She's hiding herself from me. Hiding her stomach again. It's so unconscious she doesn't even know she's doing it.
"Go ahead Ana. Whenever you're ready," Flynn counseled.
"I want nothing but honesty. No lies. And no lies by fucking omission either," she demanded, the force of her tone startling both men.
Christian nodded, contrite. He hovered over her, still as a statue, trepidation written all over his face.
"Is this video real? Was it manipulated in any way?"
His furrowed his brows. "What? Of course not. I swear on my fucking life it's real. I wouldn't even know where to begin fabricating something like that. You know I record important interactions in my office. I just called Barney to get the tape. He put it directly on there. I swear…"
"OK," Ana cut off Christian's heated tirade. "I don't know how this tech stuff works so I had to ask."
"Ana, listen to me. The video is authentic. I didn't tamper with it. It shows the truth: Absolutely nothing happened with that woman. You saw it with your very own eyes. You have to believe me."
Ana took a slow, deliberate breath, trying to organize her scattered thoughts. "Has this happened before? With Sylvia, or any other woman for that matter? Have you ever," she swallowed, "cheated on me before."
"NO! NEVER," he yelled. Christian started to rush toward her but held back when he saw how skittish and afraid she was. "I swear to you Ana, nothing like this has ever happened before. Years ago, there was that idiotic PR woman who snuck into my hotel room, fully dressed, and I promptly kicked her out. I told you about that right away. And I've gotten countless phone numbers over the years but tossed them all out. I've always been honest about that. I may have flirted once in a blue moon but never in any way that could be construed as disrespectful to you or crossing any boundaries."
Ana risked a glance up, her watery eyes filled with uncertainty. "Were you tempted tough?" she timidly squeaked out.
"No. Not for one second. I looked. I admit it. And I'm so fucking sorry about that. I should've thrown her ass out the second she came out of the bathroom. But I never had any fucking intention of doing anything. It never even remotely entered my mind. I would never risk this life I've built with you. Nothing can ever tempt me away from you baby," he vehemently declared, overcome by emotion when he spied the lingering doubt etched on her haunted face.
Christian suddenly collapsed to his knees, inching toward her until his head fell into his wife's lap. "I swear to you Anastasia — on not only my life, but my entire family's lives, which you know is something I never do — that I have never once strayed in 20 years of being with you. No inappropriate touching. No kissing. And sure as fuck nothing sexual whatsoever," he said, openly crying. "Please. You have to believe me. It's not in my DNA. I've been faithful. I'll always be faithful. I love you with all my heart. You can't leave me. Please baby. I'm begging. Don't leave me."
Ana placed a hand on his hair, smoothing out the wayward tendrils. "Christian stop. I believe you. I'm not going to leave you," she said softly.
His head shot up. "You're not?" His relief was palpable as he moved to embrace her, but Ana quickly pulled back, wrapping her arms protectively around her waist again.
"No. I can't. I mean, I believe that you were faithful to me and I'm not leaving you, but I'm not ready to forgive and forget. I'm just too," she paused, shutting her eyes, "hurt."
Christian gasped, the single word cutting him to the bone.
"I know baby, and I'm so sorry for hurting you. You have no idea how sorry I am," he shuddered, head hung low as he kneeled before her.
She swiped away a few stray tears and pressed on. "I need to know a few more things."
"Yes," he said dutifully without looking up.
"Will you see her again?"
"No. I meant what I said in the office. I'll allow the deal to go through but she won't have any contact with me whatsoever. If she breaks that, the deal is off. I also have video of her whoring herself out that can be released to the public if she dares comes near me, you or our family."
He carefully placed one hand on her knee, willing her to look at him.
"Ana, if you want me to cancel the deal, say the word. I mean it. If any part of you is uncomfortable with our name being remotely attached to her company, I will pull back. No questions asked. Be honest with me baby. I don't want this to stress you out in any way."
Ana sniffed and shook her head, eyes downcast. "No, that's not what I want. This project means homes for hundreds of families. I couldn't have that weighing on my conscience. But if you have any contact with her from now on, and especially if you hide it from me, I want nothing to do with you any more. Am I clear?"
Christian bit back a strangled sob. "Yes. Crystal. I vow to you Ana that nothing like this will ever happen again."
"I still have to know though. Why did you rush back home afterward to, you know? Were you turned on?" she hiccupped, clamping her hand over her mouth to fight back the bile in her throat.
Christian muscles shook with restraint, his hands itching to touch and comfort his wife.
"I wasn't turned on. I mean, yes, I was horny. Shit, I don't know! We haven't had sex in weeks. I came home because I wanted you. I wanted to be with my wife, to know that everything was alright between us. I guess on some level I felt guilty and it all just snowballed from there."
"You stopped." Ana tensed, hugging herself tightly. "You stopped at my stomach. Why?"
"Fuck," Christian bellowed, his hands flying to his hair as he leapt up and began pacing the room again. "It's not what you think Ana. I swear."
"Tell me then. Because I don't know what to think."
He abruptly stopped and stared at her, his eyes imploring her to let the matter go.
"Ana please. I don't want to talk about this. Don't make me."
"I deserve honesty, especially after everything that's happened. Did you stop because you thought of her? Of what she looked like?" she whispered nervously.
"No, yes, I don't fucking know!" Christian scrubbed his face before dropping his hands in defeat. "For a split-second. Then I felt guilty for even going there. Then I flipped you over and felt even more horrible, so that's why I couldn't go on. I love you Ana. I love every part of you," he vowed, his fists clenched into tight balls. "Please don't let my stupidity affect how you feel about yourself. You know I don't give two shits about the scars. I never have!"
Ana's eyes welled with unshed tears, her breathing ragged. "I just have one more question and then I need some time to digest all of this."
"Go on," he said warily.
"Were you going to tell me about this?"
The question hung leaden in the air, bearing down on them like a 10-ton weight.
Christian expelled a panged sigh. "Honestly Ana, I don't know. You're so sensitive about your body and now with all this bullshit about you getting older, you've been even more insecure lately. I didn't want to pile onto that. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you."
"Concealing things does hurt me," she countered angrily. "That's what bothers me the most. That something like this could happen and you wouldn't tell me. Being in the dark — THAT makes me feel insecure. It makes me always wonder what you're hiding from me for 'my own good.' It makes me not trust you."
"Ana, don't say that. You know I'm not a liar. I've shared my entire life with you. But yes sometimes, I worry about you, about your emotional state. All I want to do is protect you."
"That's not fair. Don't use 'emotional state' as some code for depression. Yes, I admit it — I get depressed. So do tens of millions of people around the world, who also happen to function quite normally. Don't use my past issues as an excuse to hide shit from me in some misguided attempt to protect me from the truth. It never works."
Regret roiled his gut. "I'm sorry Ana. I truly am. I'm your husband and you're the love of my life. Please trust in that at least."
"I do trust that Christian, but right now I'm so overwhelmed. I still can't believe what happened and I need some time and space to process everything."
He opened his mouth but Ana pre-empted his protest.
"Either way, you have work to take care of in New York. Why don't you push your trip up and give me a few days to sort this out mentally? That way the girls don't notice this tension between us."
"NO," he screamed, arms flailing in the air. "NO! Fuck that. You're just going to use that as an excuse to pull away from me. I'm not going anywhere. The trip to New York is off. I'm staying right here so we can work this out together!"
"Christian, you know you have a tendency to smother me and sometimes I just need to work things out on my own, with some peace and quiet. Plus, I hate acting strange around the girls."
"No Ana. I'm not letting you retreat into your mind. I won't put distance between us. I'll be damned if I'm letting you out of my sight," he said, his deep baritone voice reaching a fevered pitch.
"OK, let's all take a breath here," Flynn interjected. "Is there any type of compromise we can find?"
Christian stubbornly shook his head.
"It's alright John," Ana mumbled, resigned. "It was just a thought."
"Fuck," Christian growled, raking his hand through his hair. "Fuck! Fine, I'll give you two days Ana. That's it. But I'm not going to New York. I'll be nearby at Escala. I'm not going across the country with you this upset. But I'll give you your space. In return, you have to check in with me — constantly. And this is time so you can decompress, not so you can think about what I did wrong and get angry with me and try to come up with reasons to leave me. Do you understand me? I won't allow that shit to happen! You need to communicate with me!"
"Christian, calm down, please. I said I had no intention of leaving you and I meant it. Stop always equating me needing space with me leaving. I know nothing happened and I believe you, but I'm still hurt that you didn't tell me about it, so don't give me a lecture on communication. I'm also still hurt by what did take place. I need to wrap my mind around it in my own way, without you hounding me."
Christian closed his eyes, his shoulders slouched in defeat. "Fine. I don't like it, but fine."
"Thank you."
"Ana, if you want to call me in the meantime, you know where to reach me," Flynn offered.
"Thanks John. Like I said, I need to sort this out on my own right now. I'm not ready to talk about it yet, but I'll be in touch. Thank you for coming over on such short notice."
"Of course. If you need anything, I'm only a phone call away."
"I'll walk you out," Christian said, still sullen.
Ana flopped back onto the bed as soon as the two men walked out.
What the fuck just happened?! I think my heart must've stopped beating at least eight times over the last hour. I'm still shaking. Thank the Lord Christian didn't do anything. I don't think I could've survived that kind of betrayal. He's my whole existence and to know that everything you believed in for 20 years was all a lie…
Ana shuddered before she took a steadying breath.
Relax girl. He's still your husband, still the man you know and love. He's also a shady little liar when he wants to be. I know it would've been hard, but he should have just told me. I would've been furious at first but then grateful for knowing. Now I'm going to constantly wonder about what else he's keeping from me. I thought we were done with this shit years ago. Not to mention the fact that that bitch won't be the last of them to hit on him. How can I compete with someone like her or the parade of beautiful young women eager to give him anything he wants? I have scars and hot flashes and nervous breakdowns and wrinkles and zits and a belly pooch that won't go away for the life of me. It's only going to get worse with time. Men become more mature and distinguished with age. Women just get old. Fucking double standards! And what about those 70-year-old men popping out kids with their 20-year-old wives. Christian loves his girls as if they were his own flesh and blood, but he never experienced the joys of pregnancy and childbirth. What if he regrets never having that in his life? Oh stop it Ana! Don't go down this rabbit hole. Get these thoughts out of your head. Shit! I hate that I'm even thinking about this crap again. I just want to crawl under the covers, lay in the dark and forget today ever happened.
Ana closed her eyes, exhaustion seeping into her bones, but she knew sleep would be elusive as her mind went into overdrive replaying the day's events.
I haven't taken a sleeping aid in a while but maybe tonight I should just suck it up and try to get some rest. I wonder if those pills John prescribed months ago are still good? Maybe I can still catch him?
Ana hopped off the bed to see if Flynn had left. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, she saw both men talking by the front door, a snippet of their conversation reaching her ears.
"Just no cameras Christian," Flynn said in an unyielding tone. "None of that is called for this time around."
"What do you mean?" Ana asked.
Christian's head whipped around, his eyes wide and apprehensive.
She approached both of them, arms folded across her chest, exuding authority despite her diminutive stature.
"Tell me."
Flynn shot Christian a not-so-subtle glance.
"Why do I have to eavesdrop on everything in order to know what the fuck is going on in my own life? Stop being evasive and just tell me what the fuck is going on already," Ana yelled, exasperated.
"Baby, it's nothing."
"Cut the crap Christian," she warned.
He rubbed his temples, trying to ward off his impending migraine.
"I had cameras installed 12 years ago in your apartment when you left me," he admitted as fast as he could.
Ana's eyes darted between both men, dumbfounded by this latest revelation. "Whhaa… how? I mean, what the hell are you talking about?"
"Ana, Christian disclosed this to me during therapy when you both had separated. He had cameras installed to monitor you in case you decided to harm yourself," Flynn explained. "I ordered Christian to remove the cameras as soon as I saw you and determined that you were stable, and as far as I'm aware, he did just that. It was wrong, and I apologize for not telling you."
"You had cameras watching me that whole time," she said incredulously. "While I slept, ate, showered?!"
Christian craned his neck toward the ceiling, as if searching for the right answer, but there was none — other than the brutal truth. "Yes."
"What the hell! Do you even see how extreme that is? That's such a gross violation of my privacy. Were Taylor and Sawyer watching me too?" Ana began to hyperventilate at the prospect that other men saw her naked.
"No baby, please don't let your imagination run away with you. They monitored you in the living room and I kept watch all the other times. That's why I took off from work all those weeks. I wouldn't let anyone else watch over you but me. It was just to ensure your safety."
"But you sat there and spied on me, day and night?" she asked, still flabbergasted.
"Technically, yes," he conceded.
Ana stood there motionless, her limbs weak and her mind exhausted. The look of despair on her face gutted Christian, and he hated being the source of it.
"I would like to say I'm sorry but I don't want to lie to you Ana. The truth is I'm not. You were a wreck. I was terrified you'd do something to yourself and I couldn't allow that to happen. I did what I had to do at the time and I have no regrets."
Ana's jaw fell to the floor as she grasped for words. Just then, she remembered what Flynn had said before she came down the stairs.
Her breath hitched in horror. "Have you had cameras watching me since then?"
"No. You know there are security cameras in the living room and elsewhere, but not in the bedrooms."
He shuffled his feet and glanced down at his shoes, while Ana eyed him speculatively.
"Tell me the truth Christian," she demanded in an ominous tone.
He had lied by omission once today. He wasn't about to make the same mistake twice.
"There are cameras in our bedroom, but they haven't been activated in years," he reluctantly admitted. "The feed goes directly to my personal phone. I installed them when you had an episode about a year after Amber arrived. You were overwhelmed with work and raising the girls and thought you were a bad mother. Your depression came back, you barely got out of bed and I was worried about leaving you alone."
Ana stared at her husband, who at 6"2 towered over her, although at the moment he seemed small and lost.
Her heart broke at the sight, but she couldn't stomach the notion that he had slapped surveillance on his wife just because she was having a tough time adjusting to motherhood.
"How could you do that to me Christian? I was depressed, not suicidal. You should have talked to me, not gone behind my back to spy on me. That's not fair. None of this is fair to me. I'm not a helpless child. I was a new mother trying to find some work-life balance," she exclaimed.
"I know. I'm sorry. I never meant to treat you like a child, but you know how much you mean to me Ana. You're my entire existence. I couldn't live without you. And there have been times where the depression takes such a toll on you mentally. It scares me when you check out. You get these crazy thoughts in your head and they overrule the rational side of you. I couldn't take the chance that you'd do something and the girls and I lost you. I just couldn't. I hope you can at least understand that I came from a good place, a place of love."
Ana shook her head in disbelief and defeat.
"Baby, please. I'm sorry. Don't hate me." Christian's voice cracked, his heart aching at the pain he'd inflicted on his wife.
"I could never hate you," she whispered. "But I'm not happy. Go to the bedroom, do whatever you have to do and take those fucking cameras out. I'm laying down in the guest room. I may be crazy, at least according to you, but today you've made me certifiably insane with all this drama and secrets. My head is about to explode. Just take the cameras down and don't ever record me without my knowledge again."
"Ana." He tentatively reached out his hand, praying she would take it. "You're not crazy, and I'm sorry if I ever gave you the impression that I thought that. I'm the crazy one here. I always have been. I know it. I can't express to you how sorry I am for everything."
She felt the fear of rejection emanating from him, his gray eyes begging her to forgive him. She wasn't ready for forgiveness, but she wasn't going to punish him either.
Ana took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Just take the cameras down. I'm exhausted and going to lay down."
"Yes baby. I'll be right here if you need anything."
Christian stared as Ana dragged herself up the stairs, despondent and deflated.
"God damn it," he cursed. "How many times can one man fuck up in the span of one day?"
"Apparently quite a bit," Flynn muttered.
Christian shot him a furious glare. "That was rhetorical."
"I know. I'm sorry. But in all seriousness, you will do what Ana has requested of you, right?"
"Yes. Even I'm not that stupid to betray her trust any more than I already have."
"Alright. Then I'll take this as my cue to leave, but call me if you need anything."
"Thank you John. I mean it. Thank you. I didn't know what else to do."
"I'm your friend Christian, and I'll always be here for both of you, but you have to own up to your mistakes and work this out with Ana — at her own pace. Keep the lines of communications open but don't force her. And for God's sake, don't hide anything. It always blows up in your face, spectacularly."
He nodded, his expression sober. "Will she be alright John?" he asked, his vulnerability on full display. Nothing could strip his impenetrable façade quicker than his wife.
"Christian, she believes you. You were faithful. That's the most important thing. But you kept this from her and that in and of itself is a betrayal. Her confidence is shaken. This would be enough to make anyone feel insecure, but I'm optimistic that you'll help her overcome those insecurities. Just be sensitive and listen to her. I know patience is not your best virtue…"
"I'll do it. For her. I'd do anything for her."
Flynn smiled. "I know my friend. I know."