Chapter 35

False Profits of Who pt. 1

"B'Elanna just try to relax." Harry was saying as he tried to massage his girlfriends back. "The Doctor said..."

"I don't care what the Doctor had to say!" B'Elanna shouted back as she raised up off of the bed and looked at him. "I'm ready to go back to Engineering. I don't want to be cooped up in here."

"B'Elanna, I almost lost you a few days ago." Harry argued. "On this whole voyage all we've done is lose people. Can we just have one day where we can have peace?"

"Okay." B'Elanna replied as she laid back down on the bed. No matter how much she wanted to get back to her job, Harry was right. She did deserve a little downtime. Besides, Harry wasn't a bad masseuse. As he lathered some more lotion in his hands, he softly rubbed her back and as she closed her eyes, fully enjoying his touch, his combadge suddenly chirped. "Damn it!" B'Elanna cursed under her breath.

I'm sorry to disturb you on your day off Harry. Tom's voice said over the comline.

"This had just better be good, Paris." Harry replied, just a little annoyed. It was just about to get to the good part.

Believe me, I wouldn't bother you if it wasn't. Came his best-friend's reply. We just detected evidence that a wormhole recently appeared and then disappeared in a nearby solar system.

"A wormhole?" Harry mouthed as he and B'Elanna gave each other a look, seemingly thinking the same thing. Is this what Tabrin promised when she said that they would have an opportunity to get back home.

We'll be in that sector in a couple of minutes.

"I'm on my way." Harry replied as the comline was closed. "I'm sorry." he said to his girlfriend. They were supposed to spend the day together.

"All is forgiven if this wormhole leads back to the Alpha Quadrant." she replied as she jumped off of the bed, gave him a kiss and put on a shirt. "Now come on, let's get to the bridge and see what's going on."

Bridge

As Harry and B'Elanna walked onto the bridge, they immediately walked over to Lyssa Campbell's station.

"Captain, based on the residual neutrino levels, I'd estimate it's been at least six months since the wormhole's last appearance." Lyssa reported.

"From the dispersal pattern of the interstellar plasma, it looks like it isn't fixed." B'Elanna continued. "It seems like it's travelling through space."

"It may not be fixed on this end, but if it's shown up in the same location more than once, it's possible its exit point is constant, and it's wagging around the Delta Quadrant like the tail on a dog." Harry considered.

"We're approaching the last known coordinates of the wormhole, Captain." Ahni reported as she worked her controls.

"All stop." Harry ordered as he sat down at command, B'Elanna standing next to him. "Lyssa, initiate continuous neutrino scans."

"Aye, Captain."

"So much for a day off." Harry mumbled to himself as B'Elanna slapped him on the back of his head.

"Mister Worf, scan the planets in this system for life signs." Tom ordered as he stopped chuckling at his friends antics. "Maybe there's someone around here who can give us some helpful information."

"Sir, I am picking up an M-class atmosphere on the second planet, humanoid life signs." Worf said as his console beeped. "My metallurgic analysis shows that it's still a pre-industrial civilization, a Bronze Age level of technology. This... this can't be right."

"What can't?" Harry asked as he rubbed the back of his sore head and turned to look at the Klingon officer.

"My analysis shows evidence that these people have a replicator."

"If they've got a replicator, it could mean the wormhole leads to the Alpha Quadrant, and that someone's traveled through it." Harry replied

"It is... healthy to be enthusiastic Captain but I believe we should find out what's going on before we start to speculate." Worf said, bringing the younger man back down to Earth. "Might I suggest that an away team be sent down to the planet first."

"You're right, Worf." Harry agreed. It was best that he reined in his enthusiasm in front of the crew because he didn't want to get anyone's hopes up if anything went wrong. "Commander, I want you to send Roman and Dean down to that planet to have a look around. Launch a high resolution reconnaissance probe to gather information about the local population's dress and appearance."

"Aye, Captain." Worf replied as he sent out the probe and called Dean and Roman to the bridge.

"B'Elanna, I want you and Lyssa to get started on a phase profile of this elusive wormhole's neutrino emissions." he ordered of his girlfriend. "Let's see if we can confirm that it leads to the Alpha Quadrant."

"Yes, sir." B'Elanna replied as she walked back up to OPS.

"Harry, do you really think that this is going to work?" Tom whispered.

"God, I hope so." Harry whispered back.

Captain's log, stardate 50074.5. Based on information provided by the probe, we have replicated local attire for Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns. They have now gone to the surface to investigate.

Temple square

The local attire for the planet was a blue cotton shirt and trousers, with a brown waistcoat. Scratching an itch that the clothes caused him, Dean discretely used his tricorder near a fruit stall before walking back over to Roman.

"Are you sure that this is where we picked up a replicator signature?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, I find it hard to believe to." As Roman said that an older man in a long robe, and wearing a patch over his right eye, entered the square declaiming a poem.

"Oh, those many years ago, the people's hearts were sad and low." the old man started as he dramatically threw up his hands. "Then the Sages to the city came. They came upon a burning flame just as the Seers said they would. They lifted Takar's blinding hood. Well? What did you think?"

"That's nice." Dean replied with a roll of his eyes as he and Roman continued to walk.

"Nice?" the Bard asked with disbelief as he ran up behind them. "I'll wager you've never heard the Song of the Sages more beautifully or faithfully recited."

"Look, brother we don't have time for..."

"Maybe he can tell us something important." Dean whispered over to his friend, cutting him off.

"As you know, the first verse is free, but the next verse will cost you three frangs." the old man continued.

"We don't want to hear a stinking poem." Dean said starting to get upset.

"Oh, but I need money for ointment for my eye. Please, gentlemen!" the Bard begged.

"Look, we don't want to hear a poem but we do need some information." Roman replied, trying to be diplomatic. "Maybe we can.."

"Go away, old man!" a merchant shouted as he walked over. "Can't you see that these are men of commerce? They have no business with your silly poems. And may I say, gentlemen, you both have very fine shoes."

"What?" Dean asked as he looked down at his newly replicated shoes.

"Well, the Sages say you can tell a great deal about a man from his shoes, and I can tell from your shoes that you're men of refinement, affluence." the Merchant replied.

"I don't know what that means, but we've really got to be going." Roman said as he turned to leave. God this is a weird place.

"Well, you're obviously new in Takar." the Merchant went on as he followed up behind them. "Perhaps I could interest you in some property."

"No, thank you." Roman said over his shoulder. "We're not planning on settling here."

"What about some transportation?" the man went on. "The Sages say, 'Time's an asset.' And you shouldn't waste your assets walking everywhere you go. You'd be wearing out those fine shoes of yours."

"Look, we don't want any trouble." Dean said as his partner's tricorder suddenly beeped.

"Dean." Roman said as his friend turned to look at him. "I'm picking up a narrow band EM dampening field around that building. It looks like some sort of temple."

"Then let's follow the yellow brick road and find the wizard."

"Wait, you can't enter the temple without wearing your ears." the Merchant told them, overhearing part of what they were saying.

"Look, buddy, for the last time..."

"What do you mean, wearing your ears?" Roman asked, cutting Dean off again.

"You're really not Takarian, are you?" the man asked. "Nobody visits the temple without displaying at least one ear." as he said that a group of people with replicas of large-lobed ears on thongs around their necks, walked by.

God, what's wrong with these people? Roman thought to himself.

"If you're not wearing an ear, you could be fined, even arrested." the man continued. "You wouldn't want that to happen."

"And let me guess." Dean started with an annoyed look. "It just so happens that you could sell us a couple of these ears."

"As a matter of fact, I can." the Merchant replied with a smile as he laid out his roll of wares and looked at their fine footwear.

Captain's log, supplemental. I've been asked to join Lieutenant Torres and Lieutenant Campbell in the science lab to hear what they've termed as very exciting news.

Voyager

Science lab

"We've been able to confirm that the wormhole does lead to the Alpha Quadrant." Lyssa started, not being able to contain her happiness.

"The problem is that on this end, it's jumping from point to point so quickly that even at maximum warp, by the time we got to its next probable location, it would be gone." B'Elanna added.

"So we were thinking, if you can't bring the ship to the wormhole, bring the wormhole to the ship." Lyssa went on as she worked at her controls. "We've detected a subspace instability at our current location that's a result of the wormhole's last appearance here."

"If we could somehow amplify and polarize that instability, we might be able to get the wormhole to reappear." Torres again added.

"Sort of like using a magnet to move a compass needle." Harry said, the wheels in his mind turning. "But what do you have planned to polarize the instability?"

"We haven't figured that part out yet." Lyssa replied with a sigh.

Temple square

"Gentlemen, as the Sages say, 'Your goods are now my goods'." the Merchant said after the deal was done and he had their shoes.

"And my feet are now cold." Dean replied as he looked down at his feet.

"Perhaps I could interest you in some discounted mining futures?" the Merchant asked.

"Don't push your luck, buddy." Roman replied as he put his newly bought ear necklace around his neck as they walked away.

"You know, so far, I can't say that I like this town very much." Dean said as a large gong was struck four times, then the temple door opened and young women in skimpy bikinis and thin veils walked out and stood behind two thrones. "On the other hand."

The gong-striker then dragged out a box covered in a cloth. "My friends, I am Kafar and as you know these are our Holy Sages, Arridor and Kol." as Kafar said that two gaudily clad - Ferengi stepped out onto the platform. "Behold, the Holy Icon." Kafar said as he unveiled the replicator, making the crowd gasp.

"Greed is eternal." Arridor said as the crowd repeated it. "Greed is eternal."

"Greed is eternal." Roman mumbled as he saw the Ferengi staring at him.

"Now what other wisdom have you learned from the Sages?" Arridor asked. "A wise man can hear profit in the wind."

"A wise man can hear profit in the wind." the crowd repeated as Dean and Roman moved behind a large cart to get out of sight.

"Roman to Voyager." Reigns whispered as he tapped into his combadge.

Kim here.

"We've found the replicator, Captain." Roman reported as the crowd kept repeating what the Ferengi were saying. "And believe me sir, you're not going to like this."

"And now, dear friends, in our great beneficence, we will allow you to come forward to honor our greatness and glorify our generosity." Arridor said loudly. "Approach the Holy Sages. Approach your gods and speak your heart. Ah."

A supplicant suddenly got onto his knees and crawled towards the thrones. Seeing him Kafar put a leather box in front of him and opened it.

"I am a sandal maker from the poorest quarter of the city." the man started.

"The laziest, you mean." Kol, the shorter Ferengi said with a roll of his eyes.

"Speak, my friend." Arridor went on, ignoring his colleague. "What is your business with the Sages?"

"I am in need of assistance." the Sandal maker groveled. "My sandal shop is failing. I can no longer feed my family."

"Same old song." Kol whispered.

"My wife and her mother, my five children, the baby." the man begged.

"That's seven employees." Arridor said with a frown. "Eight, if you count the infant. How can your shop be failing?"

"You're not paying them, are you?" Kol asked as he narrowed his eyes.

"My mother-in-law is ill." the man tried to reason. "My children are very young."

"Oh, don't tell me none of them are working!" Kol exploded. "Ignorant, lobeless fools!"

"Exploitation begins at home!" Arridor said, addressing the crowd as they repeated what he said.

"Exploitation begins at home." the Sandal maker said himself. "I understand my mistake and I promise to begin exploiting my family before the end of the day. But could I have some food and, and some medicine?" As he asked that Kol laughed. "Until my business improves."

"You shall have something far more valuable." Arridor said as he looked down at the man with a smile. "One copy of the Rules of Acquisition, cheapest binding possible."

Doing as it was asked the replicator produced it, and Kafar handed it to the sandal maker, while Arridor went back inside of the temple.

"That'll be ten frangs." Kol said to the poor man.

"But I..." at the aliens look, the Sandal maker gave in and put the coins in the leather box, as Kol picked it up.

"That's all for today." Kol said to the crowd. "You may return tomorrow."

Watching as the Ferengi went back into the temple, Roman frowned before saying into his combadge. "No, sir... you're not going to like this at all."

Voyager

Briefing room

"The people on that planet have a myth, an epic poem called the Song of the Sages, that predicts the arrival of two demigods from the sky, the Sages, who would rule over the people as benevolent protectors." Roman was explaining to the command staff.

"But these Ferengi ain't benevolent." Dean added.

"All they've done is go along with the local mythology by using advanced technology like the replicator to convince the people that they're the two Sages spoken of in the poem." Roman went on.

"Of course, being Ferengi, they haven't just co-opted the mythology." Dean said. "They've cornered the market on everything."

"It's disgusting, Captain." Roman said in outrage. "The two Ferengi live in a palatial temple, while the people are lucky to have a roof over their heads." If the Captain would let him, he'd go down to that planet and bash their heads in for what they've done.

"It wasn't always like that." Dean told them. "According to the people that we met, before the Ferengi came, the society may have been primitive, but it was flourishing. What I'd like to know is how did two Ferengi got to the Delta Quadrant."

"Captain, I believe that I can explain how the Ferengi got here." Worf spoke up, making everyone look at him. "On Stardate: 43385.6 the Enterprise hosted a reception for delegates from the planet Barzan. The Federation and other powers in the Alpha Quadrant placed bids on a wormhole that was said to lead to the Delta Quadrant. The Ferengi manipulated the entire negotiation and used the wormhole and it wasn't until later that we found out that the wormhole was highly unstable as it jumped around on both sides."

"And this Barzan wormhole, it's the same one we've discovered now?" Neelix asked.

"Apparently, but we've confirmed what nobody knew at the time." Lyssa spoke up. "The wormhole is fixed in the Alpha Quadrant. But in the Delta Quadrant, it jumps around. It turned out to be worthless."

"But the Ferengi were not aware of that, and during a nefarious attempt to secure the wormhole for themselves, they were pulled into it and deposited in the Delta Quadrant." Worf concluded.

"Now that we've found them, what are we going to do with them?" Tom asked.

"Well, I certainly don't intend to leave them here to continue exploiting an innocent society." Harry said trying to figure out what to do. "How are you two coming with getting the wormhole back here and reopened?"

"We've been bombarding the area of the subspace instability with verteron particles." B'Elanna reported.

"So far everything is going according to plan, but it's tricky." Lyssa said with a sigh. "There are a hundred factors that could deflect it from this sector. A gravimetric shift, a solar flare."

"And even if we're lucky enough to get it here, it won't be around for long." B'Elanna told him. "We'll have a very short window of opportunity to get through."

"Well, if we can get the wormhole here, we'll be taking two additional passengers with us." Harry confirmed. "We'll turn them over to Ferengi authorities when we get there."

"Even though, I agree with your decision Captain, we're still bound by the Prime Directive." Worf spoke up. "The Ferengi are cowards for exploiting these people but they aren't a part of the Federation and they aren't bound to it like we are."

"But the Federation did host the negotiations." Harry reasoned. "And if it weren't for those negotiations, the Ferengi wouldn't be here. So one could say, without being unreasonable I think, that the Federation is partially responsible for what's happened, and therefore duty bound to correct the situation."

"That's very clever, Captain." Worf replied with a grin. And it sounds like something that Captain Picard would say.

"The only problem is we can't just beam the Ferengi off the planet and take off with them." Harry went on as he thrummed his fingers on the table. "If we do it'd be like taking away these people's God and it could throw their world into chaos."

"So the question is, how do we out-Ferengi the Ferengi?" Tom asked as the Captain looked over at Neelix.

"How about a used car salesman." Harry replied as Neelix gave him a look.