Title: Journey

Disclaimer: Everything that's part of the Harry Potter world belongs to J. K. Rowling.

Pairing: SS/RL, implied one-sided SS/LP, implied one-sided RL/NT, implied AD/GG

Author Notes: Stifling heat today :P hope everybody is well. Coming to London this September and really looking forward to it. Btw. this chapter is rather short. Going on with the story.

SadisticCarrotcake: Thank you :) I hope you will like the next chapters as well.

Resevius: Oh, Albus has his way of knowing things :). I like the fact that he always knows. And just between you and me, I think that Remus talks to him rather confidentially sometimes ;). I'll look in on the 13th then. I don't even remember how long I've been here :).

NatheRiver: I'm so glad that my story moves you, thank you so much :) all those great compliments :3.

Kiraling: You felt exactly what I wanted you to feel :) I think this chapter might meet your taste :) Severus regretted not saying I love you at the end of The Teacher, remember? Well, at the end of HBP it will obviously be worse ... It's a symptom of Severus's hesitation that he doesn't even say anything out loud to Dumbledore even though he knows that Dumby knows ... he is a difficult character ;).

Guest in Europe: You are saying something very important there about Tonks being more open about her feelings, that does play a role in my story, you know, but I don't want to say too much. Poor Severus and Remus indeed, and let's not forget Tonks ^^ I fear I am making her suffer quite a lot more even than JKR did. I'm sorry about spoiling you for other fanfiction :D a great compliment, thank you.

Sabine: Thank you! And don't worry, I am having quite a lot of fun ;). I don't think that I will write anything from Remus's PoV, because he is supposed to stay a mystery like he is to Severus :) I've written from Fred and George's PoV but am unsure whether to upload it, and I have two from Tonks's PoV. I have also planned one from Albus's PoV and I have written a few extra chapters from Severus's PoV but they are all unfinished.

Unexpected

Albus's absences were unnerving. Not that Severus feared penetration from outside the castle, no, he had put up some of the defences himself, it was the mere fact that Severus had no idea where his Headmaster was going, why he was going there, and most importantly if he would return. Albus wouldn't show it of course, but Severus knew that the curse that was slowly eating him up was causing him more trouble than he had initially thought. It made Severus nervous, and he hated being nervous. There was one good thing though, when Albus wasn't in the castle there were guards from the Order patrolling the corridors – tonight one of those guards was Remus. Severus walked into him more on coincidence than on purpose and had trouble hiding his pleasure.

The corridors were dark and apart from his own steps Severus didn't hear a sound. And indeed he thought that either Remus was noiseless, or Severus himself was so distracted by his thoughts that, when he stopped at a window to look out over the grounds, no moon to be seen, he didn't hear the werewolf approaching him before the rustling of his own robes when the werewolf touched him gave him away.

"So absorbed in your thoughts?" whispered Remus into his ear and his warm breath made Severus shiver pleasantly. His voice sounded as if it hadn't been in use for a longer time, somewhat croaking and hitching. "You seem more worried even than before."

Severus twisted both his arms uncomfortably and was grateful that at least his left one didn't bother him at the moment. He turned around and looked quickly left and right when Remus reached up to kiss him. Hogwarts seemed merciful tonight, there was no one in the vicinity. Even though one never knew if Potter wasn't lurking somewhere, concealed under his Invisibility Cloak. That thought made Severus stiffen immediately. Remus noticed and kneaded his shoulders.

"Relax a bit, Severus," he said quietly, letting his hand run over Severus's arm to his hand.

"Are you unhurt this time?" asked Severus, trying to sound mocking but he thought it was rather impertinent of the concern to cling to his voice so stubbornly. Remus smiled and there was only the starlight to illuminate it.

"I'm fine," he assured, "I have taken to listening instead of talking. Sometimes I hear some interesting things."

"Good for you," muttered Severus and continued walking down the corridor, his robes whispering on the stone floor. Remus followed him, his soft steps almost inaudible. His hand stole into Severus's and it was the long separation that made Severus close his hand over the warm fingers in his palm.

"Well?" asked Remus after a while, and Severus raised a questioning eyebrow at him. "What is it that worries you?"

"Oh," said Severus and felt immediately like a wimp when he thought about the imaginary pain in his arm. Apart from the fact that it seemed far more likely that Remus would approve of his worry for others than for himself. "It is just Albus's injury," he said after a moment of careful consideration. "It is weakening him, and I find it unwise that he goes wandering about the country on his own."

Remus nodded thoughtfully. "But surely a weakening of Albus Dumbledore means that he's still more powerful than any of us?" he asked with a frown and Severus waved his hand impatiently.

"His power won't help him when he collapses somewhere without the strength to return home or send word!"

Remus stopped abruptly and made Severus turn round to him to find that he might have said a little too much. "But you said he was fine!" said Remus in a slightly scandalised voice. "You said you had fixed it!"

"Does he look fixed?" snapped Severus despite himself and Remus folded his arms tightly over his chest, giving him a strict look. Severus sighed. "It is nothing life-threatening," he lied bluntly and, oh, how he hated lying to Remus, how it stung on his tongue! "But it is a curse and it has its effects on him. I'd rather he told me where he goes, so I could help him when he needs me."

Remus stepped closer and took Severus's right hand into his with such gentle fingers that Severus noticed his arm was twitching. "And what about you?" he asked quietly. "When you need me you don't let me know, either."

Severus fixed his eyes on Remus's forehead. "You seem to know anyway," he mumbled defiantly. Remus ran his fingers over Severus's chest and stomach and Severus wondered if he was teasing him or if he was being tempting unconsciously. It seemed as though Remus demanded the kiss to his forehead when he came so close that his fringe tickled Severus's cheek and Severus felt incapable of refusing it.

"But that's not the point, is it?" asked Remus and it made the hairs in the back of Severus's neck stand up. "You wanted to tell me something, something that doesn't have anything to do with Albus, so why won't you just say it? Do you feel as if you cannot trust me?"

Severus grumbled irritably. It wasn't his fault! It wasn't he who didn't trust Remus, it was Albus. And it was extraordinarily difficult to tell Remus about something while he had to be careful not to say too much about things the werewolf mustn't know. Severus wanted to tell him! He wanted to tell him everything. Everything but the facts that made him look weak or immoral. But what made him weak was what forced itself out of his mouth most powerfully.

"Have you ever made an Unbreakable Vow?" he blurted out quite unlike himself, the warm skin of Remus's forehead still touching his lips.

"No," replied Remus and the bewilderment was evident in his voice, "why do you ask?"

"Well, you might remember that I have made one," said Severus and twisted his right arm. "I just wondered whether anyone could tell me how one notices when it starts killing one."

Remus stepped back from him and gave him a worried look, his hands never letting go of Severus's arms. "Is it troubling you?" he asked, his usually calm voice giving away his concern. "Do you feel anything unusual?"

Suddenly Severus felt more pathetic than ever, having mistaken a mental twinge for Death's cold breath. He fixed his eyes on a suit of armour that was watching him curiously. "It isn't … I mean, it is not really … what I mean to say … I thought," he stammered, not quite sure how to get out of this. But Remus didn't seem to know what to think, either, he was not very knowing today and when Severus let his eyes pass fleetingly over his frowning face, he saw confusion and doubt in his golden eyes. "It is probably just my imagination …" Severus finished a little flatly and he felt his shoulders sagging.

Remus was quiet for a few moments before he moved on down the corridor. "I don't know you to panic," he said holding up a placating hand before Severus had even managed to protest. Panic, wasn't that a little exaggerated? But then again, since Severus was not usually shaken very easily one could count this as panicking. "Is it making you nervous?"

Severus grumbled once more and it made Remus chuckle which broke the tension a little. "It is a little disquieting if you don't know exactly when the Unbreakable Vow is considered broken. I must admit that I might be imagining that my arm is prickling."

"Maybe," said Remus thoughtfully, "but as I'm no expert you should probably ask Albus. I think the Vow is only considered broken when it is absolutely too late to fulfil it. You will just have to make sure that it doesn't come to that."

Severus swallowed heavily and wondered if Remus would have said the same thing had he known what Severus had to do to fulfil the Vow. Indeed, maybe that was the right question to ask, would Remus prefer Albus to survive and Severus to die, or Severus to survive because he killed Albus? Which would Remus choose? Severus believed he knew, since he had once before driven Remus into a corner and forced him to admit that, if he must choose between Black and Severus, it would be Severus. But how could he put the question without giving anything away?

"But I'm sure that you are just worried, Severus," continued Remus when Severus didn't answer. "Everything will be just fine."

"Hmm," went Severus, barely listening. "Albus or me?" he asked bluntly and startled Remus into stopping dead and staring up at him.

"Excuse me?"

"A spontaneous answer would be fine," said Severus simply and waved his hand to urge Remus on. "Albus or me?"

Remus raised his eyebrows and his amber eyes searched Severus's face which was thankfully lying in the dark. Remus couldn't know what Severus actually meant. There was no way for him to read Severus without seeing him. "You," said Remus then, his forehead creasing. "I do not feel ashamed to say that it is an easy choice."

Severus felt immediately lighter and though the weight on his shoulders had not been lifted off him, there was the spring in his step that he had last had three years ago. Remus followed him down the corridor and Severus thought he had made out a slight smile on his face. Reaching out an arm to Remus's shoulder, Severus turned a corner and Remus was looking up at him with a curious grin that Severus didn't quite fathom when he caught sight of a form that he at first thought to be a student. He whipped his arm away from Remus and strode forward angrily. But after a few steps he stopped in his tracks, angrier but also more cautious than before. It was Tonks.

Remus drew back a bit, staying behind Severus as if he wanted to use him as a shield. Tonks shrank immediately but she took a step forward nonetheless. "Remus," she said in a feeble voice and Severus turned to look at the werewolf who averted his eyes in a way Severus had only seen him do when he was feeling ashamed of himself. "Remus, I …"

And then Remus did something that Severus would never have thought he would do: he turned on his heel and left Tonks standing there, desperate, tears in her eyes, love devouring her, he left her standing in a dark hallway without having spoken even one word to her, as if her mere sight made him sick. Severus knew it wasn't so, and yet he would almost have believed it. When he heard Tonks's stifled sobs he didn't dare look at her because he knew how that felt, there was no need to see it in her face. And he managed to feel ashamed of himself for the superiority that was making his steps light when he followed Remus.

He caught up with the werewolf at the foot of the hidden staircase, that was so full of memories, after having jumped over the vanishing step and positively run after Remus who was now stomping over the stone floor. Severus caught his arm and slowed him down, seizing his chin and turning his head to look at the angry creases in his face. Remus jerked his head away and at the same time he let himself sink against Severus's chest.

"Oh, I should be ashamed of myself!" he hissed into Severus's shoulder, digging his fingers into the fabric of Severus's robes. "I just don't know how to talk to her. She won't listen to me."

"If you want me to tell you that you were absolutely right in hurting her, I can do that," drawled Severus, trying to sound as if it didn't move him at all that they had just been surprised by Remus's love-sick admirer. Remus groaned, his voice muffled by Severus's robes.

"That's because you don't care about her feelings," he mumbled and pushed Severus against the stone wall to reach up and press their lips together rather surprisingly. The tapestry behind which they were hidden was moved by the breeze coming in from the window in the corridor outside as Remus's hands ran over Severus's back and his nose brushed against his cheek. Reluctantly, Severus let him pull back.

"Do you smell it?" asked Remus, startling Severus out of his blissful enjoyment. He hadn't even noticed that his hands had wandered to Remus's waist quite of their own accord. He took a deep breath and smelled Remus's sweet scent, unchanged even by the hardships he faced in the werewolf pack.

"What?" said Severus, for he couldn't imagine that that was what Remus had meant. "What is there to smell?"

"The rain," said Remus simply and his face turned towards the swaying tapestry. "Do you smell it?"

Severus strained his ears but he couldn't hear rain drumming against the windows or rushing past the walls. "It isn't raining," he pointed out, bending his head slightly to make Remus kiss him again. In vain.

"I didn't say that," smiled Remus, his eyes still fixed on the tapestry, his hair ruffled by the wind. "I asked you if you can smell the rain. It is coming. A trained nose like yours must smell it in the air."

Severus took another deep breath and indeed, the wind carried the distinct odour of rain into the dark hallway, reminding Severus of an evening spent on the stone steps in front of the castle with an understanding werewolf sitting uninvited next to him. Yet, only when Severus was lying next to Remus in his four-poster bed in the dungeons, his unusually warm hand laid against Remus's unusually cold back, the first drops started falling against the window, turning from a light drumming to a loud hammering that wouldn't wake the werewolf but kept Severus awake for a long time, eyes wandering over Remus's marred skin.

"Malfoy has already failed to hand in his homework twice in a row, Severus, I think you should know that I am giving him detention at the coming Hogsmeade weekend, so he learns his lesson!"

Severus kept the door to his rooms only slightly ajar for McGonagall who seemed to have forgotten that he was not Draco's father and couldn't possibly control which homework he handed in and which he didn't. Apart from the fact that he didn't care if Draco handed in his homework in DADA. The boy just wouldn't come to his office, was avoiding him pointedly and all Severus could do was try and win his trust, but not by telling him off. The boy was obviously planning something and Severus wouldn't go and stop him, he wanted to live a while longer.

Remus who was having breakfast behind Severus's back surely heard everything McGonagall said and Severus dreaded the "from teacher to tyrant talk" they would be having in a moment. "Please do what you think is necessary, Minerva, I will not contradict you," said Severus reluctantly and he could positively hear Remus grinning.

"I'm not here to ask your assent, Severus," barked McGonagall rather less politely than Severus deserved. "I want you to talk to the boy! He has been very neglectful this term and more than disobedient."

Severus glared at her but McGonagall wouldn't back down. "I cannot force him to concentrate on his education, Minerva, the boy has lost his father, surely you will understand that he is having difficulties …"

"But that is not my problem to solve, Severus, it is yours!" retorted McGonagall and it was one of those moments in which he disliked her strongly. She always treated him like a student. "And I promise you that if he continues this conduct, I will throw him out of my NEWT course next year!"

With that she turned on her heel and stalked off, leaving Severus to make a petulant face at her back before retreating into his sitting room where Remus was still eating quietly. "Having problems with Draco?" he asked casually, but Severus knew when he was really just making conversation and when he was actually interested.

"As you've doubtless heard," said Severus curtly, lowering himself in his armchair. "The boy has other things on his mind than school."

"Understandable," nodded Remus. "After all, he has to fulfil a task for someone who's not very forgiving."

"Yes," agreed Severus a little taken aback, "exactly! At least somebody is on my side!"

But when Remus raised his golden eyes only his lips were smiling. He didn't make a remark, though, very unlike him, especially when students were concerned. Perhaps he knew that Severus couldn't speak openly, and Remus disliked closed conversations. Much like he disliked it to ask Severus about his feelings and get no answer.

"How is Harry doing?" asked Remus instead, setting his breakfast tray on the coffee table. "Do you have any news for me?"

"You could write him a letter to ask how he is doing, instead of bothering me with him," drawled Severus lazily but when Remus gave him a look he could not meet he surrendered. "He has of yet not done anything breakneck, daredevil or downright stupid, so I'm sure you must be very disappointed in him," he said mockingly and Remus gave him an appreciative smile. "Except for the detention I've given him, his time here has been rather quiet, surprisingly. I would have expected a fist fight with Draco, but nothing there, either. Well, if you don't count the broken nose," he continued and held up a hand to stop Remus from panicking, "Draco seems to have broken Potter's nose on the train when they were alone. But not to worry, the girl healed it for him and I fetched him at the gates and brought him safely back up to the castle. We hated each other a bit and I was surprised he didn't hex me, but else, everything is quiet."

Remus's mouth thinned uncharacteristically but again he didn't comment. "What about DADA? Is he doing fine?"

"I wouldn't call it that," replied Severus and became a little reckless when he added, "he lacks the skill for non-verbal spells. I keep reminding him of it but he makes no effort to improve."

This time Remus's brow creased and Severus knew the crease between Remus's eyebrows from their youth. He usually applied it when he was indignant but didn't want to say it. "You keep reminding him?" he asked, his voice a little more tense than usual. "You mean you bully him?"

"Potter doesn't expect anything else from me," said Severus indifferently. "Surely it won't kill him, I rather thought it would motivate him …"

"Yes, of course that was your intention, to motivate him," retorted Remus now with rather open disapproval. "Can't you give him a break? He's lost his godfather, he's gone through hell and you have nothing better to do than mock and torment him!"

Severus was speechless for a few moments but instead of keeping quiet to let Remus deflate, he grew petulant and snapped back. "He has to learn that not everybody tiptoes around him and treats him like a boy wonder! I don't care what happened to him, no one treated me lightly when I lost everything, when I went through hell! And I don't remember you having defended me when your friends tormented me!"

Remus shot to his feet in anger and balled his fists which were shaking with suppressed emotion. "You should know how it feels, then! Bullying me now will not make your actions more acceptable, Severus," he said loudly, his voice giving away only little of the anger on his face. "Knowing you as I do, knowing you as a gentle man, I don't understand why you enjoy it so much when others suffer!"

Severus didn't meet his eyes, and he had the feeling that he hadn't met them in a very long time. He wouldn't admit that Remus's words hurt him, he couldn't help who he was. Remus had always known who he was, after all. "You wouldn't understand …" he muttered evasively.

"If you explained it to me, I think I would," replied Remus but Severus waved his hand impatiently.

"I said you wouldn't understand! And I'm not about to justify it!" he snapped much too viciously, but he didn't like it when Remus criticised him, it reminded him of the fact that he wasn't as irresistible and amiable as Remus made him feel. It scared him. It made Severus's pretended treachery more believable to the werewolf.

"Fine," said Remus coldly, "all right, then. Go on with your cruelties." And without another word, without the slightest warning he marched to the fireplace and was gone in an instant.

Severus stared after him, completely flabbergasted. For a moment he thought he had misheard, he thought he had dreamed that exchange of words, had seen a phantom leave through his fireplace, while Remus must still be sleeping. But realisation was cruel as it came to him. Remus had just walked out of Severus's presence in anger, without solving the problem, without making up. He had never done anything like that before, at least not that Severus could recall. A wave of cold nerves washed over Severus as he sat tense and confused in his armchair, turned to the fireplace with his eyes fixing the flames, expecting Remus to step out of them any moment now, any second, eager to forget their differences.

But the werewolf didn't reappear. The fireplace stayed empty. As did Severus's head. Until his thoughts started racing and their speed sickened him. He wondered what Remus's reaction meant, whether he would calm down and treat Severus normally again next time they met. Or if this was just the first step to their falling apart. Severus didn't quite understand it anyway. Remus had always known that side of Severus, had always disapproved. Why was it such a big deal now? What did Remus fuss about? Perhaps Severus had missed something important, maybe he hadn't seen that Remus was already troubled enough. But how could he have seen it? He hadn't met his eyes in ages.

Severus stayed motionless in his armchair, quite undignified. Quite petulant. Quite helpless. More unnerved than ever. And the world didn't do him the favour to spare him even more trouble. On Saturday while Severus was still preoccupied with Remus's strange behaviour, the door to his office opened suddenly and Filch stumbled in, carrying a scarf in his hands that was wrapped around some sparkling object.

"What is it?" snapped Severus, annoyed that Filch intruded on his privacy without even knocking. Filch flinched and held out the scarf to him.

"A girl has been attacked with this, Professor," he said and Severus stepped closer to take a look at the object. It was a necklace. It looked unpleasantly familiar. "Is it cursed, Professor?"

Severus took it from him and laid it on his desk, bending over it with his wand's tip touching it. Severus felt the curse pulsing through the silver and the lethal darkness of it made his stomach churn. "Is the girl alive?" he asked, dreading the answer.

"Barely," replied Filch.

"I'm surprised that she survived touching this," muttered Severus, hovering the necklace to one of his cupboards to lock it in. "I suppose she is in the hospital wing?"

Filch nodded and shuffled out of the office as Severus strode towards the door. He hurried upstairs and took three steps at a time to reach the hospital wing as soon as possible. He was sure that this incident was somehow connected to Draco's attempts at Albus's life. This must be the first desperate act. And apart from preventing collateral damage Severus had to prevent that Draco was discovered as the culprit. His right arm was definitely warning him.

"Where is she?" called Severus when he skidded into the infirmary, causing Madam Pomfrey to look round at him, her face worried and relieved at the same time. Severus strode towards her as she stepped back from the bed beside which she was standing. Katie Bell was lying on it. He looked her over as he gripped his wand hard and repeated the incantations that had already postponed Albus's death. This time they proved much more effective, though, and when Severus moved his wand over the girl's body he felt the Dark magic seeping out of her. He had been just in time. Only a few minutes later and the girl would have died.

"She had a hole in her glove," said Madam Pomfrey shakily, holding up Bell's gloves, "that must be how she touched the necklace."

Severus nodded silently as he sank into a chair, taking a deep breath. His arm hurt. It had been very exhausting to prevent the curse from spreading and drag it out of the backmost corners it had crept into. After putting his wand back into his pocket, Severus rubbed his wrist and cursed Albus for not being there, until he remembered that the old man was already cursed enough. Draco must have been absolutely out of his mind! Such a foolish, dangerous, downright stupid endeavour. Someone could have died! Indeed, Severus couldn't say just how long Bell would take to recover from this curse. Severus got up, paced a bit, then, seized by sudden fury, he turned and kicked the leg of the bed, earning a scandalised scream from Madam Pomfrey.

"Professor!" she snapped angrily. "When will you learn to control yourself?"

Severus gave her a dirty look, feeling like a moody teenager. "Tell me if her condition worsens," he growled and with a last glance at Bell who was looking as pale as Death himself, he turned and swept out. Severus had several people whom he would like to shout at right now, at Albus for getting him into this dreadful situation of helping Draco commit crimes, at Draco for being such a reckless fool, at Remus for doing something as uncharacteristic as storming out in anger, at himself for being unable to accept his fate. At Potter too but that was nothing worth mentioning. While Severus was walking down the first-floor corridor much more slowly than was like him, McGonagall poked her head out of her office door and upon seeing Severus she strode towards him with a dark frown.

"How is she, Severus?" she asked urgently.

"She'll live," said Severus reassuringly. "She was lucky. Had she touched the necklace with her bare hands, she would have died. And I don't mean a slow death, I mean an immediate one."

McGonagall bit her lip and her thoughtful eyes wandered over Severus's face. "I wonder how she came by it," she said to no one in particular. Severus averted his eyes. Those Gryffindors could see a lie when it was told a hundred miles away. "She must have been bewitched, otherwise she would never have carried something so dangerous with her. I hope this wasn't just an evil prank …"

"Are you suspecting my Slytherins again?" snapped Severus, realising a little too late that she hadn't said any such thing and that it sounded even more suspicious now that Severus had said it. McGonagall raised her eyebrows at him but said nothing. "There are many people out there who like to curse others. Who knows why …"

Of course Severus knew. And McGonagall seemed to have a vague idea. "Potter told me he suspects Malfoy," she said sternly. "He seems to think that Malfoy bought this necklace at Borgin&Burkes. You don't know anything about that, do you?"

Severus glared at her. "I am not aware of Malfoy's purchases. And I thought that you'd know best that he cannot have passed that necklace to Miss Bell, as she received it in Hogsmeade and while Malfoy was in detention with you. Potter's insolent accusations are outrageous, of course a Slytherin must be the culprit!"

McGonagall waved her hand and nodded in agreement, exactly what Severus had wanted to achieve. At least today everything went smoothly for him and his Vow would not yet have a reason to kill him. "Thank you for your help, Severus," she said almost solemnly, apparently ashamed to have thought he was keeping something from her. Severus felt shabby. "I will write to Katie's parents that you've saved their daughter's life."

Severus swallowed and scowled in awkward embarrassment. "I don't need any acknowledgement. Just tell them that she will recover."

"But, Severus, why don't you want anyone to see your true face?" asked McGonagall half teasingly, half irritably. "They should know what they have to thank you for."

"Well, I could hardly let the girl die, could I?" said Severus in a falsely casual tone. "The Headmaster wouldn't have liked that." And with that he continued down the corridor and left McGonagall staring holes into his retreating back.