Also known as the chapter where Gisela proves to be just as bad with other peoples emotional needs as she is with her own
XXX
"Well this is a fine mess you've made of my guildhall".
It cut through the silence like one of Kagura's sword strikes.
"Guildmaster", three voices chorused at once as Gisela wiped her streaming eyes on her sleeve.
Her hands and arms hurt from the impacts of something before she had used her clouds as a shield.
Kagura.
In the centered on the room, surrounded by debris. Huddled up.
Sobbing.
Like nothing will ever be the same again.
Because it won't be.
Simon is dead. And now Gisela remembers Kagura's fight with Erza. Too late.
Simon is dead.
There was nothing Gisela can do.
Millianna had run forward and was cradling Kagura in the center of the wreckage. She was saying something to Kagura.
Gisela wanted to say something.
Because she knew what is what like when the world was gone. And gone before one ever realized it.
But she couldn't. She couldn't move from her spot.
Because there was nothing she could think of that would make Kagura feel better. No magic words.
Nothing except platitudes.
Gisela had always hated platitudes. Had never been able to tell someone it would be okay when she knew it wasn't.
Had never been able to be soothing. Never known when to get close and when to stay away.
She still didn't.
And Kagura wouldn't be okay. Not for a long time. Because Simon, even if Kagura hadn't known where he was, had been most of her world.
Kagura hadn't had a plan, not really. It had always been, "I need to find my brother". With nothing after.
And Gisela hadn't said anything. Hadn't known what to say.
And he was dead.
So Gisela stood there, a lump in her throat as she watched Millianna comfort Kagura.
Because she couldn't.
It's not about me. Gisela reminded herself as she looked around once again, for something, anything practical she could do.
"Do you mind explaining what is going on".
This time Gisela saw the source of the voice. A tall woman dressed in red and green.
Gisela blinked as she looked up.
Was that an apple on her head band.
It was.
"Kagura found out her brother died". It was just six words when Gisela said it.
Just six words and a world was gone.
Just six words.
Apple Woman didn't seem to know how to reply to that which was good. Gisela didn't either.
"Are you going to go talk to her. You two did come here together". It was almost a question. Almost but not quite.
Gisela turned back, Kagura was still there, hunched up in a ball with Millianna beside her.
Saying something.
It felt like there was lead in Gisela's feet as she started walking forward, closer. Closer.
"-am I supposed to do now. He's dead and I'm alone".
Gisela could see Millianna's had on Kagura's back, rubbing circles.
How much good did those actually do? Gisela pushed that thought away as she got closer.
What did she know. Maybe platitudes actually helped most people and Gisela was just too pessimistic for them.
Maybe there was something she could say. Something she could do that would help.
Maybe there was.
Kagura was asking what she was supposed to do again. Gisela didn't know that answer to that. Her way of coping with losing her world hadn't been healthy.
She had enough distance now to know that.
More than enough distance to know that.
It was funny how cold she felt. How it was everything except Simon's death that was affecting her.
She should be grieving for him. Not for Kagura.
And she still doesn't know what to say. Because nothing will make this better and all time will do is make it less raw.
Some wounds never heal.
And Gisela is pretty sure this is one of them.
And there is nothing she can do.
And Kagura is still crying.
"You can start by working here and paying off damages". That was Apple Woman. Who Gisela vaguely remembered being called guild master.
And her guild has just been wrecked.
"It's not her fault". Gisela realized she had spoken as all eyes turned too her. "It was an accident".
"But it was still her magic and the damage still needs to be repaired"
Kagura got up, leaning on her sword like it was a crutch. "I do need to pay for damages. When can I start".
"When we get everything fixed, I highly doubt you have enough money on hand to repair this".
Gisela was enough of a shopkeeper to know that was true. They had enough for food and stuff, but the rewards were rarish and they weren't rich.
She wanted to say something but her tongue was back to being lead again.
Kagura was standing up through. That was a good thing.
Even if there was nothing Gisela could do people were helping and if they stayed here than people could keep helping Kagura. Could find more ways to get her to keep going. And that was good. That was so so good.
Because Gisela knew what it was like to fall apart. Knew it in her bones and heart. In her mind and in all the little jokes she didn't tell and all the secrets she never made. In the times she reached for something that would never be there again. In everything. And she was an awful friend and always messed up and knew all about breaking things.
Places, people, families.
But not nearly enough about putting them back together.
She needed all the help that she could get with that.
So Gisela just focused on how Apple Wom- Guild Master Soldato, was finding them a place to stay for the night.
And on getting all the stuff that she could salvage from the pack that Kagura had been carrying.
It had exploded in the gravity wave.
It was actually impressive that the wave had been as contained as it had been. For all the exploded wood and shrapnel people hadn't been squished to bits by a gravity wave.
And that was a good thing.
But.
But.
Kagura was just so pale. She looked frail in a way Gisela had never seen as Millianna walked them to her house.
Which was shaped like a cat. Part of Gisela wanted to giggle hysterically at the giant cat face waving a paw.
Only in Fiore would someone have a house like that. And only in a city with a mage guild would zoning laws allow it.
It was much easier to focus on the cats. All the cats. Part of her kept an eye on Kagura, hanging a foot back.
Knowing that she should do something but not knowing how. Hows were hard. And Kagura did not react at all to the outside of the house.
Or the even more unique inside. Not to the cat chairs or cat tables. Not to the cat patterned wall paper or the neon factor that Gisela knew Kagura of just a few hours ago, had it really only been that long? Would have been disgusted by.
Instead she just clung to Millianna before curling up in one of the eye catching chairs.
Gisela sat in another, feeling even more useless than normal.
Time seemed to stretch like putty. Kagura wasn't saying anything. Gisela didn't know what to say. Millianna had already said her piece.
So they sat in silence. Not quite an awkward silence. More of a numb one. All the emotions had been worn out but were still there. Just waiting to come up again and Gisela did not know what to do.
There was no magic fix for this. Even though this was Fairy Tail.
She still remembered how bitter she had been about the nobody died ending. How everything had just seemed to be good right after a war which they had tried so hard to avoid. Now she wished it was always like that.
But it's not like my life was ever as light as the manga anyways. Gisela thought bitterly. I would end up finding the only death in the story. It just is the way I am.
I don't get Fairy tales.
And nor does Kagura.
Because even in this world where nobody really died her brother was dead. Her brother had died and even if Gisela did not remember how she should have. She should have known or realized or something.
But she hadn't.
The numbness continued as Millianna herded them both, like a cat herding humans, if it was a different situation than Gisela would have been reduciusly amused, into her guest room.
There was only one cat themed been in the room.
Gisela made sure that Kagura was laying down in that before she curled up on the kitty themed shaggy carpet with a kitty head pattern blanket.
Than she tried to sleep.
It didn't come. All she could think about were Kagura's cries and the way that she had done nothing.
She was supposed to be Kagura's friend. She was supposed to know things about Fairy Tail.
She had read the manga.
What good was it knowing about the world that one had been reborn into if one could even remember the important things like the death of siblings.
But she didn't.
Why hadn't she tried harder.
In the middle of the night she heard Kagura slip out of bed. Gisela could feel the worry in her chest as she padded out of the room a few minutes after.
Gisela wasn't sure that Kagura should be alone at the moment.
Being alone sucked.
But Kagura wasn't alone. Gisela felt her fingers unclench as she saw Millianna slip over, almost silently.
The two of them were sitting next to each other on the grass, talking once again.
From what Gisela could hear Millianna was telling Kagura about Simon and the tower. How did he die?
She didn't remember that. Gisela hoped that Millianna had good memories of Simon as well.
She turned around when Kagura started to cry again. Somethings were private.
Millianna could do a way better job of helping Kagura than Gisela could anyways. So it was a good thing that she had met someone who knew and from the looks of it liked Simon.
Gisela remembered all too well Kagura's face after they had talked to that one person who had hated him.
It was good that there were people who could tell her good stories as well. Maybe that would help her to get the closure that she needed. That she needed so much and that Gisela couldn't give her.
Even so, lying on the floor wrapped in the borrowed blanket sleep was a long time in coming. Now that Gisela had seen Kagura being taken over she couldn't help the nagging question in her own head. What happens to us now?
It was stupid, selfish thing to think when someone had just lost their entire world and there was no way that Gisela was actaully going to ask Kagura. So instead she lay there. Thinking.
But Gisela didn't have an answer. Finally she dozed off.
There was a cat shaped patch of light on her face. Her back ached from the way she had twisted herself up.
Kagura still was not in the bed.
Gisela felt her pulse start to race as she realized that. She's with Millianna. It's going to be fine. It's going to be fine, Gisela repeated to herself, a mantra.
All you need to do is find her. Get up and go.
Sometimes it was just easier to give her body explicit instructions on a conscious level.
Something pricked her.
Gisela glanced down at her hands. It the bright light of the sun she could see a smattering of splinters.
She hadn't even noticed them the day before.
Carefully nuding the door open with her elbow Gisela followed the sound of voices. Millianna and Kagura were still talking.
At least they came inside? Gisela thought wryly, shooing away the guilt she felt about how she had been sleeping and had come to ask for tweezers.
Maybe she could just do it by hand? They weren't the smallest splinters that Gisela had ever had. She could probably get a grip on them with only a little extra damage.
Then they were both looking at her.
"Morning". She waved awkwardly. It was awful. Everything was awful. Why had she led with that. Did she have any tact.
"Your hands". That was Millianna. She darted out. It was just her and Kagura.
Just Kagura and her and the gaping sea of awkwardness that had just opened up between them.
And it was kind of Gisela's job to navigate across it this time.
"You look awful". Great idea. Lead with that. That is going to make everything work just fine.
"He's just dead", Kagura said hollowly, like she was still hoping someone would disprove her. "And I didn't know. I guess I thought that if something had happened I would have known for some reason. But he's dead".
"I'm sorry". It didn't help. Gisela knew that. A sorry was nothing but letters formed into words and volcalized. There was almost nothing as useless as a sorry.
But it was all she could say.
"I think we should help pay for the damages. And Millianna is going to tell me more about him", Kagura stopped for a second, gathering her words, "and I want to know more. She only told me a bit about the Tower and the people she had been with. I want to know more about them. I want to know more about him and Millianna is willing to tell me. It is just going to take time".
"And after that".
"One day at a time, I think. For me".
"Are you okay", Kagura took a breath, "physically", Gisela hastened to add. "I know you are not okay and that's okay. It's hard to be okay when everything falls apart on you. You just keep thinking how long ago things were normal and how much you want to yell at your past self and how easy it would be to fix things if you could only go back".
"Was it like this for you", Kagura asked hesitantly. "When I first met you on the boat. Was it like this for you?".
That was a question. Not really, I deserved it. I had made my fate with my own actions and it was my fault things got so bad I had to leave. You never did anything but live. That wouldn't help.
Gisela pulled out a chair and sat down to buy time. "I felt like glass on that boat. Floating glass. Like nothing was real but everything hurt and nothing would ever be okay again because everything I had was gone and if only I had done better. Is that what it like for you?". And now she was back to being insensitive. Wonderful.
"It just feels pointless. I tried so hard. So hard. I was going to find him and we were going to be happy. I keep thinking of all the things I wanted to say. I wanted to show him. Now I can't. I just don't know why". It was like she was begging at the end. Gisela wished she had a better answer than some jerkass artist in another world made a choice for drama and pain and now you have to deal with it and I should have warned you but forgot because he was such a minor character that it didn't feel relevant to me.
That was a shitty answer.
Also totally unbelievable.
But mainly it was just shitty and probably less helpful than a sorry. "Do you want a hug?". Maybe. Hugs could be nice sometimes.
"Not right now. Besides. Splinters".
"Yeah".
That killed the conversation again. There really was no nice way to approach why Gisela had the splinters in her hands that she did.
"I think I could do something". Kagura offered after a moment.
"Do something?". What was there to possibly do?
"With your hands. Just make the wood lift. I can do that".
Gisela glanced down at her hands. There was the starting of redness around some of the larger bits but mainly the skin had healed over the wood.
It would hurt.
But Kagura was thinking about something and reaching out. And that was good. Gisela wanted Kagura to keep doing that.
"Go for it".
Gisela bit her tongue against the sharp pain as pinpricks of blood weld up on her hands, bloodstained wood lifted up into the air.
"I think that's it, everything else feels different".
Not the time of ask questions about magic. Gisela reminded herself as she looked away from her hands. "Thanks".
Maybe if she ignored them they would hurt less.
"And I just got the tweezers. See how kitty cute they are". They had cat heads on top of them.
Gisela was completely unsurprised.
"Sorry". This was the second time she had said sorry today. Funny how the same word could be used for death or tweezers and feel completely pointless both times.
Luckily Millianna just huffed before showing her over to the sink. "Thanks", Gisela said quietly, keeping an eye of Kagura out of the corner of her eye.
"For what?".
"Looking after Kagura. I didn't know what to do at all but I think you did something that helped".
Millianna just smiled slightly sadly as she turned the water on, keeping Gisela's blood off of the appliances. "Simon was good. I miss him. He would have wanted me to keep and eye on his little sister. He loved her you know, he would talk about when he would see her again. Kagura and Erza. He loved them both so much".
"Oh".
There wasn't much more Gisela could say to that even if the lump that had formed in her throat disappeared.
Sometimes there just wasn't a happy ending. This was one of those times.