Characters: Nanao, Shunsui, Ukitake
Summary: It's never good when they start to whistle.
Pairings: None
Warnings/Spoilers: No spoilers
Timeline: No timeline needed
Author's Note: This is pure crack. Behold and speculate, and list your theories aloud.
Word Count: 300
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.
She meets them at the door, shopping bag in hand, automatically sensing that something is extremely wrong with the whole situation. Nanao's shopping trip with Rangiku was productive, but now she's completely forgotten the pleasure gleaned out of that when she sees the evasive expressions on both Shunsui and Ukitake's faces. Shunsui is sweating slightly, pupils dilated; Ukitake is smiling much too widely as he stares down at Nanao.
Her eyes narrow and immediately snap to her captain's face. "What happened, Kyouraku-taicho?" When Nanao suspects they've done something, she knows from experience that it's better to be blunt and cut to the quick.
Shunsui's expression is positively scandalized. "Why, Nanao-chan! Why on earth do you always think something happened?"
"What am I supposed to think, when you make that sort of face?" Nanao turns to Ukitake, slightly more respectful this time. "Ukitake-taicho?"
He smiles pleasantly, the muscle action plainly forced. "Absolutely nothing of note happened here this afternoon, Ise-san. Now, if you will excuse us…" He nods gravely to Nanao, who returns the gesture, before grabbing Shunsui by the arm and departing swiftly.
Nanao doesn't turn around to watch them go, but she does frown. One of them is whistling.
Wait… They're both whistling.
Nanao sighs audibly, closing her eyes and screwing her face up as if in physical pain. It's never good when they start to whistle, never.
She stares in dread at the closed door to the Eighth division headquarters, hand trembling as it reaches for the knob. She really doesn't want to see what's waiting for her behind the mahogany door.
Nanao licks her lips nervously. It's now or never.
For a moment, there is silence.
Then…
"Augh! What did you two do?"
Shunsui and Ukitake have, of course, long since vacated the scene of the crime.