Songfic to Everybody's Fool by Evanescence. This came out very different from how I originally meant it, but hopefully without making anyone a black-and-white bad guy, something I was trying to avoid.

Warnings - sad, angsty. No spoilers.

36) Precious Treasure

Perfect by nature
Icons of self-indulgence
Just what we all need
More lies about a world that

~*~*~

It took Juliet a long time to start believing. Because honestly, who could be that perfect, so completely right all the time? But Shawn, with his pineapples and his psychic detective agency, with his titles and hand-to-head visions, really seemed to be. The real thing. Genuine. A true psychic, a funny guy, charming, handsome, never serious but always right, and everything that tugged at her heartstrings.

~*~*~

Never was and never will be
Have you no shame, don't you see me?
You know you've got everybody fooled

~*~*~

It took Juliet a long time to feel like she was being noticed. A long time before she felt like Shawn actually saw her for her – or, saw her and cared, because he'd known her so well from the beginning. It took her forever before she trusted him not to play with her heart. She thought that maybe his happy-go-lucky attitude was just a cover, thought that he felt deeply inside, and a couple of times she got glimpses of that. Shawn projected an image of this fairydust world, sparkling and perfect, and even if it didn't really exist, she thought she might like to join him there occasionally, because in Shawn's world, everything ended well. And anyone spending any amount of time with him felt the same way, Juliet knew, because she could see it in their eyes. They all knew they didn't belong in that dream-world, but all of them longed to rest there, if only briefly.

~*~*~

Look, here he comes now
Bow down and stare in wonder
Oh, how we love you
No flaws when you're pretending

~*~*~

And Shawn gave them those glimpses. They all said they were friends with Shawn, but after a while observing, Juliet began to doubt. Not one of her fellow officers – with the exception of Lassiter – talked to Shawn as an equal. They looked up to him, awed and in love with his perfection, swirling through their life like fairydust, making everything brighter, happier for a day. And if Shawn himself had any flaws, if something went wrong, they ignored it, because they were blinded with faith in him. Shawn could make anything right, and always did. No flaws. And Juliet, despite sensing instinctively that this couldn't be possible, allowed herself to get sucked in too, to believe, to bask in Shawn's aura, to fall in love with his perfection.

~*~*~

But now I know he
Never was and never will be
You don't know how you've betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled

~*~*~

And now it was all over. Now, she knew the truth. And she knew she shouldn't be angry with him – he had his reasons – but Juliet couldn't help but feel betrayed. Shawn didn't understand – how could he? She wasn't betrayed because he hadn't told her before now, nor because he hadn't turned himself in. She just couldn't be with him, not now – she just… couldn't.

~*~*~

Without the mask
Where will you hide?
Can't find yourself
Lost in your lie

~*~*~

And Juliet saw that Shawn had exposed himself before her. Revealed himself, just a man and not a superhero anymore, no fairydust or dreamscapes, and it was clearly all he could do to make his followers believe in him. It was a strain and effort and far from perfect. He was trapped, now, by his lies, so many people counting on him that he just couldn't let down. Juliet got the feeling that Shawn was lost, was losing himself more everyday, trying to produce miracles.

~*~*~

I know the truth now
I know who you are
And I don't love you anymore

~*~*~

And yet, somehow, she was still betrayed. Once, despite knowing better, Juliet had been one of those people. One of them that looked to Shawn Spencer with blind adoration, trusted him almost as a god, and he had looked at her, too. Only he had seen a person, not a disciple, had seen a woman, had seen the truth of her with his observant eyes and fallen in love with it. He'd given up his secrets to this woman, loved her enough to step down from his pedestal and encircle her in his arms, two mere mortals.

But Juliet hadn't wanted that. She had fallen in love with the statue of shining bronze and gold, glittering fairydust and miracles and happy endings, and she was lost and disappointed, receiving just a man in return.

~*~*~

Never was and never will be
You don't know how you've betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled

~*~*~

That god she had loved never existed, and never would. Juliet had to come to terms with that fact, though it took her a long time. Shawn never understood why – he was devastated, and Juliet felt horrible; the chase had gone on so long, with her showing every sign of wanting to be with him, and then, when he had finally shared himself, bared himself deeply, it was all over. She didn't love him anymore, she cast him aside and wanted to just be friends.

He didn't show it, of course. Not at the station, and not after that first conversation, because he had to hide, had to stay strong, couldn't let his house of lies collapse upon him just because of one blow. He was still fairydust and dreams to anyone else's eyes, and though Juliet promised never to tell, she couldn't look when he acted out his scenes.

Gus hated her now, and Juliet sort of wished he didn't. He – and possibly Lassiter – was the only other person that saw through the façade. But eventually, Juliet gave up. She realized what it was; he had always seen through it, even before it existed, and he had loved the boy, eventually the man. He loved the real Shawn and didn't worship some psychic idol, and he couldn't understand just how betrayed she had been, couldn't understand why she couldn't love the man too.

~*~*~

Never was and never will be
You're not real and you can't save me
And somehow now you're everybody's fool

~*~*~

But Juliet just couldn't. She hadn't ever been in love with Shawn the man – she had loved that glorious god, had loved the shining armor and dashing charisma, had loved that he would always win. She had felt safe with Shawn, thought she could always count on him. She had built him up in her mind's eyes. She had put him on that pedestal herself, she eventually realized, and it was wrong of her to be angry with him when he hopped off. But she was, because she had been counting on him, her fairydust savior.

And now she was stuck with just a man. A man that was wonderful, and really deserved her love, a man that she was being horrible to, who had only been acting out a part she had asked of him all along.

It was then that Juliet realized, and she couldn't hate Shawn anymore, no more than she could love him.

Shawn was just a man, playing out the part everyone asked of him, forced to try to be a god. They were asking him to walk on water and the best he could do was doggy-paddle and hope they didn't notice. He was a slave to them, all those people like she had once been and still was at heart, people who worshiped him and trusted him and loved him and expected the world of him.

Perhaps that was why he loved Gus so much, because Gus was real, and saw that Shawn was, too. Lassiter, too, Lassiter had never believed, and Shawn never left the man alone, probably for that very reason, seeking refuge. He must have trusted her, too. Must have believed that she would understand. Might even have thought she saw the real him, fallen in love with the man, and she had betrayed him.

Because Shawn was everybody's fool, dancing around in a jester's hat, trying to please them, and she couldn't love that man. All she could feel for him was pity.

Juliet looked away when he had visions from then on, looked away and hated herself for being this way. If only she had been just a little more skeptical, if only she had never fallen for the unreachable god – then she could be living in happiness right now. She was stuck longing for the skies when she knew that if she only looked down, she'd find the real Shawn, still a true diamond in the rough, a precious treasure she wasn't appreciating.

But she couldn't. Her eyes were glued to the sky, dreaming of that fairydust god, that psychic power, that more-than-a-man that had dazzled her so completely.

And Juliet hated herself for that.