Chapter 37; Salt versus Pepper
The forest was almost completely destroyed by the fire. It was a horrible spectacle that would represent Peter's death.
Why was this happening to him?
Well… might as well ask the guy. No use dieing clueless, since he had already lived his life that way.
"Why are you doing this?" – asked Peter.
Evil Peter looked at his good version and sniggered.
"I am just following orders, Peter. You don't have to take this personally." – mocked Evil Peter.
The Ranger glared at the fire that was devouring the forest, which was in fact his mind.
"You are trying to kill me!" – reminded Peter.
Evil Peter had to admit that the fool had a point.
"Okay, then you should take this personally. As if I care…" – replied Evil Peter.
The fire had already consumed all of the forest, except for one of the trees. Peter started running towards that tree, hoping that he could prevent the fire from reaching it.
"So what? You kill me. What then?" – inquired Peter, feeling a bit weaker.
"Ah! A very good question. I think that I will kill that smelly friend of yours and that stupid excuse for a Wizard." – explained Evil Peter, while admiring the destruction.
"Grayson and the Necromancer? But why?" – asked the Ranger.
The cruel Villain glared at Peter and grinned.
"Bah! He is the Sidekick. I have to kill him! I am practically doing the world a favour. And then I will kill Roger…" – added Evil Peter.
"Roger? Who the hell is Roger? Is he a pirate of some sorts?" – asked Peter.
"Hardly. He seems like the sort that gets seasick quite easily." – mocked Evil Peter.
"Then who is he?" – inquired the Ranger.
The Villain sighed.
"You know Roger as the Necromancer… he used to work for the Evil Queen. He was one of her favourite children." – explained Evil Peter.
"Used to work?" – asked the Ranger.
The Villain nodded in confirmation.
"He failed his mission, Peter. The Evil Queen hates failures." – explained Evil Peter.
"Look! I never did anything to her!" – yelled Peter.
"You were born, Peter. And I have to undo that mistake." – growled Evil Peter.
Peter noticed that the flames were getting closer and closer.
"You are an evil guy, evil twin brother!" – raged Peter.
The Villain merely laughed at that accusation. His job was almost over…
"Ah! The last remaining tree. The only thing that is keeping you from dieing." – said Evil Peter.
"Please, don't burn it!" – begged the Ranger.
"You fool! I live only to serve the Evil Queen. And if she wants you dead… who am I to question her will?" – growled Evil Peter.
"But you can't be that evil!" – stated Peter.
"Oh, but I am, Peter. I am." – assured the Villain.
"I mean sure you have bad taste and a big nose…" – added Peter.
"My nose is not big!" – yelled Evil Peter.
"… but to kill yourself? Isn't that a bit stupid?" – concluded the Ranger.
"Well you should know, right?" – mocked Evil Peter.
Peter seemed to be lost in his thoughts for a while.
"What is that supposed to mean?" – asked Peter, feeling a bit confused.
"That our conversation is over." – growled the Villain.
The fire was now surrounding the tree and the pathetic Ranger. Soon… very soon… he would have his revenge.
"Any last words… Peter, the Ranger?" – asked Evil Peter, knowing full well that this was one of the most important clichés for a Villain.
Peter glared at his evil twin brother and then at the deadly flames. What had he to lose?
"Salt kicks rocks!" – yelled Peter.
Evil Peter sighed. The flames seemed to keep their distance from him, as if some sort of magical barrier was protecting him.
"It figures…" – mocked the Villain.
"What? I think that they were great last words." – said Peter.
"It's all about salt to you isn't it? I mean… How can you be so… so…" – stated Evil Peter.
"Predictable?" – suggested the Ranger, trying to be helpful.
"No… I think that the word I am looking for is stupid." - concluded the Villain.
"But salt is so great!" – said Peter.
"Salt is salt! Pepper is divine." – growled Evil Peter.
"Pepper tastes like rotten broccoli." – mocked the Ranger.
Evil Peter glared at the Ranger as if he was really offended by that comment.
"How dare you?" – growled the Villain.
"It does!" – assured Peter.
"No! Pepper tastes like pepper! Salt tastes like rotten broccoli!" – yelled Evil Peter.
"Salt is way better than pepper! Salt is salty!" – yelled Peter.
"Salt is an abomination that I plan to… get rid off." – promised the Villain.
Peter looked for the first time really angry, as if his evil twin brother had finally crossed the line.
"You can threaten me…" – said Peter.
Evil Peter looked confused.
"You can threaten my friends…" – added the Ranger.
The fire was getting closer and closer.
"You can even threaten the whole world…" – stated Peter.
Peter's face was full of sweat because of the hungry flames.
"But don't you dare threaten the salt!" – yelled the Ranger.
Evil Peter was truly impressed. He had never seen Peter so angry. Bah! Who cares?
"And who is going to stop me? You?" – mocked the Villain.
"Hell, yeah!" – growled Peter.
Evil Peter laughed at that comment.
"Just die, already!" – said the Villain.
The flames were about to devour the last remaining tree and Peter, when suddenly a strange kind of blue barrier appeared that prevented the fire to pass and carry on it's job.
"What is the meaning of this?" – growled Evil Peter.
The Villain walked towards the strange barrier and examined it.
"A magical barrier? Bah! It must be that damn fool of a Dwarf!" – thought the Villain.
Evil Peter glanced at the hungry flames and then at the magical barrier.
"No matter… the magical barrier isn't going to last forever." – mocked the Villain.
Evil Peter gave the maniacal laugh. It was only a matter of time before his nemesis would be destroyed for ever. No one could stop him! Not even this stupid magical barrier!
"I hope…" - mumbled Evil Peter.
…
"Am I dead?" – asked Peter.
"No. Not yet, at least."
The Ranger looked behind him and showed a smile of relief.
"The Oracle?" – said the Ranger.
"Yes, lad. It is I… The Oracle." – confirmed the old Dwarf.
Peter looked at the strange barrier and touched it. He couldn't pass the barrier, but neither could the flames. Ah, ah! Take that you evil pepper lover!
"What is happening? What is that… that… thing?" – asked Peter, while pointing towards the barrier.
The old Dwarf Cleric sighed.
"It's a magical barrier. It will protect the tree from the fire." – assured the Oracle.
"Yeah! Then I am safe?" – inquired the Ranger.
The Oracle rolled his eyes and then looked at his feet.
"Well…" – mumbled the old Dwarf.
"Yes?" – asked Peter.
"No." – replied the Oracle.
"No?" – squeaked the Ranger.
"It's only a temporary magical barrier, lad." – explained the Oracle.
"Oh!" – murmured Peter.
"I am sorry…" – said the old Dwarf.
Peter nodded and then shrugged.
"So… now what?" – asked the Ranger.
"Lad, you are in grave troubles." – stated the old Dwarf.
"I… have noticed it." – assured Peter.
"You are fighting the evil inside of your soul. That's one hell of a battle." – added the Oracle.
"Yeah! And my evil twin brother is winning the battle!" – replied the Ranger.
"Evil twin what?" – mumbled the Oracle.
"It's a long story. Do you want to hear it?" – asked Peter, while showing a joyful smile.
"No." – answered the Oracle.
"But it's a very funny story!" – promised the Ranger.
"What part about the temporary magical barrier, didn't you understand?" – growled the old Dwarf.
Peter looked a bit hurt.
"If you don't want to listen to my stories just say so." – mumbled the Ranger.
"I don't want to listen to your stories, Peter." – growled the Oracle.
A tear crossed Peter's face.
"Why?" – cried the Ranger.
"Because I am afraid that they will make me dumber." – replied the Oracle.
"What?" – asked Peter.
"Indeed." – said the old Dwarf.
"Huh?" – asked the Ranger.
"I agree." – assured the Oracle.
"My head hurts…" – squeaked Peter.
"Good lad, good lad… So I need to put you in top shape in order for you to defeat that bastard." – added the old Dwarf.
"My evil twin brother?" – inquired Peter.
"Yes, Peter… your evil twin brother." – confirmed the Oracle.
"He promised me to bring me a gift next time." – said the Ranger.
"I am sure he did." – mumbled the old Dwarf.
"He is such a nice evil twin brother. He is just a bit weird… he hates salt." – stated Peter.
"This is going to be a lot more difficult than I imagined…" – whispered the Oracle.
"What was that?" – asked the Ranger.
"I said that perhaps we should get started." – lied the old Dwarf.
"Okay, then. What must I do?" – asked Peter.
"Just stay there and be quiet." – begged the Oracle.
"Quiet?" – inquired the Ranger.
"Yes." – confirmed the Oracle.
"Okay, but…" – said Peter.
"Ah, ah! Quiet!" – reminded the old Dwarf.
"But…" – added the Ranger.
"Quiet!" – yelled the Oracle.
"But…" – squeaked Peter.
"Quiet!" – repeated the old Dwarf.
Peter showed the Dwarf Cleric a joyful smile.
"This is fun." – said Peter.
The Oracle sighed. Heroes…
"Please, Peter shut the hell up!" – begged the old Dwarf.
"Man, you don't need to shout!" – replied Peter, while covering his ears.
"Then be quiet!" – added the Oracle.
Peter nodded in agreement.
"Good. My first thought was to use the Power of Friendship." – explained the Oracle.
"Power of Friendship?" – asked Peter.
The Oracle's glare could have destroyed a whole mountain.
"Sorry!" – begged the Ranger.
"Yes. I thought of bringing all of your friends so that they could give you some support and increase your determination to win." – continued the old Dwarf.
"Oh!" - said Peter, and then shut his mouth with his hands.
"But… after seeing your friends… I doubt that they would give you support or even increase your determination to win. In fact, I fear that they would do the exact opposite." – concluded the Dwarf Cleric.
Peter shrugged and showed a confused look. He wasn't following the old Dwarf's logic.
"But then I thought… What about the Power of Love?" – said the Oracle.
"What about it?" – asked Peter.
Strangely, this time the Oracle didn't tell him to shut up.
"Oh, it has better results than the Power of Friendship. The Power of Love has inspired thousands of Heroes and helped them surpass impossible odds and defeat powerful foes." – explained the old Dwarf.
"The Power of Love, huh?" – inquired the Ranger.
"Yes! I think that it can work." – added the Oracle.
"What? Wait a minute! Don't tell me that Grayson…" – asked Peter.
"Grayson? No! Don't be silly!" – assured the Dwarf Cleric.
"Then who? Errr… Look… buddy… I like you and all, but…" – stated Peter.
"No, Peter. It isn't me." – growled the Oracle.
"You sure?" – inquired the Ranger, that was still feeling a bit suspicious.
"That is one the few things that I am definitely sure." – assured the old Dwarf, while rolling his eyes.
"But… I… I don't have a girlfriend." – mumbled Peter.
"I know, Peter." – answered the Oracle.
"I mean I don't have a girlfriend at this precise moment!" – added Peter.
"I know, Peter." – replied the old Dwarf.
"I already had lots and lots of girlfriends!" – lied the Ranger.
"I know, Peter." – lied the Oracle.
"But I don't have a girlfriend… now…" – squeaked Peter.
The Oracle showed the Ranger a sympathetic smile.
"So… you can't use the Power of Love on me…" – mumbled Peter.
"Actually… I can, Peter." – replied the old Dwarf.
"You what?" – yelled Peter.
"Peter… before I show you your true love… I must warn you." – said the Oracle.
"What? Is she ugly?" – asked the Ranger.
"Nah, she is beautiful!" – assured the old Dwarf.
"Is she married, then?" – inquired Peter.
"Oh! Yes. She is definitely married." – answered the Oracle.
"Oh, by the gods! I am having an affair!" – yelled Peter.
"What? No! Nothing like that!" – assured the Oracle.
"But you said…" – stated Peter.
"Calm down, Peter. I will explain everything thing to you. Just calm down!" – begged the old Dwarf.
"I am calm… I think…" – murmured Peter, that wasn't really calm.
The Oracle sighed. This was going to be the hardest part… but he had to warn Peter of what was going to happen.
"If you win the battle against… your evil twin brother… you will not remember anything that happens here." - explained the Oracle.
"What? Why?" – asked Peter.
"Errr… it's because of the magic involve. It is a very complex, technical and boring explanation, Peter. Let's just say that your mind won't be able to handle all of the information you are about to receive, so… it will… erase all of it." – added the old Dwarf, while looking a bit uncertain.
"It's because I am dumb, isn't it?" – mumbled Peter.
"Yes…" – replied the Oracle, looking a bit ashamed.
"I knew it! I am so dumb… My evil twin brother was right… I am a loser…" – whispered the Ranger.
"What? You are a Hero, Peter! A Hero! You aren't a loser!" – said the Oracle.
"Bah! Look at me? I am lousy Ranger, pathetic Hero… what do I have to be thankful for?" – yelled the Ranger.
"Hello, Peter!"
"Huh?" – squeaked Peter.
The Ranger looked at the tree and suddenly someone crossed it, as if it was some kind of portal. And that someone was… a girl. Not just any girl… she was the most beautiful girl that Peter had ever seen. She was about Peter's age and her voice was… well… it could only be described as salty.
"Peter. Let me introduce you to your future wife." – said the Oracle.
"Future wife?" – asked Peter incredulously.
"Yes. I brought here through my magical powers. I had to pray to a lot of gods, mind you. But in the end it all worked out." – explained the old Dwarf.
"She is going to be my wife?" – inquired the Ranger.
"Yes, Peter." – replied the Oracle.
"But she is so pretty." – mumbled Peter, looking a bit embarrassed.
"I know." – said the Oracle.
"And she loves me?" – asked the Ranger.
"Strangely… yes." – murmured the old Dwarf.
"How do I meet here?" – asked Peter, that was still having some troubles accepting all of this information.
"Well… She is a salt vendor of some kind. You will be her best costumer and then… well… it eventually happens." – explained the Oracle.
"What happens?" – inquired the Ranger.
"You will fall in love for her, lad." – replied the Dwarf Cleric.
Peter was quiet for some time. He seemed lost in his own thoughts.
"And she is a salt vendor?" – asked Peter.
"Yes." – answered the Oracle.
"And I will marry her?" – inquired the Ranger.
"Yes." – assured the Oracle.
Peter looked at the sky.
"Thank you." – whispered Peter.
"Go to her, Peter." – said the Oracle, while pushing Peter towards his future wife.
The Ranger looked really embarrassed. He really didn't know what to say. He didn't even know the girl and they were married. Weird!
"Hello…" – squeaked Peter.
"Hello, Peter. The Oracle has explained everything to me." – assured the girl.
"Errr… I…" – mumbled Peter.
"Oh, right! You haven't met me, huh?" – asked the girl.
"No… Sorry!" – murmured the Ranger.
"No problem. My name is Poppy." – replied the girl.
…
There are several mysteries that surround Poppy the Salt Vendor. One of the things that remain unanswered is how she is able to go from town to town so quickly. (Once she had even beaten one of the King's own men on their fastest horse! Some claim that she uses salt to open dimensional doorways. This remains unconfirmed).
Whether she is using salt and magic, or (as some believe) there are actually well over 200 "Poppy the Salt Vendors" out in the world (giving the illusion she's going from town to town so quickly!), there is one thing that is certain - this woman knows Salt.
There is also speculation that she has a "Poppy Information Network" that allows information to get to her as quickly as possible - which is why she may be able to get to town to town so fast, since she's always aware what's going on in the world of salt.
Poppy has mastered the creation of salt so much so that she has even created different tasting salts - one of her top sellers being the Pepper Flavoured Salt!
Some say she uses magic during her sales as well, because even those that don't need salt, find themselves buying salt from her anyway - and usually walk away somewhat dazed. When they turn to confront her, she and her salt, are typically gone.
…
"Hello, Poppy!" – said Peter, feeling a bit more relaxed.
She was really beautiful. What? Was he blind of something? She wasn't just beautiful… She was perfect.
"So… we are married, huh?" - asked Peter.
"Yeah!" – answered Poppy.
"How is it like?" – inquired the Ranger.
"A dream come true, Peter." – assured the salt vendor.
"The Oracle… told me… that you are a salt vendor?" – asked the Ranger.
"That's how we met, Peter. You were my best costumer. Well… you will be my best costumer." – explained Poppy.
"I think I am in love, Poppy!" – said Peter.
"I believe you, Peter. I am also in love with you!" – replied Poppy.
For a moment the Ranger looked really embarrassed, but them his face was full of determination and confidence.
"Can I… can I kiss you? Please?" – asked Peter.
"Sure. Why not?" – stated the salt vendor.
So Peter kissed her. It was a perfectly normal kiss, but it meant a lot to Peter. It was more valuable than gold or power. It was almost as valuable as salt.
"Oh, by the gods!" – yelled Peter.
"What?" – asked Poppy.
"You taste like salt!" – replied the Ranger.
"I know…" – stated the salt vendor.
"I love salt!" – added Peter.
"I know…" – assured Poppy.
Oh, by the gods! She tasted like salt! And she was going to marry him!
He was such a lucky bastard…
"I have some people that you probably want to meet." – said Poppy.
"Errr… your parents?" – squeaked Peter.
"What? No!" – mocked the salt vendor.
"Thank the gods!" – mumbled the Ranger.
"Your kids." – added Poppy.