Delia's first feeling on opening the door to find Robert waiting was primarily one of annoyance. She'd hardly seen her friends in the weeks since new year, at least not properly, and she'd been looking forward to spending the evening with them. Actually, she had been very close to telling Robert that there was no way she could come out with him, but... well he looked so hopeful. And he was brandishing the tickets he'd already bought as if he were giving her the moon.

She sighed. He meant well, but so often he seemed to assume that he knew her tastes better than she did. Why couldn't he just ask what she wanted, instead of trying to surprise her with misplaced romantic gestures all the time?

'Alright Robert, I will come out with you, but I do wish you'd asked. I had plans for the evening and if you'd only sent a note I could have told you another night would've worked better'.

'Oh... sorry Delia. But we'll have much more fun than you would here, you'll see!'

To that Delia made no comment, just stood aside to let Robert in and then went to fetch her coat. She passed Patsy in the hall on the way to the bedroom, and wished again that she'd thought of a way to decline without being rude.

'I'm sorry Pats, he didn't tell me he was coming. I really did want to see Trixie and Barbara with you, but... I'd better go. He bought tickets already'.

Patsy nodded, but she didn't speak. Delia had once been able to tell Patsy's moods even without words, and although she still got a sense of it, it had been harder since new year, as if Patsy had withdrawn into herself. It was like that now, and it broke Delia's heart. She'd have given anything to go back to the way things were between them.

Instead she left Patsy and Robert to make stilted small talk in the lounge while she got ready to go as quickly as possible. She considered changing, or doing something more with her hair or make-up, but in the end she decided not to bother. If Robert was going to turn up out of the blue he could hardly expect her to have made a big effort beforehand, and the outfit she had been wearing in anticipation of Barbara and Trixie's arrival was smart enough not to put her to shame in a cinema. Besides, she didn't like leaving Patsy and Robert alone. They were perfectly polite to each other, but it was impossible to miss the discomfort that pervaded a room with the two of them in it, no small portion of which came from Delia herself. All things considered, she preferred to keep these two parts of her life separate.

It was for that reason that she hurried Robert out the door as soon as she'd pulled on coat and shoes. She had been in such a rush that she'd almost forgotten her scarf, but at the door Patsy handed it to her with a half smile that looked almost mournful.

'Keep warm'.

Delia had taken the scarf, her fingers brushing Patsy's as she did so. She felt a jolt go through her at the contact and their eyes met. She felt sure that Patsy's were trying to tell her something, if only she knew what it was. Her lips parted around the question, willing the distance between them to close… but then Robert put an arm proprietorially around her and gave Patsy a smile.

'Not to worry, I shall be sure to take good care of Delia. I shan't let her take a chill'.

And the moment had broken.

Delia and Robert left the flat, leaving Patsy standing alone in the doorway. She didn't look back, but Delia heard the soft click when Patsy shut the door behind them.

'... kept a few of them though, sentimentality I suppose'.

Delia realised that Robert had been speaking ever since they said goodbye to Patsy and she hadn't listened to a word. Even when she wasn't distracted he spoke so softly that she often had to lean in as they walked to catch what he said, and this time her mind had been so full of Patsy that she hadn't the faintest notion what he was talking about.

'Sorry, what did you say?'

Robert gave her a sympathetic look and patted the hand he had threaded through his arm when they started walking.

'Amnesia making your mind wander is it? I was talking about farthings. Officially out of use as of New year's day. But I kept a few of mine. I always liked the wren on the back, didn't you? Charming fellow. When I was a boy I'd always ask for a ha'penny in farthings, it made me feel richer and I liked the jangle of coins in my pockets'.

'Yes I suppose so. I never really thought about it. But yes it's a nice bird. I don't think I have any farthings left lying around though. I'm not much of a hoarder'.

'You can have one of mine if you like. I could polish it up special for you, get a really good shine on it'.

'Thank you Robert, but there's really no need. I'm sure you'll get more enjoyment out of them than I would'.

There was silence for a minute as they both cast about for something else to say, and at last Delia fell back on pleasantries.

'Have you had a good day at work?'

'Oh yes, it was fair enough, I was going to bring you a strawberry tart I'd made, but I'm afraid I dropped the bag and my Charlie – the dog you know – well, he got to it before I could salvage the situation'.

'Well, it was a kind thought, thank you anyway'.

'That's alright... You are pretty Delia'.

She felt her cheeks colouring, but it was a blush of discomfort more than pleasure at the compliment. They had had this conversation before, and the out-of-the-blue statement inevitably led on to Robert asking if today might be the day she'd allow him to kiss her. He was never overly pushy about it - when Delia said she wasn't ready for that he accepted it, but he seemed baffled by her continued refusal, and Delia too was beginning to feel awkward about her disinclination. He already thought her terribly old fashioned and probably rather a prude, though he didn't actually say the word. But today she could still feel the warmth of Patsy's fingers where they had brushed against hers, and she couldn't let it even get as far as the question. Maybe she couldn't let any of it get any further than it already had. She had tried hard to like Robert, no one could refute that. She had been on dates, and made an effort to take an interest in the things he cared about, and found things to admire in his appearance until she had almost had herself fooled… but no amount of dancing or holding hands with him could measure up to that momentary contact with Patsy. This wasn't going to work. It hadn't worked. And it wasn't fair on Robert to keep pretending it might.

'Robert… I think we need to talk'.

Robert's earnest, amiable face fell. Delia had never met anyone with such expressive skin as Robert had. It sounded odd, but where another person would raise and lower their eyebrows, his entire forehead right up beyond the hairline would move, so that in the right light hair seemed to wash up and down his brow like waves on the shore of his changing emotions. He would puff out his cheeks or suck them in as he spoke, his mouth had a capacity to pinch to a tiny button or spread in a grin like a slice of melon that seemed to defy the laws of physics. Now when she spoke, his whole face contracted until it seemed even his ears were drooping a little bit.

'Now don't say that. Every chap knows that nothing good ever follows those words'.

'I'm sorry, it's just that-'

Robert held up a hand to stop her.

'I already got the tickets. If we must have that sort of talk, can't we just go and watch the film first? Give me a chance to show you such a good time you'll forget about… what you wanted to say'.

Delia bit her lip. She wasn't sure she could bear to sit beside him, holding the words between her teeth throughout an entire film and knowing she was about to hurt him. But she felt she owed him something. He was kind, and understanding, and he deserved better than she could give.

'Alright, if you're sure that's what you want'.

'It is'.

Robert took hold of her hand as they walked the rest of the way to the cinema, threading his fingers through hers and swinging their hands between them as if he hadn't a care in the world.

'What can I get you to eat? Choc ice?'

'It's only January, isn't it a bit cold for ice cream?'

'Alright, something else. Pick anything you like. Nothing is too good for you. You're going to have the best night of your life'.

In contrast to his usual soft spoken manner, Robert was talking a little too loudly, his voice falsely hearty as if he were trying to prove to anyone and everyone in the building that they were having a nice, romantic evening together. The young man selling snacks gave him a bemused look, but didn't comment. Although she didn't actually want Robert to buy her anything and had said so more than once, in the end Delia accepted a box of poppets simply so that he would agree to go inside.

As the lights lowered and the film began she sat with the box unopened in her lap. Even if she had actually wanted the sweets she'd have had trouble managing them, as Robert still hadn't released her hand. If anything he was holding it tighter, as though he were afraid she might run right out of the cinema if he didn't hang onto her. She tried to focus on Major Jock Sinclair and Lieutenant Colonel Basil Barrow in the opening scene, but in reality she was finding it hard to concentrate, or to care what happened next. Now she had resolved to tell Robert that she couldn't see him anymore, she just wanted to get it over with. It couldn't be good for either of them, sitting here pretending.

By the time Sinclair was escorted from the barracks to salutes from the other soldiers (Delia had missed a good deal of the plot in her own ruminations, so wasn't entirely sure how they'd come to that point), her hand felt almost numb from being gripped so tightly; and as the lights came up she used the excuse of fastening her scarf more securely about her throat to reclaim it.

When they got outside Robert paused in his stream of enthusiasm for the film to say

'I thought we'd go to a pub next. The Coach and Horses is near here. I don't suppose they'll do that cherry thing you liked so much, but I'll get you a gin and tonic or a glass of sherry'.

'Robert…'

'You're right of course I shouldn't assume. A pint of beer then. Or cider. Whiskey on the rocks'.

He seemed to think if he could only keep her from saying the words, it wouldn't happen. Delia reached out and put a hand on his arm.

'Robert'.

He sighed, thrusting his hands into his trouser pockets and once again putting Delia in mind of a school boy.

'You really do mean to chuck me then?'

'I'm sorry'.

'Is it the pastry? I know it's not the most manly profession in the world, and you nurses can expect to find a doctor, or even a surgeon if you hold out a bit… but an architect is pretty respectable, and it won't be long before I'm there. Not in the scheme of things'.

'Of course it isn't that! Honestly, Robert, I don't think there's anything wrong with what you do for a living. I never did. There's nothing wrong with you. You're a wonderful person, and I wish I did want the same things you want, but… I just don't feel the spark'.

'The spark?'

'Yes, you know… the thing that takes two people from being good friends to wanting more. I like you a lot, but it's a friendship sort of liking. I don't want anything else. It wouldn't be fair to keep waiting for the spark to come when I'm pretty sure it never will'.

Much to Delia's surprise, Robert gave a little laugh then.

'Is that all? Well I could have told you from the start why that is! Delia, of course you don't feel this- this mystical sparkle when we haven't so much as kissed. If you treat a chap like a friend it's no wonder your feelings get confused'.

'I think you've looking at it the wrong way round, the reason I haven't wanted to kiss you is because-'

'Look, just let me kiss you once. Just one good, proper kiss, and then if you still don't feel anything afterwards then so be it'.

'I'm sorry, I really don't think that will change anything'.

'Then it won't hurt anything to try will it? Please Delia. Just once'.

She sighed. She didn't want to kiss him… but what if he was right? What if that was all it took? If she could really, properly like Robert then things could be back as they should be with her and Patsy. And she wouldn't have to hurt him either.

'Alright'.

He gave her his space-defying smile and took a step closer. They were a way away from the cinema by now, in the pool of shadow between two street lamps. There were a few people around further up the street, but not so many that it seemed really improper to do as Robert asked. For some reason Delia's impulse was that kissing was a private thing - something to be done only behind closed doors, away from prying eyes… but in fact most people would find it a great deal more shocking for her to shut herself away than to kiss Robert on the street, where there was no chance of them doing more than was proper. She swallowed down her reluctant nerves as best she could and took a small step herself, meeting Robert half way. This was fine. It was just a kiss. It was fine.

Robert leaned down towards her, both hands coming up to cup her cheeks as he closed the gap. His hands were large and rough against her face so that she felt almost trapped, and had to resist the urge to shake her head to remove them. And then his lips were pushing at hers and the trace of stubble that remained even after shaving was scratching her chin and her nose was full of the scent of his aftershave.

Her eyes closed reflexively on the sight of Robert above her, and without her meaning it to, her mind went to Patsy. Her soft lips; the wonderful, safe feeling of her arms holding her close; the familiar, comfortable smell of her; the hands she used to touch a dozen times a day and feel her heart leap without any effort whatsoever every single time...

A tear slipped unbidden from beneath her closed eyelid and rolled down her cheek.

Robert must have felt it as it reached his fingers, because he pulled back at once, looking guilty.

'Oh God. Don't cry Delia. I'm sorry. I didn't meant to make you- I take it that's still a no then?'

She wiped her eyes quickly, angry with herself. She didn't want to make him feel guilty for this.

'I'm afraid so. But please don't be sorry, it isn't your fault. I'm afraid I just- I just can't'.

Robert nodded, his hands back in his pockets.

'Well. No one can say we didn't give it a good try…'

He smiled at her, and then clearly trying to lighten the mood and show there were no hard feelings added:

' If you happen to know any other pretty nurses with captivating accents though, do put in a good word for me won't you?'

Delia laughed a little shakily, still trying hard to suppress the tears.

'There's always Joan. Her accent's stronger than mine and she's already said how handsome you are. And she bakes'.

It wasn't quite his watermelon-slice smile, but it it was at least a grapefruit.

'I hope I'll get to meet her properly some time… Delia… I think I should probably walk you home now. You look like you could do with being with your friends, and I think I'd like to skip the pub and head home too'.

'You don't have to walk with me. Honestly, I'll be fine. It's very good of you, but after everything, it's really not necessary'.

He shrugged, and his voice was back to it's usual gentle quietness.

'It is to me. I know it's not that late, but it's dark,and I wouldn't feel right about not seeing you safe. At least to the end of your road. Most of it's on my way anyway'.

'Alright... Thank you'.

The short walk back to Delia's road was a quiet one, but when they reached it she and Robert exchanged a farewell hug that was as genuine as it was melancholy.

'I mean it Robert. Thank you'.

He nodded wordlessly, then gave her a last, lingering close-lipped smile and walked away, back the way he had come. For a few moments Delia watched him go - the boy who, had things been different, she might perhaps have loved.

When at last he was lost to the shadows, Delia turned back to the door in front of her, and the woman who she could no longer deny she did love. She still had no idea what to do about her feelings for Patsy, but whatever it was, she wouldn't try dating someone else again.

Taking a deep breath, she turned the key in the lock.