watch?v=bnlFuPRxH8w : This is the song I was listening to while writing this chapter, please listen to it, it's amazing!

And here we are, back to silently glaring at each other. Deja vu anyone? I thought, leaning back on one of the beds as Shepard watched me. "So . . . I guess we're supposed to be talking, right?" I started, thinking I would breach the silence that had descended on us like an oppressive cloud. "I get that you're the commander and everything, but I still have to ask . . .. Why?"

Shepard squeezed her eyes closed for a moment and I thought she might of been in pain, but when she opened them again, I could see the discomfort wasn't physical, it was internal. Hate, anger, loss, fear and hopelessness all swirled in her mercury gaze. "I had no choice. Without the salarian support for the crucible we can't win this, Amiee," she said, drawing her knees up. She looked so young sat there, curled around herself into a small ball. "I wish I didn't have to make these choices . . .. Sometimes I wish I could give them to someone else so I don't have to. Cause and effect . . . I'm always having to think about it. If I saved the krogan, I lose the salarians. If I didn't, I lose the turians because they wouldn't be able to hold Palaven. I didn't want to shoot him. That's why I did what I did and I hate myself for it."

I watched as tears pooled in her eyes and spill down her cheeks. "Shepard, you could have asked for help. You could have came to any of us and we would have listened and given advice. Hell, everyone on this damn ship has been giving me advice all day. Well, one piece of advice anyway. To talk to you." I sighed, mimicking her posture and curling my arms around my legs. "I don't hate you . . . and I'm sorry I shot you."

She looked up, a vulnerable expression on her face. "I hate myself, Amiee. War isn't black and white like I thought and you showed me that. I can't keep thinking I'm right, when I'm stood with a gun pointed at a friend. That wasn't right . . .. I don't know what I was thinking." She fell silent after a moment of harsh breathing and I realized she was trying to hold herself together. "It's so hard, Amiee and I can't . . .. I know I'm supposed to be in command, to be strong for everyone else, but who's strong for me?"

I got up then, unable to let her sit there looking so small and helpless. Moving to her bed, I hopped up and wrapped my arms around her. My own tears began to fall as she slipped one arm around my waist and her head fit in the nook of my neck. "I'm sorry, Jane," I whispered, realizing I'd failed her in so many ways. "I should have been here . . .. You've been fighting to help me get home, but I haven't been fighting to keep you sane. It's going to be hard for both of us to get past this . . . but I think we can. From now on, we talk, alright? We set time to figure things out, bring the crew in on choices like this. It doesn't all have to rest on your shoulders all of the time."

"There's just so much," she whispered as I stroked her hair. "I have made so many mistakes and done so much . . . it's like there's some part of me that is just so tired, it's giving up. Parts of me are fighting against one another and it's driving me insane. The dreams . . . there was a little boy and I watched him die. I can't get him out of my head . . .. When I met you and you told me about Kye, I guess . . . I thought if I got you home to him, it would be like saving him. I don't know, I guess it's dumb." She sounded so tired, I just wanted to call Chakwas and have her medicate the commander so she could sleep.

"It's not dumb, Shepard. You've got the galaxy on your shoulders and I was wrong to judge you for a mistake," I told her, feeling the knots in my stomach loosen. "Promise me that you won't keep doing this alone, that you won't suffer without us. We can help, even if it's just listening while we drink ourselves into a stupor." I hoped she'd agree. She was breaking and it was our job to hold her together.

"I promise," she whispered, squeezing me tighter. "So I guess everyone decided to stick their noses in?" she asked, sitting up and nodding to the window.

I followed her gaze and couldn't help but smile as I caught sight of several faces pressed up against the glass. Garrus, Kim, James, Javik, Liara, hell even EDI was there, all watching with stupid, mushy grins on their faces. I flipped them off playfully and hugged Shepard. "We're gonna be alright," I promised her as she hugged me back. "How can we not be? We've got that lot watching our backs." I nodded to the others and her smile matched mine.

"Yeah," she whispered, her eyes lingering on the crew, her shoulders coming up and her tension flowing from her. "We do," she finished, the strength that she had lost returning to her voice. We were her strength as much as she was ours.

"Hey, Commander, I hate to break up the touchy feely, but we've got a problem," Joker called over the comms, his normally cheery voice edged with tension. "We've arrived at the Citadel, but my hails aren't being responded to. Something's going down and I'm getting nothing up here."

I met Shepard's eyes and she nodded, climbing from the bed. "Patch into the emergency channels, Joker. I'm taking Amiee and EDI." I was about to open my mouth to say something when she cut me off. "No arguing. I want you there . . . it's important. You said you've got my back, so get my back."

I swallowed down the protests and nodded. "Okay. I'll meet you in the shuttle," I told her, squeezing her hand and hurrying from the medical bay. James and Garrus flanked me as soon as I left the room. "James, is my scimitar alright?" I asked, remembering that it had broken during the mission on the krogan homeworld.

"I'm sorry, Muñeca, I couldn't save her. The core imploded," he said, pressing the elevator button and leading me inside with Garrus on the other side.

"It ran out of batteries?" I asked, not understanding. "Can't you put new ones in?" I didn't want to lose my weapon, it had become my best friend almost, even more than my viper. "She's my baby . . .. That thing has saved my ass more times than I can count."

Garrus snorted. "Amiee, you are so weird, even for a human. You can't just put new batteries in a gun," he said, cuffing me on the shoulder. "Wait 'till you see what he got you instead." His grinned, ducking out of the elevator when it had completed its laborious journey to the cargo bay.

Following him, I shot a suspicious look at James. "Is this another of your plots to get me to have what you consider a 'decent' gun?" I asked, nudging him with my elbow. I still felt a little tense, but the easy company of the two had me relaxing just a little bit.

"Amiee . . . would I . . .." He caught my raised eyebrow and let out a deep, rich chuckle. "Okay, okay, I admit I'm glad to have an excuse to upgrade you, but seriously, you're going to love what I got for you. Wrex helped . . .."

I blinked and a grin spread over my face. "Wrex would," I told him, moving to the weapons bench and accepting my armor from Garrus as he handed me the plates. Slipping them on, the process second nature by now, I pressed the clips into locking position and looked at James. "Okay, Action Man, show me what you've got for me."

James hesitated, as if he feared rejection or was worried about my reaction to the gift, but his strong, large hands gripped the cloth covering something on his workbench and flicked it away. Lying on the metal was a gun . . . the most beautiful gun I'd ever seen.

"This is a katana," James said only to smile when I raised my hand to shush him and walk to the bench, not taking my eyes from the weapon. It gleamed in dark, gunmetal gray, and the white highlights on the side panels flashed as it caught the light. I let one finger trace the writing on the side. XOX6, it read, and though I didn't understand what it meant, I couldn't help but fall in love.

"I think you just lost your mate, James," Garrus said, his sub-vocals rumbling in my ear as he laughed.

"He's not my mate, he's my boyfriend, and this . . . I agree, I think I fell," I told the turian, picking up my new baby and almost groaning as she settled in my arms like she'd been made for me; then again, knowing James, she had been. I looked at my lover and smiled. "Have I told you I love you today?" I asked after a moment, leaning up to kiss his cheek. "I love you . . .. Thank you, James. She's beautiful."

James kissed me back for a moment, before meeting my eyes. "Be safe, Muñeca . . .. Trust Shepard and come back to me whole," he said, his arms tightening around me for a moment before he stepped back to allow Garrus to hug me.

I hugged my turian brother and patted his mandible. "Keep this one busy for me, you know how he gets when he's worried." I laughed, a little strained but it was a laugh. "I'll be back soon." Leaving the boys to do whatever it was they did when me and Shepard were on a mission, I picked up my viper and locked it onto my right shoulder before placing my katana on the magnetic strip at my lower back. Once armed, I pulled on my gauntlets and headed to the shuttle to wait for Shepard, nodding to Cortez who gave me a quick smile, before turning back to his preparations.

"Shepard, I'm in the shuttle with Cortez. What's going on?" I asked, using the comms.

Shepards voice hissed and distorted as she spoke. "Thane is on the emergency channels. Cerberus has taken the Citadel. I don't know what they're after, but we need to get down there and coordinate with C-sec. Hopefully Bailey will be able to give us more intel. There's a landing pad away from the main area, I'm sending the location to the shuttle now. I'll be down in a second." The comms cut and I exchanged a look with Cortez, nodding as he brought up the location of the landing pad, giving me a quick rundown on the area. I worried about those still on the Citadel. If something had gone wrong, those I cared about would be in danger. Thane. Oh god, don't be a hero, Krios. Please, be somewhere safe where no one can hurt you. I can't lose you too . . ..

Something was wrong on the Citadel and it was our job to fix it. I understood then why Shepard struggled so much; because there was always someone that needed to be saved, no matter how much she worked, someone was always screaming her name and begging for her to fix their problems. She was stronger than I was, I knew that much; I hoped by being there for her, I could ease the burdens on her shoulders.

A/N: Well, things turned out okay with Shepard, thanks to the wonderful crew of the Normandy, the nosy buggers, but things never go right for long do they? I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and are looking forward to the next installment. Please read and review, I love reading them, and I'll see you in the next chapter! Huge thanks going out to those who helped me! Love y'all lots, you're amazing guys!