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Chapter 36 – Taste of Regret

"We're not going anywhere until you've got everything under control," Edward said. Bella sat in his car, staring at nothing and everything. The shotgun was resting between her knees.

"You probably think I'm emotionally unstable," she said, not meeting his eyes.

He shrugged. "I think a lot of things about you, but that isn't one of them."

Bella looked at him then. He tried to give her a reassuring smile, but all Bella saw was a solicitous expression.

"I never give a shit about what people say about me or think about me. It's only Alice and Carlisle that make me do that." Edward's face blanked and Bella wondered if the whole thing was making him feel uneasy. "Sorry," she said, "I don't even know why I'm trying to tell you any of this."

"People do crazy things for love," Edward said. Bella stilled, but realised he must have been talking about Alice. She laughed.

"We all need therapy. Maybe if I take us all in there, I'll get a group discount."

"Or the shrink would chuck us all out like damaged goods," Edward said. Bella thought it was a joke, but his tone was serious.

There was a brief silence in the car and Bella looked out the front windshield. She saw Carlisle's Mercedes and Carlisle driving up. He looked tired and anxious.

"Right, let's go. Drive," Bella said, ducking down in her seat.

"I take it that's Carlisle."

"Yes, now get us out of here. I'm not ready to face him yet. I'd rather go kill something first."

Edward laughed and started the car.

~*~

Alice's face was pressed against Esme's shoulder. Silent tears were falling down her cheeks, making a wet puddle on her top. For once, she didn't care about the state of her clothes. She'd trade everything in her wardrobe to have Bella turn around and walk back through the door and say, "Just kidding!"

She knew it wasn't going to happen, but she could pretend.

"I didn't mean to say all of that stuff," she said weakly against Esme's shoulder.

"I know you didn't. You just wanted her to stay, like we all did. We even want her back now, but we know that what's best for Bella is not exactly what she wants. We could have forced her to stay, but that would have solved nothing. She'd have found a way out. She wants to kill all of the people involved in all of this. She's doing it because she wants everyone safe."

"I know, Esme. I'm just upset that this is the only way."

"I'd kill them all myself if I could. I'd torture every last one of them if it would make us all safe again," Rosalie interrupted. Alice lifted her head and looked at Rosalie who was sitting on the couch between Jasper and Emmett. She had a packet of frozen peas pressed against the left side of her face now.

The look in Rosalie's face was one of pure defiance. Alice knew that Rosalie was strong on the outside, but now she knew that it ran deeper than she had previously thought. Rosalie had tried her damnest to get them all out, and she had paid for it. Both she and Esme had cowered in the face of their attackers, and for that, Alice felt shame.

But there was nothing she could have done anyway. She didn't know how to fight and there were guns pressed against her. She had helped at the hospital because she could. There was one man then and he looked like the victim even though he had the gun. The people at Macabre Nights didn't look like victims. They looked like they didn't care. They looked at her with neutral eyes, as if it didn't matter to them whether Alice died or not. They didn't give a damn.

"I'd resurrect the fuckers who did this and feed them their own dicks," Emmett said, looking at Rosalie. Alice tried to erase the image she got from his eloquent phrase.

Carlisle chose that moment to walk into the apartment. Alice was certain he'd heard at least Emmett's statement and looking at his face, she deduced that he had.

He put down his medical bag and looked around the room.

"I'm going to take this all in one step at a time," Carlisle said, shaking his head. "I'll check everyone over and then I want to know what the hell has happened."

Alice gulped and nodded too fast. She could understand why Bella would be more willing to take out New York's answer to the Italian mafia as opposed to telling Carlisle what her real day job was.

Alice moved out of the way and watched Carlisle move around the room. He started with Rosalie. He cleaned cuts, injected her with something and added stitches to her split eyebrow methodically. He then asked Jasper and Emmett if they had any injuries. He went to Esme and checked the burns on her wrists then checked Alice's rope burns.

He looked at the blood splattered across her clothes. "This blood belongs to none of you," he said. "Where's Bella?"

"It's not her blood, if that's what you mean," Alice said, looking at her hands.

"I didn't think it was, but I'd like to know why an English teacher needs to carry around a gun."

Shock covered Alice's face like a painted mask. She swallowed heavily and said, "I think I need to show you something," before she started walking towards Bella's room.

~*~

They were parked down a backstreet near the Volturi building. Bella's heart was racing but her fear was dampened by her hatred. The shotgun was in her hands, but she preferred the look of Edward's equipment—no pun intended. He had a mini uzi that had a strap that went across his torso so that it rested at his lower back.

"They know we're coming and they know how dangerous we are. There's no point in hiding it," Edward said when Bella raised her eyebrows at the submachine gun.

"They've over-estimating me," Bella said. "I'd rather have them underestimate me so I can pull something out of the bag. You know, the kitten has claws. Instead they're going to treat me like a sabre tooth tiger instead of a leopard."

"You're underestimating yourself, Bella. I think they have you right. They might even be underestimating you."

Bella snorted. "I'm a kitty cat compared to you."

Edward's eyes went serious. "After what I saw in that control room, I wouldn't be so sure. You gave yourself up to the killer inside you then. It frightened me."

Bella wanted to laugh, but by the look in his face, she knew he was telling her the truth. "I take it you don't admit to feeling fear very often."

"I don't feel it often enough to admit it," he said. "You channel that killer and everyone in that building is dead."

Bella smiled, but it was a smile that told anyone who was looking that she was dangerous and her thoughts were dark.

"I think we already established that," she said.

"We did," replied Edward.

"Good. Now let's go hunting."

~*~

Alice opened Bella's cabinet slowly, as if waiting for an explosion. She even had her eyes shut tightly. She opened them and stepped back, giving Carlisle full view of the things that were in the cabinet.

He paled slightly. "Is this all of it?" he asked.

Alice wanted to lie, but she knew Carlisle would be able to tell if she was lying. She was his daughter and seemed to have acquired the ability to sniff out a lie as soon as she was born.

"No," she said.

"No," he repeated, his eyes raking over everything. "What else is there?"

Alice thought about what Bella had been wearing and answered as quickly as she could, hoping it wouldn't sink into Carlisle's mind.

"Two handguns, four knives and a shotgun."

Alice thought Carlisle had paled before, but now he looked nauseous.

He swallowed. "Where are the other things?" The look in his eyes said he already knew but needed to hear it. Alice did not want to say it.

"On Bella," she said.

"On Bella." Carlisle took a deep breath. "What happened tonight?"

Alice told him everything from her point of view and made him sit down on the bed in case he fainted. He took it better than she thought he would, but suddenly, he started to sob. His hands went up to his face, as if to shield his upset from Alice, but Alice wasn't a little girl anymore. She wrapped her arms around her dad.

Someone walked into the room and Alice lifted her tear stained face. It was Esme. She walked further into the room and sat on the bed.

"Alice, go and make some more coffee," Esme said. Alice nodded and left the room, knowing that Esme would be able to give strength to Carlisle as Esme didn't remind him of Mary the way she did.

In the kitchen she started filling up cups and adding milk. Her thoughts were whirling around in her mind. She thought of Bella and how every time she had a problem, Alice couldn't help. She thought of her father and how she couldn't comfort him or talk about Mary. Her thoughts ran back over how useless she had been to everyone. The girl who owned a department store and talked about fashion and thought that talking about something else was something that helped. She was beginning to realise that avoidance could only go so far. She had already let Bella down tonight, she wasn't going to do it again. She picked up the two cups of coffee and headed to Bella's bedroom.

She still had Bella's old gun under her bed in an old suitcase.

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A/N: AHAHAAHAHA!!!

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