Chapter 38.

A Beginning

"Hello Morrigan."

The same voice and tone, as calm and gentle as he ever was when he spoke to her. The same green eyes, older but with that same brightness she had always remembered, lit up as he saw Morrigan stand and turn towards him. His hair was shorter than she had remembered it to be and was now accompanied by several slight streaks of sliver over his right temple. His chin and jaw wore a slight shade of a beard, adding further definition to his face, seemingly gaunter, thinner than when she had parted from Denerim that fateful night. The Witch could see that Aedan had lost something in the past few months. What that was exactly, even she could not tell. What had been lost had been replaced by something new and vital. The man before her was not quite the man she had left, Aedan Cousland had changed and right now Morrigan could not tell if that change was for good or ill.

The ball of lightning crackled and flared in Morrigan's hand, growing in intensity as she aimed it at Aedan, still standing several paces from her. "I told you not to follow me. You gave me your word, Warden."

Beast, who had been bounding with excitement and running in circles around Aedan, paused and stood still, confused at what was happening. The Warden rested a hand on top of the hound's head, calming him with a gentle scratch behind the ear.

"Indeed. And I know what I said. I have kept my promise. Technically, I didn't come looking for you. Beast did." Aedan smiled and motioned to the Mabari, rubbing the hound's head. "He missed you and he wanted to find you. How could I say no to a face like that?"

A bolt hit the ground a pace before Aedan. "I am in no mood for your games! 'Tis bad enough that you have broken your word to me, but 'tis pathetic that you try to blame that hound."

The smile faded from Aedan's lips as his shoulders slumped. "You're right. Forgive me. It has been a long journey with just Beast for company and –"

"Why are you here?" Lightning crackled from Morrigan's hand as she stepped between Aedan and the cottage. "Tell me why you are here or leave!"

"I love you."

The three little words stunned Morrigan. Her hand shot up and pointed at Aedan's head, thrown by what Aedan had just told her. Trying to keep her composure, Morrigan set her jaw and stood before the door of the cottage as Aedan remained still. "You came all this way to tell me that you love me?" The barest hint of a crackle in her voice betrayed the incredulity she felt at those three little words. "You came all this way to tell me that? Then you are more of a fool than I had thought! Now leave this marsh while you still can."

"Let me finish, please." Aedan turned as his hands fell by his side. "Let me say my piece and I will leave."

The lightning arced around Morrigan's hand. "Speak then and begone."

Nodded his head, Aedan began. "Morrigan, I love you. I will always love you. It tore me apart when you left, but I could… would never blame you for that. I understand why you left and how important it was to you that you did so."

"Is there a point to this, Warden?" Pacing slowly towards the door, Morrigan kept her eye on Aedan, watching as he never moved from the spot where he stood. "My reasons were my own and you have no right to pass judgement on them."

"But that's the point Morrigan. I'm not! All that mattered to me was that they were important to you." Aedan lifted his arm and ran his hand through his hair. "I love you Morrigan. Everything about you, I love. Even the infuriating aspects about you." He smiled slightly. "Especially the infuriating aspects about you. I love you with every fibre of my being, heart and soul. I would do anything for you in a heartbeat. I promised you that I would always keep you safe and I meant it. I would march on the Black City itself to keep you safe. I would do anything for you, because your happiness, your life and the life of your child is far more important than my own."

Stepping back away from Morrigan, whom he had already sensed was ill at ease with what he was saying, Aedan continued. "I do not know how time I have left before the Taint overwhelms me. I know that the day will come when I will have to travel to Orzammar and enter the Deep Roads for the Calling. I accept that without compliant or fear."

Breathing slowly, Aedan ran his hand along his jaw, allowing a soft scratching sound from the days old stubble to fill the air before he spoke again. "I have to confess that there was another, selfish reason I came here. I came here to see you one more time and have one last memory of you. You and your child, and I say your child because it would far safer for them to never know who I am, deserve a far better life than I could provide. All I know is how to fight and wage war. I am no diplomat, nor am I a farmer. All I know is how to inflict pain, and I know that one day I will cause you more pain than either of us could stand. I don't want that. I know that I have caused you enough pain as it is."

Aedan reluctantly took a step forward, holding his arms out before him. "My brother advised me to hold you in my arms and never let you go. But I know I can't do that. I know that if I did, there would come the day I would have to leave, but I won't have the strength to do that. Morrigan, I came here because I know that seeing you; telling you that I love you would be enough for me. I have lived too much of my life with regret, I can't waste what little is left with more regret. Were I to die tomorrow; I could rest easily knowing that I saw you one last time and that I spoke my piece."

"Ask me to leave Morrigan. Ask me to go and I will. I'll go and you won't hear from me again. I give you my word."

Morrigan remained silent and stood beneath the lintel of the cottage's door. She tried to speak but instead chose to lower her hand as she tried to make sense of what Aedan had said.

"I would, but it seems that I cannot trust your word, Warden. You have already broken it before, have you not? I will not grant you a clear conscious; that you may walk away when I know that when you have promised before that you would not look for me, yet here you are."

Aedan nodded and removed the gauntlet that covered his hand and held his hand up for Morrigan to see. "The ring you gave me. You said that it would allow you to know where I am and that there was a chance that I too would know where you were. It is the single most important item in my possession. I have worn since the day you gave it to me." With that, Aedan removed the ring and attached it to Beast's collar.

"Take it to her boy."

"Morrigan. Ask me to leave and I shall. I will not follow you; I will not bother you or your child. I swear this to you, with all my heart."

The Witch of the Wilds took the rosewood ring from Beast's collar and turned it over in her fingers. For several minutes she said nothing, instead she stared at the ring.

"Leave, Grey Warden."

Aedan nodded and turned. "Farewell Morrigan."

The Grey Warden walked away from the cottage and from Morrigan without looking back. Morrigan herself remained stood beneath the lintel and was about to enter the cottage when she noticed that Beast remained by her side, looking up at her. "Begone hound. Can you not see that your master has left? Should you not go with him?"

Beast simply licked the Witch's hand and sat beside the door. Morrigan pulled her hand away from the hound and pointed towards Aedan. "There. That is with whom you belong, you flea infested mongrel! Leave here with him."

Beast whined, resting his head on the stone sill.

"Maddening." Morrigan knelt before the Mabari and lifted his head so she could look him in the eyes. "I know you can understand me, hound. Aedan has made his decision as I have made mine. I will not change my mind despite what you may think in that small, insignificant space you would call a brain. Now begone!"

A lick to the face was Beast's response and drew a short exasperated curse from Morrigan as she shot up straight. "Truly, you are as stubborn as your master! You know as well as he does that I will not be enslaved or beholden to another. What he said was true. Love is pain and death. Love causes more problems than it solves, if the blasted notion actually solved any!"

Morrigan threw her hands into the air in a silent protest as she realised her son still slept. "Love is a maddening curse. Love has me speaking to a hound whose ambitions are limited to gorging himself on poisonous herbs and seeking to lick his own crotch. I have made my decision hound. Now. Leave before I lose my patience with you and decide I need a stole for winter."

Beast stood up and licked Morrigan's hand again before gently tugging on the end of her sleeve. Morrigan sighed and looked at the hound.

"I will not chase after him."

A light rain fell as he travelled along the path with each step sinking as the rain turned it less of a path and more of a quagmire. Beast had remained with Morrigan, as Aedan had suspected the hound would do. It had brought an extra measure of comfort to know that the Mabari would stay with Morrigan and the child and keep them safe.

As he approached the edge of a small stream, Aedan felt a mix of relief and disappointment. Relief; that he had at least told Morrigan what he had felt - nothing else now would cause him any regret. Disappointment; that things had not gone better between himself and Morrigan. He had tried. And he had failed. There would be no regrets now, but failure was rarely a simple matter to deal with.

Stepping over a log Aedan stooped by the stream and filled a water skin. He failed to notice a raven flying overhead and landing behind him. The only thing that alerted his presence to Morrigan was when he stood up and her hand slapped him across the cheek.

"You selfish, idiotic bastard! You thought you could break a promise that you made to me, dictate terms to me and just leave?" The Witch slapped his face again with fury burning in her eyes.

"I do not need your protection. I am not some sort of damsel from a child's tale for you to rescue nor am I a delicate flower to be protected from the dangers of the world. I will never be such. I have lived a life on the knife edge before I met you, and I do not need a guardian or saviour. Aedan Cousland, you are a fool!"

Aedan was about to speak when Morrigan grabbed him by the collar and pulled him towards her, kissing him deeply.

"You are a fool. But you are also my fool."

She kissed him again, this time Aedan returned with one of his own. "Morrigan, I…"

The Witch of the Wilds silenced him and took his hand, slipping the rosewood ring onto his finger. "Your hound is far too persuasive for his own good. I gave you this ring, it was mine to give. I do not believe you can simply return it, my love."

Aedan kissed her again and slipped an arm around Morrigan. "Morrigan, I can't give you anything, save my heart. It will always belong to you. Now and forever, my love."

Morrigan smiled softly and caressed Aedan's cheek. "Let us return home. I believe it is time for you to meet your son."

Aedan beamed with joy at the words. "My son? Yes. Yes I would love to meet him. Let's go home."