Chapter 38

He was dreaming about her again. On the morning of his first day back in school, he lay in his bed, on his back, reflecting the events of his previous night's dream with a foolish smile on his face. He knew that he should be getting ready, and would probably be late for class, but he still let himself bask in the rays of his fleeting fantasy for a few more moments.

This semester, he had signed up for mostly the same classes, only in the next higher levels, except he had substituted Literary Interpretations with American Literature. At his mother's insistence, he was still going to continue to take Economics. When she told him, he had begrudgingly agreed, not wanting to start an argument. He hated disappointing people.

He was a little bit regretful that his freshman seminar was over, but he had enough on his plate without it. When he had talked to Sabrina, she had nagged him about picking a major, and for him to begin to pave his path in life. It was then he realized that he truly had no passion – there was nothing that he could think of that he enjoyed enough to pursue for a career. He had never really been enthusiastic about any particular sport or hobby. He had gone through high school half-heartedly completing assignments and activities. It hit him now that he only had room for one passion – and that passion was for Shannon. Now that he thought about it, nothing had the ability to excite or perturb him like she did. Shannon was to Boone what painting was to artists and what football was to professional football players. Shannon was what dictated the highs and lows of his daily emotions.

This information, when he had come upon it, hadn't really surprised him, but it certainly had made him think. He dug through his mind, trying to specify to Sabrina something that he might want to major in. He threw out, "psychology", but Sabrina had scoffed at the idea, saying that being a therapist, or "sitting around being paid to have conversations" wasn't a real profession.

"So basically you're saying that you won't be happy unless I major in business," he said. Sabrina has majored in business and built up her wedding design empire straight out of college, and she had always wanted Boone to follow in her footsteps. Boone had never taken the idea seriously, he had just thought that it would probably contribute to him being the butt of even more gay jokes. He told Sabrina that he would consider majoring in business, but that he was going to finish his required graduation courses- or at least the rest of the semester, before choosing a major. She hadn't been too happy about this: "The term undeclared just sounds so unprofessional," she had said. But she begrudgingly allowed him to do so.

Boone allowed Sabrina to believe that he was her puppet, but the truth was, he wasn't. He knew that Sabrina needed to feel like she was in charge at all times, so he let her believe it. That was probably why her relationship with Shannon had failed, because they both wanted to be in charge. But Boone was okay with being the docile one in his relationship with Shannon – he didn't really have a choice.

Boone rolled out of bed, rolling his eyes at Ben, who was sound asleep, spread-eagled on the other bed. He took some clothes out of his drawer and took them to the bathroom, getting ready to shower. He took off his boxers, and stepped under the spigot, turning on the water. He liked to let the water heat up when he was already under it. That was, the first blast of water that sprayed over his body was frigid, and rejuvenated him from his sleepy morning haze.

After he got his hair wet, he washed his hair and body thoroughly. Then, with the sound of the water serving as a sound proofing device, he decided to put the memory of his dream to good use.

He closed his eyes, trying to replay the scenario in his head. "Shannon," he whispered to himself, thinking about her in the dream. Shannon… Shannon naked on his bed… This thought alone was enough to make him hard, and he started to arouse himself, working his hand against, further recreating the situation in his mind. He imagined how she had looked, and what she had been doing – kissing and touching and licking… he rubbed at himself more vigorously now. He hoped that no one was going to hear him, and that he had remembered to lock the door. He said her name again, trying not to get paranoid or distracted. Back to the dream. She had been kissing and touching and licking, lips passing over his ear, neck, chest and stomach… he shifted uncomfortably, remembering how he had been pulling the sheets away from her, letting his eyes graze over her as he caressed down the soft skin of her body. Boone ran his hand down himself again, whimpering slightly as he felt himself nearer to the edge. She had crawled on top of him, and he had pulled himself inside of her, thrusting in and out, in and out – in the shower he massaged even more deeply and intensely. He had felt her rocking against him, shuddering as she felt him inside of her. She had screamed "I love you," breathing raggedly…

"Shit," Boone groaned. "Fuck!" As he felt himself orgasm, the whole world disappeared. He sighed in exhaustion and fell back against the shower wall, nearly sliding to the tiled floor. He inhaled and exhaled slowly, watching the evidence wash down the drain. "Shit, Shannon," he said again, closing his eyes. After a few more seconds of resting, he reached for a bar of soap and washed his body again.

Suddenly, there was a loud knock on the door.

"Um, Boone?"

"Yeah?" He tried to regain a normal tone.

"This is Becky, I was just wondering if you were almost – "

"Dammit, Boone, I need to pee!" Ted exclaimed.

"And I need to get my contacts in," Lilly added. Boone wondered in dread how long they had been standing there.

"Okay, I'm almost out," he yelled back, humiliated. Masturbating first thing in the morning? Not the best idea, he decided. But that didn't mean he could stop himself.

The truth was, Boone had never jerked off thinking about anyone other than her. The first time he had done it, he had been fourteen, which was probably considerably older than most of his male peers. He had been invited to a friend of a friend's sleepover birthday party, and there they somehow had obtained this information from him, and made fun of him relentlessly about it. When he was about to leave, one of the boys had forced some dirty magazine into his hands, and that was when he decided it was time for him to do it. Just hours after he got home, he had locked the door of the bathroom, and turned the magazine to a page with the prettiest, bustiest girl in it – but it hadn't worked. Sure, he could get an erection from the girl on the page, but his mind kept reverting back to Shannon, the girl probably still sound asleep two rooms down the hall. He had thought about her romantically before and he had thought about kissing her, but he had never thought about her this overtly. He was still going through puberty, and still coming to terms with his feelings for her. Finally, he had flushed the magazine down the toilet, page by page so that no one would know he had ever touched it, and made it happen, a picture of Shannon in his mind. He felt extremely guilty about it the first time, as if he had completely soiled her honor, and tried not to think of her that way again, but night after night he found his hand straying between his legs as he thought about her while taking a shower, or while home alone on a Saturday night.

When he left the bathroom, he hoped that he was just being paranoid when he thought he noticed his roommates giving him weird looks. Surprisingly, he made it on time to his US History lecture, which he attended with Ben. He listened to the professor, and took impeccable notes as usual, though he found the current subject rather dull.

After the lecture, Boone and Ben went back to the dorm, where Ben was surprised to see his girlfriend Michelle waiting for him. She greeted him with a kiss, as Boone stood by awkwardly. He wondered why on earth Ben hadn't broken up with her, but it wasn't his business to intrude into his personal life. When Boone had told Ben about how he felt about Shan, Ben hadn't given him any preachy lectures, so Boone decided that he wouldn't either. "Boone," said Ben, after talking to Michelle quietly for a few moments, "Michelle and I are gonna go do something. We'll be back later, okay?"

"Fine," Boone shrugged. Boone went inside, and sat in the living room with his laptop, working on an essay. A few minutes later, Lilly arrived in the dorm.

"I just had the most thrilling Art History lecture," Lilly said sarcastically, plopping on the couch next to him. "How are you?" She kissed him on the cheek hello, as she usually did. "You look kind of upset."

"I'm okay," he looked up from his laptop and smiled at her. Apart from the usual war inside his brain he liked to call Shannon, it was true.

"What do you think Michelle and Ben are doing?" Lilly asked.

"I dunno," he said. "Don't really wanna think about it," he chuckled.

"Yeah, guess not. Can I – I mean, what do you think of her?"

"I don't really know her," Boone tried to be impartial.

"Yeah but… there's just something about her that seems really bitchy, you know? And Ben's so laid back," she paused. "It just doesn't seem… I don't know. I'll be quiet." Lilly pulled a book out of her book-bag and started reading.

It wasn't until late afternoon that Ben and Michelle arrived back to the dorm, each holding grocery bags. Michelle gave Boone and Lilly a lackluster greeting.

Lilly scooted a little closer to Boone. "Hey Michelle," her voice dripped with faux-sweetness. "Hi Ben."

"Hey," Ben replied, nodding towards both of them, but only looking at Lilly. Lilly scooted even closer to Boone, and Boone started to wonder what she was doing.

"What are you writing?" She asked, her head almost on his shoulder. Ben eyed them beadily.

"Lilly," Boone whispered, so that Ben wouldn't hear. "Is there a reason why you're using me to make Ben jealous?" Lilly flinched away.

"I wasn't – I mean," but her incoherent stuttering made it quite clear that that had been exactly what she doing. Boone rolled his eyes at her, letting her know that he wasn't angry, but that he didn't want it to happen again. Ben and Michelle had been talking in the kitchen area, unloading the groceries they had purchased.

"I'll be back in a second," said Ben, leaving to go to the bathroom.

"Yeah, I'm gonna go too," said Lilly. "Get some coffee or something." She put on her coat and left almost immediately. Boone sighed, trying to concentrate on his essay.

"So," said Michelle loudly, and plopped down on the couch next to him. Boone looked up from his computer, raising his eyebrows at her.

"So…" he said uncomfortably, not knowing what she was implying.

"Did you and your sister have a good visit?" She referred to Shannon's visit last week.

"Yeah," he attempted a smile, but her behavior was confusing him. "Did Ben tell you?"

"You could say that," Michelle said coldly. "So, what did you guys do?" Her voice seemed haughty, even disdainful. "Like, normal brother-sister things? Go out to eat, talk, hang out?"

"Yes?" He was being purposely guarded, and was beginning to see what Lilly had pointed out. There was something undeniably fishy about this girl.

"Channeling Flowers in the Attic?" She said, her tone interrogational.

"Wh-what?" Boone was pretty sure she was referring to the highly incestuous book he'd had to read for his Literary Interpretation class last semester. Had Ben told her? How could he do that to him? "What the hell are you talking about?"

Michelle smiled icily, and slowly stood up, looking victorious. "You know I think that's pretty sick."

Just then, Ben reappeared from the bathroom. Boone felt a storm of fury rage inside of him as he saw Ben's carefree face. "What's going on?" He asked.

Boone stood up, walking close to Ben. "What the fuck is your problem?" He spat, his anger and conviction resonating in his tone. Before Ben could respond, Boone stormed into his dorm room, slamming the door behind him. He tried to take at least some sort of pride when he heard Michelle and Ben yelling from behind his closed door, but he didn't. Instead, he felt a sinking nausea, a feeling that gnawed at his stomach whenever he thought about the abnormality of his feelings for Shannon. He put his head in his hands, and tried to prevent tears from falling down his face.

A few minutes later, he heard Michelle yell something, and storm out of the door. Boone heard the door handle of his bedroom ease open, and he knew it was Ben at the door. "You promised me!" He exclaimed, looking up at him, trying to sound angry but just sounding weak instead.

"Boone, let me explain. I didn't – "

"Oh, to hell I'll let you explain! I trusted you with my biggest secret, and you can't even – " he yelled.

"Would you shut up?" Ben interrupted. "I didn't say anything, so I would appreciate it if you wouldn't just jump down my throat!" Boone glared at him. "Look. I told her that your sister was in town, and she says she saw you two at dinner acting like girlfriend and boyfriend. I don't know. Then I guess she heard about when you guys made out – "

"It was – " he started, but Ben cut him off again.

"I know, Boone! Just let me finish!" Ben said in irritation. "She didn't know that it was for a game, or that you were drunk! That's all she heard, okay? A rumor was started or something and it got mistaken, which happens! It's not my fault though, alright?" Boone looked at Ben. It appeared that he was telling the truth – his eyes were sincere and he seemed genuinely distressed.

"I believe you," Boone shrugged, still not quite ready to completely trust him.

"If it makes you feel any better, we just broke up."

"That doesn't make me feel any better," he said. "But she was pretty bitchy to me."

"Yeah, I realized that. I told her I didn't appreciate her treating my friends like shit, and then lying to me about it. That's part of the reason why I dumped her."

"But I bet there was another reason," Boone said, mischief glinting in his eyes.

"Well, yeah," Ben allowed. "I don't want her to think she's my rebound or anything. I mean, at risk of sounding totally cheesy, I've never felt like this, you know? I mean, I think about her all the – " He stopped talking right as he heard the door to the living room close. "I think she's back."

"Guys?" Lilly announced, surprised that neither of them were in the living room anymore.

"Yeah, in here," Boone replied. Lilly walked into their room, standing in the doorway, when she seemed to realize that Ben looked unhappy.

"What happened?" She asked suspiciously. "Ben, you okay?" She went towards him, kissing him hello, just like she always did. "What's the matter?" She kissed him on the cheek again.

"Would you quit kissing me?" Ben said, though good-naturedly. "Michelle and I just broke up."

"Oh, I'm sorry," she cooed. "Come on, let me make you some hot chocolate."

"Yes, mother," Ben said, following her into the kitchen. Boone smiled. If only all relationships could be that easy.

Over the next few days and weeks, life at New York University passed routinely like this, the humdrum of assignments, essays, and tests mixed with the turmoil of his friends made the time fly by. Before Boone knew it, the month of January was already over.

Well, so much for no updates while I'm in Florida. But I'm visiting my grandparents, and let's face it – old people aren't exactly a thrill a minute. So I wrote a chapter. Hope you liked it! Review please!