~O~

Whilst they were in Verona, Maddy booked two of the nicest possible hotel rooms she could find in Venice. They were heartbreakingly expensive but she and her father had an emergency bank account that was so full to the brim it could last anyone two luxurious lifetimes, so she didn't even blink at the price. When they reached Venice and went to the hotel, overlooking one of the city's many canals, Maddy's heart was pounding in her chest. She and Bucky hadn't had sex in 5 days due to sharing a room with Steve and, whilst that may not sound like a big deal for some people (and they had certainly gone without it for months before their first time), she could tell it was driving her boyfriend insane. Literally.

It was only a 2 hour car drive to from Verona to Venice, but Maddy could have practically tasted Bucky's eagerness to get to the hotel on the drive there. They checked in quite late in the afternoon and then took the elevator, up, up to one of the highest floors. Steve and the couple had conjoined rooms, just by a single door, but also very seperate rooms (which Bucky had demanded when Maddy was booking. She had jokingly went to book just a single room with two double beds and he had nearly had an aneurysm.)

Steve stopped outside of the front door to his room, right next to Maddy and Bucky's. "I guess I'll see you guys in the morning," he said, eyeing them cautiously. "I think we'll just order room service in tonight, yeah?"

Maddy nodded agreement and Bucky tugged impatiently at her wrist. She mouthed 'Save me' at Steve jokingly, who chuckled and rolled his eyes, before swiping his keycard and disappearing into his room. Bucky eagerly followed suit, swiping the keycard for their own room and hauling their luggage, Maddy in tow, inside. It was a beautiful, beautiful room and well worth the ridiculous amount of money. The large, mahogany, four poster bed had white canopy curtains draped around it. The room was spacious and had a gorgeous view out to the water below through the large windows that covered half of one wall. It was impeccably clean (unlike the motel they had stayed at) and even smelled nice. The television was mounted on the wall right across from the bed and the bathroom had a massive spa bath that she could totally see her and Bucky using.

She immediately peeked into the bathroom and slid a plain black plastic bag she had been carrying into one of the cupboards subtly and then went back out into the main area and over to peer out the large windows, overlooking the city and canal. It was beautiful and although she had been to Venice more than once before, it still shocked her with its beauty every time.

Bucky came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" She said. He kissed her cheek, his lips lingering on her skin.

"Yeah," he agreed softly. "I'm glad you convinced me to do this trip Bambi." She turned around in his arms to look at him, resting her hands on his chest. "I'm sorry I'm such a nightmare sometimes. I don't mean to be…It's just that the thought of you getting arrested or hurt…it kills me."

She reached up and stroked his cheek, pushing some of his hair behind his ear. "I know," she said quietly. "And it's ok. Buck, after everything you've been through…I figure you're doing pretty damn well. Some paranoia - and not even paranoia as it's completely justified - is bound to be residual."

He chuckled and rolled his eyes leaning down to rub their noses together. "Whatever you say, counsellor."

She looped her arms around his neck, grinning. "Ooo are we role playing now?"

He threw his head back in laughter, pulling her firmly against himself. "Only if you want to," he wiggled his eyebrows.

She continued laughing, burying her head in his chest as he held her close, smiling with his cheek pressed against her hair. He felt so warm and safe and exhilarating around her. He made her heart pound in a way no one else could. She knew, for a fact, just like the sun would rise, that he was her forever, her happily ever after.

"Thank you Maddy," he said quietly after a few moments of simply holding each other. "For giving up everything for me." He pulled back to look her in the face, cupping her cheek with his cold metal hand. She leaned into it. "You could have gone home. Been normal. But you came back for me."

Maddy took in a shaky breath, fisting her hand in his shirt. "Of course I did. You'd do it for me." There was a certainty to her voice - she knew he would. She could rely on him, depend on him for her safety, for her life. He was safety, to her.

"I know I would," he murmured. "But…I mean that's obvious."

Her eyebrows furrowed. "What do you mean?"

He shrugged a little. "I just mean…I love you more than… well you know."

Her eyes widened. "More than I love you?" She finished the sentence for him, her voice taking a sudden turn toward anger. Her arms dropped from around him and she took a step back, crossing her arms across her chest.

"C'mon Maddy, we both know it's true," he said, like it was obvious. "And don't get me wrong - it's fine. So long as you're happy and I know that you do love me-"

"That is bullshit Bucky Barnes!" Her eyes were wide and her mouth gaping; how could he say something like that? "I love you just as much as you love me! After everything, you ought to believe that! I wouldn't do all this for just anyone you know!"

He sighed, having not expected such a reaction from her. "When did you realise?"

"What?" Her voice was filled with exasperation.

"When did you realise you were in love with me?" He pushed. She paused for a moment.

"Well.. Right before I said it, at the airport," she replied truthfully. His eyebrows shot up a bit.

"I realised I was in love with you before Christmas, when I saw you and that prick going into your apartment," he said matter-of-factly. For a moment Maddy just gaped at him.

No that can't be right, she thought. He's got to be lying. There's no way he could have known that he loved me all the way back then.

"That's-…You can't-…What?" Her mouth moved like a fish's and for a few moments Madelyn was left speechless (a relatively are occurrence). "You kept it a secret all that time?" She gasped.

He shrugged, looking down and nodded. "I didn't want to scare you off. I guess…I had just spent so long on my own, that when I finally found someone, I latched onto them. Latched onto you. And you were so…perfect. You made me happy and when I saw you with someone else, I realised how I really felt about you. How I'd always feel about you."

Tears burnt her eyes at the thought. She couldn't imagine internalising that love for so long. The love between them was so consuming and desperate, that she couldn't imagine keeping it inside, even for a minute. She just wasn't the type of person to do that; she would have told him as soon as she knew, within herself, that she was certain of her love.

She suddenly felt guilty for questioning her feelings for him, after Adeline had asked her about them. She had been so unsure whether she loved him, whilst by that time Bucky had been completely positive in his feelings for her. It made her feel like he did love her more than she loved him. But then she thought about the fact that she had, without second thought, given up everything for him. She had risked her life, running out of her apartment whilst the shooting was occurring and risking arrest to save his life. Even after she had made it to safety, with her father, she had ran headlong back into the chaos to ensure Bucky was alright. Perhaps, she thought, she was actually crazy. After all, who would risk as much as she did for someone they'd known barely 6 months? What did that say about her? She'd like to think that it said that she was passionate, but maybe psychotic was a better descriptor. She supposed it depended on perspective.

"Maybe you realised you loved me before I realised how I felt about you," she said in a deadly serious tone. "But that does not, for a second, mean that I love you less. And I think it is completely unfair for you to even suggest something like that, considering what I have happily given up for you."

Bucky, seeing that this was really, genuinely upsetting her, immediately took her into his arms and tried to soothe the hurt. "I'm sorry," he said. "Bambi, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I just-….Sometimes," he gulped down a lump in his throat, like it was hard to force his next words out. "Sometimes I find it hard to think that anyone could love me. Let alone to the extent that I love you."

She closed her eyes, resting her forehead on his chest. Sometimes, between his grins and jokes, she somehow managed to forget the guilt that weighed on him every second of every day. God, she wished she could take some of his burden from him, but alas it was his alone to bear. Why did love have to work in such selfish, inequitable ways?

"Don't be mad," he plead quietly and she felt a rush of sympathy for him. She knew that he was only improving in his mental health due to her and Steve. Perhaps, in some ways, that was unhealthy. Maybe it put too much pressure on her and Steve, maybe it made their relationship too co-dependent.

She didn't care.

"I'm never mad at you," she said. "I love you too much to ever be mad at you," she echoed his words from days and days ago. He pulled her up to kiss her fervently. He locked her in place, afraid to ever let her go. He kissed her ferociously, holding her just a tad bit harshly against him. She tried to keep up with his consuming lips but it felt like she was getting left behind. Her head swam a little as the kiss continued and she was unable to breathe in oxygen.

When she felt a twinge of something in her stomach, she quickly tapped on his shoulders and he pulled back. She gasped in air, shaking a little from the intensity. Bucky, when he wanted to be, could be a very intense person and the emotions between them had always been just that; intense.

"Ok?" He swept some hair behind her ear. When she didn't reply, he bent down to look her in the eye. "Bambi? I didn't mean to overwhelm you."

She shook her head. "It's ok." She assured him. But maybe, in the midst of the chaos and trying to ensure Bucky's safety, she had forgotten about her own issues.

Her sessions with Adeline really had been helping and so was Bucky. Her fear of intimacy was fading quickly, only rearing its head very rarely, and her flashbacks to the kidnapping were decreasing every week. But seeing a councillor was no longer an option and Bucky, although he didn't mean to be, could at times, be just as he said; overwhelming. However, she often allowed her issues to take a backseat to Bucky's, although she knew he would be furious if she said it aloud. She thought it strange - that she loved someone else so much more than she loved herself. And that he loved her so much more than he loved himself. She would die for him and vice versa. Compared to his, her life meant little to her. She wondered if most other people got to feel this kind of extreme type of love, or did most others go through life just teetering on the edge? Loving and perhaps in love, but never truly consumed by it?

What a dull way to live, she thought.

She took in a deep breath and pulled away from him completely. Well I'm consumed, she decided. And I love every second of it.

"I just needed to breathe," she assured him and his shoulders slumped a little in relief. She decided to change the subject. "Can I show you something?" she asked with a cheeky smile. His eyes narrowed at her.

"What?"

"It's a surprise."

~O~

Hey guys! Just a nice little update for y'all to tide you over. This was originally one massive, long chapter but I split it into two cause it was just too big. Hope you enjoyed it! I'm actually not that happy with it but oh well.

Please leave a review! It means a tonne to me.

Thanks, until next time! xoxo