36
Blades of Steel Forgotten in Blades of Grass
OCTAVIA
I follow the chimes of her laughter on the wind and find her in the space between Arkadia's metal and Trikru's forest. Her small sword and bow are laying forgotten in the grass beside a patch of half-plucked dandelions. It appears she was fashioning herself a crown of the cheerful white and yellow blossoms when she was interrupted by the offer of something much more exciting, fun, daring.
Eevie sits on his shoulders now, her puffy Arkadia-issued jacket tied around her neck, trailing behind her like a flowing black cape. As I watch, she carefully, tentatively pulls her fingers loose from his mop of dark curls and slowly lets her hands extend on either side of her like wings. Bellamy holds tight to her ankles, keeping her steady as he weaves in wide circles and tight figure eights. And the fear in her quickly gives way to wild, uncontrollable giggles.
Bellamy spots me watching them and the boyish, lopsided grin on his face vanishes as he slows to a stop and lifts Eevie easily from his shoulders, setting her gently on the forest floor. "Alright Supergirl," He says, kneeling before her. "I think it's time for your lessons. No more flying today."
Eevie wraps her tiny arms around his strong chest and he envelops her in his own thick arms. Then he releases her, gives her a small kiss on the forehead, rises from his crouch, and lightly digs his knuckle into her scalp. "Go on, Lil' Warrior." He laughs. "Your teacher is waiting."
And without a single glance in my direction, he picks his jacket and gun up out of the grass and turns for the gates of Arkadia.
Eevie runs up to me, and for one instant, it is not Eevie before me, but rather the girl in the floor. And she is grinning and giggling and breathless in the best sort of way. Because the boy who just bid her farewell was the boy with the grin and the laughter and the arms that felt like home... The boy who helped her breathe.
"I'll be right back, Eevie." I tell her and she just shrugs happily and plunks down in the grass beside her unfinished crown.
I turn back towards the gates of Arkadia and I am jogging now because I can feel the desperation rising, rising, rising within me. Because I miss him. I miss the boy with the pony rides and the crooked smile. The boy with the arms that pulled me out of the darkness and lifted me onto his shoulders. The boy who read the most boring books... The huge tattered leather books with the weird old smell, and the big words and the names I could never pronounce... The boy who read and read and read to me until the nightmares faded and sleep embraced me again. The boy who teased me until my hands shook with rage and laughed as I tried to beat him, only to pull me into a tight hug and hold me until the shaking stopped and the breathing started again. I miss my big brother.
I miss him. I miss him. I miss him.
"Bellamy!" I call out and my voice cracks and I know the tears are one wrong look or word from falling.
He stops instantly and turns to face me, his brown eyes wide. They are a mixture of surprise and confusion, sorrow and shame, insecurity and uncertainty, and there, in the midst of it all, the glimmer of hope. He waits for me to find my voice. And I finally force myself to look at him, to TRULY look at him for the first time since the beginning of everything falling apart. And I see the man who never understood me. I see the man who allowed fear and hatred to bring more ugliness into the world through him. I see the man who helped forever shut Lincoln's kind eyes. I see the man who destroyed my home. I see all of his ugliness.
But I think of Atawa's words and I force myself to keep looking, until I can see more than the ugliness. I look until I can see the boy inside. I look until I see the boy who once was my home. I look until I can see the beauty.
"I don't know if I can ever forgive you, Bellamy." I say, because Luna was right... Forgiving is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do, I don't think I will ever master it. "I don't know if we can ever make things right between us, the way they used to be. But..."
Bellamy stands silently before me. Listening, actually LISTENING. He swallows hard... Waiting for me to continue.
"But..." I stammer. "I'm ready... I'm ready to try."
A crooked smile explodes across Bellamy's face and before I can escape his grasp, he throws his arms around me. And for a moment I allow him to hold me. "Take as long as you need, O." He says softly as he plants a kiss on my forehead. "I'll always be right here."
His arms are strong like Lincoln's. His forehead kiss is tender like Lincoln's. But it is not the same. Still, I let him hold me one moment, two moments, three... Until I almost feel like I am home. It is not my home with Lincoln. It is different. But it is home all the same. One moment... Two moments... Three. And I breathe. I breathe. I breathe.
Then I wriggle out of his arms and he lets them fall to his sides. And he lets me turn away from him. And he doesn't grab my wrist or call for me to stop. And he doesn't follow me as I walk away.
...
CLARKE
"Are you working out AGAIN?" Clarke asked, unable to hide the disgust in her voice as she eyed Raven in her bright red, sports bra with her flawless abs and her black tights that so perfectly hugged every muscular curve of her body that they might as well have been painted directly onto her skin. Suddenly feeling guilty, Clarke set down the half-eaten, peanut-butter-and-chocolate-chip cookie she had stolen from Murphy's stash. She wondered how that boy was still just a lanky stick of a human with all of Emori's incredible baked goods around him all the time.
"I'm just going for a run." Raven chuckled. "Why are you looking at me like you think I need to be institutionalized?"
"Didn't you go running this morning?"
"Yes." Raven replied, a silent 'so what?' implied in her tone.
"Raven..." Clarke put on her most serious face and the part-doctor, part-mom voice she had mastered after years of living under the same roof as Abby. "I think you have a problem. I'm concerned you might have developed an addiction."
Raven just laughed at her. "Were you planning on visiting Lexa tonight?"
"Yes..." Clarke answered, not sure of what THAT had to do with anything.
"Didn't you visit her this morning?" Raven cocked a brow. "AND this afternoon?"
Clarke could not help but laugh. The girl had a point.
"You have YOUR addictions, Griffin... I have MINE."
"Yes..." Clarke conceded. "But... MY addiction makes sense. YOUR addiction..."
"Haven't you ever heard of endorphins?" Raven asked. "The neuropeptides produced in your pituitary gland that are like natural opioids and..."
"Yes, Raven." Clarke cut her off with an eye roll. "I know what endorphins are."
"Research clearly shows that vigorous aerobic activities boost levels of endorphins in the brain. Running is one of the most effective ways to increase endorphin production."
"Yeah..." Clarke agreed with a laugh. "The key word being ONE of the most effective ways. I don't care how effective running is... It's still a fucking miserable way to boost endorphin levels. I know a much more fun way..." She said with a playful smirk. "Come to think of it... MY addiction boosts endorphin levels too."
"Well... My addiction keeps me sane." Raven argued.
"So does mine." Clarke sighed happily.
"Yeah... Well... MY addiction gives me a smoking hot body." Raven boasted, laughing through her all too cocky smirk as she struck an obnoxiously attractive pose.
"MY addiction already HAS a smoking hot body." Clarke countered with her own laugh, chucking the rest of her cookie at Raven in an attempt to break her pose. But of course the cookie crumbled against Raven's six pack as if it had smashed against a brick wall. And immediately, Clarke regretted throwing it. It was a damn good cookie.
"Hey.." Raven whined, wiping the chocolate streaks from her flat tummy as if worried the calories could magically seep their way right through her skin and into her non-existent adipocytes.
"Alright." Raven conceded. "I know my addiction can't compare to yours. But not all of us have the love of our life constantly waiting just a blink away from our arms."
Raven's words could have been filled with could have been a pointed reminder of Clarke's role in the death of the boy Raven had once thought was her soulmate. They could have been angry and designed to hurt Clarke. But they weren't. Whether or not Clarke deserved it, Raven had forgiven her a long time ago. And though Raven had only ever seen the harsh, duty-bound side of Lexa... The Commander who had ordered that same boy's execution... The Commander who had nearly sentenced Raven to the same fate for a crime she had not committed... The Commander who had abandoned her people at the mountain... Raven had still helped Clarke find her way back to Lexa, simply for the sake of Clarke's happiness. Because Raven was a better friend than anyone, Clarke included, could ever deserve.
"You've got your soulmate... I've got my sneakers." Raven laughed, holding up her ragged running shoes before plunking down across from Clarke and pulling on her socks.
"Oh, you've got more than just your sneakers, Raven." Clarke smiled. "You've got your jump rope, and your pull-up bar, and your six pack, and your smoking hot body... And, in case you haven't picked up on it yet, I'm pretty sure you have your pick of the boys around here too. Not a single one of them can keep their jaws shut when you walk by in your tight, little sports bras. I swear I'm going to start handing out little blue bibs to each of them."
"What boys?" Raven laughed skeptically, now lacing up her nasty sneakers.
"All of them." Clarke answered. "Bellamy..."
"Been there... Done that." Raven mumbled.
"Jasper..."
"NOT going THERE... NOT doing THAT." Raven swore adamantly, as if promising the universe, itself, that she would never make THAT mistake. And Clarke only laughed harder at the way her eyebrows pulled back and her lips scrunched at the idea. "Don't get me wrong... I love Jasper... But NO."
"Cooper..."
"Who?" Raven asked, genuinely confused.
"Jackson..."
"Eww..." Raven laughed. "Jackson? Could you imagine how geeky our poor kids would be?"
"They'd win every science fair." Clarke giggled.
"Yeah... Jackson's a NO. Besides, everyone knows he's in love with your mom."
"Eww..." Now it was Clarke's turn to grimace. "Don't say stuff like that."
"You don't want Jackson to be your new daddy?" Raven teased.
"Naw... I think I'll stick with Kane. At least he's old enough to grow a proper beard. So... Stop changing the subject... None of those boys strike your fancy?"
"Well, you gotta admit, the available boys around here are pretty slim pickings. I mean... Look at you... You decided to pick from the other side."
"Naw, that wasn't the reason." Clarke grinned. "You could line up every eligible bachelor on the face of the planet... And every girl, for that matter. I'd still pick Lexa over any of them. But, you're right... The options round here are pretty limited. You sure about Bellamy?" She finished, cocking her brow.
"I don't know." Raven shrugged. "I think for now I'll just stick with my sneakers."
"And your smoking hot body."
"And my smoking hot body." Raven smirked, rising from her seat. She was practically bouncing on the balls of her feet already.
"Have a good run. I wish you lots of endorphins." Clarke said, shaking her head in confusion at Raven's excitement. "Hey... Maybe you should jog through Ton DC. Find yourself a warrior with as many abs as you, if that's even possible."
"That's not a bad idea." Raven laughed. "Maybe I should. Anyways, I'm out... Give Lexa a kiss for me." She teased.
"Oh... I'll give her more than a kiss..."
"OK... Don't be gross. Actually... Just say 'hi' for me. The rest of whatever you choose to give her can be entirely on your behalf." She paused in the doorway and shot Clarke one last half-cocked grin. "I wish you lots of endorphins." And with a wink she disappeared.
"Lots of endorphins." Clarke grinned, as she closed her eyes and focused her mind. And she opened her eyes to bright sunshine and shimmering butterflies dancing on the breeze whirling gently about her. "Lots and lots of endorphins."
...
OCTAVIA
When I return to her, Eevie is laying in the grass staring up at the open sky, watching Spring's fluffy white clouds drifting by, the dandelion chain still laying abandoned beside her. I smile down at her. Despite the warmth of the day, she is still wearing the green and white striped mittens that Queen Atawa gave to her a couple of weeks ago. But she has exchanged the scarf for the red checkered bandanna that Roddek gave to her last week when we delivered the serum to Ingranrona.
Like everyone else, the man had taken an instant liking to Eevie and had insisted that we and 'the Shits' accompany him on a ride through the open plain to see the mustangs. The plains were no longer brown and dusted white in dirty snow. They were the freshest, brightest shade of green and colored pink, yellow, orange, or white here and there by wildflowers. And the blue sky overhead was streaked in long grayish-white clouds as if someone had tried to patch its wounds with cotton balls pulled thin. And the band of brown and white and black splotched horses running wild and free through the green and the blue was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.
Roddek had stopped us a good distance from the grazing mustangs so as not to spook them. But Eevie, her hazel eyes impossibly wide with wonder, had ignored his warnings and slowly ridden within mere yards of the band. Then she had silently, confidently hopped from Lil' Shit's saddle and slowly approached a beautiful black mare, as black as the serum we had come to deliver, as black as night. And Roddek and I had watched in complete awe as the horse eyed Eevie, pawing gently at the ground as her outstretched fingers inched closer and closer to its side. As soon as fingertips met horsehide, the mustang had whinnied and bolted, taking the entire band across the hillside with it. And Eevie had stared down at her fingertips as if she had just touched something wild and beautiful and... Magical.
Roddek had told me that he had never witnessed anything like that and had immediately proclaimed that Eevie was a 'downright, natural, no-doubt-about-it, horse-whisperer,' even more of a 'Gapachicha' than he was, himself. And he had taken off his own bandanna and wrapped it around Eevie's neck and insisted I bring the 'Lil' Wrangler' back to Ingranrona as often as possible, because she clearly belonged on the plains.
And I had laughed and told him, "I'll try to bring her round when the Commander doesn't have me running here, there, and everywhere. But no matter how long she spends on the open plains... Sorry, but Eevie's Trikru, through and through."
But, looking down on Eevie now, I think I may be wrong about that. Because Eevie not only wears Roddek's bandanna around her neck, she also wears a tiny seashell on a rope made from fishing net. And I think of when we delivered the serum to Floudonkru. And how Luna had proclaimed the little girl a 'natural fisherwoman' when Eevie had pulled in her tiny net overflowing with squirming silver fish. And how Eevie's eyes had lit up as she held the tiny shell Luna had given to her in her hands, examining its yellow-white ridges in the golden-orange light of the sun setting over the sea. And she had looked at the shell as if it were something beautiful... Magical.
And I had watched the reds and oranges and yellows reflecting off the calm glassy surface of the ocean and thought to myself that this was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. And Luna had ruffled Eevie's tangled braids even as she pulled her own daughter into her arms, a girl with a gap-toothed grin and more hair than Luna.
"One day, when you're older, Lil' Fisher," Luna had whispered as she tied the shell around Eevie's neck, "You can ask Octavia, here, to tell you all about why seashells are special. But until then, tell her you want to come visit Sister Luna and catch some fish by the sea, alright?" And Eevie had nodded.
And Eevie has certainly kept her promise to Luna. She asks me when we can go visit Sister Luna by the sea almost as often as she asks when we can visit Roddek and Rashanna and the wild horses. But even more often, she pesters me about going back to the "moon forest," as she calls it, to visit Malika. And though it is bright and sunny today, Eevie still has the thin, spindly branches of the Natsoncha trees woven into her tangled braids as if she is expecting night to fall any second now and wants to be ready when the darkness comes.
As soon as we had entered the edges of Trishana, Malika had leapt from a tree, appearing before us grinning and clutching three bows in her fists, two normal sized and one clearly miniature, though still as elegantly fashioned as its larger counterparts. And after dropping off the serum and instructions with Turlino, Healer Orna, and Teeko, Malika had taken us to an archery range perched in the treetops. And she had shown us how to load the arrow and hold the bow still while we breathed, and how to anchor the string against our lips as we sighted our targets. And I loved the feel of the riser in my palm and the burn of my tricep as I pulled the string so taut I could feel the energy building in it, waiting... Itching, itching, itching for the moment of release.
But I was a horrible shot. And I was not at all surprised when Eevie hit the target on her first try and hit the bulls-eye on her fourth. And I just shook my head and smiled as Malika declared Eevie was a natural-born archer, as good as she had been at her age, after years of practicing. And Malika had insisted we both come back. She promised she could have Eevie shooting rabbits through the eye in no time. And she promised me that, if I gave her lessons in swinging a blade, she could MAYBE have me grazing the edges of the target someday.
And I remember how Eevie had looked at the glowing twigs in Malika's hands like they were something beautiful... Magical... as Malika had woven them into her hair. And I had looked at the two girls wearing tinsel made of moonlight and grins made of sunshine in the eerie silver-white glow of Trishana's forest and I had thought to myself that this was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen.
"May the light ever guide you Lil' Archer." Malika had whispered before stepping back onto the platform and shouting into the treetops. "Pull me back up, Teeko! Damn it, Teeko, PLEASE pull me up. I swear I will still stab you with a scalpel..." And the laughter and affection burning in my chest almost felt like some of the forest's glow had seeped through my skin and found its way inside of me.
And I look down at Eevie now, with her Arkadia-issued jacket and her mittens and her bandanna and her seashell necklace and the twigs in her hair and, strange as the combination is, it ALL seems right on her. And I cannot say if she is Eevie kom Trikru or Eevie kom Azgeda or Floudonkru or Ingranrona, or Trishana, or even Skaikru. Because the truth is that Eevie fits in everywhere she goes. And she is accepted and loved everywhere she goes. And I think I finally understand what Lincoln envisioned for our children. Because Eevie is all of those things and she is none of those things. She is Eevie kom Graunde. She is simply, Eevie.
We are supposed to be practicing her swordsmanship, but Eevie is lying in the grass at the edge of Trikru's forest, staring into the endless sky and she looks so at peace right now that I decide our practice can wait. After all... The clans are at peace right now too. And Eevie, just like with everything else, is already a natural with Trikru steel in her tiny fists. So I just plop down beside her in the grass and stare up into the brilliant blues and whites edged by green treetops, and I breathe and I breathe and I breathe.
And I know I will never have Lincoln's eyes, but I am training myself to look past the ugliness in the world and seek out its beauty. And the anger still rises in me occasionally. But when it does, I finger the ridges of Luna's shell and I try to think of every good memory and everything I've loved and I practice looking past the ugliness in people too. I practice seeking their beautiful parts and I realize that THAT is what it means to forgive.
I practice forgiving and I feel the broken parts of myself coming back together again, stapling themselves at the seams. I still have about as much skill at patching myself up as Murphy had with the staple gun, and I imagine sloppy, jagged scars running across my insides as messily as those Murphy drew into my skin. But the wounds on the outside have healed, and I know in time that the ones on the inside will too. And I'm OK with the marks left behind because they remind me of the pain I've overcome and the promise that even the broken parts can be rebuilt into something strong... Something beautiful.
And I am not completely healed or whole or filled. I don't know if I ever will be. But I am not completely broken or empty either. I have moments of loneliness and bitter tears... And I have moments where I let others in, where I allow myself to love and be loved... Moments of shared smiles and laughter... Moments of the wonder and beauty and magic of friendship.
And there are times I still feel lost without Lincoln by my side... Moments where I am searching for my home. And there are times like these, where I stare at the treetops grazing the blue, the beauty of Sky meeting Earth, and I lose myself in the wonder... and Eevie's tiny fingers find my own and I wrap my hand around them... and it feels like I am home.
And I know my true home waits for me in a forest lined with lilies. And he will greet me with a hug that lifts my feet from the forest floor until I feel like I am lost and floating. Then he will plant a kiss on my forehead that will leave me feeling grounded and steady. But for now I have no home... And I have many homes.
My home is in Polis at Indra's side. And my home is in Arkadia with the people who I first called "family." My home is by the endless blue-gray sea with Luna and it's under the endless blue-gray sky on the plains with Roddek and Rashanna. My home is in Ton DC beneath the trees and in Trishana up in the branches with Malika. My home is beside the fire with Atawa. My home is my fingers tangled in Helios's mane and my home is Eevie's fingers tangled in mine. My home is wherever I can find the wonder and the magic and the beauty. And I finally understand... My home is in myself.
Because at times I am ugliness. And at times I am beauty. I am anger and grief and fear. And I am light and fight. And I am compassion and courage and strength and joy and powerful, powerful hope.
Because I am neither broken nor whole. I am somewhere in the messy, beautiful in-between. And I think maybe this is where I was always meant to be.
...
CLARKE
"YOU'RE the one who suggested this." Lexa reminded her.
"I know..." Clarke groaned, letting the sword fall from her aching fingers and plunk to the ground beside her as she shook the burn from her triceps. "It seemed like a good idea at the time. But I think I've changed my mind. I mean, the clans are at peace, after all. And with another stubborn Trikru woman on the throne, I think it might just stick for a while. And my arms are tired." She whined.
Lexa just stared, her eyebrows lifted and her lips slightly puckered, clearly unimpressed with Clarke's excuses.
"Besides... I have a better idea." Clarke flashed a wicked smile. "Let's practice our riding."
"You want to ride through the meadows again?" Lexa replied cheerfully.
"No." Clarke answered, cocking her goofy smile to one side and wiggling an eyebrow. "I mean... That was beautiful and all. But, I was thinking THIS time we could practice riding on our own... Without the horses."
"You're ridiculous." Lexa answered, trying to hide her own silly smile as she shook her head at Clarke. "OK... Tell you what..." She negotiated. "You stay focused just a little longer and I'll let you practice riding afterwards. I'll even give you the reins." She added with her own devilish smirk, now wiggling HER eyebrows in the dorkiest, most adorable way.
"God, I love you." Clarke half laughed, half sighed. She tried to move in for a kiss, but Lexa expertly side-stepped her, snagged the sword from the ground, and flipped it high through the air above her so that she could catch it by the blade's end. She thrust the handle towards Clarke.
"Focus first." She commanded.
"I'm horrible at this." Clarke moaned through a pouty huff as she reluctantly wrapped her fingers around the hilt.
"You're not THAT bad." Lexa reassured her, resuming her place behind Clarke, wrapping her arms around Clarke's so she could guide them. She planted a quick kiss on the nape of Clarke's neck in an attempt to make up for her inability to hide the laughter in her voice. "I've had worse students."
"Really?" Clarke asked hopefully.
"Well... OK... I've had ONE worse student." Lexa admitted. "And of course she was seven years old and about three feet tall..."
"HORRIBLE." Clarke repeated with a sigh.
"You just need to get a little more arc in your movements." Lexa said, trying to force Clarke's heavy arms into a graceful semi-circle above her. "Just try raising the blade a little higher. You know... Like OVER your head, maybe." Lexa wasn't even trying to hide the laughter now.
"It's heavy!" Clarke protested for the third time, letting the blade fall from her fingertips again and swiveling in Lexa's arms to give her a proper pout.
Lexa scrunched her lips, pulling them to one side and furrowing her brows pensively as she looked Clarke up and down. It was almost the exact same look Raven would wear when examining beneath the rover's hood each time the engine decided to act up again. It usually ended with Raven cursing under her breath and beating her tools against various parts of the car's insides. And Clarke was glad Lexa didn't have a wrench in her hand.
"I think we need to work on your upper body strength, Clarke." Lexa announced, putting her hands on her hips, confident in her diagnosis. "Maybe next time Raven drops to the floor and starts pumping out push-ups, you should quit heckling her and join her instead."
"Yeah, right!" Clarke laughed. "The last time I did push-ups was in gym class on the Ark. And that was only after Mr. Wimmer threatened to fail me. Did I mention P.E. was the only class I didn't receive top marks in? I mean... Top after Raven of course. She was top of EVERY class, including P.E.. But I was always second after her. Except for gym... The only kid on the Ark with worse coordination than me was Jasper. And that's only because he was high half the time. Push-ups." She laughed again, shaking her head at the absurdity of the suggestion.
"Besides..." She continued. "Ever since she discovered the bar hung down in the man-cave, Raven does more PULL-ups than PUSH-ups. And the day I'm strong enough to do a pull-up is the day YOU'RE strong enough to resist me." She smirked, pushing in closer to Lexa.
Lexa took the tiniest step back. "Who says I'm not strong enough to resist you?" She protested. "I WAS the Commander of the Clans, you know..."
"Who says?" Clarke teased. "Let's see... My fingers say so..." She reached around Lexa, pulling her closer so that she couldn't back up, and edging her fingers beneath her shirt to climb their way slowly up the back of her ribs.
"My tongue says so..." She continued, again moving in for a kiss. Again she was denied.
"Maybe I've been working on MY strength." Lexa cut her off, dodging the kiss.
"Yeah? Is that so?" Clarke laughed, pulling Lexa in closer again. Close enough for her to whisper in Lexa's ear. "Maybe we should give it a test. Resist this." She dared her, snagging the earlobe between her teeth. Clarke had planned to start with the earlobe and work her way inch by inch down Lexa's long neck, but she didn't even make it past the edge of the jawline.
"Resist THIS." Lexa challenged. And before Clarke knew what was happening, Lexa had swept a leg behind her knees and thrown her weight against Clarke's shoulders so that Clarke suddenly found herself lying flat on her back in the soft grass. In one effortless, fluid movement, Lexa had dropped Clarke, pinned her to the ground, and straddled her before the gasp of surprise could rush from Clarke's lungs. She leaned over Clarke, her dangling hair tickling Clarke's cheek as her lips found CLARKE'S earlobe now. And she began slowly... Slowly... So painfully slowly... Working her way down Clarke's neck.
"Hey..." Clarke protested in between breaths. "You said you would give ME the reins."
"I guess you will have to fight me for them." Lexa snickered, now gently biting her way along the ridge of Clarke's collar bone.
Clarke bucked her hips, trying to throw Lexa. But Lexa had her expertly pinned. She couldn't even move her arms, let alone wiggle out from under her.
"That's not fair." Clarke replied, half giggling, half whimpering in blissful anguish as Lexa snagged the hem of Clarke's shirt with her teeth and pulled it up to expose her belly. She set to work nipping along the edge of Clarke's hip bone. "I guess you'll have to teach me combat skills next."
"I don't know..." Lexa giggled, dragging her lips closer and closer to Clarke's infamous tickle spot. "I kind of like having you helpless."
"Lexa..." Clarke breathed. And now it was a full whimper... A plea. Because Lexa was torturing her, purposefully driving her to the edge of sweet insanity. Clarke struggled to rise beneath her. She needed to wriggle her arms free. She needed to pull Lexa's lips to her own. She was drowning again, and she needed air. "Lexa..."
But, like always, Lexa seemed to know exactly what Clarke needed. And though she kept her arms securely pinned, Lexa mercifully slid her way up Clarke until their lips finally met. Clarke's lips moved hungrily, desperately, and Lexa pulled back, taking Clarke's bottom lip along with her. And Clarke knew Lexa wanted to set the pace. And it was all she could do to lay back and let Lexa have full control.
Lexa's kiss was deep and slow, tender and teasing, without a hint of urgency in it. She moved the tip of her tongue around Clarke's mouth slowly, as if studying it, committing every part of it to memory. And Clarke just closed her eyes and let herself feel every bit of this moment.
Because Lexa's kiss was the kind that spoke of a million more to come. It was the kind of kiss that said 'we have nothing but time,' and 'I'll always be with you,' and 'you'll never lose me again... Never, ever, ever."
This kiss was like an unspoken promise. And it was the kind of kiss that filled Clarke to the core, that satisfied every longing within her, from her burning flesh to her aching soul. And it was the kind of kiss that only ever left her craving more.
And Clarke was dizzy with hunger, half-crazy with wanting. But she let Lexa take her time. Because Lexa was right... They had nothing but time now.
And Clarke knew that it was only a matter of time before the world went to shit again, because the world was always going to shit. And maybe Clarke would find a way to fix everything again. And maybe she wouldn't. But Clarke realized it didn't really matter either way. Because Lexa was right... Clarke would ALWAYS have Lexa. And she would never, ever, ever lose her again.
And Lexa was right... Death was not the end. They had met in the life before death. And they would meet again in the life after death. And for now, Clarke and Lexa lingered in the beautiful, blissful in-between. Because everything in the world could perish... Everything else could fall away... But there would always be sky above and there would always be earth below. The two were formed together, designed to meet at every jagged and soft and perfect edge. And NOTHING, not even Death himself, could ever separate them.