Chapter 38: Misérables

The next couple of days in glee club are more of awkward. Everyone silently agrees that it's not the same without Theo.

The Monday after he's gone is the worst for everybody, especially Nathalia.

Mr. Everdeen doesn't know what to say. Not to anyone.

"So, um… We never finished our discussion about vulnerability."

Nobody says anything, but all of them listen.

"So… Does anyone have a story of a time that they felt vulnerable?"

Nobody says anything. They all sit in silence.

"You know this club is just as great, no matter who we do and do not have. But, for now, we can have a study hall for the rest of the period."

Everybody thankfully gets out some homework and other stuff to do.

Skeeter gets out his iPod, and gives an earbud to Rue.

"I saw Les Mis over the weekend," Skeeter whispers.

"Without me?" Rue tries to act offended.

"I'll go see it again any time," he says, "It was amazing!"

"Consider it a date," Rue turns red as soon as she says the word. "I didn't mean it as a real date, I meant, like-"

"Yeah, it's cool. Totally cool."

He puts on a song and opens his geometry notebook.

Rue gets out her science textbook and worksheet.

She hears Skeeter singing under his breath, "Do you hear the people sing? Singing the songs of angry men…"

Rue grins. She loves hearing his voice.

She looks over to where he taps his pencil on his binder.

She's not sure what she feels. She doesn't want to call it love, but it's the only word that comes to her mind.

She looks back to her science, but can barely focus.

After school that day, Athena vows to not care about Theo anymore. He's with Glimmer now.

On her way to after-school rehearsal, Nathalia sees Theo leaving and remembers what's on Friday.

Their birthday.

Usually, they'd have a big party together.

Now, Nathalia realizes she's going to have to spend it alone.

She wants to talk to Mason. He'll know what to say.

But, she sees Francesca, dragging him around in a skip and both laughing.

Then, he kisses her goodbye before going in the auditorium.

Nathalia suddenly realizes how alone she feels. She doesn't even know who she wants to invite over for her birthday.

They all sit in the auditorium until Mr. Everdeen addresses them.

"Ok, so, I hope we've all left our regrets and loss outside, because we have to focus on the music now. Right?"

Everyone nods but Nathalia.

"So, I have some very good news! We have a new addition to our fine club! Everyone, I'd like you to meet Marvel. Stand up, boy."

Marvel hates the attention, but he stands up and waves.

"So, I think our club will manage just fine."

Everyone nods.

"So, I think now is a good time to let out all the vulnerability that we can. Is there anyone who thinks they can start off this vulnerability week by making us all cry?"

Nathalia immediately gets up and goes to the stage without saying a word.

She walks to the piano, where she starts to play it delicately.

"On my own.
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me…"

She tries to pretend that the tears she cries are forced and fake, but she lets herself cry.

She's been in love with the musical since she was young and even taught herself how to play it on the piano. She and Theo watched it together a lot when they were younger. Thinking of Theo just multiplies the tears.

"And I know it's only in my mind,
That I'm talking to myself and not to him,
And although I know that he is blind,
Still I say, there's a way for us."

Now she thinks about Mason, and how he's moved on.

How it's all her fault.

She doesn't think she's jealous of Francesca, but she misses him.

"I love him.
But when the night is over.
He is gone.
The river's just a river,
Without him
The world around me changes!
The trees are bare and everywhere,
The streets are full of strangers!

She lets the tears flow so much that she can barely sing.

Her voice shakes and her fingers quiver, but she know that this will be amazing.

Rue and Skeeter watch, hand-in-hand.

Rue's eyes tear up.

"I love him
But every day I'm learning!
All my life,
I've only been pretending!
Without me,
His world will go on turning!
A world that's full of happiness…
That I have never known…"

Marvel is amazed at the performance; he's blown away on its power.

"I love him,"

She takes a deep breath, slowing the tears.
"I love him."

Theo stands outside the auditorium, listening to them, and resists the urge to cry himself.
"I love him.
But only on my own…"

Everybody applauds. Athena smiles, wiping a tear from her eye.

Mr. Everdeen is speechless. "I… I don't even know what to say… Nathalia, that was… Amazing…"

She dries her eyes and cheeks. She sniffles, "Thank you."

"That was beautiful, Nathalia," Athena says.

Everyone agrees.

Mason doesn't do anything. He just sits quietly and the guilt creeps up on him.

She nods at all of them. "Thanks."

"So, it's unanimous?"

"That song has to be in the show, Mr. Everdeen!" Rue says.

Skeeter nods, "I didn't even cry during the movie, but that… That was amazing…"

Nathalia can't say anything in fear of tearing up again, and she just smiles and nods through her tears.

"So, Nathalia, would you tell us how to channel our inner vulnerability?"

She looks down, "Just… Think of something really really sad," she squeaks.

"Anything in particular?"

"No," she squeaks even higher.

She's glad when he moves on without any further questions.

On Friday, she invites over Rue for a sleepover.

They eat cake together in Nathalia's kitchen.

"So, what were you really thinking about for vulnerability?"

She sighs, "Mason and Theo, mostly."

"Oh. I'm really sorry."

She shrugs, "I'll soon forget that I even had a brother…" but she doubts it.

Rue sees right through her. "It's not going to be easy."

"I really wish it was all a lie. That would make me happier than happy…"

Rue shrugs, "Maybe. What about Mason?"

"I miss him. I wish he was here to help me deal with my brother…."

"I know. Every girl needs a guy friend."

"You should know," Nathalia jokes.

"Yeah. It's just… I don't know… It's complicated…"

A young girl comes up to them, "You ladies done?"

"Thanks, Aylin."

The girl takes their plates to the sink.

The two girls go to Nathalia's bedroom.

"You never told me you were so…"

"Fortunate?" Nathalia helps her find the word.

"Yeah… Yeah…" Rue marvels at Nathalia's spacious bedroom. Musical posters cover the blue walls, and the magenta carpet is plushy and soft.

Nathalia's queen-sized bed lies against the wall, across from her giant TV screen. Her white vanity is on the other side of the room, next to a white dresser. Nathalia's walk-in-closet is beside the dresser, and in it are more clothes than Rue has ever seen in person.

"Yeah. I don't like to mention it around school because, well, you know…"

Rue nods, "Yeah…"

"You wanna go downstairs? We can play pool if you want."

"I've never played pool before."

"Then I will teach you!"

They go downstairs together.

Nathalia beats Rue at pool twice before they move on to ping pong.

They play games for a couple hours, then relax in her bedroom.

Aylin brings them up popcorn, and soft drinks.

"Anything else I can get you?" the young woman asks.

"No, thanks," Nathalia says.

"OK. I'm done cleaning, so I think I'm going to leave. You OK on your own for a while?"

Nathalia nods, "Yep. Thanks, Aylin!"

The young woman nods and leaves.

"So, how about we play a game of Truth and Dare?"

The two girls play Truth or Dare until midnight.

Rue tells her senior all about Skeeter and the instance of earlier.

Nathalia reluctantly tells Rue all about Cato and Mason and Theo.

They stay up watching TV and talking until 3:00 in the morning, and then they finally decide to go to bed.

Theo spends his night with Poppy, missing his sister more than ever and missing home.

He enjoys his time with Poppy, and the two stay up late talking about everything in their lives.

"So, a new kid joined glee club when I left."

"You left? But, you love to sing!"

"I do, but, it was just what was right…"

"Well, you have to rejoin!"

"Poppy, I can't do that…"

"Yes, you can! And, you have to!"

Theo shrugs. "Anyways, they got a new kid."

"Who?"

"His name is Martel or something."

"Martel? You don't mean Marvel, do you?"

"Yeah, Marvel, that was it!"

Poppy laughs, "Wow, very funny! He'd never join glee club! He thinks he's so cool and so above that…"

"No, it was him…. Sophomore, right?"

Poppy looks at him. "Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit!"

Theo laughs, "How about not?"

They both laugh.

Even though he's come to love Poppy, Theo aches for his sister and his family. He wants back there, so he resolves to talk to his sister in school on Monday.