EVERYONE….I have an announcement to make…I managed to install Limewire on my computer. I rock, and you don't.

Disclaimer: konfizkate91 does not own Limewire, Beyblade, or E.T.

Kai laughing while on the phone is how the video starts. He's sitting behind a desk in what looks like an office.

"Sir, when I really care about what you have to say about me, I'll call you back, okay? Perfect, goodbye." Kai hangs up the phone and looks at the camera. "Howdy guys."

Ray's voice is heard laughing softly, then asking, "What did he have to say about you?"

"Bah, you know, the usual. I'm rude and unpleasant and I have a foul mouth and a bad attitude. Sup guys, the name's Kai. Ray's got his itty-bitty camera in his hair, 'cause if we're caught with a camera in here, someone about six times my size is gonna bust our ass. We've been working in this telemarketing thing for about a week, and it's pretty cool. We get to talk to different people and hear how disrespectful we are."

Ray adds, "Which is kinda stupid. I mean, shit, if someone is treating you like dirt, you don't whine and cry about it; you treat them like dirt right back. Wake the Hell up."

"You don't get it, treating people like dirt, apparently, isn't acceptable. It can't happen. So when it does, people flip."

"Pfff, fuck that. What does it take to come up with an insult here, a good comeback there."

"Anyway, it's one in the afternoon, and we've been making phone calls since nine o'clock this morning. We haven't made a single sale. Everyone is either really stupid, or we're really bad salesmen."

"Guess which one we're deciding on." Ray laughs.

Kai smiles and says, "We noticed that our actual products weren't selling well, so we've made up some stuff to tell our customers. Because we need money, and we aren't making any. This is KaiRayRayKai Production #99, Ray's gonna make a call now. Go ahead, man."

Ray takes a seat at his desk and picks up the phone. He dials a number from a paper in front of him and puts the phone on speaker. Before anyone picks up, he says, "These phones are awesome, they have this…kinda function, it can mute my end when I laugh or something. I just press this, and the person on the other end can't hear me. It helps a lot, believe me."

The phone rings and a man answers, "Hello?"

Ray says, "Good afternoon, sir, my name is Hugo, I'm from the Save the Dinosaurs Foundation. I'd like to know if you can make a donation." He presses the mute button right away so him and Kai can laugh.

Over their laughter, the man's answer can barely be heard. "The what? Dinosaurs? Can you, umm, explain what your foundations does?"

Ray turns off the mute and chirps, "Certainly. Basically, you give us your money, or all the dinosaurs in the world die. The SDF will use your donation to keep the dinosaurs in a safe place to keep them away from poachers and/or their natural predators."

"Uh huh…I don't think so. Try someone else."

"Sir, if you don't care about the dinosaurs, then who will?"

"You are aware that the dinosaurs are already dead, right?"

"For your information, sir, just last year the Save the Dinosaurs Foundation saved over one thousand five hundred Edmontosaurus, about seven hundred – "

"I've never heard of an Edmonsaurus."

"Edmontosaurus, sir. It's a thirteen-meter long, forty-two foot high, duckbilled, plant-eater. If you visit our site, you can actually view all of them, and adopt one. By doing that, you are promising to send 75 of your monthly salary to us to care for the dinosaur of your choice."

"This the most ridiculous scam for money I've ever heard."

"Ridiculous?...I would say original."

"I don't know who you think you're gonna fool, but you're a moron to even think this up. All the dinosaurs are dead, and any three-year old will tell you that."

"THAT'S YOUR FAULT! YOU WAITED TOO LONG TO MAKE A DONATION! CONSIDER YOURSELF GUILTY OF LETTING ANOTHER SPECIES DIE!" As soon as he hangs up the phone, him and Kai start laughing again.

Kai manages to say, "Dinosaurs, Ray? It couldn't be, like, save the country singers?"

"No, no, man, 'cause nobody wants them to be saved. It's the dinosaurs we care about. Your turn."

Ray focuses the camera on Kai behind his desk. He dials the number and greets the woman who picks up. "Good afternoon, ma'am, how are you?"

She answers in a warm voice, "I'm very good, yourself?"

"I'm good, thank you. My name is Jared. I just wanted to ensure that your vote goes to God in the next religious leader election. He promises to give you a peaceful place to rest after you've passed away as long as you chill at his house with him once a week, and he promises to - "

"Whoa! Wait a second here. What are you talking about, boy?"

"The religious leader elections of course. The world needs a new one, and there are two candidates."

The woman sighs and asks, "Who's the other one?" with a very disinterested voice.

Kai answers, "E.T."

"….E.T.?…you mean, the alien who wanted to phone home?" As the woman is saying this, the guys are laughing with the phone on mute.

Kai stops laughing and says, "Yes, that's the one. He promises everyone a cell phone and/or free telephone service so everyone can call home. But I'm calling you, ma'am, to make sure your vote is going to God."

"This is ridiculous, don't call my house anymore."

"Vote God!" She hangs up as soon as Kai says his goodbye. "What a hag, fuck."

"She's probably going to vote for that creepy reptile who desperately needs a fricking walkie-talkie."

"Bitch…ahem, during our time here, we made a good friend, and since this is our lunch hour, and the end of his, we're gonna pay him a visit."

The guys leave their office and walk down the hall and knock on a door. Before anyone inside can call out to them, they enter the room. Behind a desk is a middle-aged man in a suit. He looks up at Kai and Ray and immediately says, "Hiwatari, get the Hell outta here."

Kai answers, "Hey, boss, sup yo? Just wanted to see how you're doing, wanted to see if you wanted anything. Coffee, cake, marijuana?"

"I'm fine, get lost and sell something."

"You seem to be in a good mood, which is perfect, because I wanted to ask you for a raise."

Their boss looks at them with a blank look. "Neither of you have sold a single product. Give me three good reasons why you deserve a raise."

Ray offers a reason. "We come in every single day."

The boss turns his attention to Ray, and replies, "You come in a half hour later everyday. You come in at nine o'clock on Monday when you start at eight thirty, you come in at nine thirty on Tuesday, ten o'clock on Wednesday, etcetera. Then you start over again on Monday."

"I said we're here everyday, I said nothing about being on time. Now you're just bringing up irrelevancies."

"At least we're consistent," chuckles Kai.

"You don't deserve a raise if you can't even arrive to work on time, smart-ass." Their boss rolls his eyes. "Get out of my face and be productive."

Kai says, "There's another reason why I should get a raise. Instead of listening to your orders, I push the issue of getting a raise. I'm determined and persistent."

"What you are is stubborn and stupid," is the boss' comeback. "Leave my office now."

Ray smiles and says, "We're bored just making phone calls. We wanna go door-to-door."

"There is no way in Hell I'm letting you go door-to-door. You're staying on the phones until I…fire you or something."

Kai asks, "Who's doing door-to-door now?"

"Right now, nobody, and you're not going, either. Why are you asking me to go door-to-door anyway? If I were any of you two, I would do anything I can to keep people from knowing how much of an idiot I am, not looking for opportunities to put it on display."

"You're calling us idiots now? I'm telling the union."

"Hiwatari, you aren't unionized."

"WHAT? You gotta be shitting me. What the fuck kinda business is this if the workers aren't unionized?"

"An easy one for me to manage. Now get lost."

The camera is focused on Kai's profile for as long as Kai looks at his boss. He then turns around and leaves the office. The guys walk slowly in the opposite direction of their office.

Ray says, "Well that went well," in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Kai sneers, "Shut up, Ray." Then says, "…you realize we don't really need his permission to go door-to-door, right? It's just a formality to make it official."

"I know," chirps Ray. "Which is why we're going to the storage room."

They open the door at the end of the hall when they get there. Inside are piles of boxes with labels on them to indicate what's inside. Ray follows a few steps behind Kai toward the middle of the room. Kai turns to Ray and asks with a grin, "The knives?"

"I don't think we'd want it any other way," is Ray's answer. The guys prepare a briefcase each and leave the building. After arguing with Ray for the driver's seat, Kai drives to a quiet neighborhood. While walking down the street, Kai speaks to the camera.

"As you probably picked up from our conversation with our boss, he thinks Ray and I are totally incompetent. We're lucky to even be on the phones. But there are only so many bullshit products you can think of before you get bored." He laughs and says, "Ray actually said 'Please, buy our shit' in a really posh tone. At that point you go outside and sell products to actual people. We're gonna try to sell these here knives now." He gives a maniac smile with wide eyes and says, "Let's go."

They walk up to a door and take out a knife each from their briefcase before they ring. They both hold their knife with the blade pointed toward the door. When the woman living there opens the door, she gives out a loud high-pitched shout, yells, "OH MY GOD!" and screams one more time before slamming the door shut.

Ray pouts, "I didn't even get to say hello."

"Moving on."

Ray and Kai go to five more houses and get the same reaction every time. "This is fucking ridiculous," Ray complains. "It's like they've never seen a knife before."

Kai adds, "Or like no one's ever held a knife toward them before. Screw this shit, let's go home."

They walk back to the car and drive to Tyson's house. Again, they hold the blade toward the door when they knock on it. Hilary answers the door and just stares at them with a bland look. After a few seconds and a heavy sigh, Hilary says, "What are you doing?"

Kai whispers to Ray, "Christ, she didn't scream like a retard."

Ray whispers back, "I'm telling you, she's either the child of Satan or really, really dense."

"Guys, I'm right here. I hear your discreet comments," says Hilary.

Ray replies, "Oh, good, as long as they're discreet."

"Why are you pointing knives at me?"

"Because we were hoping it would be Kenny answering the door and not you."

"I wanted Max."

"And Kai wanted Max to answer the door. Now that I think of it, I wouldn't mind if Tyson answered."

"Why do you even have those knives with you!" She puts her hands on her hips and puts on an angry face.

Ray answers, "We got to go door-to-door today, and we chose to sell the knives instead of the vacuum cleaners. Knives have more character. Would you like for us to demonstrate their abilities?"

"I know what a knife does, Ray, I just don't want any pointed at my face." At that point Max and Tyson come to either side of her to see what's keeping her in the doorway for so long.

Max is the first to react. "You two have reached a whole new level of crazy. Put the knives down."

"Giving orders already, Maxy?" Kai takes a menacing step toward Max. "Those are some neat words coming from a pansy like yourself. If I wouldn't get arrested for it, I'd give you a nice scar across your ugly face." Right then, Tyson and Max close the door and leave Kai and Ray outside. "Oh, you're so cute, both of you." Kai stabs the door with the knife he's holding and a girly scream is heard from inside.

Hilary's voice is heard from the other side of the door saying, "For the record, that was not me. That was Tyson."

"Shut up!" is Tyson's answer.

"I never believed it was Hilary. Even she has a deeper scream than Tyson." Kai pulls his knife out of the door. "You witnessed the knife's strength for yourself. We guarantee that for eight years, the knife will never get dull, and if it does, we will replace it without an extra charge."

Ray continues the sales pitch. "We promise that the knife's performance each time will be just as excellent as the first time you used it. Therefore, we promise that for eight years, it will be strong enough to cut through Tyson's front door."

"You're gonna fix that!" yells Tyson.

Ray answers, "No, Tyson, we aren't gonna fix that. The way we never fixed your dojo, your closet door, the closet door in the bathroom, the sink in the kitchen, the sink in the bathroom, the sink in the second bathroom, your grandpa's wall, your microwave, your living room floor - "

"What did you do to my living room floor?"

"Oh you haven't seen that one yet? I'm not gonna spoil the surprise, I'll let you discover it for yourself."

After a pause…"HOW THE FUCK DID THAT HOLE GET THERE?….And what's it filled with? That's nasty."

"I like to call it tar." Kai opens the door and enters, followed by Ray. He hurries up behind Max and jumps on him, almost as if wanting a piggyback ride. Max falls to his knees, unable to hold up Kai's weight. "You're a fucking weak cock-monkey, you know that?" He hits the back of Max's head, causing him to lean forward, and gets off him. He throws the knife toward the floor, making it cut into the floor and stand upright.

Kai looks straight at the camera with a disappointed look. "I'm through with this shit. No more selling products…however, you have something going there with that Save the Dinosaurs Foundation."

Ray laughs softly and says, "Ya think?"

"Yes I do…lemme try something." He goes over to the phone and dials a number. "Hello sir, it's Kai from a few doors over. Can I speak to your son Benny, please?" Kai waits for the boy to get on the phone and says, "Hey Benny, how are you? It's Kai…That's good to hear. How old are you? Oh wow, seven, you're a big boy. I wanted to know something, Benny. If I told you there was a way to save the dinosaurs, would you help me?…Atta boy. This is what you have to do. You have to find your mom's purse, Benny. Find it, and look for all the cards you can find…Okay, I'll be waiting."

"What are you making that kid doing?" asks Ray.

"Kids would so fall for saving the dinosaurs. This way, we get their parents credit card numbers."

"Ahahahahaha, that's so wrong on so many levels."

"Yeah, well so are a lot of other things. Anyway, I gotta bounce. I'm Kai, and I'll see y'all later."

Ray gets the camera out of his hair and looks into it. "Be sure to be with us next Production. It'll be our one hundredth video, and we're having a barbecue." Ray winks at the camera and the video is over.

$&$&

I DID IT! I bet you're all so amazingly proud of me. ¬¬ Okay, I feel really bad that you guys had to wait so long for an update, so I'm gonna say it now, that there are gonna be long breaks between each chapter. If you have a complaint, come over to my school and arrange some crazy-ass deal with them that would allow me to have a lot of free time to myself, while also having time to do my homework and assignments.

Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed. It's very much appreciated.