Chapter 37 - Holding on together

She was walking around the streets of Tree Hill. She felt lost and alone, the chill in the air was getting to her so she pulled her jacket tighter to her body. Her cheeks were tear stained. She had cried so much in one day that it felt like her eyes had dried up forever, that no more tears could possibly fall from her eyes. The day was turning into night but she refused to go home she couldn't sleep not when her daughter wouldn't be there when she woke up in the morning. She kept blaming herself, telling herself that she could have done something different. She knew deep down that she wasn't to blame but right now she couldn't help but feel responsible. Emilie was her responsibility, a mother should protect their child with her life. She couldn't help but think this way. She pulled her cell phone from the pocket of her jacket and dialled Lucas' number. She hadn't seen him since before she went to hospital and she didn't have the strength to worry about him too. She really needed him right now, she needed him to tell her that everything would be okay, she needed his arms around her to make her feel safe again, she needed her husband, she couldn't go through this alone.

"Come on Lucas pick up" she mumbled to herself. After a few more rings he finally answered.

"Lucas?" She asked into the phone.

"Yeah"

"Where are you?"

"Don't worry about me Peyton, get some sleep I'm gonna carry on looking"

"I'm not at home" She replied

"What? Where are you?" he asked a little worried

"I'm looking for our daughter"

"No Peyton please just go back home I don't want you out at night by yourself"

"I can't go back there Luke. I can't go back to an empty apartment. I can't go back without her" she cried into her cell.

Hearing her cries only made Lucas feel that much more guilty. Guilty for leaving her, for not being there with her at the hospital and for not being there when Dan attacked.

"Okay okay where are you?" He asked trying to calm her down.

"The park" She replied trying to wipe the tears away. Tears she thought had all been cried.

"I'll be there in ten minutes don't move"

"O…okay" she replied as she sat herself down on a swing and ended the call.

She sat there gently moving the swing back and forth. As she did this she got so lost in her thoughts about Emilie that she didn't notice somebody walk up to her. It was only when he sat down on the swing beside her that she noticed and snapped from her thoughts. When she realised it was Lucas she stood up and flung her arms around his neck a tight grip. He stood up to get more comfortable and then wrapped his arms protectively around her back giving a kiss to her hair. They stayed like that for ten minutes, no words were spoken they just held each other, trying their best to console and ease one another's pain. Lucas eventually pulled away so that he could look into his wife's eyes. He saw sadness, the spark that had once been there had been replaced with sorrow.

"Being in this park and sitting on the swings made me think of her. I could imagine us bringing her here when she gets a little older, we could push her on the swings and watch her go down the slide." She said and Lucas just stared into her beautiful green orbs.

"Yeah we can" He replied softly but with sadness evident in his voice.

"Its all my fault"

"This is not your fault Peyton, this is all Dan and he will get what's coming to him." he replied.

"Tell me everything's going to be okay Luke" She whispered pleadingly. She just wanted to know that everything would turn out okay. She needed to know that they could get through this.

"We'll find her Peyt I promise"

"I need her back" she said as a fresh set of tears streamed down her face.

It was heartbreaking for Lucas to see. He loved Peyton and seeing her like this made him break inside. He had been trying to keep it together all day. Emilie being missing had taken its toll on him too. He fell in love with his daughter the moment she was born and to have her taken away out of the blue was unbearable. There had been many times when he felt like breaking down but he had to stay strong, he had to keep it together for his family. However, holding the tears back, keeping it all bottled up wasn't healthy and after seeing his wife break down right in front of him he couldn't take it anymore. His eyes were rimmed and the tears he had been fighting streamed down his face. They both cried together as they collapsed on the floor in each others arms. They cried for their daughter, they let out all the pain they had been trying to keep in. After a few moments the tears lessened and Lucas tried to compose himself.

"Peyton" He whispered and she looked up at him through tear filled eyes. "I promise I will get her back, if it's the last thing I do. I will bring our daughter back to us and then when she's older we can do all the things you wanted to do. We can bring her to the park for a picnic and we can push her on the swings, we can take her to the beach. I promise you Peyton"

She nodded her head and then he held his hand out to help her up from the floor. She took it and then he wiped the tears from her face.

"Come on lets go" He said taking a hold of her hand.

"Where?" She asked

"To find our daughter" He replied as they exited the park hand in hand.

They had been walking around Tree Hill for an hour and still they saw no sign of Emilie or Dan. The night air was chilly, so Lucas pulled Peyton as close to him as possible. He heard her yawn, she was obviously tired this day had been long and exhausting to say the least.

"Peyton why don't you go get some sleep I can keep looking" He said softly.

"I can't Lucas. No matter how tired I am I still won't be able to sleep"

"Okay" He replied nodding his head in understanding. "I'm sorry I wasn't there with you at the hospital"

"Its okay" She replied softly.

"No its not Peyton you're my wife I should have been there with you. I should have been there when Dan attacked. I'm your husband I'm supposed to protect our family. I let you down. Its all my fault."

He didn't mean for all of that to come out but he couldn't keep it in any longer. He felt so guilty. He felt responsible. She stopped him from walking and looked up into his blue crystals which were rimmed with tears. He didn't cry, he fought with everything he had to keep them back.

"Its not your fault Luke" She said softly stroking the side of his face with her hand. "You can't save me from everything and there was no way you could've known what Dan was going to do. I'm glad you didn't come with me to the hospital I had people there. I'm glad you were out searching for her because that is what I needed more than anything. You've never let me down."

After hearing everything she had said he couldn't hold the tears back anymore as a couple cascaded down his face. She noticed and leaned in gently kissing him trying to ease his pain as well as her own.

They carried on searching both determined to never give up. They had both agreed to search for however long it took. They didn't want to go back home because it wouldn't be home without Emilie, so they both agreed to continue looking even if it meant being out all night. They saw police cars on their travels so it was comforting to know that there was a search team looking for her as well. Their case was being taken very seriously and was of top priority which made them feel a little better and it gave them hope, something they both needed. They were walking along, silence had taken over they didn't want to make a lot of noise in case they missed something or in case Dan heard them and ran off in another direction. Lucas never let go of Peyton's hand he needed to feel her touch and to know that he still had her, losing Emilie was bad enough he couldn't lose the love of his life too. They were passing by the bridge when they heard some sort of noise.

"What was that?" Peyton whispered taking a tighter grip of Lucas' hand.

"I don't know" Lucas replied quietly. They stayed silent and then they heard it. They would know that cry anywhere. It was the sound of their daughter and it was coming from the bridge. At that sound they both looked into each other's eyes, they both knew it was Emilie.

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