Chapter 38
I could not believe that Charlie just walked out the room like that. I didn't even realize I had been crying until a few minutes after he left mom came in and wiped my tears away with her hand but after wiping them away so many time I think she realize that I was no where near finish crying. Mom just hugged me and I know that she was speaking trying to make me feel better, but I have no clue what she was saying. I just couldn't keep my mind from playing over and over when Charlie said goodbye and walked out.
This had just been to good to be true, how could I ever think that someone as great as Charlie could ever love me. I wasn't good enough for Sam and Sam is no where as great as Charlie so why in gods name would Charlie ever want me, and for crying out loud I turned into a huge wolf that could hurt Charlie at any time I would become to angry, Emily was proof of it every single day. I guess I was just meant to be unhappy for what ever time I had left. That just made me cry even more.
I must have fallen asleep because when I woke up later it wasn't mom that was next to me it was Sam.
" What are you doing here?" I asked, my voice was rough from all the crying
" I wanted to make sure you were OK" he said sadness lased in his voice
" Yeah sure am OK" I said in sarcasm. He frowned
" Leah-"
" Sam what do you want me to say? The only thing I want to do right now is dig a hole and stay there" I said close to tears
" Emily left me" he said
" What? Sam you have to go get her! You two love each-"
" Leah" he said cutting me off with a chuckle
" Why the hell are you smiling you idiot?" I asked " you have to go get my cousin back"
" Leah, she didn't leave me today, she left me when I broke up with you. She hated seeing you in pain and just left without an explanation, I went crazy trying to find her,I knew where she was, but there was some small part of me that wanted to think that she had not gone back home to her parents and be away from me, some small part of me hoped that maybe she was taken by aliens and that was why she wasn't home. But I knew that She left and that killed me, I thought that we were happy and then she was gone" he was looking out the window, I could see his eyes watering
" Sam" he turned to me and gave a small smile
" What happened?" I asked
" She came back" he said smiling " I came a few days later from patrolling and there she was in the kitchen cooking, I felt as if my heart would jump from my chest of happiness. We talked about what happen she apologize that she left and there was no way that I could turn her away not that I would ever want to." he smiled
" She left because of me" I stated, Sam gave a small nod" But she came back. Charlie left because of the wolf thing, I don't think he will everbe able to understand it and-"
" Emily did" Sam cut in
" Yeah, but Emily was raised with our heritage she knows the legends of the tribe. She always believe that they were true no matter how much fun of her I made because she believe them. She understood them but Charlie doesn't"
" He will" Sam said 100% sure. I shook my head
" I don't think he will, when we were talking there was barely any emotion in his voice, and when I confirmed that I was a wolf he flinched and I saw him shift away from me and towards the door"
" What did he say?" Sam asked
" That he couldn't force me to love him because of a wolf thing and that he didn't want to be part of this supernatural thing " I said feeling another wave of tears coming
" Maybe he needs more time" said Sam rubbing circles in my back. I cant believe that just a month ago I would have done anything to be in bed with Sam and him touching me, but right now all I wanted to do was scream at him to get his hands of me and that Charlie was the only one that could touch me, but I couldn't do that when I knew that Sam only wanted to help me
" Maybe" I said not even believing the words my self. We were quiet for a few minutes before Sam spoke
" Well I should get going I need to go patrol" he said getting up and giving me a quick kiss on my cheek
" Does every one else know that I imprinted on Charlie?" I asked
" Yeah well except for Seth who is still on bed rest, when you two were talking earlier everyone else was having breakfast, sorry" he said before leaving
" Stupid wolf hearing" I mumbled before falling asleep again
The door squeaking woke me up
" Mom I am not hungry just leave the food and I will eat it later" I said hoping she would leave me alone
" Am not your mom you loser" I knew that voice but couldn't really remember from where so I stood up to see who it was, and there standing with cut off jeans white t-shirt was Jacob Black
" Jacob, What are you doing here?" I asked. He walked towards the bed and stood towering over me
" Scoot over" he said
" What? No" What the hell was going on? Maybe I was on to much pain medicine and I was hallucinating. He sign
" Please" he said pouting, I have him a questioning look but he just shrugged, I guess I was scooting over. We were quiet for few minutes, OK he was quiet I was just waiting for him to start talking and tell me why the hell he was here
" I don't hate you" he said looking at me, trying to show me that he wasn't lying
" OK?" I was lost
" I know that you think that I hate you but I don't" he said
" That's good?" I asked, he chuckled
" The only reason why I might not like you sometimes is because I hate how you always think bad of Bella" he paused" I hate how you think so low of her because she was in love with the leech, if you just knew her I know that you would fall in love with her, she is just great" I placed my hand over her knee that he kept bouncing up and down
" I know that she is nice" I said trying to calm him
" I am sorry" he said sounding ashamed
" What?" I asked confused
" You said that you had apologize to Bella and that she had forgiven you but I dint believe you and I was ready to attack you, but I talked yesterday with Bella and asked her and she told me that you had apologize to her and that you two had become friends"
" Sort of friends" I said not really sure if I would ever talk to her again with the whole' your dad broke my heart' thing
" I am also sorry for what Charlie said to you, you deserve better"
" What? I thought I deserved to die alone"
" I am sorry" he said ashamed " I tend to say stupid stuff when am angry. And you do deserve better Leah, you deserve to be happy and I wish that I could help you, if I can help you please ask and I will be there in a second"
" How do you do it?" I asked, Jacob looked at me confused " How are you close to Bella every day and you don't tell her that you love her? That you imprinted on her?" He thought about if for a minute
" You have been in my mind a few times" I nodded my head " So you must have seen that I practically restrain myself from telling her every single day that I love her, but she rejects me"
" What? If you haven't told her then how-" he cut in
" When we hold hands she always make sure not to hold hand for to long, when I hug her she pull away quickly, when I pull her hair away from her face she pulls if from my hand and moves it behind her ear. I know that these aren't exactly rejection but they are because every time I try to bring us closer she pulls away no matter how hard I try, it hurt and I can't do anything about it"
" Why don't you tell her the truth?" I asked
" Have you meet Bella? I swear if the world ever ended she would blame her self, I don't..I cant even think of telling her that she is my soul mate when I know that every fiber of her being want for him to come back, she would feel so guilty of hurting me and knowing the truth she would try to spare my feeling by not coming to the reservation anymore, by not talking to me and by cutting me off her life, so as much as it hurt for her not to love me the thought of her not being in my life even as a friend kills me"
" I am sorry" he shook his head
" I still pray that maybe one day she will wake up and realize that am here and I am going no where"
Jacob left a few minutes later ans mom came in and gave me the pain medicine, and a few minutes later I was sleeping