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May 1944 – Village in Northern Greece

I ducked away from the outstretched hand of yet another young woman who tried to get me to join the crowd of dancers in the middle of the square. Even though the dancing looked a tad simpler than the time…

I shook my head at the memory, ignoring the pain in my chest.

Simpler than the dancing in England. I refused solely because everyone was holding hands as they formed multiple circles.

Nope, I wasn't going to risk the discovery of my automail.

And… I shouldn't really lie to myself like that: I wasn't in the mood, not when it brought up the previous time I had danced…

I maneuvered through the mess of chairs and tables brought out to the square – I have a feeling the locals brought them right out from their own homes – to a quieter area where people were eating and drinking.

Mostly drinking.

As I passed, someone held out a shot glass in my direction and called out, "Stin ygeiá sas!"

I had a vague idea that whatever he said was their version of "Cheers" but he said it so fast, I was in no position to translate it.

"Drink!" said the man, moving the shot glass closer.

"Um –"

"It's rude to refuse," laughed a younger man I recognized as Taki, holding up his own shot glass.

I took a deep breath. One drink wouldn't hurt… Especially considering they would probably hound me about it if I walked away. I took it and the man raised another glass, repeating the same sentence that was echoed by everyone at the table.

I still didn't understand it so I raised my glass before downing the contents.

Fuck did I regret that! I nearly choked at how STRONG the alcohol was.

Everyone at the table had a good laugh at my expense as I quickly placed the glass down, trying not to cough as the taste remained and the alcohol burned its way down.

"Thanks, but no more," I managed to utter and quickly walked away, ignoring their laughs.

I dodged a few more attempts at drinking when I spotted Bucky at a table, playing cards with the locals. I froze, willing my body to move further away before he spotted me and tried to have a conversation.

However, seeing how the locals were reacting and that everyone at the table was raising their voice, specifically towards Bucky of all people, I knew that I sadly had to intervene… It didn't help that I couldn't spot any of the other Howling Commandos anywhere nearby.

I had to be the one because I couldn't just stand back and watch this unfold.

Bucky suddenly stood and wobbled. I groaned at the sight, clearly seeing how drunk he was and that this whole situation could get ugly.

Before he could start saying – or yelling – whatever he wanted to say to the locals, I stomped towards the table, grabbed his arm and yanked him away, smiling somewhat at them. "I'm sorry about him. I'll get him to bed."

"What the hell?" slurred Bucky angrily as he tried to pull his arm back.

"Nope, you're coming with me to the inn," I stated, already dragging him in that direction, thankful for the added strength of the serum.

Bucky stumbled several times after that and, when I turned back to see what was wrong, he was staring at me with wide eyes.

"What?"

"Ed?"

It shouldn't have bothered me how surprised he sounded but it did... It was my fault anyways for avoiding him for the last three weeks.

"Yeah, let's go," I said softly, going back to dragging him.

He thankfully didn't put up a fuss and his previous anger had seemed to have completely vanished. I thought I could always just let him get back to the inn alone or possibly even let him rejoin –

Bucky tripped so suddenly and so badly he nearly pulled me down with him. I tried to stop his fall but he still landed heavily on the ground, groaning.

"What the fuck happened...?" I whispered as I lifted one of his arms and slung it over my shoulders, heaving him back to his feet.

There was no way I was letting him go back to the party and drink some more. I sighed heavily as I glanced around once more for any of the others but I still couldn't find them.

It'll just be me then, literally dragging his ass back to the inn.

"Let's go," I mumbled, eyeing him carefully but he seemed out of it...

Seemed sad.

It made my heart clench.

We were both quiet as we made our way to the inn. Once inside, I herded him towards the staircase, thankful that the place seemed empty. There wasn't enough room for both of us to go up at the same time so I had him go first and he stumbled his way up, leaning heavily on the wall and banister.

I couldn't believe how drunk he was...

Once at the top, I dashed to reach Bucky's side so he didn't fall over once more because of a lack of support. I just managed to steady him before leading the way to one of the rooms we rented.

The one Steve, Bucky, Dum Dum, and myself shared.

For once, I had wished I was in the other room...

By the time I got Bucky to his bed, he seemed to be more aware of his surroundings as he sat, slumped, but still watching me carefully.

"I thought… Thought you were avoiding me," he finally stated as he passed a hand through his hair.

I frowned but I couldn't deny that accusation. It still stung though because I had been avoiding him and I knew he would notice...

"Bucky –"

"Look." He hiccupped, frowning slightly before continuing. "If it was all… all a mistake, I wish… Why don't you have the courage to tell me?" he mumbled, trying to kick off his boots.

I nearly choked at those words as I stared at him with wide eyes. He pretty much hit the nail on the head with my excuse: I did think it was a mistake but...

I did.

Didn't I?

Then why did I feel sick? Why was so much guilt eating away at me?

Why hadn't I told Bucky that it was a mistake?

"I... I know you're mad –"

"No, I'm not mad," cut in Bucky as he struggled with a boot and ended up flinging it off across the room with more force than necessary. "Ok, fine. Maybe. But I'm – I'm disappointed. Confused... I'm... What's...? Hurt. I'm hurt."

He also had problems taking off his jacket, his wrist getting stuck as he tossed the piece of clothing around. I just watched him, feeling the pain in my chest increase at knowing that I caused him that.

"I'm sorry," I whispered but he didn't answer, finally tossing the jackets aside.

Why did I let myself get close to him? Why did I make that mistake?

"I wish..." I swallowed hard, unable to look at him. "I wish I could tell you why, I wish it was simpler. I really do..."

He shook his head, sighing heavily. "But it is simple, Ed."

"No... No, it's not, not for me." I took a deep breath, sitting at the edge of his bed. "I'm not supposed to get attached. I'm supposed to get home."

He had flopped onto his side as he stared at me, confused. "And…? I can go with you. Simple."

His suggestion sent another wave of guilt through me and I quickly shook my head. "No, you can't... You…" I couldn't pull him away from his family. I couldn't make him go through that retched gate. "That's why I can't... We can't..."

I couldn't finish that sentence as I tried to breathe normally but it was ragged and I almost hiccupped several times. I didn't understand what I was feeling, I didn't understand why it hurt so much to tell Bucky "no".

He didn't say anything, just reaching for my hand and holding it tightly. Neither of us was looking at the other as I tried to breathe normally, tried to understand why...

Why was I crying?

I quickly dried my tears, trying to muffle any damn sniffle that escaped unwillingly.

"I'm sorry... I wish things were different," I mumbled through my still haggard breathing. "I... I can't stand to hurt you like this..."

Why...? I didn't want to hurt Bucky, I knew that much.

So why was I feeling so much pain for doing this? For trying to protect him? He simply CANNOT follow me back to Amestris and I simply CANNOT stay here forever.

So why am I causing both of us pain for doing the right thing?

I massaged my face with my free hand, trying to dry the damn tears.

"I'm sorry, Bucky," I whispered, head bowed. "You probably won't even remember any of this in the morning anyway..."

I briefly glanced towards him, realizing he had fallen asleep at some point. I stared at him a moment longer before growling softly and kicking off my own boots angrily.

What the fuck was I even doing?

I lifted my feet up onto the bed, leaning against my knee as I tried to sort through my mess of thoughts.

I should not have been surprised that my life was a mess, that I needed to sort through getting back to Amestris, being a part of the Howling Commandos, staying alive, taking down Hydra, keeping ALL my secrets safe from others and now...

Bucky.

I groaned once more, leaning my forehead more heavily on my knee as if the pressure would magically give me some answer to –

I froze, hearing the sound of footsteps in the hall. I glanced at Bucky's still sleeping form.

And out still connected hands.

The footsteps got closer and I finally released Bucky's hand and, as quietly as possible, dashed to the next bed and dived under the covers.

Whoever it was, I was in no mood to explain this situation or why I was... I was crying.

The door opened just as I stilled and closed my eyes, pretending to sleep. I heard the person enter and close the door behind them. I was nearly sure it was Steve from the way he walked and I hoped he would just head to bed and not –

"He drank too much, didn't he?"

I wasn't sure if Steve was talking to himself or –

"Ed?"

Shit... He knew I was awake... I pushed myself to a sitting position, rubbing my eyes to try and remove any trace that I had been crying. Hopefully with the darkness in the room, he won't notice.

"Yeah. Stumbling drunk," I replied, glancing in Bucky's direction.

Steve sighed as he took a seat on my bed, also eyeing his best friend carefully. We were quiet for a while and I hoped that Steve would just leave the situation as it was and let me get back to sleep.

I should have known better…

"Bucky hasn't said anything to you, has he?" wondered Steve finally turning towards me.

I schooled my features at that question. He had said many things but I wasn't going to share that with Steve... I shook my head instead as I replied, "No, he wasn't very coherent."

"I meant before tonight...," added Steve before he massaged his head. "But, you've been avoiding him." I stiffened slightly at that comment, dread starting to worm its way through me. "You've been avoiding pretty much everyone, Ed, including me. I only see you more than the others because we spar in the morning."

That was too close, too fucking close... He wasn't wrong though. "I did need to learn an entire language...," I said slowly, focusing on the stitching on the blanket.

"That's one week out of three. Before that, what was your excuse?"

I stayed quiet. It's not like I could tell him about any of that either...

"Ed, please talk to me," insisted Steve, turning fully towards me. "I don't want to keep guessing what could be wrong. I don't know if it's still the other mission that's bothering you. I don't know if it's because you've changed your mind about going to your uncles. I just don't know."

Fucking shit... Just when I thought everything couldn't get any worse...

"No, I haven't changed my mind," I began with conviction. "I told you I was going to help and I will."

"I'll understand if you change your mind, Ed. You're allowed to."

I shook my head. "I didn't. Believe me."

Steve eyed me carefully for several heartbeats before sighing. "I want to believe you, Ed, I truly do but you are making it so difficult when you don't tell me anything."

"I…" I paused, taking a deep breath and becoming very impulsive. "Fine."

Steve perked up, looking genuinely surprised by my response. However, I wasn't going to share all that much with him if I was being honest: nothing of my gender, nothing of Bucky. If he wanted to talk, if it would ease his mind, I'll at least talk to him about the mission.

I couldn't do much about the situation with Bucky but I didn't want to have issues with Steve as well.

I didn't need more problems…

"It – it still bothers me, having a gun, using it," I admitted slowly as Steve listened, his focus completely on me. "Just having it with me it… I can feel how heavy it is."

"Had it been the first time you used it, Ed?" wondered Steve softly, placing a hand on my knee.

Thinking back on the first time I aimed it at someone – aimed it at Envy's true form – had me shutting my eyes tightly, attempting to take a deep breath. I felt Steve's grip increase and I hesitantly reached for his hand. Unlike me, he didn't hesitate and gripped my hand tightly, like the time back in the US, after a pretty bad nightmare.

It was just as comforting now as it had been back then. Perhaps even more.

"I didn't pull the trigger the first time," I explained once I felt more in control of myself. "I don't know if things would have been better if I had. I honestly don't know. This time… My thoughts keep contradicting each other. You said it was hard to pull the trigger but…" I gripped my head tightly. "It wasn't. I didn't think. I just acted."

"But if you hadn't –"

"I know," I cut in, glancing towards the other bed. "I saved Bucky and that's… that's what keeps me going. I don't want to see any of you hurt." Just the thought of anyone from the team getting injured sent a wave of queasiness through me. "On the other hand, though, I – I don't want to be the one deciding whether someone lives or dies. But if that decision saves the lives of hundreds of others –"

"Ed."

I paused, finally looking up at Steve and I finally realized how worked up I had gotten. I took a deep breath, glancing towards Bucky to make sure I hadn't woken him up. No such luck: he was still passed out.

"I don't want to do it again, I don't want to pull the trigger, but I know that I will have to do it if it means protecting the rest of the team," I finished softly.

Steve smiled sadly as he stared at me. "None of us really want to if that helps ease your conscious," he began and I shrugged lightly. I figured they didn't but it was a little nice to hear it. "And, to be honest with you, I don't really like using a gun either. I have to but it doesn't mean I want to."

I was a little surprised at that news considering that that had never showed in any of the missions we were on.

"That's why I like my shield: I want to protect, not attack. But I also know that we have to compromise in a war and sometimes, it doesn't always leave us with a clear conscious." He paused, giving my hand a tight squeeze as he said, "What I will tell you, though, is that you are amazingly brave to feel those hesitations and to continue on with the missions, to put on such a brave face for the rest of us."

I scoffed, whacking our joined hands on his leg. "You're such a sap, you know that?"

He chuckled lightly, shaking his head as a small smile spread. "And since I'm such a sap, I'll say that, even though this," he moved our hands, motioning between the two of us, "sharing your feelings, seems to be the hardest thing for you to do… Thank you for talking to me. Thank you for trusting me."

I felt a laugh bubble within me at the comment, at the gesture. He really was a sap… He reminded me so much of Al…

Without really thinking, I pushed myself up and wrapped my arms around Steve's neck. I felt him tense in surprise before returning the hug without any more hesitation. I held him tightly for several heartbeats, breathing deeply as I felt tension ease away.

I didn't realize…

"I needed this… Thank you, Steve," I mumbled, pulling away from him.

He was smiling softly, patting my back before lowering his arms. "I'll be here when you need me, Ed, I promise."

"And I'm here for you, you know that right?"

He chuckled, nodding as he patted my head. I rolled my eyes, swatting his hand away but I still couldn't help smiling at the action.

"Alright, get some sleep, okay?" he said as he pushed himself up.

"Yes, sir." I even saluted him. "Gute natch."

"Schlaf gut," he replied and I gasped in shock.

"Since when do you know German?" I managed to ask.

He shook his head quickly. "I only know a few words or greetings so that I can communicate a bit with you in your own language. Since you've put in the effort to learn English, French, and even Greek. Your mumbling is still incomprehensible to me though so bear with me."

Wow… I stared at him, mouth agape at that revelation. He – he was learning German? To talk to me?

"I rendered Edward Elric speechless," chuckled Steve with a shake of his head. "I'll need to write that down somewhere!"

"Shut up, it's not going to happen again," I replied in German which got his laughter to stop suddenly as he tried to process what I had just said.

It didn't seem to have worked.

"I still have some work ahead of me," remarked Steve. "Want to help?"

"Sure, I'd be happy to. Thanks again."

"And danke to you too. Now, sleep."

I rolled my eyes as I laid back down but I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

One thing at a time.

It'll work out.

It should.

Bucky's POV

Bucky woke up the next morning with a loud groan, regretting the noise instantly. He pried his eyes open, squinting against the bright sunlight in the room. He groaned once more, regretting it just as much as the first time. He took several deep breaths, trying to remember how he had gotten into that predicament.

It wasn't working.

His memory of the previous night was hazy, making him question just how much alcohol he had drunk. He stared at the ceiling as he tried to grasp at those fleeting memories but it just wasn't working.

More painfully then expected, he pushed himself into a sitting position, fighting back the nausea that followed.

He should have known better than to drink that much...

He glanced around the room, at the three empty beds and wondered what time it was. If Dum Dum was already up, it was probably later than he expected. He couldn't rely on Steve or Ed on that since they got up ridiculously early and –

Bucky paused, trying to grasp at the memory.

Ed.

She had been there. He had seen her last night. He...

He gripped his head tightly, wanting to remember what had happened! What had he said? What had he done? And what about Ed? Had she said something? Had she ignored him like before?

Bucky really started regretting having drunk so much.

"Wait..."

He couldn't remember words for the life of him but he did remember hearing –

"Why was she crying?"

He wondered if his mind was playing tricks on him, that that... event didn't happen.

Had he made her cry? Had he said something that bad?

Bucky leaned forward, burying his face in his hands as he grumbled, "I'm such an asshole..."

He wasn't 100% sure if he was but, if he, for any reason, made Ed cry, he definitely was. He just hoped he hadn't...

But...

What other reason could there be?

He thought he felt less like shit before, thought he felt useless but the fleeting memories of the previous night made him feel even worse.

He had felt, since even before the other mission in Italy, that Steve didn't need him anymore. Why would he? He was CAPTAIN AMERICA for goodness sake! Why would he need Bucky there?

And this mission? Steve actually got Bucky out of a tight spot! Ed had in the other one!

Bucky had never felt that useless in his life.

Add that to how Ed had been avoiding him ever since their date...

He couldn't stand how the two most important people in his life didn't need him...

No wonder he drank so much... He felt the need for another drink even then...

Thankfully, Steve showing up stopped Bucky's dark train of thoughts.

"Good, you're awake," stated Steve with a smile. "Feeling better?"

Bucky nearly scoffed considering how hungover he was but shrugged instead. "Been better."

"Hopefully you'll feel better soon, we've got to get going."

Bucky frowned, tossing the blanket away as he searched for his boots. "Where are we needed?"

"Ed moved your boots to the end of your bed. Bag and coat too," explained Steve, pointing in that direction before grabbing his things. "Colonel Phillips sent a message that Hydra is attacking villages in France. We're being sent in to help stop them."

Bucky attempted to process that information, noticing that his mind focused too much on the fact that Ed of all people got his things together. Had that been before or after making her cry? Was she still mad at him? Wasn't she?

He took a deep breath, remembering the rest of what Steve had said. They had a new mission. He needed to focus on that and put aside the puzzle that was Evelyn Elric aside for now.

"Alright, we're leaving now?" asked Bucky.

"As soon as possible. Grab Ed's bag, will you? I'll get Dum Dum's."

Bucky nodded, pushing himself up quickly and instantly regretting the action. He wobbled, his head spinning and the nausea returned all too suddenly. He steadied himself on the bed post, taking a deep breath and tried to not throw up on the spot.

He hoped it was going to take longer than expected to reach France so that his hangover could subside.

"Buck?"

He waved Steve off, smiling somewhat. "Nothing I can't handle. Don't worry."

Bucky could tell his friend didn't fully believe him nor did he seem too happy about those words.

"Between you and Ed…," he mumbled with a sigh, not finishing that train of thought as he grabbed Dum Dum's bag. "Let's go."

Bucky didn't want to think too much on those words, not knowing anymore than Steve what was wrong with Ed. He grabbed her bag and slung it over his shoulder before following his friend out of the room. "Where are the others?"

"Ed's negotiating transportation to get us to our rendezvous point, to the plane. Dum Dum's with him while the others are getting supplies."

Bucky nodded and, the moment they exited the inn, he bit back a groan. The sunlight was much too strong for him that early after getting up… He felt like this was going to be a tough morning…

"Over here," called Steve as he turned around, giving his friend a once over. "Are you sure you'll be alright?"

"I'm sure."

Steve sighed once more but couldn't push the conversation anymore when the rest of the team joined them and Jim handed him a container of water.

"This may help," he laughed, patting Bucky on the arm.

"Is everything set?" asked Steve to the others as Bucky took a gulp of water, thankful.

Ed nodded, motioning behind her. "Wagon's waiting down the street. We can leave the moment we're ready."

Steve glanced at the others as he asked, "Are we?"

"All good to go, Cap," replied Dum Dum as he held out his hand. "And thanks for the bag."

Steve handed it over. "No problem. Alright, Howling Commandoes, let's move out."

It was then that Ed seemed to realize that Bucky had her bag. As the others made their way to the wagon Bucky moved a little closer to Ed and slowly held out her bag towards her. She didn't look at him as she grabbed it but he didn't let go right away.

She lifted her gaze, meeting his and they both stared at each other. It may have been for only a moment but it was the longest since their date.

"Thanks, Bucky," she said, pulling the bag and he finally let go.

It just confused him even more: she didn't look the least bit angry at him.

Then why had she been crying?!

"Hey, Bucky," called out Jim as he waited for him to catch up, "you're not too hungover, are ya?"

"I'll be fine," he replied with a shrug, watching Ed walk ahead of them.

"You're lucky Ed dragged you back to the inn. It didn't look like you could find the end of your nose last night," continued Jim and Bucky grew even more confused.

"Ed got me back to the inn?"

"Yeah. I almost helped but he seemed to be managing fine by himself. Even after the fall you took."

Bucky massaged his head, having no recollection of those events.

As Bucky climbed onto the wagon, he eyed Ed, wanting to ask so many questions that could possibly sort out so many puzzles in his head.

He had thought Ed was mad at him. However, if she was, why get him back to the inn? Why find his boots? Why care about someone you don't like?

So now, Bucky didn't have a clue on why Ed had been avoiding him.

What the hell happened?!

And he knew he wouldn't get ANY answers any time soon because of this mission. He was going to need to focus even more while his mind tried to come up with some explanation to this... this fiasco.

He was not looking forward to any of it.

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