Chapter 38: Baby It's You

4:18 PM, January 16, 1968

John's POV

The new year came and passed and before I knew it, we were already mid-way through January. I still hadn't had much contact with the other Beatles, which I was perfectly okay with. Delilah, on the other hand, urged me to at least phone them, acknowledge them. I told her I'd rather leave them to their families; we weren't due to start recording until spring, anyway.

I was patting my face dry after rinsing away the last remnants of my shaving cream, when Delilah came up behind me and smacked my butt. I jumped and turned around to find her grinning widely at me, eyes gleaming like emeralds caught in the sun.

"What was that for?" I protested in fake annoyance.

She giggled. "You were all bent over the counter and I just couldn't resist."

"That's not a very good reason," I scolded, trying to hide my smile. "You know, I think since you've been such a naughty girl I'll have to spank you. Go on, bend over."

She shook her head and pulled me into a kiss. "I was thinking we could go somewhere today. Since it's not all blizzardy anymore?"

"Blizzardy? Nice try, but that's not a word, darling," I chuckled, leaning to touch our noses together.

"It is in my world," she replied, scrunching her nose up as she grinned cheekily.

"Your world sounds lovely. However, I think we'll have to stay in this one for today. Because I'm taking you ice-skating."

She bit her lip and squealed excitedly. "Really? I haven't gone skating since I was 12!"

"Then I guess today's your lucky day, huh? Now you go get ready, we're leaving in 20 minutes."

"20 minutes? John, I'm ready to go right now," she said, her grin becoming hopeful and pleading like a child's as I pretended to think about whether or not we were leaving right this moment.

"Well...alright. Let's go, then!" I pushed her to the front door and tore my coat off the hook, reaching into the closet and digging for my skates.

"Aha!" I resurfaced from the seemingly neverending mountain of shoes and stray mittens, holding the skates up by their laces.

"What about me, though?" Delilah pouted. I hadn't realized how genuinely overjoyed she was that I was taking her out to a frozen lake to glide across the surface on two steel blades held together by leather and polyester. Really, if you broke it down that way, it sounded quite stupid. Then again, if you get technical about nearly everything, it'll sound completely absurd.

"Don't you worry your pretty little head. I've got more in here somewhere," I chirped, disappearing back into the closet to grab blindly at the piles of redundant...well, stuff. "Mmm, darling, I think I feel 'em! Ah, wait...there we are!"

In my hand was a pair of ice skates I'd used when I was about 13, I think. They were certainly small enough that they'd fit Delilah and they weren't in bad shape, either. "What d'ya think? Eh, eh?"

I nudged her with my elbow and she forced an awkward smile. "Great," she spoke through her teeth.

"Aw, come 'ead, luv. They aren't that bad. And they're the only ones I own that'll fit you! I promise we'll go buy you some soon. Just bear with me for today. Please?" I begged, handing them off to her as she surveyed them skeptically. Almost as if she were checking them for tears or even insects. Which she probably was doing. I mean, I'd most likely do the same.

She took a deep breath after inspecting them and flashed a heartbreaking smile. "They're great, Johnny. They're vintage," she winked and started giggling.

I shook my head in amusement and scooted her out the door. "Have you got your mittens?"

"Yes indeed, kind sir."

"Fab," I replied in a serious tone, waiting for her reaction.

Delilah pressed her lips together, looking away as she suppressed a smile. Soon, she faked a cough to mask her laughter.

"I can't believe you said 'fab'. Oh my god, John," she snickered, swatting at my arm.

"I knew you'd like it," I smirked, linking arms with her as we clung to each other for dear life, trying our best not to go tumbling down the icy steps leading off the front porch.

"Christ, it's slippery," Delilah muttered under her breath, wobbling down the front walk as she clutched at my waist with both hands.

We finally made it to the car after a few minor slips and stumbled in, strapping on our seatbelts and cruising down the road.

I glanced over at Delilah. Her hands were folded in her lap and she stared out into the white scenery, her breath making little patches of condensation on the window as she squished her face against the chilled glass. I twirled one of her perfect dark curls around my finger and turned my attention back to the road.

I must say, Delilah was much better at skating than I'd thought. She was literally going in circles around me as I wavered on the ice, teasing me. I fell down too many times to count and eventually she relented and let me fasten my arms around her as she kept me partially balanced.

"Good, now try it by yourself," she said after a successful lap around a small patch on the frozen lake.

I gave her a look of pure terror and opened my mouth to protest, but she just smiled encouragingly and pried my arms from around her waist. I gulped and thought, well, here goes nothing. I took a tentative step forward, putting my arms out to steady myself as I focused every ounce of my energy on my feet. I had skated maybe 10 feet before I fell on my face. Delilah's laughter rang out in the still air as she glided over to me, offering her hand.

We were sitting in a little cafe, sipping at hot chocolate that burned the fuck out of my tongue, when I recognized a very familiar woman, my gut twisting uneasily. "You want to head back home soon, darling?"

Delilah peered up at me through her lashes, nodding obliviously. I just hoped we could get out of there before Yoko noticed us. The last thing I needed right now was more drama, which would undoubtedly occur if she spotted us. Delilah sipped at her drink in a painfully slow manner and I started to get antsy.

"Come on, luv. Let's go," I said in a hushed tone, trying to get her to look at me.

"What's the rush?"

I wiggled my eyebrows and motioned to where Yoko was with my head. Delilah took a quick peek, spotting her, and turned back to look at me, confusion evident on her face. I mentally slapped myself; I hadn't told her about Yoko kissing me at that ridiculous art thing back in November. I suppose I should have. I just felt like if I did, she would've tried to pin it on me. But now wasn't the time either, we needed to get out of there fast.

"We have to leave. Now. I'll explain everything on the way back," I promised, keeping my eyes focused on Yoko as I stood up.

Unfortunately, my hand clipped the edge of my mug, sending it flying off the table and onto the linoleum floor, shattering. "Fuck," I muttered, retreating my eyes from the mess to find Yoko and a number of other people staring at me.

Delilah reacted quickly and got down on her hands and knees, picking up the jagged pieces of porcelain scattered in every direction within 5 feet of the table. I joined her on the floor as a waitress rushed over with a mop, a broom, and a dustpan and took over.

I apologized profusely, eliciting a deep red blush from the waitress as she told me it was alright. Yoko chose that moment to waltz over and whisper something in Delilah's ear before winking at me and swiftly exiting the cafe. I watched Delilah's face fall, her eyes flickering to mine as the waitress blabbed on about something to me. Her voice was a dull murmur. I said a final thank you and waved her away as I kept my eyes locked on Delilah's. She was staring at me with a burning intensity that I'd never experienced before. She looked absolutely murderous; absolutely beautiful; absolutely terrifying.

After the waitress left and everyone returned to their conversations, I asked Delilah what was wrong. She glanced around the cafe and rubbed her forehead. "This really isn't the place to talk. Let's go home."

I nodded apprehensively and wrapped an arm around her waist, which she instantly swatted away. She stomped outside, waiting at the car with her arms crossed, staring into the distance. The whole ride back, she wouldn't look at me or respond when I asked her why she was so angry. As soon as we got into the house and out of our outer clothes, I demanded an explanation.

"John, how could you?" she choked, turning around slowly to reveal a tear stained face.

I took a step toward her, placing my hands on her shoulders. "How could I what?" I was honestly perplexed.

"Cheat on me! And with Judy?" she sobbed. Judy was the receptionist at the recording studio. I'd never spoken a word to her save for the occasional hello or breezy comment on the weather. Where Delilah got the idea that I was sleeping with that woman was beyond me.

"Delilah, I hardly even know her! I've said maybe five words to her in my whole life. Why would you even think I was cheating on you with her?"

She swiped at her tears, murmuring. "Yoko told me."

An immediate wave of anger washed over me and I unintentionally gripped Delilah's shoulders harder, causing her to yelp and shrink away from me. "Sorry, baby," I muttered, rubbing her gently. "That fucking woman is nothing but trouble. How would she even know, Delilah? Yoko's never around when I'm at the studio. I haven't seen her since November!"

November. I shuddered at the memory that could have costed me my relationship with Delilah, and still could. "She said an insider told her."

I scoffed. "An insider? She doesn't know anyone there except Paul. And Paul knows damn well that I'd never cheat on you. She's obviously lying. Why don't you believe me?"

"Because Yoko isn't the sort of person to start shit, John! She's a fucking saint and has proved herself trustworthy since we met her. You, on the other hand, have already done this once before. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you've done it more times since then."

She wriggled out of my grasp and crossed her arms expectantly, looking more beat up than angry. I could see where she was coming from. But I'd changed so much for her! Couldn't she see that?

I started out slowly, not even sure of what I should say. "Delilah, I swear on my life that I only ever did it once," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. "I knew that once was certainly enough and I didn't do it again. I haven't slept with anyone but you since that night back in '64. I know what it's like to lose you because it already happened before, even if it was for less than a day. And I really don't want to go through it again."

She remained speechless, confusion flitting through those enchanting green eyes. "And there's a reason why I wanted to leave when I saw Yoko today," I continued. "I know I should have told you this a lot sooner but I didn't, so I'll tell you now...at that party back in November...you wandered off to the bar and left me to defend myself against Yoko and her fucking nosy questions. I don't suppose you remember much of that night, since you were completely hammered."

She nodded and motioned for me to go on. "While you were gone, Yoko sort of came onto me. You know, asking if you and I were doing alright and suggesting that I was getting tired of you or something. Of course I told her everything was fine but she just insisted that there was something wrong. In short, she thought she'd steal me away. She kissed me."

Delilah shifted her eyes to the ground when I met her gaze. "Why didn't you tell me before?" she whispered.

"I thought you wouldn't believe me. I didn't even believe it at first. I thought she just wanted to be friends and I was...I was surprised, to say the least, when she just...moved so quickly," I blurted, raising my eyebrows. "It was completely spontaneous, you know? She'd never even hinted at anything before...so I thought you'd get pissed off and accuse me of kissing her and run off."

She took in a shaky breath and sat down on the couch, moving as far from me as possible when I joined her. I watched her scrunch up her eyebrows thoughtfully as she stared down at her legs for a few long minutes. Finally, she came to a conclusion, peeking at me fleetingly before returning her attention back to her lap.

"I don't know what to believe, John."

"Believe me!" I exclaimed, throwing my hands up pleadingly.

She scratched at her arm, leaving red nail marks on her pale skin. It was a terrible habit I'd tried to get her to stop since the day we met. Whenever she was nervous she'd pick at her arms until they bled, leaving little crescent moon scars. I got off the couch and kneeled in front of her, grabbing her arms and peering into her glistening eyes.

"I love you. I know I've fucked up a lot of times, but you have to believe me. We've known each other for almost 11 years now. You know how much I've changed, how much I've given up for you. Why would I throw all of that away?"

"Don't try to make me sound like a fucking burden, John. You know you didn't have to sacrifice anything for me, you could've walked out whenever you wanted. Even then, what have you given up? You're not the one who slept alone in an empty house for nearly four straight years, constantly worrying about whether or not you were going to be cheated on. You're not the one who was forced to kill your dad. You're also not the one who was raped more than once; you haven't had a miscarriage; you haven't been told that you'll never be able to have kids," she spat, trying to tear her arms out of my grasp.

I softened as her words hit home. My fingers unlocked themselves from around her wrists and both of our hands dropped to either side of her as we stared at each other. She was right. I was making things out to seem like I was the one who always got the short end of the stick when, in reality, she was the one who'd suffered all along. I shut my eyes and lowered my head to rest on her lap. She didn't flinch or try to comfort me. She simply sat there, motionless.

I raised my eyes back up to her face; same expression. "I'm sorry. You're completely right. I-"

"No, John. You know what? Just forget I said any of that. I didn't mean any of it and that was completely selfish and unfair of me to say because I know you've gone through just as much," she said, covering her face.

"Delilah," I said gently, taking her hands and raising her chin to look at me. "You've been through hell and back. How you've managed to deal with me as well as these other things over the years, I'll never know. I'll tell you a secret; whenever I run into a problem, I try to solve it the way you would. You're so tough and you always handle things perfectly. All those things you just listed, just one of them is enough to tear a regular person apart. But you kept going, even after all of it. You're unbreakable."

Silence. "I'm not. If you left me, that would be it. I'd fall apart," she admitted.

"So would I. Now do you believe me?"