The room was almost completely dark, minus the low glow of the city lights flooding through Olivia's bedroom windows. Alex continued looking at the detective from her position in bed next to her. Olivia had come home after a rough case and had refused to discuss it with the blonde.
Alex propped herself up slightly on one elbow and admired her detective from above. She was relieved to see that the worry lines that seemed to be etched across Olivia's face were finally gone. While Alex could not see her favorite warm brown eyes, she was sure that they wouldn't be as red as they were when Olivia came home. The ADA couldn't resist as she hesitantly traced her finger tips lightly across the detective's cheek, pushing the messy brown locks out of the way.
There had been days, despite how few, where Olivia had been open about her struggles at SVU but most of the time, she kept it to herself. Alex understood; she knew that the job carried a large burden and that a part of the detective wanted to protect her at all costs, especially after her kidnapping.
After a few more minutes of simply admiring the detective, Alex finally slid back down onto the mattress, shifting over slightly so that she was next to Olivia. Carefully, she adjusted Olivia's arm so that it was around her back before she shifted into the makeshift embrace, resting her head against the brunette's shoulder.
There was something so comfortable about being in Olivia's brace and she could never quite find the words to explain it. Arms instinctively tightened around her, pulling her closer, and Alex smiled at the subconscious gesture; even in her sleep, Olivia was trying to protect her. The blonde placed her hand on top of Olivia's torso, settling against the firm abdomen she found there. She traced her fingers across the firm muscles, surprised as they twitched ever so slightly underneath her fingertips. She spread out her hand, placing her palm flat against the detective's t-shirt as she slid her hand up to the center of her chest. She traced the rough print of the NYPD logo that was stained into the grey shirt, reveling in the simple comforting fact that she could actually feel something with her left hand.
The blonde readjusted her head, snuggling further against the warm chest beneath her, inhaling the calming, familiar scent. The scent that was simply Olivia. She had tried imitating the scent while the detective was away at work; she tried using her body wash and even searched for any perfume or scented lotion but Olivia never wore either. On days where she felt so completely alone and Olivia was at work, she would curl up in Olivia's bed, clinging to the detective's pillow—the only thing that somehow smelled like her. She had never told this to the brunette, too afraid that she would insist on staying home with her, not that she would've minded.
Alex would gladly enjoy the comfort of simply having the detective near her but she didn't want to hold Olivia back. She was a bleeding heart and a voice for the victims and Alex couldn't stand the thought of taking that from her. Olivia had told her that she would be more than willing to take more time off, at least until Alex felt more comfortable in her own skin again but the blonde had immediately rejected the idea. She knew that eventually she too would also have to return to work and there was no point in holding Olivia back with her.
Some days were a complete struggle; there were times where she just wanted to give up but then that soft voice would fill her ears and send warm tingling sensations throughout her whole body. For some reason, she couldn't seem to stop the smile that always appeared on her face when Olivia flashed her that adorable sideways grin. That grin…Alex couldn't help herself as she chuckled softly against Olivia's chest as she thought of the detective's signature smile. That same smile could comfort her in her darkest moments or make her grow weak in the knees and yet somehow it never seemed to change.
The blonde momentarily wondered how one person could have so much control over her and yet not use that power against her. There had been so many times in her life where her affection for someone else had been used against her, whether it be her father or a boyfriend who wanted her to forget about all her goals in life and belong to him. She shook those thoughts out of her mind, instead turning her head up in order to look at Olivia. The brunette had never asked anything of her; she had never once tried to use her affection against her. Alex couldn't help but wonder how in the world Olivia did it.
Despite trying very few cases, Alex still knew how horrible human beings could be. Maybe she was biased from personal experience but somehow she highly doubted that. She had seen the effects of the cases on Olivia—especially the effect of her case. They had tried not to dwell much on the events that had occurred since Whiteman was still in a coma and there was no point in discussing the case further than giving their statements to a few detectives and talking with the attorney who would eventually be trying the case.
Alex blinked rapidly, willing back the tingling sensation that had filled her eyes and nose at the thought of Whiteman; she wouldn't let him still control her in this way, especially when she was wrapped up safely in Olivia's embrace. She sniffled slightly as she wrapped an arm around the detective's waist, pulling her impossibly closer. Her eyes flashed open as a hand gently pressed against her arm.
Olivia softly ran her fingers up and down Alex's arm, drawing abstract patterns against the warm skin. The blonde sniffled again, as quietly as she could since she felt bad for waking up the exhausted brunette. "Are you okay?" Olivia whispered softly as she picked her head up slightly in an attempt to see if Alex was actually awake. The blonde simply nodded against her chest, sniffling quietly again as she tightened her grip around Olivia's t-shirt, bunching it up under her fingers.
The detective pressed a soft kiss against the crown of the blonde's forehead, tightening her own grip around Alex's back. She placed her hand along the length of the ADA's side, rubbing soft circles against her t-shirt. "Nightmare?" Olivia questioned quietly.
Alex shook her head in response as best as she could against Olivia's chest, still not trusting her voice. She cleared her throat ever so slightly and licked her dry lips. "I—" Alex frowned slightly at the hoarse quality of her voice. She wanted to tell the detective all that she was thinking about. She wanted to tell her how much she meant to her. She wanted to tell Olivia that she wouldn't have survived if it wasn't for her. There were so many things that she wanted to say and yet somehow she had no clue how to voice her thoughts. Olivia was her silent supporter through it all. She kept her safe when the storm seemed like it would never cease. There were so many things that the blonde wanted to say and yet all she could think of were three little words.
The brunette pulled Alex even closer, embracing her tightly before relaxing her grip, assuring Alex that everything was fine without saying a word. I love you. She wanted to say it, she really did but she couldn't seem to find her voice. Olivia continued to draw random patterns against her arm, trailing up and down the length of it which caused her skin to erupt in goosebumps. "Are you cold?" Olivia asked softly as she instinctively reached for the covers, pulling it further up around them, tucking it carefully in around the blonde. I love you. "Is that better?" Olivia asked again as placed her arm on top of Alex's, rubbing up and down the length of it soothingly.
Alex opened up her mouth again, intent on voicing her thoughts but nothing came out again. I love you. She licked her dry lips again, clearing her throat once more. "Yes." That was all the blonde managed to say even though internally she was saying three very different words.
"Good," Olivia whispered softly as she pressed another kiss to the crown of Alex's forehead. I love you.