He Loved Me, He Loved Me Not

Peyton rubbed Haley's back gently. They had been sitting in silence for what seemed like a long time, the quiet room occasionally punctuated by Haley's attempts at a deep calming breath but Peyton didn't speak. She knew that eventhough Haley's tears had stopped, she was nowhere near feeling any better than she'd been feeling since the previous night, and she didn't know what she could say that would make the situation any less painful.

Despite all that Haley had seen and heard the night before, Peyton knew the truth. Haley and Lucas's hearts belonged to each other and to no one else, she was completely sure of that fact. But somehow she didn't think that Haley believed what was true anymore and Peyton could almost not blame her. Afterall, how many times could a girl take seeing her boyfriend in bed with another girl--the same girl-- before she assumed it was over?

Haley took a deep breath and slowly pulled away from her friend. "Thank you." she said sincerely. "For coming here so quickly.You're such a good friend Peyton."

Peyton looked away. "I'm not sure how much longer you'll believe that after you hear what I have to say."

Haley stared at her."What do you mean?" she asked wearily.

Peyton looked into her eyes. "I mean that...I think that what happened last night was a big mistake and you and Lucas need to talk and work this out." she said quietly."Because you two belong together."

Haley stared at her speechless for a moment before Peyton's words finally fully registered. She shook her head and looked around the room before looking at Peyton. "You're joking right?" she said with disbelief. "There must be hidden cameras in this room or--maybe I just didn't hear you right. I could have sworn that you just said that Lucas and I need to work this out because we belong together?"

Peyton exhaled loudly. "I know he made a mistake Haley--"

"Made a mistake?" Haley stood up and whirled around to face her friend. "Peyton, he was in bed with Brooke! Half-naked! Again! Did he tell you that?"

Peyton nodded. "Yes, he did Haley." she said quietly. "And I know how much that hurts you--how angry and betrayed you must feel.But he was stopping it! He wasn't going to sleep with Brooke. He feels awful that you even saw that--"

Haley chuckled bitterly. "I'm sure he does." she said sarcastically. "I'll sure he even cried himself to sleep last night--in Brooke arms! Whatever--none of that matters anymore! It's over."

Peyton shook her head. "Haley, he loves you!"

"Loves me!" she cried incredulously. "Lucas never loved me Peyton! Don't you see? I was just a mistake to him. I was an idea he had until Brooke suddenly changed her mind. He was never in love with me, he lied! He lied to me!"

She felt tears sliding down her cheeks again and she wiped at them angrily.She was so tired of wasting them on Lucas! When would they stop!She was seriously beginning to wonder if they ever would.

"Haley, Lucas didn't lie about his feelings for you." Peyton said with quiet assurance. "I know what last night must have looked like but I see you two together. I see the way you look at each other and I hear the way you say each others name. What you two had wasn't a lie. I've seen it! It's real. It's real, Haley!"

Haley shook her head, her hands in her hair, her eyes closed tightly at Peyton's words.She couldn't hear this right now. She finally knew the truth and she wasn't going to let Lucas lies tear it away again.

"I know it's hard for you to believe that it wasn't real Peyt." she whispered. "Nobody knows better than I do how real it looked...how real it felt. But Lucas never wanted me. He didn't! And you know, I really don't think he set out to hurt me. I really don't. When he lost Brooke, maybe he wanted something to happen between us so badly that he made himself want me. I know that in the beginning at least, he didn't set out to hurt me, I do. He did care about me." Tears streamed down her face as she stared at her friend. "I mean we've been best-friends for years and I know that was real, I know it was." She smiled brokenly. "But this wasn't Peyton. Lucas was never in love with me. He lied. About everything. Last night just...just spoke in volumes that he couldn't."

Peyton looked at her friend, her face an odd mixture of unyielding certainty and deep confusion. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. From both Lucas and Haley! Overnight, two of her closest friends had suddenly decided that what they had wasn't real--had never been real-- and it just didn't make any sense at all. Lucas and Haley were in love, whether they were willing to accept it or not. She'd seen it--heck, she still saw it in both of their eyes despite the fact that it was now mostly shielded by pain. So how did it all suddenly change so abruptly?

Despite the fact that Lucas had ended up in bed with Brooke, as far as they knew he'd never actually done anything irrevocable.Peyton knew that both times Haley had been hurt and she could understand that, but Haley knew that the most that could have happened--hadn't happened. So why was she still so convinced that Lucas wanted Brooke? And why was Lucas so sure about Haley's feelings for Nathan?

Peyton shook her head in bewilderment. Something wasn't right. She suddenly couldn't shake the feeling that none of what Lucas and Haley were going through was as straightforward as it looked. Something was going on and she had a feeling that her friends were completely unaware of it. And why would they be? Both of them were too busy trying to deal with the false realization that the love of their lives, didn't love them back.

Haley had walked over to the window and was staring out bleakly and Peyton walked to her side. They both looked down at the Scotts' immense property in silence before Peyton touched her friends shoulder.

"Haley," she said softly. "I know that you don't believe this, and at this point I can see how you wouldn't. But I know that Lucas feelings for you are real."

"Peyton--"

"No, hear me out. You don't believe him?" she said staring intently into her friends eyes."Well believe me. Not too long ago, Lucas told me that he loved you more than anything. He said that he never wanted to be with anyone else ever again and that he had found the love of his life." Peyton looked into Haley's eyes. "He said that about you Haley! Now why would he have said that to me if what you two shared was all a lie?"

Haley was crying silently, her eyes closed tightly.She didn't look at Peyton as she shook her head uncertainly.

"Peyton, I don't know." she admitted. "I don't know why he said that to you or why he felt that he needed to lie to me--I don't! All I know is that he did lie. To both of us."

Peyton sighed. "Haley I--"

"Please don't Peyt." Haley said softly."Please stop. I know that Lucas is your friend too and you want both of us to be okay but I can't..." she shook her head. "I can't do this. I can't rehash everything that I went through with Lucas with you. It's over."

Peyton shook her head. "Haley, I don't think--"

"It's over Peyton!" Haley said again. "And I'm trying to accept it and I need you to help me do that okay?"

Peyton looked at her wordlessly and Haley looked intently into her eyes.

"Can you help me do that Peyton?" she asked. "Can you help me put this behind me?"

Peyton caught her tone and frowned. "Help you how?"

Haley took a deep breath. "I'm moving out of Lucas' house. Obviously I can't stay there now."

Peyton shook her head. "Haley, Luke would never ask you to leave--"

"I know. I'm leaving because I want to. I have to."

Peyton stared at her. "Where are you going to--"

Haley looked around them briefly motioning to the room. "Here. I'm going to stay here. Nathan said I could stay in a guest room. Until I figure out my next move."

Peyton eyes widened slightly. "Nathan said you could stay...here?"

Haley nodded. "I know." she said at Peyton's surprised expression. "I was really shocked when he suggested it too. But Nate...He's been really great to me throughout this whole thing."

Peyton nodded slowly. She wasn't sure that staying at Nathan's house was the best idea for Haley. She realized that Haley's options were limited but still...

"You know, you could stay with me." Peyton suggested."I could move back into my house and we could do the whole roomie thing--"

"Till your dad got home. And then it would just be weird." Haley said shaking her head.She looked around them."No, I think this is a good idea at least for the time being."

"Are you sure Haley?" Peyton asked intently. "Are you sure that moving here is the best idea?"

Haley was silent for a moment before she nodded. "I do."she said softly. "I actually think that...that this might be good for Nathan too. Maybe it will help him to forgive me or get through his feelings if I'm here---I don't know." She ran her hands through her hair."I don't know how but I think this will be good for both of us." She looked at her friend. "But I still need your help." she said.

Peyton nodded slowly. "Anything. What do you need me to do?''

Haley paused. "I need you to keep Lucas occupied tomorrow afternoon so I can go pick up my things."

Peyton frowned. "Hold on." she said trying to understand Haley's full meaning. "You want me to...to keep Lucas distracted while you move out!" she asked incredulously.

Haley sighed."Peyton--"

"You're not going to tell him or even say goodbye--you're just going to--leave!"

Haley looked away. "I just can't see him yet Peyton. I can't look into his eyes. I'm not--I'm not ready."

Peyton felt a tinge of compassion as she stared at her friend but she knew that what Haley wanted to do wasn't right.For any of them.

"I understand that Haley. I know it will be hard for you to see him after--well after everything that's happened. But I can't do that to Lucas. He opened his home to both of us. And I know he hurt you but he still deserves more than an empty room with a goodbye note on the door."

Haley bowed her head for a moment before looking up at her friend. "You're right." she said quietly. "I won't leave without letting him know that I'm going." She looked at Peyton. "Can you tell him?"

Peyton stared at her surprised. "You want me to tell Luke--"

"That I'm moving out."

"Haley--"

"Please Peyt!I need you to do this for me. I can't see him yet, I just can't!" Her eyes were wide and desperate. "Can you please tell him? Can you do that for me?"

Peyton stared at her for a moment before sighing deeply."Okay..." she said slowly."I'll do it."

"And then you'll tell me when he's not there so I can pick up my things?"

Peyton didn't answer right away but after another moment she nodded, seemingly resigned to Haley's decision.

To Haley, she looked like a friend who was finally accepting the inevitable. But inside of Peyton's mind, a sudden idea was slowly coming together. Haley didn't want to see Lucas and Lucas was convinced that it was over between them. But Peyton knew that it wasn't. If only they would talk to each other, she was sure they could work it out. It was only a matter of getting them in the same room...and keeping them there.She looked at Haley and smiled resolutely.

"I'll let you know when he's not home tomorrow." she said quietly.She took her hand. "It'll be alright Haley. You'll see."

Haley smiled hesitantly. "Thank you Peyton. I know that this is hard for you but I appreciate your help. I really do." She reached for her friend."Thank you."

"Thank me later." Peyton said softly as she hugged her back tightly. Haley closed her eyes, a sad smile stretching across her mouth so she didn't see the determined look on her friends face. Which was just as well...

It probably would have worried her.

Lucas pulled into his driveway and turned off the engine, but he didn't get out right away. Instead, he sat in his truck quietly staring at the house that had seemed more like a home in the last couple of months than it had in a long time. He thought about the beginning of the summer, the night that Haley had shown up at his door, broken and alone, her face streaked with tears. She hadn't said anything but she hadn't had to--the look on her face had said it all. He'd reached for her and she'd collapsed in his arms, sobbing uncontrollably while she tried to speak. The only words he'd understood were Nathan, hate, and Anullment, but he'd understood enough to know what was at the root of her pain.

Lucas face tightened as the memories assaulted him one by one. He should have bolted then, or at least distanced himself. He should have shielded his heart.He would have, if he'd known... But he'd held her instead. Long into the night when her cries became hiccups and her stilted breaths slowed and she was asleep,he held her. He'd carried her into his bedroom and laid her on the bed and stayed by her side until dawn when she'd finally awoken.

She'd opened her eyes and he'd been the first thing she'd seen...and she'd smile this--this beautiful, peaceful smile.It had awakened something in him even then, something he'd dismissed as protectiveness at the time, something that he'd only later realized was more. She'd awakened his heart, his passion for her which had lain dormant till that moment when she'd looked at him. And he'd finally seen her...

Lucas closed his eyes against the sudden ache that started in his chest again. It had been fleeting all day but he'd managed to bury it deep for the most part. It was only in the moments that he realized his immense loss that it tried to build inside him again, threatening to undo him, to make him lose any calm that he had left.

Lucas took a deep breath and climbed out of his truck. Haley had taken his heart but he refused to to let her take over his mind as well. He needed to keep moving, keep busy, anything to keep her off his mind and out of his thoughts--anything.

He was walking to his door when he heard a car drive up and idle briefly before stopping. His heart jumped as he turned around.

"Haley..?" The word was out of his mouth before he could stop himself but he didn't care as he looked back, he only hoped. But it was Brooke that glared coldly as she stalked towards him.

"Sorry, but no. Your secret girlfriend is at Nathan's as we speak but if you hurry I'm sure you can catch her before she takes off again.I'm only guessing but since she's done with you,I think that Chris is next on her list of repeat-lovers."

Lucas froze at her words, his mind slowly letting them sink in as she walked passed him into the house. His heart thudded painfullly in his chest. Haley was at Nathan's? Was that where she'd been this whole time? He frowned, hurt and anger spreading through him all over again. But of course that's where she was. That was where she had wanted to be all along. Still he'd wondered the night before. He'd wondered if maybe...Maybe he was wrong.

When she'd found him and Brooke together, there had been this look in her eyes...A look he hadn't expected. A look that made him wonder for a brief moment...

But if he'd had any doubt, Brooke had just put them all to rest. Haley was where she belonged.She'd finally gotten what she'd always wanted. The ache in his chest slid into his stomach and he closed his eyes against the images of Haley and Nathan that tried to form. His thoughts were abruptly interrupted as Brooke suddenly walked back out of the house with an overnight bag and marched past him towards her car.

He grabbed her arm. "Brooke, wait. Please." he said. "We need to talk."

Brooke pulled from his grasp. "Talk about what Lucas? I think I heard all that I needed to hear last night but thanks for the attempt. Maybe next time you should try talking to me about your true feelings before I fall in love with you!"

Lucas paused stunned by her words and she started for her car again but he stopped her.

His eyes were wide and sad as he stared at her. "Brooke, please stop for a second. I need to say--I want to say--I'm sorry." he said sincerely. "I am so sorry for not telling you what was really going on. I wanted too so many times but there were reasons why I couldn't tell you right away. I was waiting for the right time--"

"The right time?" Brooke said incredulously. "What does that mean Lucas? Why couldn't you just open your mouth and tell me? There were so many times that you could have just said it, 'Brooke I'm in love with Haley!' How hard is that? Did you think I wouldn't be able to deal? Did you think that I'd suffer some kind of a meltdown, because I assure you that I'm alot stronger than you obviously thought."

"I know that Brooke," Lucas said quietly."I know--"

"Then why didn't you just tell me!" Brooke suddenly cried."Why didn't you just tell me the truth?"

Lucas looked away wordlessly and she felt her throat fill as she gazed at him and her pain was real as the tears fell down her cheeks.

He looked at her again and saw her crying and hated himself for being the cause of her tears again. He reached for her but she pulled away.

"I didn't want to break your heart again Brooke." he said quietly. "I was waiting for a time when you'd be able to understand. I didn't want you to go through what you went through before. I remember how hard it was for you, how badly you felt--the last time. When Peyton and I..." His voice faded away as she shook her head with disgust.

"When you and Peyton did this to me before?" she finished bitingly.

Lucas took a deep breath."This was different Brooke. What Haley and I have--what I thought we had--was so much more---"

"Save it Lucas!" Brooke said closing her eyes against the onslaught of his words. "Just save it." She opened her eyes. "Do you really think that I want to hear all the disgusting details of you and that--that traitorous slut?"

Lucas frowned darkly. "Brooke, I know you're hurt but don't--"

Brooke's eyes flashed dangerously. "Don't you dare defend her to me after what you two have done,don't you dare! I've had enough of being treated like shit while Haley gets treated like some freakin' princess!"

Lucas closed his eyes. "Brooke--"

She scowled at his, her hazel eyes flashing green."Just tell me one thing Luke, just one thing. You owe me that at least."

Lucas looked at her, his eyes clear and undaunting in his face as he looked at her. "Yes, I do." he said resolutely.

Brooke stared at him. "If you were so in love with Haley, if what you two had was so great-- why did you kiss me? Why did you make out with me wednesday? And why did we almost make love last night, Luke? Why?" she asked.

Lucas looked at her. "I don't know Brooke." he said softly. "When I told you that I couldn't remember what we did on wednesday, I was being honest. I don't know why and I don't understand how I could have been so exhausted as to have forgotten, but that's the truth. I can't remember most of the things we did, or the things that I said. And last night," he paused. "last night the same thing happened again."

Brooke stared at him, feigning confusion and disbelief. "You mean...you don't remember? You don't remember any of what happened?"

Lucas ran a hand through his hair. "I remember most of what happened last night. But then it gets a little foggy right before Haley--" his voice broke. "right before she left." He frowned in concentration. "And then I remember Nathan leaving but--that's it. And then this morning, I woke up in bed." He looked at her, his voice bewildered and helpless. "I don't even remember how I got there."

Brooke looked away as guilt tried to rear its ugly head inside of her again, but she managed to keep it restrained as she looked at Lucas.

"So you're telling me that you're sorry but you don't remember kissing me, or touching me, or almost making love to me? And I should just forgive you for that? I should just forgive you for not telling me what was going on this whole time behind my back?"

Lucas exhaled loudly. His eyes were closed as he ran his hands through his hair again. "No, I'm not asking you to forgive me Brooke. I know that I've hurt you and I know that you're angry with me and you should be." he opened his eyes. "but I want you to know that I care about you and that I didn't want to hurt you." He reached for her hand but thought better of it and dropped his hand to his side. "I know you may not believe this, but you are important to me and I hate that I've ruined our friendship and damaged your trust in me. I hate that and I'm really sorry." he said huskily.

Brooke stared at the ground. There it was again. That pesky little guilt-thing rising in her chest, threatening to make her blurt out the whole ugly truth. She needed to get away from Lucas for a while, at least for the night. She needed to clear her head and regain perspective and that wouldn't happen if she had to look into his soft blue eyes for a moment longer. She lifted her head.

"I'm glad you got that off your chest, Luke." she said expressionlessly. "And I hope you feel better. Because I sure as hell don't." She turned to go. "I'm done here."

She pushed passed him and he started after her.

"Brooke--"

"Lucas please just--stop! I don't want to hear anymore right now,okay? I'm going to Bevin's. She said that I can sleep there tonight."

Lucas frowned. "Brooke you don't have to do that--"

"Yes, I do Luke." Brooke said as she opened her Beetle and threw her bag on the passenger seat. "I can't be here tonight.Last night was hard enough. I need to get out. I don't know about tomorrow or next week but tonight--" She looked at him, her eyes filling as she gazed at his bereft face. "I just...I can't do this tonight."

"Brooke--"

"I'll see you tomorrow, Lucas."

She started her car and pealed out of the driveway and Lucas watched her drive away helplessly. He watched her car until it disappeared around the corner before he turned around and slowly walked into his house. Alone.

With images of soft brown eyes drifting in and out of his thoughts...