Characterised by periods of mania in which there is heightened energy, impulsivity, poor judgment, increased pleasure-seeking and the possibility of psychotic symptoms such as hallucinations and delusions.

I don't usually do this with my stories, but, it seems fitting right now to let you know. Usually I will listen to a relevant song whilst I write a chapter. It helps me get through what I'm trying to write or say.

Eliza's POV

Honestly, I didn't believe for a second, my day could end like this. I know I'm still drunk and I think I may have the mother of all hangovers tomorrow, but I'm opening up. I'm taking to my girlfriend, I'm letting her into my memories, my head, my life. Something I swore never to give to anyone, but here I am, giving it to Arizona. And I swear, Arizona is the only person who deserves all of me. Granted, she doesn't need the bad stuff, but to give her everything she deserves, she has to know. She has to understand that, sometimes, I won't be able to give her everything she wants. I will always give her everything she deserves though. That much I do know.

We're sitting in her car, I just informed my girlfriend, that the patient I treated earlier, is the same man that was forced onto me by my ex-wife. The distress, evident in Arizona's perfect blue eyes. Causing her that stress was never my intention, but she wants me to open up to her. Unfortunately opening up, comes with pain, for both of us. Considering how drunk I am, I'm thinking exceptionally clearly. Everything feels more rational and bearable, and I know that's just because of this amazing woman sat next to me in this car. It's only because of my girlfriend. She truly is one in a million, one in a lifetime. My whole world.

"I'm sorry I didn't respond to your messages." I finally say to Arizona. Shaking her head.

"It's ok, sorry I pushed you away earlier. Honestly, I didn't want to feel like you were using me, using sex with me, to forget the situation." Arizona's eyes shifting from mine, her gaze dropping.

"I'm glad you did push me away. If we had, had sex, I would just feel guilty now for using that to forget. But Arizona, I never want to use you, it's just that, that's what I'm used to doing to forget." A wave of guilt washing over me as I remember the past times I've jumped into bed with the first unsuspecting woman. Anything to forget.

"You, uh, you haven't, with anyone else, uh, you know, since we've been together, have you?" A tinge of pain at Arizona's words, catching me off guard. I understand her need to ask though, based on what I just told her. If it was the other way around, I'd probably be feeling the same way.

"No, and I wouldn't do that to you. I love you Arizona, you're the only person I want to be having sex with. The only person I have been having sex with." Lifting her chin, I bring my girlfriends eyes up to my level, our gaze meeting. Her eyes full with unshed tears. I place a kiss on her head. I may not be able to offer her much, but I can offer her this. "I promise." I say. My mouth, meeting my girlfriends, our lips meeting in the sweetest, most loving kiss we've ever shared. Breaking our kiss, Arizona turns her attention back to the car. Restarting the engine.

"Let's go home." She says, before I settle back in my seat, my hand resting on my girlfriend's thigh. I just want to sleep. Sleep and forget all the pain and the stress of today.

The next few minutes of the journey is filled with silence. A completely comfortable silence as we travel back to Arizona's house. Her home. The place that could be my home, if I allowed it to happen. And it's not that I don't want it to happen. I want to live with her. Arizona is amazing, I just don't want to move in and then let her down, or push her away. I don't want my past to affect our relationship. Although I guess it's a little late for that. It already is affecting it. It's already hurting her. Maybe I should just take off and leave her alone. She would be much better off at least, in the long run. But I love her, more than I've ever loved anyone. I'm genuinely torn. Torn between doing what's best for her, and what's best for me.

"Arizona, can you take me home please." An intense need to be alone washing over me.

"Uh, that's what I'm doing." She says back, confusion evident in her voice.

"No, I uh, I mean to my home. I just uh, I want to be alone." I know I'm hurting her right now, but I can't keep putting her through my pain.

"Is that a good idea?" She asks me, her eyebrow raised. It probably isn't, but I just need some time. Some time to process everything, by myself.

"Yeah, I just, I need some time, and I don't want you seeing me hungover, it's not pleasant!" I say, hoping she'll understand, whilst trying to lighten the mood a little. I don't feel the need to forget, in any way, shape or form. I just need to be alone, I need time to ground myself, to sort my mind out. To organise my head right now. That's all. And I know I need to explain that to my girlfriend, just right now, I don't have the words.

"Ok, if that's what you need, want." Arizona says, almost exasperated. I know I'm not explaining it, but it's what I need, and I think she gets that. I think she understands. Changing the course of our journey, heading towards my house. The rest of the car journey is quiet, no discussion, no music, just our own thoughts. Arizona is so deep in her own head, that I can almost hear her thinking. And I know that's my fault, honestly, I feel bad causing her this frustration. But I need to sort myself out, I can't do that in her presence. I wish to God I could, but I can't, not at the moment.

Pulling up outside my house, Arizona cuts the engine. Her gaze remaining straight ahead, out of the windscreen. I want nothing more than to ask her to come inside and spend the night with me. But I can't, it's not what's best for her, or me right now. I wish it was. But I can't.

"I'll um, I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" I ask my girlfriend, suddenly unsure of myself.

"Sure, if that's what you need." Arizona responds, echoing her earlier words to me again. We have hardly spent a night apart since we first took the 'next step' in our relationship. The only time we have been separated is if we have been working. And I am putting this between us. Climbing out of Arizona's car, I stick my head back in before I close the door.

"I'm sorry." It's all I can come up with right now. Bringing her eyes to mine, Arizona looks at me. The uncertainty, oh so clear in her blue pools. I wish I didn't need this right now. She gives me a sad smile, before nodding softly. Letting me know it's ok for me to go. Closing the door, I wait for my girlfriend to drive off. Once her car has disappeared around the corner, I head up my front steps, into my house. Into the emptiness and loneliness that I need right now.

Sorry for the delay in updating. And thank you, all of you, for the reviews. This week has turned out to be an absolute shitter. But I promise I'll do better. Hope you are still enjoying the story. Hit review, let me know you want me to carry on. Much love x