A/N So I've just been having a small discussion with the cat about how the computer mouse is my mouse and he can bog off out of it. Honestly, he's not going to find any brains to eat in this one, and if he keeps chewing the cord it's likely to not end well.
But thank-you to everyone who let me know what things they'd like to see in the future for this family. Feel free to keep them coming, many things I've written in these stories have been suggested to me in reviews, or just by people asking questions about what will happen.
And this is my second attempt to load this, as the site seemed to be a bit wobbly. Or maybe that was just me? I can't tell anymore, looking at my stats it's possible that either a lot of you missed chapter 35, or they stopped counting hits on it. Either way, something went a bit skew-wiff.
Disclaimer: Not mine, but I am willing to swap them for a cat. I think it's a fair trade.
SPOV
I woke with a start and peered at the little white face staring at me through the early-morning gloom. It was kind of creepy and off-putting.
"How long have you been there?" I whispered to Pam.
"Not long" she whispered back. "You wouldn't wake up."
"It's not time to wake up" I pointed out. "It's sleeping time."
"But there's no more room in the bed" Pam complained, at an almost normal volume. "Felicia took it all."
"She can't have. She's not that big." I didn't think Pam knew what it was really like sharing a bed with someone who hogs it all. At that moment, my right leg was trapped under Eric and there was no way I was getting it back anytime soon. Not while he was doing such an admirable job of staying asleep while Pam and I talked.
"I want to get in with you" Pam said, clutching Mr Fluffy to her chest.
"Um…there isn't really room" I said. This bed was smaller than the one we had at home, and Eric had not magically shrunk by coming to this side of the world.
"But I want to!" Pam hissed.
"Pam…just…"I tried to think of a reasonable argument.
"Get in, Pam" Eric mumbled from his side of the bed. Great, that was easy for him to say. Pam climbed over me, over Eric, and squeezed herself in. This meant Eric shuffled even closer to me and I nearly fell out of bed.
Of course that wasn't the end of it. "Daddy?" Pam whispered. "Daddy?"
"Mmmphf?" Eric said.
"Daddy, Felicia said we're going to the pools today. Are we?"
"Maybe" Eric said, sounding half-asleep. That was half more than I was.
"But are we? Because she said."
"Well, I think Felicia wants to" Eric said. "Go to sleep, Pam."
"But, Daddy" Pam said. Jeez, she was really wide awake now. "Daddy, what about Miriam? Can I take Miriam too?"
"Maybe" Eric said.
"But…but, will she fit? If we take her? Are the boys going too?"
"Pam, let's discuss this after breakfast" Eric tried, and Pam was quiet. For about twenty seconds.
"But I need to know. Because I don't know if I want to go to the pools or not. I only want to go if Miriam is going."
"Well don't go then" Eric said. I could feel the sympathy draining out of him. Pam seemed oblivious.
"But…I want to go. I do. You packed my togs, didn't you Mum?" Pam said.
"Yes" I replied.
"So then I want to go, but only if Miriam goes. So I need to know who else is going."
"We won't know Pam, until everyone is up, but everyone isn't up, because it isn't morning yet. When it is morning, we will be able to ascertain exactly who wants to go swimming, but until that time, Pam, we are sleeping. We are all going to go back to sleep now, and worry about this much, much later on." Eric's clipped tone as he delivered that speech was certainly suggesting to me that he was getting a bit annoyed with the whole situation.
But not to Pam. She sighed, noisily, and then said "I can't sleep. I'm too hot. It's really hot in this bed"
That was it for Eric he sat up and threw the covers off of all of us, which I didn't think was fair as I wasn't the problem, and then he said in a loud voice "OK. Then let's move Felicia and get you back into that bed."
He got up and Pam trotted after him, and I could hear rustling down the hallway and more whispers. I thought I might get up and use the toilet while they were busy, and then when I got back into bed, Eric was already back there. "Jam her in OK?" I asked.
"Yep" Eric confirmed, and then we tried to get ourselves comfortable again. It wasn't easy. Apparently I wasn't laying the way Eric wanted me to; I figured that out when he tried to roll me from my back to my side with his hip.
"Ow!" I said.
"Sorry" Eric replied, without a hint of apology in his voice.
I decided to cut my losses and rolled over, and then I tried to curl my legs back behind me, but Eric complained. "Your heels are digging into me" he said.
"Well, I just want to put my feet there."
"But I'm there" Eric said. That didn't really help, because he was pretty much everywhere as far as the area of the bed was concerned.
"I just want a little bit of room" I pleaded and Eric relented and allowed my feet to touch his shins. I relaxed into a pleasant state of drowsiness. And then I woke up again.
"What was that?" I asked. Eric didn't answer. I wondered if he was actually asleep or pretending, because after all these years of having kids, Eric was pretty good at pretending. I moved my foot around on his leg and maybe gave him a little jab. He made a grumpy noise at me.
Just pretending then.
"I heard something" I said.
"I felt something" Eric replied. "Go to sleep."
"It's them" I said, realising what the noise was. "Tray and Sam are up."
"That's nice" Eric said. He really didn't care.
"Is it…what time is it?" I said, struggling to lift up to look. But I didn't have a bedside clock in this house, so it was no use. I looked at the window. That didn't tell me a lot. It was summer…but wrong hemisphere. Was it different here? I was stumped on that one.
"What's the time?" I asked Eric.
"Sleeping time" Eric replied.
"No, actual time."
"Yes, I am actually intending to sleep now, Sookie."
I sighed, and then I sat up and leaned over Eric to try to see his phone. "Are you waking me up for sex?" Eric asked, as I partially covered his face with my torso.
"No, you're asleep" I told him.
"I wish I fucking was" Eric grumbled.
"Yep, join the club." I sounded a bit terse, but I was. I'd just seen the phone and realised it wasn't even 5am yet.
I got out of bed and walked into the living room. "Bed" I said to Tray, as he turned around still clutching the PlayStation controller.
"What?" Tray asked.
"Go back to bed."
"But I got up" Tray said. Sam arrived in the room carrying a glass of water.
"I don't care, go back to bed."
"But…but, Muuum!" Tray whinged. "But I'm not sleepy anymore, so I'd just be lying there."
"I don't care" I said again, wishing everyone listened to me the first time. "Everyone else is sleeping, so go back to bed and stay quiet."
"Dad got up" Tray grumbled, putting down the controller. Sam had realised that defeat was inevitable and had turned off the TV.
"Dad had to help Pam" I said.
"Pam's up?" Tray asked.
"No. Not now. Go back to bed!" I didn't understand why that was such a difficult concept for Tray.
He slowly stood up and shuffled off, Sam trailing after him. From the hallway I heard Tray whisper "Mum's grumpy in the mornings" and Sam whisper back. "No coffee. Dad's not up." And then their bedroom door shut, and I went back to my bed.
Only it wasn't my bed any longer. "Move over" I hissed to Eric. Eric said something that was maybe "nrrgh" or perhaps "mrrf" and moved one of his legs.
"That's not enough" I pointed out.
"You can cuddle me" Eric said holding his arms out in front of him but not opening his eyes.
I sighed. I wondered how to put it to him tactfully. "You're hot and you make me hotter. I don't want to cuddle you, I want my own space." Maybe that wasn't that tactful, but I was now desperate to get back to sleep and everyone was thwarting me.
"You are grumpy in the mornings" Eric said.
"Will everyone stop saying that!" I complained.
"Well stop being grumpy, then" Eric said, sounding kind of reasonable.
"Oh, just move over."
"Fine" Eric huffed, and he shuffled over a bit, so I could get in. But it took me a long time to get anywhere close to sleep again. And it felt like no sooner had I done so, but the sun was up and so were most of the kids.
"It's not your TV" Felicia yelled. "We have to share it!"
I didn't really understand why I had to share all their problems just because I was Mum. "Dad!" Felicia said, coming into the bedroom. I hunkered down and pretended to be asleep. "Dad, come and tell them."
Eric didn't do anything. "I know you're not asleep" Felicia said.
"No, I really am" Eric said from behind me.
"No, you're really not. They're back using the PlayStation again."
"Mmm, I'm off-duty" Eric said. I didn't know how that worked. When did we get to be off-duty? How come I wasn't aware of that one?
"It's no fun here!" Felicia moaned. "This place is too small." And then she stomped out. I tried to relax again, but it was no good. I was acutely aware of everything going on in the house and wondering when the next crisis would hit. Or the next kid turn up.
"So I have my togs, don't I?" Pam asked.
"Yes" I said, thinking we'd been over that one several hours earlier.
"Can I go and show them to Miriam?"
"No" Eric said. "No, you have to stay here."
Pam humphed and walked out.
"Leesh won't share the TV" Tray complained.
"Are you sharing with her?" Eric asked him.
"But I want to play the PlayStation."
"I think that might be your problem, then" Eric pointed out. Tray didn't reply. He just sighed and walked out.
Sam came in. "How come you're sleeping in?" he asked.
"Just haven't got up yet" I replied.
"OK. I'll make some food then." And then he wandered off too.
"Hey!" Amelia screamed from somewhere else. "I was asleep! You don't wake people up when they're ASLEEP!"
I was tempted to get out of bed and tell her that that seemed to be exactly what happened around here, but it would have required moving Eric off of me, as he'd crept closer and closer and was now half-lying on me again. So much for getting my own space.
"I think we'll have to get up" I said, and Eric ignored me, so I started shuffling towards the edge of the bed. "Nooo" Eric said. "I'm cuddling you."
"But the kids are…well, I don't know what they're doing."
"Can't hear anything" Eric said, as he put his arm over me and squeezed my torso, kind of roughly. Then he grabbed my boob and gave it a little squeeze, before settling himself down with me clamped against him with nowhere to go. How had I ended up back here again?
"Um…yeah, that's not a good sign" I pointed out.
"No, it is" Eric assured me. "They've all gone out, got jobs and become worthwhile members of society who don't need their parents anymore."
"Phfft. Like that'll ever happen. One day I will just move into that retirement village in Mt Eden and leave you all to it. You can have the house, the kids and the pets and I will have a quiet little flat and unlimited access to the TV remote."
"Meh, you'd be too easy to find there" Eric pointed out.
"Well…maybe I'll retire on the Gold Coast. Then it will be harder to find me."
"But not impossible, Sookie. There is such a thing as Google these days, you know."
"Alright!" I said. "I could change my name." As soon as I'd said it I immediately regretted it. I wasn't sure if that was something you could joke about with someone who had actually changed their name.
"You could" Eric said, and I figured it was OK. "I'd let you use mine…" he said, and I hoped like hell he wasn't going to suddenly bring up the name change thing nearly 10 years after our civil union. I'd had enough of going over that little issue when I'd fought over it with Bill. "But I got it first, so get your own" Eric continued.
"No wonder the kids don't share" I said to him.
"The kids are learning a valuable lesson, Sookie. Competition for scarce resources is something they'll have to deal with out there in the real world."
"Spoken like a true capitalist" I said, and Eric ignored me. "I didn't know I was scarce resource" I added.
"Well…I was actually thinking more of the TV, but fine, there's only one of you too."
"God, you're lovely to me sometimes, Eric."
"I'm cuddling you. I don't know what more you want from me" Eric said.
"You could get up and make me coffee?" I suggested.
Eric sighed. "Why can't you be someone who's happy with a simple cuddle? It's all want, want, want with you."
"Dad!" Tray yelled. "Dad, can I have the stuff in the garage? If Amelia gets the stuff from that wardrobe, can I have the garage stuff?"
"No!" Eric yelled back. Then he put his head down again. "I got rid of Tray" he said. "You should be happy for that."
"He was talking to you anyway. If you left the bedroom, I might get left in peace."
"That mince is OK, isn't it Mum?" Sam yelled from the hallway.
"Yeah, it was from last night" I called back.
"See, they need you more" Eric said.
"No, no. Sorting out fights and allocating TV time is definitely your area of expertise. Plus, you realise that's your leftover nacho mince they're eating."
"What?" Eric said. "Oh…fuck. They eat every fucking thing."
"Well, it's the competition for scarce resources, Eric. Leftovers are scarce, so it's first in, gets mince on toast for breakfast."
Eric sighed, rolled onto his back, and then finally got out of bed and went into the bathroom. "Mum!" Felicia shouted. "Mum, Sam's using all the mince."
"Dad's on his way" I called back, and then I closed my eyes and wished for peace and quiet.
It was never going to happen.
EPOV
The kids were fucking annoying at times, and somehow it was worse in this house because it was smaller and everyone was getting on everyone else's nerves.
"Did you guys leave any of the leftovers?" I asked, and Sam shook his head. Fuck, they ate everything in sight while annoying each other. Loudly. With much screaming. It was like living with a bunch of permanently hungry and belligerent chimpanzees sometimes.
I started making coffee, hoping that might persuade Sookie to leave the bedroom, and Pam put down her yoghurt pot and bounced over. "So can I go and ask Miriam now?" she asked.
"Ask Miriam what?"
"If she wants to go to the pools with me?"
"I think you mean go with me" Felicia said from the corner of the kitchen where she was lurking and eating toast smeared in a thick layer of peanut butter. "I'm the one going to the pools."
"But she doesn't like you" Pam said, whirling around to face her. "She likes me."
"Uh-huh. But maybe if she knew me she'd like me better" Felicia said with a shrug and a smirk.
Pam looked horrified. "No!" she said, stamping her foot. "No, that's not how it works. She likes me! Just me! You can't have her! She's my friend!" And then she ran out of the room.
"Wow. She's really touchy about having a friend" Felicia said.
"It's not really nice to tease her, Leesh" I pointed out. Although Pam did seem overly sensitive about Miriam. I wasn't sure that was good. I'd have to ask Sookie about it.
"Did you make poor Pam cry?" Amelia demanded, as she arrived in the kitchen.
Felicia shrugged. Sam said "Yeah she did." Felicia lunged for Sam, he dodged, a big dollop of the minced beef slid off the toast he was holding and onto the floor and we all stared at it.
"I miss Ivan" Sam said. "Tray, you'll have to eat it."
"I'm not eating floor-mince!" Tray complained.
"Three-second rule is nearly up" Felicia said. "Come on." She clicked her fingers. "Chop-chop, Tray."
"I'm not eating it!" Tray said, looking from Sam to Felicia and back again. "Do I have to eat it, Dad?"
"No, but someone had better clean it up" I said.
"Well, it's not my mince" Tray said.
"It's not my fault I dropped it" Sam said, glaring at Felicia.
"I didn't do anything!" Felicia said.
"So, no one cares that Pam is crying?" Amelia asked.
"Oh, what happened here?" Sookie said, as she walked in and saw the mince on the floor. She grabbed a paper towel and wiped it up while the kids stood around and watched her.
"Way to go, guys" I said to them.
"What? What'd we do?" Tray asked.
"It's more what you didn't do" I said to him, as the coffee finally started to drip through the machine.
"I don't have to eat floor-mince!" Tray yelled. "It's not a rule!"
"No, don't eat things that have been on the floor Tray" Sookie said mildly, as she put the paper towel in the trash.
"You ate a cicada once" Sam said to him.
Tray shrugged. "You dared me to."
"Pam's upset. Felicia said something" Amelia complained to Sookie.
"What about?" Sookie asked, bringing two cups over to where I was standing beside the coffeemaker.
"Don't know. But I want coffee too."
"Get a cup then" I said to her, and she stood there looking at me like I was speaking gibberish. Eventually she opened the cupboard Sookie had just been looking in and pulled one out.
"So, Pam's upset?" Sookie asked.
"She thought I want to steal her friend" Felicia said, shrugging. She picked up her plate and started walking towards the trash with it. Fuck, she wasted food; there was still peanut butter on some of those crusts. I reached over and took one off the plate and bit into it. It was fine.
"I don't have to steal her friends" Felicia grumbled, as she turned around and put the plate next to me on the kitchen counter. "I can get my own friends. There you go, Dad. You can finish up my leftovers."
"Well, don't throw out good toast, Felicia."
"I don't like crusts." She shrugged.
"We should be composting them" Amelia said, and then she turned to Felicia. "You're not that great you know. Just because, like, some boys asked you to go to the pools with them. They might not be there. Or, like, they might be making fun of you or something."
"Nah" Felicia said. "I got a text from Joey before. He said they'd be there at eleven."
"OH MY GOD!" Amelia yelled. "You are…you are…you are just…nrrrgh! I don't even know what you are. But I'm sick of it!" And then she stomped off.
"Poor Amelia" Sookie murmured.
"Why poor her?" Felicia asked. "I'm the one they all yell at. That's not fair for a start." And then she walked out of the kitchen.
"Girls are loud" Tray said. "What's for breakfast?"
"You had breakfast" Sookie said, as I handed her the coffee I'd poured. I looked at the third cup. Would Amelia come back for her coffee anytime soon? Fuck it. She could pour it herself.
"No" Tray said. "I had leftovers. That's helpful. Like Dad eating the toast crusts up."
"Well there's no fucking minced beef left" I pointed out.
"It's not compulsory to eat every scrap of food you come across, you know?" Sookie said. She was looking at me when she said it, which was kind of pointless when she was trying to let Tray know not to eat everything he saw.
But then there were more shouts from down the hallway. "Now you're just being nice, Felicia! Stop being nice!" Amelia shouted.
Felicia stomped in. "I said to her if she came, that would be OK, but now she's in a big snot and I don't know why! I didn't do anything. It's not my fault she didn't come to the supermarket. And it was a stupid supermarket too! Why am I the one she's shouting at?" Felicia looked at me plaintively. I had no fucking clue. I got the feeling this was one Sookie would have to deal with.
"She's jealous" Sookie said, after I gave her a 'please handle this' look.
"NO I'M NOT!" Amelia screamed, which suggested she was lurking just outside. There was the sound of footsteps down the hall and a door slammed.
"She is" Sookie whispered.
"Why?" Felicia said.
"Because those boys wanted you there" Sookie said, as she grabbed a loaf of bread and put some slices in the toaster. Fucking terrific, I was getting toast.
"So?" Felicia asked. "They'll just look at her boobs probably and not care if I'm there."
Fuck. Not what I wanted to hear, or even think about. I wondered if it was too late to ban them all from going to the swimming pool.
"That's gross!" Tray said, which kind of echoed my thoughts. "I don't want to look at anyone's boobs." Yeah…that one he might recant later on, although I doubted he'd be interested in Amelia's at any point in the future.
Fuck. It was still wrong that Amelia had them. Really that gene could have died out with Sookie as far as I was concerned.
"They're OK" Sam said, shrugging. Probably he was trying to be diplomatic and not offend Sookie. And then he realised what he'd said, and he went bright red.
"Pervert" Felicia said to him.
"Be nice" Sookie warned.
"What's the point? Everyone yells at me anyway. I said she could come too, but no, she'd rather stay here and read those books with the naked guys' chests on the cover. Ugh. I don't get that."
"You don't like guys?" Sookie asked, and Felicia gave her a weird look. "No, naked guys' chests are fine, Mum. I just don't get the books" Felicia said. I wished hard for a fucking pair of earmuffs, but none materialised. Definitely I was banning the swimming pool trip.
"Well, that's no reason to be mean to Amelia" Sookie said, as the toast popped up and she put two slices on a plate for me.
"There's no more peanut butter" Felicia added as an aside. Fuck, really? And they wondered why I ate the fucking crusts.
"You guys need to start putting stuff on the shopping list before it all gets used up" Sookie said, as she pulled out some jelly. "Ugh" she said, and she put it back, before finding some jam. Yes, they did. They also needed to stop growing boobs, looking at naked guys and eating all my fucking leftovers.
It wasn't too much to ask, was it?
"So it's just toast for breakfast?" Tray asked, coming over to see what I was doing as I spread the unwanted jelly on my toast.
"You ate your breakfast. Leave mine alone" I said to him.
"I wasn't being mean to Amelia!" Felicia said, picking up the thread of the previous conversation. "I was being nice, but no one likes it if I'm nice, so what's the point of being nice? I won't bother being nice to anyone then!"
"You're not nice to me" Sam pointed out.
"That's because you're an annoying little shit" she hissed at him.
"You" I said to her. "Are washing the Corvette later on."
Felicia looked at me. "I hate this family!" she said, and she left the kitchen again.
"How come she gets to do that?" Tray whined. "Felicia gets all the good stuff!"
"But she sucks at Need for Speed" Sam pointed out, and Tray smiled. "Yeah, she does" he agreed. "She sucks big-time."
"So, you want more toast, Tray?" Sookie asked.
"Yep" he said, going over to stand beside her at the toaster. Sam looked out the window. "Hey" he said. "Is Pam supposed to be going over to Miriam's house? With her suitcase?"
Fuck.
A/N The Gold Coast is in Queensland, Australia. It's a rather popular tourist destination for Kiwis (only a 3 hour flight from Auckland), and many people do retire over there, or just move over there too.
Thanks for reading!