Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of The OC. They all belong to Josh Schwartz.
A/N: This story is AU and takes place early season one, a couple of weeks after "To Be Seventeen" ended. Also, I've written the character of Frank Atwood differently then how he was portrayed both physically and personality-wise on the show. In my story, Frank Atwood is not a nice person.
I've been wanting to write this chapter for quite some time now, ever since I reintroduced Dawn into this story as I continued to explore the character from "To Be Seventeen". I've been wanting to bring Dawn's character full circle and give some closure, not only for Dawn, but also for Ryan and Sandy. :-)
I've included some individual replies at the end of this chapter. Thank you for all the reviews. I really do appreciate them. :-)
Chapter Thirty-seven
Sandy opens his eyes and stretches his arms as he wakes up from a restless night's sleep. He gingerly rubs the kink in the side of his neck as he glances over at Ryan sleeping soundly.
Thank goodness the kid didn't have any more hallucinations, Sandy thinks to himself as he stands up and walks around a bit, silently berating his aches and pains; an unwanted reminder that he's getting older.
"Sandy? Where... what time is it?" Ryan asks slightly confused, rubbing his eyes as he wakes up from a deep slumber.
"Hey, everything's alright," Sandy says as he quickly makes his way over to the boy's bedside. "It's Tuesday morning... you're in the hospital, remember?"
Ryan looks around the room then touches his face, feeling the small, plastic tubing in his nose. He grimaces as he attempts to swallow; his throat still raw and sore from the couple of days spent on the ventilator.
"Here... drink this," Sandy says, handing Ryan a cup of water when he observes the boy having difficulty swallowing.
Ryan gingerly sits up in the bed and accepts the welcome fluid, appreciating his guardian's uncanny perceptiveness. "Thanks..."
"Good morning," Anne greets as she steps around the curtain. "How are you feeling, Ryan? I heard you had a rough night."
"I'm fine..."
Anne sighs when she hears Ryan's short, customary response; wondering how old the boy was when he first decided his feelings and needs didn't matter.
"Ryan, listen to me," Anne states firmly but in a soothing tone of voice, "it's very important that I, as your doctor, know how you're feeling... both physically and emotionally. There is no right or wrong answer... I only want your honest answer."
Anne waits a few moments, watching the boy bite his lower lip as he processes what he's just been told.
"My throat is still a little sore and I do have a slight headache," Ryan shares tentatively with the doctor as he hands the empty cup back to Sandy, hoping it doesn't sound like he's complaining. "I'm also a bit achy, my muscles... I don't know... they just hurt."
Anne checks Ryan's medical chart and notes his last dose of ibuprofen was given five hours ago. She then places the back of her hand on his forehead, noting the boy feeling slightly warm.
"I'll have the nurse increase the dose of your medicine," Anne states as she warms the chestpiece of her stethoscope with her coat sleeve. "It will also help lower your fever."
Anne unties Ryan's hospital gown and places her stethoscope on the side of the boy's chest to listen to his lungs. "Take a deep breath, please..."
Ryan takes in a deep breath, then suddenly begins coughing; the harsh, involuntary contractions causing searing pain down this throat.
"It's alright... you're going to be coughing for a few days," Anne says as she watches the boy fervently struggle to downplay his discomfort.
Ryan continues to cough as tears start streaming down his cheeks. He instinctively wraps his arms tightly around his chest, willing the unwanted contractions to cease.
Anne places her hand on Ryan's back and pats him gently, waiting for the boy to settle down. "Shh... it's alright... just try to relax..."
Ryan closes his eyes and concentrates on the doctor's soothing voice and gentle touch as he notices his cough mercifully begin to subside.
"I can prescribe something for your cough..."
"No, I don't want to take a lot of pills," Ryan tells the doctor, fearing side effects from medication can actually make a person feel worse.
"I understand, but I'll get you the medicine anyways," Anne says as she ties the hospital gown back around the boy's neck. "It will be here if you decide you want to take it... it can be your decision."
Sandy breathes a sigh of relief as he watches Ryan settle back down. "Dr. Morrison, will Ryan be having any more hallucinations?"
"Every person is different so it's hard to say," Anne replies, wishing she could give a more definitive answer. "Since Ryan is no longer on any life support system, he's being moved to the step-down unit right down the hall. It's actually not much different from the ICU; Ryan will be monitored closely and he'll have the same nursing staff. But he will be able to walk around a little... use the restroom, maybe even take a warm bath to soothe his sore muscles."
"Is it safe for him to walk around?" Sandy asks, not wanting the boy to fall and hurt himself on top of everything else. "It seems so soon."
"The sooner a patient can start moving around, the better they do. Also, he'll only be able to get out of bed and walk around with the nurse's help," Anne replies, understanding the father's concern. "And Ryan, if you want to use the bathroom or bathe and would prefer help from a male nurse, just say the word," Anne says with a warm smile as she takes the boy's hand and squeezes it gently. "Your feelings, privacy and comfort are most important to us."
Ryan gives a small smile of appreciation as he finds the attention somewhat awkward but strangely inviting. Maybe my feelings really do matter, Ryan thinks to himself as the doctor and Sandy help him into a comfortable sitting position in the bed. At least to some people...
"Mr. Cohen, may I have a word with you in the hall?"
"I'll be right back, Ryan..." Sandy assures as he gently squeezes the boy's shoulder before leaving with the doctor.
"Mr. Cohen, I called Dr. Evans this morning. I wanted to keep him apprised of Ryan's condition."
"That's great... I was actually going to call him myself later today."
"Dr. Evans said he would come out here and see Ryan if the boy needed to talk," Anne tells the attentive father. "He just needs a little advance notice so he can clear his schedule but since Dr. Evans is Ryan's therapist, he can also come in the evening after regular visiting hours are over."
"That's good to know," Sandy says, appreciating the therapist making himself available for Ryan.
"And before I forget, your wife called and left a message with Hope at the nurse's station," Anne says as she begins to take her leave. "She's been delayed in traffic... there was an accident on the freeway which resulted in some lane closures. She said she would get here as soon as possible."
"Okay, thank you doctor," Sandy says, now knowing the reason his wife hasn't arrived at the hospital yet. "I was actually starting to wonder what was keeping her..."
Sandy steps back into Ryan's room and notices a sullen expression on the boy's face. "Ryan? What is it?"
Ryan lets out a plaintive sigh as he begins picking at the corner of the white adhesive tape holding the IV needle in place in his arm.
Sandy immediately walks back over and sits down next to the boy's bedside. "Come on... talk to me, kid," Sandy says quietly as he carefully takes Ryan's hand and moves it away from the fraying bandage.
"I was... I was just wondering..."
Sandy stops himself from coaxing more out of Ryan, instead electing to remain silent and giving the boy a chance to sort through his thoughts.
"I was wondering if my... if my mom knows what happened or... or how I'm doing..."
"Yes she does," Sandy replies honestly, realizing the subject of Ryan's mother was going to come up eventually. "In fact, we allowed her to visit you because we didn't know if you were going to make it."
"She was here to visit me?" Ryan asks somewhat surprised but feeling touched at the same time.
"Trey also came to see you," Sandy says, deciding not to tell Ryan how Dawn's visit actually went. Some things are better left unsaid.
"But Trey's in prison..."
"Because you were so ill, I arranged for a temporary leave so he could see you."
Sandy sits quietly with the contemplative boy and grapples with how much he should divulge about Dawn. Knowing Ryan would take offense to being "left in the dark" about someone as important to him as his mother, Sandy decides to break the silence.
"Ryan, I need to tell you something... your mom was arrested Friday night for a DUI. She got into a car accident..."
"Oh no! Is she alright? Was anybody hurt?"
"Calm down, Ryan... she's fine. Nobody got hurt."
"Is she going to go to prison, Sandy?" Ryan asks, his voice quivering slightly at the thought of his mother drying-out in a jail cell.
"She actually got probation... a very strict probation," Sandy explains calmly. "She's in rehab right now, here in Chino."
Ryan looks down at his lap and quickly blinks away an errant tear. "My mom didn't always drink so much... she wasn't always the way she is now..."
Sandy places his hand on the back of Ryan's neck and squeezes gently, noting the boy doesn't flinch at his touch or cower away in fear. I think he's finally beginning to trust me...
"Sandy, could you... could you do me a huge favor?"
"Of course, you name it, kid... anything."
"There's something I want my mom to have... something I... something I think might help her get better," Ryan explains, hoping his guardian will be willing to visit his mother in rehab. "It's something I've kept for years. It reminds me of a time when she didn't drink so much."
"All right..."
"But it's in my backpack. You'd have to go back to Newport and get it..."
"Your backpack is here in our hotel room," Sandy says, curious as to what Ryan wants to give his mother. "Kirsten and Seth packed some clean clothes, toiletries and other necessities for you, although I believe Seth packed mostly comic books."
Ryan smiles at his friend's extreme fondness for superheroes, finding himself wishing he had his own superpower so he could help his mother.
"It's in a zippered pocket inside my backpack," Ryan continues, appreciating his guardian doing the favor for him.
"I'll call and arrange to see your mom this afternoon," Sandy says with a reassuring smile. "What exactly am I looking for?"
"You'll know it when you see it..."
Sandy steps into the foyer of the rehab center, slightly anxious about seeing Ryan's mother. He walks into the front waiting area and notices Dawn standing next to a small fountain; the trickling stream of water soothing to the senses. He barely recognizes the woman with her unpainted face and curly, blond hair now neatly combed and held back with a wide, cloth headband.
She's actually quite pretty, Sandy thinks to himself as he walks up to the unusually quiet woman. Now I know who Ryan and Trey get their good looks from.
Dawn nervously wrings her hands together as she watches Sandy approach her. "Please tell me he's alright..."
"Ryan is fine, Dawn," Sandy says reassuringly. "In fact, he's doing great."
"Then why are you here? I thought somethin'... ya... ya know..." Dawn stammers as she clears her throat. "You wouldn't tell me over the phone if somethin' bad happened..."
"Oh, my god, I'm so sorry, Dawn," Sandy apologizes, realizing his request to visit must have given her the impression that Ryan wasn't recovering. "Ryan knows you're here in rehab... he wanted me to give you this."
Sandy takes a small, home-made Christmas ornament out of his pocket and places it in Dawn's shaking hands.
"Oh, my god... Ryan kept this?" Dawn asks in disbelief as she gazes down at the small, bell-shaped ornament, clearly crafted by a very young child.
"He said he's kept it for years... that it reminded him of a happy time," Sandy relates, hoping the mother will divulge more about the trinket. "He thought if you had it... if you kept it with you, it might help you get well."
Dawn feels tears well up in her eyes as the fond memory washes over her like a tidal wave.
"I remember... Ryan was five... he saw this craft in the leisure section of the newspaper on how to make salt dough ornaments," Dawn recalls as a huge smile forms on her face. "He was so excited to make home-made ornaments for the Christmas tree. I helped him make the salt dough... I remember he kept wantin' to taste it but I warned him it wasn't cookie dough. Oh, my god, you should've seen the look on that kid's face when he tasted it," Dawn says, laughing quietly as she remembers Ryan grimacing after tasting the salty concoction.
"After we added the red food coloring and rolled out the dough, he cut the shapes out with cookie cutters," Dawn continues, almost forgetting Sandy standing next to her as she loses herself in the memory. "After the ornaments baked and cooled, the real fun started. Ryan used the glue to print his name on this bell, then opened the glitter stick and, I don't know how the kid managed, but he got glitter all over himself... on his face, in his hair..."
Dawn looks down at the ornament and runs her thumb carefully over the name "Ryan"; the letters clearly printed by a young child as she notes a trace of glitter come off on her fingertip.
"After we were done makin' the ornaments, I had Ryan take a much needed bath," Dawn says, remembering the day like it was yesterday. "He stepped out of the tub and I started dryin' him off but the glitter was still in his hair... on his cheeks and forehead... I just couldn't get the stuff off him. Ya know what that kid said?"
Sandy smiles as he pictures a five-year-old Ryan covered in glitter.
"He said, 'Don't worry, Mom... now you have a son that sparkles'." Dawn laughs out loud as a small tear streams down her cheek, not caring who hears her. "I had a son who 'sparkled'!"
"You still do," Sandy says, happy that Dawn shared such a personal memory she has with Ryan; something he'll cherish knowing forever.
Dawn wipes the tear off her face as she tries to regain her composure.
"I started group therapy today," Dawn finds herself telling the man she thought she hated. "One of the hardest things about rehab is havin' to take a good, close look at yourself..."
"The program here is excellent," Sandy says, knowing the first month will be the most challenging. "I've had clients come here in the past and they're still doing well."
"I look in the mirror and I despise what I see..."
"It's not going to be easy, Dawn..."
"I know the worst... the worst part..." Dawn swallows the large lump in her throat as she fights to maintain her composure. "What I've... what I've done to Ryan... my god, will he ever forgive me?"
"Look at what's he's given you, Dawn," Sandy tells the distraught woman as he gently runs his fingers over the small ornament in her hand. "He understands you need help. All that boy wants is for you to get well."
"I married Frank when I was pregnant with Trey," Dawn continues, needing to tell Sandy a little about her past now that she's thinking clearer. "I know I wasn't ready to be a mom, let alone a single mom... I thought things would be better if I had a husband." Dawn sighs as she looks down at the small ornament in her hand. "Then I got pregnant with Ryan..."
Sandy remains silent, allowing the woman to relate her thoughts as he continues to learn more about Ryan and the people in his life... past and present.
"I tried to protect the boys, but Frank..." Dawn looks up at Sandy with tears in her eyes as she recalls her failure to be a good mother. "How could I protect my babies when I couldn't even protect myself?"
"Is that when you started drinking?" Sandy asks, remembering Ryan's words that his mother wasn't always an alcoholic.
"Drinkin' numbed me..." Dawn says quietly as she places her hand over her mouth, trying to keep her emotions in check. "Now I got one son sittin' in prison who hates me and another in the hosp..."
Sandy watches as Dawn struggles to fight back her tears. "Ryan is recovering, Dawn. He's going to make it."
"Wanda told me that the hardest thing about bein' a parent is lettin' go," Dawn says quietly, remembering the words of the woman who's been a better mother to her youngest son than she ever was. "I know I have to let him go..."
Sandy's heart sinks as he watches the broken woman come to grip with reality, understanding now why Ryan has never wanted to give up on his mother.
"Dawn, listen to me... you will always be Ryan's mother," Sandy says, needing to reassure the woman, not only for Dawn but for Ryan. "That will never change."
"Will you... will you tell Ryan that I love him?" Dawn asks, not sure if her son knows how she truly feels. "I don't know what horrible lies Frank has told Ryan, but if you get the chance will you... will you tell him... tell him I always wanted him even though Frank... even though..." Dawn stammers as she wipes away her tears, remembering her husband's volatile temper and violent assault. "Will you tell him I really do love him? I just..."
"Of course I will, Dawn. But, I believe that someday you'll be able to tell him yourself," Sandy says with a heartfelt smile. "It may not be next week or next month or even next year... but someday."
"Take good care of him for me, Sandy," Dawn says, smiling at the man who sincerely wants to be a loving father to her son. "Take good care of my baby..."
"I promise, Dawn... I'll take good care of him," Sandy says reassuringly. "You have my word."
Dawn watches Sandy leave the rehab center and sighs quietly to herself, thank you...
"Hey, Dawn... who's that gorgeous man I saw you just talking to. Is he your husband or boyfriend? Or better yet, is he your brother... hopefully single and looking to date a recovering alcoholic?"
"Sorry, Joannie, none of the above," Dawn replies to one of her new friends from group therapy. "I'm afraid he's very happily married."
"Damn shame," Joannie replies, not interested in hiding her disappointment. "Then, who is he?"
"Yeah, Dawn tell us who he is..." another resident says as more people gather around their new friend.
"His name is Sandy Cohen," Dawn says as she clutches the precious ornament in her hand and places it over her heart. "He's the man who saved my son..."
Individual Replies:
Starwarrior87: Glad you enjoyed the chapter. :-) I've gotten the distinct impression that people seem to enjoy Ryan suffering. I feel I've done my part. ;-)
Emily989: I had written some dialog between Seth and Ryan after Ryan was taken off the ventilator and felt it just didn't fit. I love the boy's relationship but felt it wasn't the right time due to the manner of how I write "Seth".
As far as Marissa is concerned, I don't see a plausible way of allowing her to visit Ryan at the hospital. My story is taking place early in season one, when Ryan first becomes a member of the Cohen household. Ryan and Marissa are not dating yet, although there is some interest between the two teenagers. It's not enough to have Marissa visit Ryan and I know that Dr. Morrison, aware of her patient's fragile state of mind, would probably not allow Marissa to visit.
reading: Thank you for checking for the update and posting your longest comment ever. :-) I very much appreciate it!
In regards to weaning Ryan from the ventilator, I did a little research and read that weaning can be done quickly, within a couple of minutes, or slowly, over the course of a few hours. For purposes of moving my story along (and adding a little drama) I elected to go the "quick" route. :-) I don't want my story to become stagnant, so when it may seem that I rush something, it's usually because I want to add some interaction or emotionally moving moment. Hopefully I "hit" more than "miss". :-)
Linoria: Happy you "loved it". :-) I did struggle with Seth, though. I just felt it wasn't the right moment for Seth/Ryan time. I'm hoping to write more of Seth once Ryan returns home. He's an important part of Ryan's life and I enjoy writing both boy's interactions with each other.
guest: Thank you for your review. :-) I know you, as well as others, felt Ryan woke up too quickly. I tried to hint at the process taking awhile in the previous chapter when Kirsten asked why Ryan wasn't waking up even though he hadn't been given the sedative for awhile and Dr. Morrison stated that Ryan was "taking his time". I thought I would leave the actual time open to interpretation. I think it would have been boring for everyone just to stand around waiting for the kid to wake up. ;-)
I understand that I made Ryan relatively "coherent" after waking, but I did so because I feel the need to move the story forward. I also got the impression that readers were becoming impatient when Ryan was on the ventilator and wasn't awake and taking an active part in the story. I don't want Ryan languishing in a hospital. To me, that would become repetitive and boring. I chose HPS because a person who survives the disease usually recovers quickly and is able to leave the hospital within seven days. It's also a disease that, once recovered from, has no repercussions. I really feel I've put Ryan through the wringer in this story both physically and emotionally. The boy truly needs a respite from everything he's been through. I think he's earned it. :-)
guest: "Pretty amazing that he knew how long he'd been there." Doh! Writer's error! Of course, Ryan wouldn't have known how long he was sedated. The only thing he knew was that he was brought to the ER Friday night. Dr. Morrison said she would remove him from the ventilator on Monday, but there's no way Ryan would have known that. My goof! It's nice to know that you're picking up the details when reading and not just skimming through my story. ;-) Thanks!
Guest: Thanks for your review! I always appreciate it. :-) In regards to Kirsten, I know you, as well as other readers, seem to see her frozen in time with how she behaved towards Ryan in the beginning of the show. I've always tried to present her as being more maternal with Ryan. She was very loving and cared for him deeply in "To Be Seventeen" and also in this story, but due to what happened with her father, she's had to take a good look at herself and come to terms with how she treated Ryan; something she's not proud of and has talked to Ryan about. He understands she's hurting just as he is hurting and I plan on using what Caleb did to actually bring Ryan and Kirsten closer together. When Ryan saw Sandy standing with his arm around Kirsten and silently wishing for parents like them, I was using them as a bit of symbolism. The two parents have also been through quite a lot, but they're still together; loving and supportive of each other, their son and of course, Ryan. It's something Ryan's never experienced, but he's slowly finding out how it feels to be wanted and loved. :-)
Guest: "Keeping the physical contact between Ryan and Sandy... how much Ryan needs it and how he's changed from touch being only negative..." I seriously could not have said it better myself. I'm so happy to have a reader who sees Ryan slowly coming out of his shell; letting his guard down and allowing, not only Sandy, but others to help him heal. This is something I've been trying to build upon. Thank you! :-)
guest: "... Ryan's all about the subtle." Exactly! Perfectly put. :-) It's one of the reasons I'm so drawn to the character. I've read excerpts from fans who have watched the show, dissing the character as being "boring" among other things. "Ryan" is definitely a challenge to write; I can't have him spew out whatever's on his mind. ;-) He's intriguing, thoughtful, insightful and yes, subtle. I wouldn't want him any other way. :-)