Chapter 37: I Feel a Sin Coming On
"I think we could do it," Rina said. "I'll double check—it would suck to be wrong—but I think the ritual I cooked up should work."
"That was...fast." Not that I wasn't grateful, of course. But I had expected her to at least glance down at a notebook or something.
Rina winced; she knew her explanation wouldn't make me happy. She was right.
The Coven had wanted a way to neutralize the familiars.
Just in case, they had insisted, but when they sent Rina down to the archives they didn't just want proof that they were responsible for altering the Quileutes. They wanted a solution in case their new friends proved to be a problem.
"It's tradition. A back-up plan. They have plans to neutralize each other too. Don't take it personally."
"I'm not taking it personally. I'm—" Had I put them in danger? Were they, even now as I sat talking, moving closer and closer to annihilation?
"Stop it," she ordered. "They don't attack us, we don't attack them. That's the way it works."
"That's why you let Seth get close."
"Yes, yes, I'm a horrible person. But, Angela, I'm also very good at my job. Which I wouldn't have been able to do if Seth didn't talk so damn much, so...oh, stop looking at me like that. It was after his sister gave me the lecture from hell. Before I found out he looked his mortal enemy in the eye and decided to love them instead. I didn't—and it's not like I came up with anything that would hurt them. They hated everything I came up with; said it would make them more powerful."
"Well, good." I allowed myself to relax a fraction. "So we can undo Embry's bond?"
"Yup." She had a right to be proud; undoing something that old would be difficult. "We do this right and it'll get wiped right out of his DNA."
"Why didn't you tell me this before?"
"You have to ask. Besides," she said, "There's a catch."
Of course.
"Do you remember their stories?"
"Vaguely."
"Then it's a good thing one of us likes listening to Seth," she teased.
It boiled down to this: They were all descended from the same man. They all accessed the same power. They were all intertwined in ways we simply did not have the power to divide. What we did to one would be done to all.
"The Coven won't approve of that kind of interference."
Of course they wouldn't. I didn't approve of that kind of interference. Changing the ancient traditions of a whole group just for the sake of one man...it shouldn't be done.
Rina hurried to explain, "We're just going to have to be careful about how we tell the Coven about it. After the fact. Also, I think the two of us aren't powerful enough. Something this big usually requires a triad."
"You're going perform it with me?"
"No, I spent months researching this to improve my eyesight."
"You didn't like Embry."
"He caught me off guard; made you suffer an injured ankle a lot longer than you had to. But I may have overreacted." Her face softened. "You really do look like a kicked puppy when you're hurt. And Seth is an overgrown puppy. Seeing how this spell can hurt people makes me want to hit something. I'll settle for undoing it."
"Thank you." I took a sip of tea. "You aren't the Coven's favorite person, either."
"We do this right and there's no way they kick me out of meetings anymore, no matter who my damn friends are."
"Undo a hereditary species wide spell."
"Sounds cool, right?"
"I can't quite see my grandmother responding that way."
"Well, it means we need their leader's permission. Before or after, but as long as he signs off eventually, we say we were just proving fellowship or something."
"It's not just going to affect Jacob. We'll need to convince them all."
"You really didn't listen to the stories, did you?"
"They were just stories, I thought."
"They weren't familiars, once upon a time. They were spirit warriors. But once Taki Aki magically took the form of a wolf—"
"Tacky Acky?"
Rina blushed. "That was supposed to stay in my head. You spend three months trying to read ancient Quileute transcribed by a quill that had no idea what it was listening to and then you can judge."
"I'm not judging. I was just, Tacky Acky?"
"Anyway, once Taha Aki became a wolf, he ordered the rest of the spirit warriors to die off. And they did." It was frightening to think about, the way we all sometimes fell into the habit of doing what we were told without thinking of what the consequences would be. "If the Coven helped convince them to follow their chief there is no proof I could find. No mind rape involved this time."
As much as she now liked Seth, Rina did not like Sam Uley.
"Not by us, at any rate," she continued. "The genocide of the spirit warriors of the west was entirely self-inflicted. Today, the Quileutes are familiars with this untapped power for mental projection, but they aren't spirit warriors anymore. All we need is the leader to agree. The rest will fall in line."
"Jacob won't."
"From what Seth says, he's in love with a woman he isn't bound to. Best reason for getting rid of the spell that I can think of. I think it'll be easy to convince him."
"Then you're underestimating their loyalty to each other."
How could she not know, if she talked to Seth? I thought of Jacob and Leah, stuck in their masochistic dance but forced to behave the way they always had so as not to upset the others. Jacob wouldn't help us—no matter how he felt—if it would hurt the rest of them.
"I think it wouldn't hurt to ask."
"Can we even do it without a third?" I rather doubted anyone else in the Coven would help us. I didn't know anyone else well enough to ask; Rina wasn't the most popular.
"The spellwork we can manage; it's the power that's the problem. Good thing we want to perform this spell on familiars."
"Because you needed a triad if you're going to try to hurt everyone."
"My speciality is healing. I came up with this ritual based on my knowledge of healing. Okay? Think of it that way."
"Just heal my broken heart instead?" And leave the rest out of it.
"We can. If we do this. Embry loves you, Angela. He didn't flinch when you told him what you were. Are you just going to let him get away?"
"It's not that simple."
"That's why it's fun. Sorry." Her hand snaked around mine. "Angela, they say no, we forget it. I promise. But what's the harm in just asking if we can?"
I...well, she was right. What harm could come from just asking?
Getting a word alone with my ex-boyfriend's best friend was a little complicated, but not too bad. Since he was now the Alpha of the entire pack, Jacob Black was also the default leader of La Push (unofficially, of course, because how would they explain that to the outside world?). But it meant he had an office now and since his friends had to work…
I made sure to pick a day when I knew the others would be too busy to just drop in. There was no guarantee about the younger boys but between Leah and Emily's knowledge, I was sure the older men were all accounted for. Jacob and I would have time to talk.
I wasn't sure if I wanted him to listen to me or not. I knew I loved Embry, wanted him back but this wasn't my place. Every cell in my brain knew it. I was interfering where I had no right to interfere. It was not my place; Jacob had not requested the Coven undo the spell. The familiars had accepted the situation. Who was I to demand they change it?
But if I could have Embry back...I was just asking.
The big man tried to put me at ease, greeting me warmly, getting me a chair to sit on, giving me his undivided attention (eager for the distraction, I thought). It just made everything worse.
"Are you all right, Angela?" he asked me.
"People keep asking me that. Maybe I should get a new haircut or something"
"Aw, you look great." When you looked at him, taller than a human being had a right to be, more graceful than anyone I had seen, it was easy to forget how gentle he could be. I felt ashamed as he smiled at me. "What can I do for you?"
I should have left.
I didn't.
"My friend—" I couldn't do. I looked up at him and he...he looked like Embry just then. "She thinks she found a way to undo what we did to you. The bonding. Or what was once bonding but...anyway, we just need one of you to perform part of the ritual with us. And it would be undone completely. But, I mean, only if you wanted."
His face seemed to shut down as he listened and by the time I had finished he had stood up and walked to the window. There was something deliberate about the way he turned from me; whatever he was thinking, he wanted to keep it private. I could respect that. Looking back at my lap—when did my finger nails become this fascinating?—I kept my eyes down.
"You're talking about stopping imprinting," he said finally. "Forever."
Even though it hadn't been a question, I said, "Yes. If you..."
"If I wanted," he finished.
Silence filled the room, but I didn't dare break it. He deserved time to think it over. In fact...
"Why don't you talk to the others and I'll come back—"
"Stay." I dropped back to the chair. "You can't leave. You have to make me forget you asked. I...I can't. I'm sorry, Angela."
"It's okay."
"No." He turned around and came over to me, kneeling beside the chair. "Angela, I know it hurts right now. I know it's my fault—"
"You didn't—"
"It was two against two; it was my call. I'm sorry I made the wrong one. I'm sorry you had to suffer. But Embry is happy now, Angela. He's happy and I can't ruin that."
"I don't...I want him happy, too."
Just with me. Happy the way he had been before.
Jacob took my hands in his. "If it was just Embry...but it's not, Angela. Not to me. It's Sam who phased too close and Paul who can't stop phasing and Brady who should have known to use a condom but didn't and Tom who fell in love with the town gossip. And Ryan and Alex and Dave—hell, it's the others, too, the guys who grew up thinking it was the only good thing that came out of becoming a man when you were still excited about hitting the double digits. It's all of them, so it can't matter to me that I would like nothing more than to hit Embry on the head and order him back to you."
"Didn't you already try that?" He had shown up at Emily's with a hurt arm and from his blush, I guessed I wasn't too far from the mark.
"I'm sorry, Angela."
"It's okay. Really." The disappointment was bitter on my tongue, but he looked sincere in his apology. I had been asking too much.
"If it was just me..."
"But it's not. And if they don't trust you, you can't lead them. And you were born to lead them so you have to be trustworthy. I understand. I always listened when Embry talked. I listened to everyone."
"Yeah. You did. Hell, you got Nessie talking to you the second time you met her and it took Seth months before she started talking back properly. We always knew you had powers."
"I'm sorry I bothered you with this."
He wasn't paying attention to my apology. Jacob stood up and went back to the window.
"When Nessie was little, she once told me that I let Leah bully people for me. You know, in that way little kids have of saying the truth because they don't know better? Except Nessie always knows better but..." He sighed. "It's kind of true. Before I was Alpha, I took off when I wanted, I said what I wanted, I got into fights whenever people didn't like the way I wanted to do things. Once I was in charge—no one told me I couldn't do that stuff anymore until it was too late.
"It might be one of the reasons I fell for Leah. She can still do whatever the hell she wants to do. When I want to get mad but I can't, she's there and she's fucking beautiful when she's pissed. Hell, it's practically her job, to say what I can't, do what I can't. And in return, I protect her. That's the way it has to be since I'm in charge.
"I always hoped Seth would want the job," he said suddenly. "Part of me, at least. A small part because I couldn't do that to the kid, but…I didn't want this. Most days I feel like I'm protecting the pack from its own stupidity. You ever miss being human?"
"I think we all do. It was...simpler, then."
"I resent this conversation. It's complicated being human, too."
I forgot, sometimes. I was glad she reminded me.
"Sorry, Jess."
"Yeah." Jacob turned back to face me, unsure. As always, he made up his mind remarkably quickly. "Let's get to the forgetting, okay? It would make everyone nervous if they thought the Wicked Witch could do that to us."
"Hey!"
He laughed. "Sorry, Glinda. But you get it, right?"
Yes. I understood. That we could tap into the fundamental part of them—of course they might see it as a threat (especially those inclined to see me that way in the first place). Rina had discovered what we could do because it was supposed to be a threat. It wasn't the time for misunderstandings.
What I had once been too afraid to do came to me easily now. It might be different if they were phased, but in his human form, I could isolate Jacob's thoughts enough that he would forget I was ever there. I took our conversation.
Afterwards, we talked of the success Seth and Brady and Dave were having learning from Zelda. Limited success, for the most part, but it was slowly coming along. He was proud of his boys; it brought joy to my heart seeing him so proud.
Then I left him in his office and went to find Leah.
Leah listened to me just as silently as Jacob had; she even turned her back to me the same way he had. Since I had practice, the explanation came out with far fewer awkward pauses.
"And you're sure it would work?" she demanded.
"Yes. We're sure."
I had driven Rina nuts with my demands that she be certain; I didn't doubt that she had verified to the full extent of her abilities that the ritual would work.
"It would just affect the imprinting? Nothing else? Because the Volturi know we're here. We can't afford not to be able to fight them."
"Yes."
How powerful had they once been? Perhaps it hinted in the old treaties. Would spirit warriors be as efficient against vampires as the familiars were? What did it matter? The spirit warriors had let themselves die off. It made me shiver, though I didn't think the familiars would ever let that happen (whatever Jacob might order). They had internalized too much of the wolf-forms they became—they would survive.
Even if I kept interfering where I had no right.
I was just asking.
She growled at something I couldn't see. It wasn't loud enough to startle me, but it was enough that I knew she was unhappy. With me? Probably.
"What would you need me to do?" she asked, finally.
"You'd have to be with us when we performed the spell. And we'd need your blood."
"That's it?"
"What did you expect?"
"Fingers. Toes."
"That's a barbaric. We don't—"
That's why the mental disciplines were my favorite and even healing was a little risqué for me. I liked the human body intact. Rina hadn't just been humoring me when she said the ritual was a bit like a healing spell—it was mostly made of herbs. No bones or flesh were required.
"All we need is your blood and your presence," I said. And then we would cross our fingers and hope I had understood correctly when I thought that Jacob would protect anyone dumb enough to help.
"I need to think about it," she said finally. "I need...I need to think."
"Of course."
"I'll come by tomorrow. Longer than twenty-four hours and I'll just phase for sure. It's not a good idea for the guys to find out you can do this."
I wondered if their shared ideas were a product of mindreading for so long, or the reason they worked so well together.
"Thank you."
"I'm not doing it for you. I wish I was—" She sounded tired just then, so I gave her a hug (her arms were almost too tight, as she hugged me back), and went on my way.
I left Leah to her decision.
A/N: So my version of Eclipse has Taha Aki spelt Taka Aki at one point. Which proved a problem when I just quickly checked the name and looked at Taka Aki (I can't even remember if I went back and fixed it once I realized I was using both spellings). Not that I'm whining. But if modern books can't get that right, I imagine handwritten documents would be...not fun.