Chapter 34 - Owner of a Conflicted Heart

I shot up in a startle, sweat dripping down my body as I was breathing heavily. I frantically looked around, taking in my surroundings as I tried to calm down. Sunlight was streaming through the window, illuminating the cramped inn room. Luka was sleeping soundly in the other bed and Alice still hadn't returned.

I brought a hand to my chest as my breathing got under control. It felt like I'd woken up from a nightmare, like moments ago evil personified was in the room and I was unable to do anything… only to suddenly wake up in the morning.

Was it a dream? Did I imagine it?

I tentatively touched my arm, roughly the spot where she had injected me with the needle and winced at the soreness. It had been a while since I had any shots but I could still tell what it felt like.

I breathed deeply and noticed that the pain in my chest was gone. There were no dull aches or sharp spikes as I breathed… I almost didn't want to know what she had done to me. I wasn't sure if she had used magic, but severely doubted it if she had used a needle on me.

I knew she had been watching me, the cupid and last night confirmed any lingering doubts I might have had, but it was another thing for Ilias herself to actually appear. Everything I had said and done had been reported back to her, if she wasn't the one actively watching and that included all my late night escapades…

"Fuck." I muttered under my breath.

I needed to become a monster. That was the only way I'd survive in this world. It was that or hide away until everything gets resolved, but I had long since passed the point where that was an option. There might have been other ways, though the only thing that came to my mind was cybernetics. The only people in the world able to do that were sociopathic scientists or insane necromancers, so that wasn't much of an option.

I shuddered to imagine how Ilias would react to me undergoing monsterization… probably poorly. It wouldn't be an overnight process but I was sure she'd catch on eventually. If she appeared again I'd probably blame Alice for my heretical actions. The idea left a bitter taste in my mouth, but I had practically done so last night.

I knew that I'd have to speak to Alice about what had happened. I wondered if she would be able to sense that Ilias had been in the room, assuming the self-proclaimed goddess hadn't hidden her presence.

As I was still mentally processing what had happened, Luka woke up and turned to me. His expression was a mix between ecstatic joy and awed reverence, his entire body positively vibrating. "Will, I had a vision from Ilias! She said she healed you and that we have to head to San Ilia to speak with the king."

Great, of course she'd speak to him.

"Yeah I witnessed it firsthand." I reluctantly admitted. The situation would only encourage more piety towards Ilias, which was the last thing I wanted. "It was… quite the experience to see her in person."

That only seemed to excite him further and be began bombarding me with questions and comments. I tuned him out though and threw off my sheets, swinging my legs around and getting out of bed.

I wanted to dwell on it but there wasn't much I could say or do at the moment. Alice wasn't back yet, and since my injuries were healed I figured it was better to start getting ready than laying about in bed.

"We can talk later, once we're on the road." I cut him off and began pulling out my armour.

He followed suit, though he didn't acquiesce with the questions.

***

It hadn't taken that long to get dressed and all our gear gathered up. As we were about to leave the room, Alice suddenly walked in and looked at me in surprise. "What are you doing up? You'll only aggravate your injuries."

"Yeah about that-" I began but was cut off by a still excited Luka.

"Ilias healed him!" He shouted, overjoyed expression on his face. I found it annoying but I could understand it. His goddess did just intervene once more and save his friend's life… well, healed my injuries. I didn't see her lifting a rock off my chest or stopping that bomb.

Alice's expression soured, and she immediately turned to me, eyes boring into mine. "Explain, now." She didn't sound pleased.

"Ilias appeared in the middle of the night while you were gone and healed my injuries." I answered, wanting to say more but not wanting Luka to hear it. I glanced to him and Alice seemed to catch on.

Without hesitation she grabbed him by his shoulders and shoved him through the open door. His protests were cut short when she closed and locked it shut. He knocked on the door, but we both ignored him.

She switched to her monster form and slithered up to me, lifting my armoured shirt and inspecting my chest. "How did she do it?" She asked as her fingers brushed over the previously sore and tender skin. Even the massive bruises had disappeared. "Magic wouldn't have worked, otherwise you would have been fine when I tried yesterday."

"You tried to heal me yesterday?" I didn't remember that, though the events were kind of a blur.

She averted her gaze for a moment. "I was… worried and had to see for myself it it would or wouldn't work."

"Ah," I nodded, "you didn't want to assume it would have no effect just in case it actually did."

"Essentially." She finished inspecting my torso, then pulled the collar of my shirt down and leaned in. I felt her breath against my skin and her hair brush against my face, the scent of flowers filling my nose. "The bruises on your neck cleared up as well."

"Did they?" I didn't really have a mirror to check for myself and last that I had checked it had started to turn a bit yellowish. "Well, at least my neck isn't purple anymore." I was trying to look on the positive… as hard as it was.

She finished inspecting my neck, lifting her face so that it was next to mine. "Do you have any idea how she did it?'

"I felt a needle stick into my arm before blacking out." I answered in a hushed tone. I hoped that whatever angel was spying on us couldn't overhear us. I wasn't sure how common needles were and if me having knowledge of them would seem odd…

Oh wait I recognized them way back at Happiness Village when Sunny was making stupid nurse jokes. Well never mind then, that cat's already out of the bag. "So, no idea really." I finally answered.

"Another thing to deal with." She sighed and leaned her head against my own, chin resting on my shoulder. Her hand was wrapped around my waist while another tugged at my pants. "I spoke with Tamamo last night, and told her what happened. We need you to speak with us again and go through everything you know."

"Okay." I had caught onto what she was doing. I thought she was just examining my former injuries, but it was smart to use the closeness to speak quickly and quietly. There was still a chance of the angle no doubt spying on us overhearing the topic. "When should we do that?"

"Soon." Her tail had slowly coiled around my legs. "They'll contact me when they're ready, until then be ready."

"Okay." I gently nodded, enjoying the sensation of her skin and hair against my skin. I had really missed it.

"Good." And like the she disengaged from me, move back and sporting a more neutral expression. "That's settled then."

"Yep!" I replied trying to sound upbeat, but fidgeting with the straps of my backpack.

I was a bit dejected that the moment of closeness had passed so quickly, but there was no time to dwell on that. I felt the beginnings of dread and anxiety start to gnaw at the back of my mind, worried about what Ilias had done to me and where I stood with Alice. "Shall we get going?"

"Yes, though I wish to say one last thing." She glanced away and crossed her arms, hands idly tugging with the fabric of her gloves. "I was worried when I saw you under that piece of debris. If you had been mortally wounded there was nothing I could have done. Despite how I felt, how I still feel, you… matter to me." Her head lifted up and her gaze met mine. "Don't take this as some heartfelt confession of love because it isn't, but that doesn't mean you aren't a friend."

That brought a small smile to my face and helped ease my mind. "I'm glad to know I can count you as one of my few friends and that you consider me one as well." It was comforting to know that she gave a damn about me and I hoped this was a step towards her opening up more.

In spite of that though, I had my own slightly conflicting feelings about Alice. She was attractive, there was no doubt about that, and I had quickly become infatuated with her, except that was about the end of it.

It's just that I knew any sort of romantic relationship wouldn't last. She was the Monster Lord, and for the time being I was a squishy human. A relationship either lasts or it doesn't, and the latter was far more likely… Though that was probably me reading too much into our current dynamic, I guess. Assuming things will go a certain way when they probably won't.

I wasn't really expecting anything to happen but some thoughts crossed my mind from time to time. It was probably for the best that I didn't get too hung up on Alice, less it blind me to other opportunities in the future…

I felt a wave of shame slowly wash over me as I thought back towards the morning encounter with Nomia. The sight of her weeping like that was… unsettling. I never know what to do or say in situations like that, much less when I'm the cause of such a reaction.

My concerns about her behaviour still stood, but what made me ashamed was thinking about using Luka to find some rich sugar momma to mooch off of. I had always joked with my family about wanting to marry into wealth and spend the rest of my life coasting on it, but reflecting back on my line of thought made me feel manipulative and self serving. I'd definitely prefer not to live in poverty, especially not in this world with only Luka as a possible support network.

And even if Nomia hadn't acted the way she acted, if there was no baggage involved, I wasn't sure if I would have given her a chance…

I probably would have, I had no issue with Beatrice or Sylvia. I think it was the fact that she was expecting marriage from the get go, coupled with the stalking, that completely closed any possibility.

I wasn't sure if I'd ever see her again, but if I did and if it was on good terms I'd… I don't know, give her chance. If nothing else just talk and get to know her.

"You're awfully quiet." Alice remarked, pulling me from my train of thought.

"Oh." I muttered, realizing that we had been standing there in silence. The sun was streaming in through the window, illuminating the small room. "I'm just reflecting and thinking, that's all."

"You do that a lot."

I shrugged and offered a small smile, idly fidgeting with the straps of my backpack. "Well it's all I'm good for, so might as well."

"That's not true." She smirked, tone turning slightly teasing. "You're also an adequate cook and bed warmer. That's something to be proud of."

I let out a chuckle and shook my head, relaxing somewhat. "Aw, you say the most flattering things."

She seemed amused by my response and changed back into human form. "Shall we get going then?" She turned slightly and gestured towards the door. "If we keep Luka waiting any longer I fear he may get himself involved in some convoluted side quest."

"He wouldn't be a hero if he didn't." I joked, then reluctantly made my way to the door and opened it. It was nice getting a moment alone with Alice to just talk.

However, as I reached for the doorknob I stopped as I felt Alice pressing herself against me, her hand resting on mine and breath tickling the back of my neck. "And Will, don't forget that your new diet begins tonight. We still have an entire jar of honey that needs to be dealt with."

"R-right." I blushed at the sudden contact. "I haven't touched it since, so it's still pretty much full."

"That's good to hear." She stayed leaning against me for a moment more, before moving to my side. Gently gripping my hand, she turned the doorknob and opened it, ushering me through and following behind.

Luka perked up when he noticed us approaching, having been impatiently leaning against a wall. "Finally," he sighed in exasperation, "Ilias told us to reach San Ilia as quickly as possible and it's a few days travel from here. What were you two even talking about?"

For a moment I briefly wondered about giving a non-answer, but then decided to mess with him a bit. "Well it was a very important topic as I'm sure you can no doubt imagine. Alice and I were discussing whether it would count as heresy or not if we slept together while she was in human form."

It felt a little forced and unnecessary, even to myself. I said it anyway in the hopes of getting a reaction from Luka and possibility lightning my spirits.

He was taken off guard, face sporting a surprised expression as whatever he was about to say turned into an incomprehensible squawk.

Alice crossed her arms and smirked slightly, deciding to go along with my dumb joke. "We concluded that it doesn't."

I couldn't help but laugh at Luka's overblown response. It was strange, in spite of recent events it felt like some sense of normalcy was beginning to return to my life.