A/N: I got a lot of comments on the 'Your pants are aflame!' line last chapter. I am so completely flattered that you think it's hilarious, because I actually scream that at my friends and family in real life. (And if someone accuses me of lying, I always say, "Excuse me, my pants are not aflame, thank you very much.")
Oh, poo. Sorry I wasn't specific last chapter. By 'Babygate never happening', I mean Puck and Quinn never slept together. (Although...I may or may not change my mind. Eh, I'll tell you guys if I change my mind. Don't worry about it.)
When Rachel finally showed up at the Puckerman household, with a big brown bag full of stuff, Puck had moved downstairs to the couch so he could watch some TV.
Dani opened the door to greet her and then motioned for her to lean down so she could whisper into Rachel's ear.
"Yes, Dani?" she murmured quietly.
"Just so you know," Dani whispered back, a hint of warning in her tone, "Noah is being twice the major buttface he usually is."
Rachel pursed her lips and nodded slowly. "I'll keep that in mind, Dani. Thank you." She walked across the living room and into the kitchen to lay down the bag on the table. She rifled through it for a thermometer and walked over to Puck.
Puck didn't look up, eyes glued to an episode of Ninja Warrior, doing his best to ignore her.
She stood in front of him, arms crossed, blocking the TV.
Puck just shrugged. "Whatever. I'll just stare at your boobs," he grunted, eyes trailing up before they rested on her breasts, squished together because of her crossed arms.
She uncrossed her arms, walked right up to him and smacked him lightly over the head. "You libertine," she muttered under her breath.
He finally looked up at her, frowning in confusion. "What?"
"It means you're sexually unrestrained." She rolled her eyes and saw the opening as she stuck the thermometer in his mouth, putting her hand on his jaw and shutting it closed.
"Ow!" he grounded out, as his teeth clacked on the little stick.
"Quiet," she hummed. Smiling down at him as he glared and pouted at her sullenly, she waited for the digital thermometer to beep.
Dani grinned and sat next to Puck on the couch. "Haha! You look like a big baby!"
Puck glared at his sister and opened his mouth to say something.
"Don't open your mouth," Rachel stated, tightening her hold on his bottom jaw.
Puck rolled his eyes, but stayed quiet.
After another moment of awkward silence, filled only with Dani's quiet humming, the thermometer beeped and Rachel took it out.
Looking at it, she nodded and said, "Well, you're not feverish, and that's a start. But you obviously have other symptoms."
As if proving her point, Puck started coughing and moaned pathetically, leaning back into the couch. "Leave me alone."
"Be grateful, Noah. With my care, you'll feel better soon enough."
"Back off, Mama Berry," he mumbled, sinking lower into the couch.
Rachel sighed and turned to Dani. "There's a water bottle full of Airborne in the brown bag, Dani, I want you to drink it throughout the day to prevent catching whatever illness your brother has."
"Okay," Dani said, running into the kitchen. "You just work on fixing my diseased brother!" she called from where she was.
Rachel grinned at Puck. "Would you like some soup now?"
"No," he pouted irritably, looking very much like a small, immature child, crossing his arms. His stomach growled, betraying him. "I don't like soup."
She looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
He looked down at his abdomen, glaring. "Traitor."
Sometime later, Rachel finished with making Puck's soup and brought it up to his room. She'd made him move back into his room so he wouldn't 'infect the family living room, causing innocent and unsuspecting people to unwittingly catch his sickness' or some ridiculously paranoid shit like that.
She set it down on the dresser next to his bed and sat down daintily on the side of his bed. "Here you are. Now go ahead and eat up."
He sat up and eyed the bowl of bland looking soup disdainfully. "I hate soup," he said flatly.
"Stop your pouting," she said primly. "And you'd better eat every single last drop of that soup; I'll feed it to you if need be."
"Go ahead then," he said suddenly, a little bit of his usual spark appearing again in his eye. He settled comfortably against the wall headboard behind him and smirked mischievously before opening his mouth wide. "Feed me, Mama Berry."
She raised an eyebrow at him. "I sincerely hope you're kidding."
He shrugged at her. "You offered," he said, smirking even wider than before.
"You can feed yourself."
Puck crossed his arms. "Well, then I'm not gonna eat the goddamned soup."
Rachel gave him an incredulous look. "Noah, you're being an immature man-child."
He shrugged and stayed silent, his stomach growling quietly.
"Your stomach is alerting you for its need of necessary sustenance," she pointed out. When he continued sitting there without another word, she rolled her eyes and grabbed the bowl of soup, placing it gently in her lap. "I cannot believe I'm about to feed you," she grumbles quietly to herself, spooning some of the soup and blowing on it gently. She held it a few inches away from his lips and waited for him open his mouth. "Well?" she pressed, when he stared at the spoon of chicken noodle soup.
"You didn't make airplane noises," he said, completely serious.
She faltered. "I'm sorry?" she asked, slightly dumbfounded.
He raised an eyebrow at her. "You heard me, Berry."
"You're absolutely asinine!" she sputtered.
"No, I'm sick and dying, see?" he moaned pathetically, coughing loudly into his shoulder.
She pursed her lips. "You really want me to imitate an aircraft?"
"Well, yeah. I don't like trains."
Feeling like an idiot, Rachel made looping gestures with the spoon while attempting to sound like an airplane. When the spoon stopped in front of Puck's mouth, he started laughing at her. "Goddamn, Berry! That was the worse airplane noise I've ever heard!" He smirked at her. "I can't believe you did any of that shit just now. You're such a loser," he laughed fondly, leaning over and taking the soup from her lap and placing it in his own. He finally opened his mouth and took the bite of soup from Rachel.
She let go of the spoon as his hand came up to grab it from her. Her cheeks burned a little as she said, "Just eat your soup, Noah!"
He snickered as he took another bite.
But she was glad that he seemed to be better than before.
"Noah, you need to take the medicine."
Puck wrinkled his nose. "It smells gross."
Rachel and Dani gave each other a look before sighing.
"I wasn't aware that you preferred cherry over grape," Rachel murmured. "It was all I had in my house."
Dani shrugged. "We've only got kids' medicine for me. And mom uses something that always gives Noah massive headaches, so we don't have anything for him."
Rachel turned to look at Puck. "It's one tablespoon. Would you please just take it?" she sighed.
"What's in it for me?"
"You'll get better, duh," Dani snorted, rolling her eyes.
Puck sniffed loudly, fighting back a sneeze. "What are you talking about? I am getting better." His nose twitched.
"I think you're gonna sneeze," Dani pointed out.
Rachel raised an eyebrow. "I agree with Dani. Your nose just twitched like a little rabbit's." She walked across his room to grab the box of tissues.
He sneezed.
Rolling her eyes, Rachel held out the box to him. "Here," she said softly.
He grabbed a tissue from Rachel, blowing his nose obnoxiously into it. Once he was done, he inhaled through his mouth, which proved to be a horrible mistake, because Rachel took her chance and quickly shoved the spoon of purple syrup into his mouth. Coughing and hacking around the spoon, he quickly choked down the foul tasting medicine. He shoved the utensil in her hand away roughly, shouting, "Jeez, Berry! You're trying to kill me!"
She grinned and high fived Dani. "Mission accomplished."
"You know. I'm surprised that you're even here," Puck said suddenly, when Rachel had come back with his second bowl of soup.
She handed it to him and looked at him. "And why's that?" she asked slowly.
He shrugged, spooning up a large chunk of chicken and eating it. "I dunno. I'm just surprised that you're not scared of 'catching my sickness' or whatever dumb shit you've been sprouting since you've got here."
She waved a hand back and forth. "Impossible. My immune system is in excellent condition; I won't be getting sick anytime in the near future."
He raised an eyebrow at her. "You really think that?"
"Of course! I haven't had a cold, coughed or sneezed, in years!" she said proudly.
"Well, we'll just have to fix that," Puck said with a shrug, evil glint returning in his eye.
She froze. "I'm…not particularly fond of what you just said, Noah. Or the look on your face."
Puck smirked wickedly, and before Rachel could respond, he'd grabbed the back of her head and pulled her head to his, promptly kissing her full on the mouth. When her jaw dropped in surprise, Puck took his chance and swept his tongue across hers quickly, before pulling away.
Rachel's eyes widened and she sputtered incoherently at him.
"Let's see your immune system handle that, Berry," he said with a positively evil smirk.
(She was sick two days later.)