Jessimyn stood at the railing surrounding the practice yards, watching the men. She was going to tell them that night that most of them would be going home, and she was surprised by the sadness she felt about it. While she knew she was making the right decision, she also knew how disappointed they were going to be. It was for the best, though. Jessimyn smiled a little. She wondered how many times she'd repeated those words to herself over the past few days.

"Uh... Jessimyn?" Kyran said.

Jessimyn turned to look at him. "What is it?"

He'd been standing next to her, watching the sparring, but now he was staring at something behind her. Jessimyn turned to look, and her heart sank. Alistair had just entered the compound and was striding towards her, his two guards practically running to keep up. By his face, it was clear he was not happy. Jessimyn rolled her shoulders back, waiting for whatever was coming.

"My lady," Alistair said through clenched teeth, once he reached her. "I would speak with you in private."

It took everything in her power not to sigh. "Of course, Your Majesty. Kyran, if you would excuse us?"

The mage just took a step back, his eyes wide. Jessimyn turned and walked towards her office, Alistair at her side. The guards waited at the front door, as usual, and Jessimyn walked into her office. She jumped when Alistair slammed the door behind them.

"Tell me it's not true," he demanded.

Jessimyn crossed her arms over her chest. "Tell you what's not true?"

Two quick steps closed the distance between them, and Alistair grabbed her by the arms. "Tell me you're not leaving, not going away. Tell me you didn't lie to me when you said you'd stay. Tell me it's all some crazy misunderstanding." Jessimyn wouldn't meet his eyes. "Maker," he said. "So it's true, then. Why?" He gave her a little shake.

Jessimyn pushed his hands away and took a step back. "I'm... sending Tivven on to Amaranthine, to go through the Joining. I'm going with him."

Alistair moved with her, putting his arms around her waist. "So you're coming back then? Afterwards?"

She tried to push his hands away again, but he held onto her too tightly. "No... I'm going to stay there. I think it's best..."

"Best?!" Alistair shouted, taking a step back. "Best for whom? Where is this coming from, Jess? Just a few days ago you said you'd stay with me until the end, and now... What's changed? Why are you running away?"

"I'm not running away," Jessimyn said. "I just... I can't do this anymore, Alistair. I've been neglecting my duties for too long now. It's time for me to go to Amaranthine." She frowned as Alistair started laughing. "What's so funny?"

"It seems like every other year, we have this conversation." He gave a crooked smile. "But if you think I'm going to just let you walk away like you did four years ago, you're crazy. I should have fought harder, then. I should have forced you to stay then. I probably should have forced you to marry me. I won't make the same mistake twice."

"It wasn't a mistake," Jessimyn said softly. "Coming back was the mistake. I won't..." She swallowed. "I won't be your mistress anymore. I can't. I need to focus on the Grey Wardens, and you need to focus on your family."

"What family?" Alistair growled, stepping towards her so that she had to step back. "You're my family, Jess. More than anything else."

Jessimyn took another step back and bumped into the wall behind her. "You say that now, but Lyrina will get pregnant one of these days. And then what? What will you think of my being here then, when you have a new baby?" She took a deep breath. "I don't want to make this harder than it is. We have to... move on."

Placing his arms against the wall to either side of her head, Alistair leaned in closer. "I'm not letting you go."

"You don't have a choice," Jessimyn said. "I'm leaving in a few days."

He pulled a hand back and slammed it against the wall. "Dammit, Jess. I can order you to stay, you know. I can put guards on all the gates into the city to make sure you don't leave."

"No, you can't," she said softly. "And you know it. You may be king, but I'm a Grey Warden. You can't order me to do anything. How would it look, to pass it around that you won't let me leave Denerim? Besides, what guard would really try to prevent me from leaving, regardless of what you tell them."

Alistair stared at her for a long time, keeping his hands on the wall beside her so that she couldn't move. "I'm not letting you go," he said again. "I know why you think you need to leave, but you don't. You need to stay here. With me." He leaned in close to her, his body brushing against hers. "You know it's what you want," he whispered.

Jessimyn closed her eyes, her voice sad. "It's not a matter of what I want, or what you want. It's about duty. And honor. We've been ignoring those things since... that night in Highever. We've been selfish, and it has to stop."

"No, it doesn't," he said, his lips pressed to her ear. "And so what if it's selfish? We've made our fair share of sacrifices. You're still fulfilling your duty as a Grey Warden here in Denerim, and I'm still fulfilling my duty as king. Nothing needs to change." He moved his hands in to rest on her shoulders. "Nothing is going to change." He began rubbing her arms. "Because you're not going anywhere."

"Alistair..." she began, but he cut her off as he pressed his lips to hers. Jessimyn tried to move her head to the side, but he reached up to hold the sides of her face, crushing his body against hers to pin her to the wall. I won't respond, she told herself. She just stood there, letting him kiss her, but when his tongue managed its way between her lips, she opened her mouth, allowing him entrance. Her arms went around his waist, but when his mouth moved to her neck, she gave her head a little shake. "No, Alistair," she said, trying to push him away.

"No?" Alistair asked, a teasing tone in his voice.

"No," Jessimyn repeated, more forceful this time. "This isn't a game, or a joke, or some sort of test. I'm leaving in a few days, and I don't think I'll be coming back." His hands began moving up and down her body, cupping her breasts, sliding over her hips, and dipping between her legs. "Please don't make this harder than it already is," she whimpered, gasping sharply when he pinched a nipple. "You're not... Maker! You're not going to change my mind."

"You're not going to change mine, either," he whispered into her ear, his hands suddenly up under her blouse. "You're the only thing in my life I ever truly wanted, the only thing that's every truly made me happy. I'm not letting you leave me again."

Jessimyn tried to stay focused, but his hands were very distracting. All the arguments she'd planned on saying went out of her head when he gave the laces on her trousers a sharp tug, and they fell to the floor. "Alistair..." she tried, but then he slid a finger inside her as he reached with his other hand to undo his own laces. "Maker," she gasped as he slid his hands under her bottom to lift her up. She grabbed onto his shoulders for balance, instinctively wrapping her legs around him. Alistair shifted his hips, and then he was inside her.

His thrusts were angry, each one slamming her into the wall behind her. Jessimyn had to tilt her head forward to keep from banging it against the wall. The look in Alistair's eyes was so intense that Jessimyn had to look away, only to have him growl at her. "Look at me," he demanded. When she met his eyes, he leaned in and bit her bottom lip. "Maker, Jess," he gasped, thrusting into her one last time, his body shuddering. When his climax subsided, he lowered her back to the ground, but then his fingers were inside her again.

His fingers thrust into her with the same intensity, and his thumb rubbed against her hard little nub. She gripped his shoulders, feeling the tension build in her lower body. Jessimyn could feel the heat rising in her face, and she knew he was watching her. The tension finally reached a breaking point, and she felt it crash over her in waves. She clung to him as she tried to catch her breath. Alistair tilted his head down to kiss her neck. "I don't want you to leave, Jess," he whispered. "And I know you don't want to leave, either."

Jessimyn reached down to tug her trousers back up. She used the excuse of retying her laces to keep from having to look Alistair in the eye. "But I have to. For both our sakes."

Alistair pulled his own breeches back up. "I've told you before," he said. "Stop acting so noble, like your own feelings don't matter, like everything you do has to be for the greater good. Stop acting like my feelings don't matter. There is no one in all of Ferelden who would begrudge us what happiness we can find, nor are there any who would say you've neglected your duty. Even Lyrina." That got Jessimyn's attention, and she looked up sharply. "Oh, I don't think she knows about us... not for certain, anyway. But I'm pretty sure she suspects... something. But so what? I've never mistreated her, I've always given her everything she's ever wanted. But I don't love her, Jess. I love you. If you leave me..." He choked a little on his words. "...then what was it all for? I am king because of duty, and I have a queen because of that same duty. But my heart is my own to give, as is yours. I gave mine to you a long time ago."

Jessimyn closed her eyes, bidding the tears not to come. She wouldn't let him see her cry. She wouldn't. She felt his arms around her again, and Jessimyn leaned into the embrace. "Alistair..." she began.

"No, Jess," he said gently. "Just... wait. Think on the things I've said. I can't stay, but I'll be back tomorrow, and we can talk more then. But know that I'm not going to let you leave, not without a fight." He kissed her forehead and her cheeks, then pressed his lips to hers. When he pulled back, he said, "I love you, Jess."

"I love you, too," she said, though all she felt was sadness.

Once Alistair left, she went into her bedroom to change. Her trousers were a mess, and she slipped into a different pair. As she walked back out into the hallway, she saw Zevran slipping in through the front door. She looked at him for a moment, then went into her office.

"You told him," she said, knowing that he had followed her in.

"No..." said Zevran. "But I told the person who told him. Have you changed your mind about leaving, then? I was told he was very angry when he arrived, but he didn't leave looking so. And it seems you have changed your clothes, and your hair..."

"Enough observations," Jessimyn said harshly, cutting him off.

Zevran smiled at her. "So should I stop packing my things, then?"

Jessimyn looked at him for a long time before giving a little shake of her head. "No. We're still leaving. It just might be harder to get out of Denerim than I thought. Now, if you don't mind... I'd like to be alone."

She turned her back to the door and heard it shut as Zevran left. She sank to the ground, pressing her hands to her face as the tears finally came.