Isla met briefly with the kennel master. The female mabari, whose name was Kendal, had imprinted and she was moping because her master hadn't come back for her. Isla looked at the man as she stroked the dog's nose. "Send for the king later. She has imprinted and is waiting for him." The kennel master thanked her and she hurried on, leaning on Anders as she was growing tired. Zevran offered to carry her, but she refused.
"We have done enough that has made him question us. I will not have more rumors smearing the Cousland name. Beside it would scare the children." She sighed as Anders cast a small strengthening spell on her. She smiled her thanks to the mage she was already becoming good friends with.
She knocked on the nursery door and smiled at Becca. "My lady! Oh, thank the Maker! Come in." Becca opened the door and the children rushed to Isla. She dropped to her knees and held her arms out, hugging them all to her. She kissed each one as they began talking at once. Kendrick saw her cringe as Elliot wrapped his arms around her and moved to help her to a chair.
"Easy with her." He cautioned the others who sat down and looked at her.
"You didn't come and tuck us in for three nights now." Olivia pouted.
"I'm sorry, Oli. I've been away. I have to leave again." Isla said feeling her heart breaking as the children looked at her hurt and confused.
"You don't love us anymore?" Elliot asked, tears filling his eyes. Isla pulled him into her lap and cuddled him to her chest. She kissed away his tears and shook her head as she rocked him.
"I love you all so much. But I have to go back home with my brothers." She said quietly praying for guidance on how to tell them.
"But you said you wanted us to be a family!" Noah said looking hurt. Isla reached out and held his hand.
"I want that very much, but sometimes things don't work out the way you want them too. I will always love you all. And I hope you will write me. And I will come and see you if the king permits it." Isla promised looking at each one.
"But you are supposed to marry Unky Ali and be our new mommy." Avery pouted.
"Avery, I…it cannot happen. Your uncle needs someone other than me." Isla said reaching for the child.
"He did a bad thing. He's supposed to say he's sorry and make you come back." She protested.
"He didn't do a bad thing. Alistair and I just can't be together anymore. Oh, Avery, please don't cry." Isla said feeling hopeless. Avery shook her head and ran out of the room. Isla couldn't stop the tears then. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come. I thought it would be better if I tried to explain in person. Forgive me children. I love you so much, I just didn't want you to think I had abandoned you."
"But you are." Noah said. He took Olivia's hand and they left after Avery.
"Noah…" Isla cried.
"I love you, Is. Don't cry. We know you have to go back. It's alright. We don't blame you for not wanting us." Elliot said and kissed her cheek before he ran away as well. Isla buried her face in her hands. Kendrick moved to her.
"Isla, don't cry. They don't understand it. I'll make them understand what he did." Kendrick promised. Isla looked up at him and stroked his cheek.
"Oh, Kendrick, don't blame Alistair for this. It isn't his fault that he couldn't love me."
"But it is. He does love you but he was too stupid to see the truth of it all." Kendrick protested.
"Don't call your uncle stupid. And this is no one's fault. And it doesn't change how I feel about any of you. Your uncle loves you all so much, Kendrick. Don't let this change your feelings for him. Promise me you will be good. Roman is also a ranger and he can take over your ranger training. I'll miss you so much. Write me if you have a chance. And know that I am thinking of you always." She kissed him and fled the nursery then. She collapsed to the floor around the corner and sobbed as Zevran held her.
"Why did I want to come back? I just made things worse." She cried clutching her chest tightly.
"It will be alright, Is. They will understand in time. Don't cry. Let's get you out of here." Zevran said helping her stand. She took a shaky breath and nodded. She looked up into the haunted and cautious eyes of Alistair. She cringed back into Zevran and Anders. Zevran quickly moved between Isla and Alistair.
"Isla?" Alistair asked looking at her. He could still see faint bruises on her neck as she moved her hair back to cover the marks.
"Forgive me, your Majesty. I should have asked permission first. I came to say goodbye to the children. I thought a letter would be worse, but it might have been better." She wouldn't look at him and it was all he could do not to reach for her. She looked so broken.
"Isla, you don't have to ask permission to see the children. I'm sure they were happy to see you." She made a choked noise and Anders' wrapped his arm around her. She gave him a smile and stood back up.
"Not so much. I didn't think it would make things worse for them. I thought my just leaving would be worse. Forgive me." She said still not looking at him.
"We need to get her back to the Cousland's. She isn't recovered yet." Anders said supporting her.
Alistair moved out of their way and watched as the two men helped her. "I'm sorry Is. I should have listened to you. I should have known…"
"Save it, sire. I have no wish to hear your apology. It isn't necessary. It won't undo what has been done."
"I still love you, Is." He said. She stopped and looked back at him. Her eyes flashed with anger.
"Thank you, your Majesty." She said coldly.
"For what?" He asked confused.
"For making leaving easy. You don't love me. You never did. You can't love me, because you don't know me. If you thought even for a second that I would ever cheat on you, you don't know me. So thank you for giving me the anger I needed so I can walk away." She said and turned to leave.
"Is…Zevran said you're pregnant." Alistair said stopping her. She slowly turned to him after giving a murderous look to Zevran.
"I was trying to make him see reason and come after you before Vaughan could hurt you." Zevran explained.
"Is it true?" Alistair pressed. Isla looked at him and he could see that she was dead inside. There was no light left in her eyes. He flinched from the coldness he saw.
"It was true. But Vaughan killed it. Don't worry, your Majesty, you won't have a bastard you have to worry about coming to take the spot of your heir." She gave a sharp look to Anders who's mouth hung open. He snapped it shut and gave Alistair a strange look before he helped Isla leave.
Alistair collapsed to the ground and screamed in pain and anger. He had lost Isla. He had killed their child. How was he supposed to go on?
Isla faltered as she heard his scream. She began crying again and would have collapsed if Zevran hadn't lifted her up then. "Quickly." He said to Anders. And they ran through the castle and back to the Cousland's.
-0-
Zevran returned to the palace later. He came to get Isla's things. Alistair was sitting in her room holding her dress he had had made for her for the ball. He looked up at Zevran, and Zevran felt horrible for the pain he saw in Alistair's eyes.
"She isn't going to forgive me, is she?" Alistair asked quietly.
"I think she will eventually. I have no knowledge in these things, but I would imagine believing she was a whore who was playing you to take your throne, would make a girl not want to be intimate with you." Zevran had tried to lighten the mood with teasing, but it only made Alistair sadder.
"I don't know what to do, Zevran. I love her. I was just scared and then you were in her bed and…"
"I am not the one you need to be apologizing to. I, though offended you would think I could stab you in the back like that, get it. My record with women is extensive and under other circumstances I would have tried for her. But I have never had friends before and I would do nothing to hurt my first one."
"I'm sorry, Zevran. I've just been waiting for something to go wrong with her. I kept expecting to wake up and she had just been a dream. We were going to have a child. My child. I never thought I would have a child of my own, and now…" Alistair trailed off and shook his head. "Why are you here? I am sure it isn't to listen to me whine."
"Isla asked me to get some of her things. They leave in the morning. I would like to return to you as your guard, if you will allow it."
"I would be glad to have you back. Forgive me for doubting you. Would you tell her…that I…that I am sorry."
"She won't take it from me any better than she would from you." Zevran said and sat down beside Alistair.
"So you are going to take her things back to her?" Alistair asked.
"Not all of it. She was specific."
"She won't take the things I had made for her?" Alistair asked, but he knew the answer.
"No, but she did want the gifts from the children if you don't mind." Alistair nodded and helped Zevran pack her things. He wanted to send her weapons and armor, but he knew she would just send them back. He summoned a couple of servants and had them take her things back to the Cousland estate. He clasped Zevran's hand as Zevran left.
"Give her some time, Alistair. She has lost as much as you have. She also was violently violated and forced to endure horrific things on top of the things you had done. She is still broken. Now is not the time to push her. Oh, and she said for me to tell you to go to the kennels. The female mabari has imprinted on you and is waiting for you."
"What? She went to the kennel?" Alistair asked confused. He knew he had some messages waiting for him, but he hadn't paid them any attention as he had grieved for his child and Isla.
"She said she had promised she would and she didn't want to disappoint anyone else. I'm sorry, Alistair." Zevran said quietly and left.