Chapter Thirty Eight Feelings
18th August 1965
I was lying in bed, it was 6am, I didn't need to go anywhere but I was awake. I grabbed Johnny's hand just because I wanted to; because I felt like he was gonna leave again.
He woke up and smiled at me. He had such a perfect smile.
"Good morning" I kissed him.
"Morning beautiful" He kissed me back.
"Do you feel like everything's moved to fast?" I asked him.
"What do you mean?" Johnny asked me waking up properly.
"I mean like two years ago we were back at Kellermans being young and wild and free and now we practically have 5 children, and mature jobs and stuff. I wanna be young again." I sighed pouring my heart out to him.
"Baby, we have the rest of our lives to be wild and free! Lilly is almost 4 months old and the kids are growing up!" Johnny smiled at me.
"I love you"
"I love you too"
I got out of bed and had a shower then made a giant breakfast for everyone. At 7 Arianna came down.
"Morning Baby" Arianna sipped some coffee.
"Morning, its Benny's birthday today isn't it?" I replied.
"Yeah the party starts at 12 until 3"
"Okay I have to go and run some errands tell them breakfast is ready and I'll be back at 10:30"
I walked out the house and started the car and drove to Lisa's.
I got to Lisa's and she was sat on the sofa in her dressing gown.
"Lisa…" I walked over and sat down.
"Baby I missed you!" She hugged me.
"It's only been a month" I replied laughing.
"Do you forgive me?!" She asked.
"That's what I came to talk to you about" I answered.
"I still haven't told Dan if that's what you wanted to know"
"Lisa! You're 7 weeks for gods' sake!"
"I know! I just – ugh I want to be with him and he said he didn't want a child for a while!"
"Lisa, if he loves you – which he clearly does because he ran back into a burning house for you – then he'll accept you and the baby!" I then just got up and walked out.
Next I went shopping I bought a cake, banners, and party food. Then I bought Benny a toy train, a book and 2 tops, 1 jeans and shoes.
Then I went to see Mum in jail for one big reason for hell.
"Hello Mother" I grabbed the bars wanting to kill her.
"Baby! How nice of you to visit me in my temporary home."
"Shut up and listen to me bitch"
"No need to be aggressive"
"AND WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU? KIND?!"
"I had to because this family needs to be rid of"
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?"
"Your mother and one day you'll realise what I did was for us and you'll follow my footsteps"
"I WON'T FOLLOW SHIT! I'M HERE TO PASS YOU THIS AND I IT KILLS YOU INSIDE!" I passed her a letter that my Dad never gave her.
He was cheating on her when he was alive and I found a letter and all of his love letters with her.