A/N: I own, well not nothing, but not Twilight either. Not Bella or Edward…which is a damn shame if you'd like my opinion. No copyright infringement is intended.

The time has come. *clears throat* So without further adieu…

From Bella's POV…

I watched him drive away, glad that he didn't turn around and see the tears rolling down my cheeks. I knew I was being a baby, but I couldn't shake the feeling that he was placating me when he said the thing with Jasper wasn't dangerous, just so I wouldn't worry. If it wasn't dangerous, then why couldn't I go? Yes, Edward was overprotective, but no danger is no danger. Knowing Edward, it was just the unknown that he feared. In his own way, he was only trying to protect me from the threat, be it real or pretend. If I didn't love the son of a bitch so much it would be a hard trait to get used to.

Edward was barely gone and I missed him already. It was selfish of me, but I was looking forward to having Edward all to myself. I wasn't so selfish that I couldn't give him up to help Alice and Jasper, but it left me feeling mournful of the lost time. I knew I needed to let go of the feelings. I didn't want to spend the entire time away from Edward feeling miserable, so I let myself cry until the tears stopped coming and then resigned myself to keeping busy to make the time go faster.

I took Edward's suggestion and poured a feverishly hot bath. I thought about adding candles and bubble bath to set a really tranquil mood, but the idea just made me think about how much I wanted Edward there with me. Instead, I opted for some lavender bath salts - simple, subtle and relaxing, and relaxation was what I needed.

The hot water felt good on my knotted muscles, soothing and relaxing me as I let my head rest on the back of the tub and thought about what a whirlwind of emotions the last twenty-four hours had been - from the saddest moments of my life to the most exhilarating and freeing. Being loved by Edward was a thousand times better than I had imagined. In some ways, I think it turned out better than it might have if we had gone into the situation with the intention of having sex. Not that the build up of anticipation couldn't have led to something fantastic, but it could have just as easily led to nerves or performance anxiety or even doubts. There was something to be said for making a decision and giving into it fully in the moment - the rush of emotions and energy that accompanied it was a high. It seemed to make every touch more intense, or Edward was just that good, which was entirely possible. I'd always seen him as a sexy motherfucker; he'd just proven my hypothesis beyond a shadow of a doubt.

I expected the entire act to be more awkward, considering we were both virgins. I'm not sure how my actions came off to Edward, but after being on the receiving end of his love, it was hard to believe he had no sexual experience. I decided that he must be the ultimate sexual being, running off some inherent erotic instinct that enabled him to read every physical and chemical marker my body put out. Every touch was intentional and directed, like he knew what I liked before I knew. He was so gentle and loving. Admittedly, the feel of his hands on my body has always been a trigger for my desire, but the way he held me and the way he kissed me was absolute perfection. I'd never felt so loved. Maybe he just knew what he wanted to bring out in me, and didn't stop until he saw it there. I'm sure he'd disagree with me, but Edward Cullen was a primo lover.

I closed my eyes and dunked my head, holding my breath and submerging my whole self under the warm liquid blanket of the water. I could feel the blood changing direction in my body as the moisture pooled between my thighs, and it wasn't bath water. Thinking about Edward's skills in the bedroom was not what I should be concentrating on if I wanted to keep his absence out of my mind, or remain calm and relaxed during my wait for his return. I briefly wondered what Edward might think if he came home in the middle of me getting myself off. I could just hear my witless retort. 'Sorry, Edward, but it's your fault. All I did was think about having sex with you and your power made me touch myself.' I laughed at myself; at least I wouldn't be sexually frustrated. Then again, maybe he might get turned on if he did walk in on it. I was all for turning him on. I was all for anything that might get him in the mood to touch me again. He was right when he called me incorrigible. I was that and so much more.

I surfaced and tipped my head back, letting the water run off my face before allowing my head to fall back lightly against the tub rim. One little indulgence wouldn't kill me. I'd indulged Edward earlier in class; this would just be me returning the favour to myself. I slipped my hand between my legs and let my fingers lightly graze my sensitized flesh. It didn't feel anywhere near as good as when Edward touched me, which was good and bad. Good, because I had a lot to look forward to, and bad, because Edward was nowhere near me at the moment, and I was aching for him. That would teach me to fantasize about him while taking a bath, or at any time when he was out of town, or out of reach, or, well, not beside me. I used more pressure in my fingers and increased the friction. It felt nice, but not Edward nice, so I gave up. It would never feel as good as him - stupid out-of-town, not-here-when-I-need-him missing-boyfriend-but-awesome-brother that he was.

I eased myself out of the water and pulled the stopper, watching the warm water swirl and create a whirlpool vortex until it all drained away. It wasn't that it was fascinating, but it brought me a few minutes closer to Edward. I was hopelessly addicted; he was going to get such a laugh when I told him how I watched the tub water drain to pass the time.

I pulled myself out of the tub, dried myself off, and snapped my cast back into place. My mind ran down a very short list of shit I didn't really want to do, but would do to keep my promise to stay busy. Stay busy was code for doing something other than worrying about Edward. I wrapped the towel around myself and started my busy work. I wiped out the ring around the tub left by the bath water, folded all the bath towels, unfolded them, threw them down the laundry shoot, replaced the old towels with clean dry ones, and cleaned the bathroom mirror with Windex in an effort to stay busy. He was still never more than a breath away from every thought, and I was less than a breath away from moping.

I wandered into the bedroom, planning to disinter the one pair of pretty pajamas I owned, when I saw it. Sneaky little bastard! Wonderful, sly, keep-to-his-word, serendipitous, surprise-leaver. There, on my bed, laid a pale blue dress shirt. I rushed to the shirt, holding my breath in fear that it wouldn't, but it did - it smelled just like Edward - five parts heaven, one part mischief, ten parts love, and a dash of cologne for good measure. I left the cotton by my nose and inhaled the smell of him over and over again, until my nose lost sensitization to it. Then I shrugged off my towel and let it fall to the floor, slipping the shirt over my arms and wrapping it around my body. It was laughably gigantic on me, but I didn't care. It was his. It smelled like him. It had been on his body and touched his skin. And now it was touching mine, like a tiny insignificant link to him even though he was hundreds of miles away. I didn't have a clue how he had time to drop it off. It must have been before he took me to school. He was so incredibly thoughtful, and I was unbelievably lucky.

I grabbed his phone off the dresser and flipped it open, searching the contact list for Alice's number. I pressed the call option and brought the phone to my ear hesitantly, feeling a tiny bit silly and a whole lot of needy, but I wanted to thank him. Hallelujah for call display.

"Hi." His soft voice greeted me warmly.

"Hi." I bit my lip for a moment, angry with myself for the tears that threatened. He was going to think I was a complete basket case if I couldn't hold it together for one stupid phone call.

"Are you all right?" he wondered. His voice sounded incredibly sexy to me.

"Better than all right, thanks to you."

"You found it?"

"Yes, I found it. I have no idea how you snuck it up here, but thank you. I found it at just the right time."

"I miss you," he crooned. The words and the soft tone of his voice made my chest feel heavy.

"Me too," I croaked, losing my battle to remain unemotional and controlled.

"I'm sorry. I know it's hard. I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't upset me. I upset me. You know I'm just a big ol' baby." I forced myself to giggle; the last thing I wanted was to make him worry.

"How was your bath?"

"Hot." I rolled my eyes at my own intentional double entendre. "It was a good hot though...very good. Have you heard from Jasper?"

"Nothing new, unfortunately."

"And the drive?"

"Fine. We're almost there. We'll start at Jasper's hotel."

"Is there anything I can do back here?" I wondered hopelessly.

"Just stay safe, and don't worry."

"But I excel at worry. You should at least let me do what I'm good at." His answering laugh made my toes tingle. "And Edward?"

"Yes?"

"You drive too fast," I teased.

"I know." I could hear the smile in his voice. "Bella?"

"Yes?"

"You should put some panties on." I could feel the heat rise in my cheeks instantly, and I prayed that it wasn't Alice that had shared that tidbit with him.

"You should come make me," I retorted with a laugh. "Besides, you'll come home faster if I don't."

"True," he admitted, chuckling. "I love you. I'll talk to you later?"

"Love you too. Bye for now."

I waited to hear his phone disconnect before I snapped the cell phone shut, hanging on to the connection to him an extra second or two. I put the phone back on to the dresser and dug into my underwear drawer, foraging for the one or two pairs of panties that I owned that might be deemed sexy or provocative. Black lace thong or blue satin cheeky hip huggers? I chose the blue ones because they matched Edward's shirt better, and if by chance he did make it home tonight, he would lose his shit when he found me in them. I knew he had a thing for my hair, but who knew that Edward Cullen was an ass man?

I slipped on the panties and ceremoniously stuck my tongue out at Edward, fully understanding he couldn't see me but doing it anyway, just in case he could.

"Panties on, Edward," I announced, as if he could hear me. "Now come home and take them off!"

I buttoned the shirt up and rolled the sleeves and headed to the kitchen to find something to bake. I considered doing some laundry, but I didn't want to mess up the smell of Edward's shirt. I scoured the cupboards for ingredients but came up with fewer than the required number of items to make chocolate chip cookies. I found a cake mix, but couldn't find any icing sugar to make frosting with and what was the point of cake without frosting? I settled on an expired box mix of brownies. They were better than nothing and I didn't really want to eat them, just make them to offer to Edward when he got home. Lord knows the boy never eats so I didn't have to worry about making him sick by using outdated ingredients. It was just the gesture I was after.

Even though it made me look like a huge dork, I put an apron on. It was better than risking getting Edward's shirt dirty. Twenty minutes later the brownies were in the oven and I'd washed, dried and put away every item I'd used to prepare them. I was pretty sure time had stopped. I passed the required baking time by trying to make myself slide on the kitchen floor, which was no easy feat without socks on. I wondered if I was entertaining Edward. I knew he'd be watching. He was, after all, Edward.

After the brownies came out of the oven, I set them to cool on a wire rack and headed outside. I stubbornly refused to get dressed, dragging an old quilt out with me to wrap myself in so I wouldn't freeze to death. I read a couple of chapters of my novel, curled up in the Adirondack chair, before my restlessness overran my focus. I'd completed everything on my list of stupid tasks to do to keep busy, and not nearly enough time had passed. I was back to feeling like I wanted to mope and cry again.

I had one last idea, and a pretty damn good one in my humble biased opinion. I would go to sleep. It was early, but when Edward got back I wouldn't have to waste any of my time with him sleeping. I shut the book and went inside, locking both doors on my way upstairs. Even though I didn't really want to have to get up to let Edward in, he'd ride me if I left it unlocked for him, being the overprotective boyfriend that I missed desperately that he was.

The bed was heavenly. I had a whole new rush of Edward's scent surround me when I slipped into covers and I sighed happily. It was everywhere - the sheets, the pillowcase, even the comforter to a certain extent. It was easy to relax. It was easy to fall asleep. If I squeezed my eyes shut tightly enough, I could even pretend he was there with me. I knew he was in spirit.

*****

My eyes sprang wide open two hours later. Eleven friggen o'clock. Not even. Ten fifty-four to be exact. I felt immediately restless, and I couldn't pick up Edward's smell on the sheets to help soothe me. I could feel that familiar ache radiating from my heart. I missed him, and without him I knew I wouldn't be able to settle back down. The only thing I really wanted was to feel close to Edward, not hundred of miles away and alone. For as happy as I used to be alone, I wasn't any longer. I was miserable.

I had an idea about how to make the ache stop and get what I wanted. I knew it was a tiny bit silly, but still relatively harmless in terms of getting myself into trouble. I wanted to go to the clearing in the forest. It was our little spot and it was peaceful there. It was a place where I always felt safe and it was probably the best place on Earth to go to feel close to Edward when he wasn't with me. He would be angry with me for going. He'd tell me it was dangerous to be out so late by myself, and that I shouldn't take chances with my safety, but it was perfectly safe out there. Besides, what Edward didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

I threw on some jeans and a thick wool sweater to keep me warm, and headed out. I turned the radio up and tried to let the music distract me from thinking about Edward while I drove. I drummed the steering wheel and kept time with the beat of the music unerringly. I was to the clearing in no time.

Once I got there, the forest looked a lot more ominous than I thought it would. I sat in the truck cab for a while, staring out at it, willing it to exude some of the goodness it usually gave me. There was nothing but blackness to welcome me.

I took out a pen and piece of paper from the glove compartment and started a note to Edward. There were things I needed to say to him before he told me his secret, things I wanted him to know and feelings I wanted to share. None of these things would be changed by the secret, which is sort of why I wanted to write them out first. Someday I would show Edward the letter and he would understand that, even in my weakest moments, I loved him more than words could ever say.

Writing made me feel more emotional instead of less, and once I finished the letter I decided that, darkness or not, I was going to go sit in the clearing for a while and do my best to feel close to Edward. I grabbed my flashlight and headed into the pitch-black shadows of the trees. I knew the way there by heart, even without the beam of illumination the flashlight provided. The trees were so dense that no light filtered through and the darkness engulfed me. I didn't mind. I could feel the meadow pulling me, almost as if he was there, waiting for me. I imagined that if I closed my eyes I could almost hear his whisper on the breeze, like a gentle caressing murmur.

The clearing was a peaceful and welcoming place in the daytime, but at nighttime, it looked almost magical. The cloudless sky sparkled; thousands of tiny stars twinkling, light years away. I found Ursa Major with little difficulty. Charlie had shown it to me trying to get me talking after I first moved here. He thought if I saw something familiar here it might feel a little more like home. It did help. The Big Dipper was easily visible against the dark sky tonight. I would have to tell Charlie I found it by myself. He would be proud of me.

I knelt down and then dropped on to my hip, tucking my feet around the side of me as best I could, and stared up at the stars, pondering if Edward could even see the stars in a city as big and bright as Seattle. I doubted it. I wanted to call him and ask, but when I reached into my jeans to pluck out the cell phone, I realized I didn't bring it with me. Edward was going to kill me if he called and I didn't answer.

"Shit!"

My voice echoed off the trunks of the hemlocks and firs, and reverberated back to me. I'd never noticed the effect in the daylight. Then again, it was never this deserted in the daytime. There were always animals and insects and birds around. It was kind of creepy to be honest. It was certainly lacking the warmth and connection I was looking for.

I closed my eyes and let my memories of the meadow flip through my mind. So many things happened here, and though they weren't all good, they all led me to Edward. Each tiny moment intermingled in my mind - our first and second kisses, admitting I needed him around while curled up in his lap, our picnic. So many beginnings, so many changes, happened right here. I tried to garner some kind of closeness to Edward from all of it, but it only made me feel more alone. Without Edward, the clearing was just a place. It didn't keep my connection to Edward viable like I thought it would. What I really wanted was for Edward to be here, and he wasn't. There was no piece of him left behind here waiting for me. He was miles and miles away helping his sister and brother, and I was sitting in the darkened forest by myself wishing for him like a loser. It was time to cut my losses. What I was searching for just wasn't here.

I pulled myself up and started to hobble back towards the truck when I heard a faint laugh, carried from somewhere nearby by the wind. It was familiar somehow, almost encouraging, engaging and magnetic and intriguing, and I turned in the direction it came from. I searched the murky darkness for the person with the inviting laugh, listening for movement and drifting towards it, seeking its owner. In the back of my mind I knew it was wrong. Wandering around the forest alone, near midnight, searching out a phantom laugh was not the safest way to pass the time. It wasn't safe at all. Yet I followed the sound further into the forest, losing my way, depending on the familiar echo to show me the way out of the tangle of branches and trunks.

I could see light up ahead and squinted to bring the distance into focus while I continued to move forward. It must have been moonlight; nothing else could be that bright in the middle of the forest. I'd been too busy feeling sorry for myself to even notice that the moon had risen. My feet moved without my permission, pulling me towards the beam of light that illuminated the mysterious laugh I was chasing. When she turned to look at me, I stopped dead in my tracks. Golden curls blowing out majestically from around her face, beautiful red lips - swollen and blood covered - crouched over something I couldn't identify, something furry, something animal, something that was once alive. Her topaz eyes locked on mine, full of fury and contempt, familiar eyes, not in shape or story, but their colour was unmistakeable.

Her feral silhouette lengthened and she took one step towards me. I was paralysed, unable to move towards her, unable to run away. The only thing on me that would move were my eyes, and they only seemed to widen as the horror they fell upon sunk into my consciousness. They darted from the magnificent creature to its prey and back again. The bloody carcass was a deer; the buck's antlers were butted up against the tree trunk beside its head. I looked for a gun or a knife or a bow, anything that could have been used to kill the animal. There was no indication of a weapon - not on the ground, not in her hands, nothing attached to her in a holster or sheath or woven over her shoulder, just her empty hands and a dead animal.

Her head shifted to one side and then the other as she stared at me, inclining and tilting like she was sizing me up. Her eyes never left mine. The blood on her lips began to drip from the corner of her mouth. Her hand snapped up to wipe it and was back at her side in less time than it took me to blink. I began to wish I were dreaming. It was the easiest explanation to the strange scene playing out in front of me - the option that this didn't need to mean anything because it wasn't real, just my subconscious playing tricks on me. She took another step towards me.

"Rosalie?" My voice was unsure and tentative.

Her graceful form recoiled at the sound of my voice and a loud growl left her lips. I didn't understand anything I saw before me, but I knew the sound was dangerous. I took a step backwards, finally breaking the trance she had me in, and lost my footing as the toe of my cast caught on some tree roots. I tumbled to the ground, drowning in the full force of my panic. My flashlight dropped from my hands and rolled out of my reach. There was no time to look for it. I couldn't move fast enough to get away from anyone, let alone someone who was capable of catching a deer with her own hands. Frantic, I began to crawl, bloodying my knees as the debris on the forest floor ripped, first my jeans, and then my skin. I heard her hiss behind me, piercingly fierce. I struggled to get to my feet, limping and pulling and throwing myself ahead with everything I had in me. I didn't stop to see if she was chasing me. I didn't stop for anything. I just kept moving, like it was the only option, one foot in front of the other ad nauseum. There was no thinking, only doing, and I kept on doing it until there was no more energy in me. I collapsed and closed my eyes and wished for something to take away the terrifying images in my head.

What I saw just wasn't possible. It was logically unsound. It lacked rationality and sense. Maybe I had gone crazy and conjured up images that weren't really there?

I heard the tiny voice in my head whisper.

'It was real.'

Even in my head it sounded preposterous, but I instinctively knew what I'd seen was real. There wasn't any part of me that wanted it to be real, or wanted to deal with what would follow, but try as I might, I couldn't make myself believe in its falseness.

"It was real."

I felt my lips form the words, heard the sounds leave my mouth, and then something inside of me snapped. Everything went black and I embraced the nothingness, closing my eyes and slipping under.

*****

I heard a familiar voice call me an unfamiliar name but I didn't open my eyes. I wasn't afraid of him. He would never hurt me.

The images churned and re-ignited the panic.

I couldn't remember how far my feet had carried me, but I was sure I didn't know how to find my way out of the forest to my truck. I needed someone to help me because I couldn't help myself. I was too tired, too lost, too incoherent.

He put his jacket around my shoulders. He said I was shaking. I couldn't find my voice to tell him the shaking had nothing to do with the cold. His strong arm came out, hooking behind me and guiding me. His hand didn't feel right on the small of my back and I couldn't figure out why. I didn't know where he was leading me, but I was too exhausted to fight him. I willed my feet to move and follow him, and somehow they did.

Everything seemed hazy and disconnected, like I was losing time. The things happening around me were disjointed. Maybe the whole thing had been a dream?

The house I found myself standing in front of was unfamiliar. I was sure I'd never been there before. I wondered why the walk back to my truck didn't have the same habitual feeling it normally did and how my truck ended up so far away from where I parked it. The words were there but I couldn't make my mouth ask the questions.

He helped me into the truck but it felt completely wrong. The engine was too quiet, the cab too claustrophobic, and the smell was not right. I squeezed my eyes more tightly shut, trying to block it all out. Nothing felt truly right, not my surroundings or my truck and most of all not my thoughts. I couldn't shake the fear. Her hiss rang again in my mind, so loud I turned to look behind me. Another surge of panic sent me reeling. A dream couldn't feel this real.

His voice was reassuring. He promised he'd get me home safely. Had he promised me that before? I kept my eyes closed, focusing on his tone, and tried to find comfort in it. There were too many words to listen to or make sense of. I picked up bits here and there. He was taking me home. He would call Charlie.

He opened the car door for me, and when he took my hand to help me out it shouldn't have felt foreign, but it did. I looked at our hands, trying to understand, forcing myself to focus and think. Something was wrong with me. The electricity was gone. I was broken. Everything was broken.

He put his arm around the back of me and gently persuaded me up the walk, helping me sit down on the steps. I watched him check the door and windows, and look under the flowerpots and the mat. I didn't understand why he didn't just open the door. I just wanted to go inside and shut out the rest of the world.

He pulled me back up on my feet. He told me where he was taking me but it didn't make sense to me. I tried to pull back from him but he was so much stronger than me that all I did was lurch to one side. His arms stilled me.

I heard another voice, familiar and soothing. He called my name. I knew he wouldn't hurt me, and I wasn't afraid until I saw his eyes. Those same topaz eyes. I recoiled as he reached for me, cowering in the arms that supported me, squeezing my eyes shut. It was too late. The memories were already triggered - the hiss, the carcass, the blood, the beautiful face of my would-be attacker - but most of all the fear and confusion.

I tried to block it all out - the voices and the memories and the emotions. I wanted none of it. The voices were angry. I could sense the aggression. I kept my eyes tightly closed, too afraid to provoke more panic with a resurgence of memories. I could feel a familiar energy surging around me. Like a cloud, it tried to engulf me but I wouldn't let it. When it started to feel like more than I could handle, I withdrew from it, hiding in the arms of my protector. Nothing made sense to me. Nothing felt right.

The voices were shouting now, back and fourth, arguing over inconsequential things. He whispered in my ear. Yes I want to go inside with Edward. I had no volume to make my desperate plea, so I dug my fingers into the arms that supported me. Yes I want to go inside with Edward, please. No one heard me.

I couldn't shy away from the efflux of energy that passed between us when his fingers finally made contact with my skin as his hands curled around my waist. My eyes opened without my permission and locked on his. The energy was right and wrong - its existence and power were right, but the fear it created in me was wrong. His eyes were right and wrong - too like hers in a negative way, but concerned and loving like they should have been. Everything still felt off, like the world was spinning in the wrong direction. I stared back at him wide-eyed, trying to ask all of my silent questions about what I'd seen and what I was feeling and begging him to make it better. There was nothing but love there. Not understanding. Not answers. Not explanations. Only love.

Another rush of electricity inundated me in an overwhelming way as he scooped me into his arms. My fear surged and I grabbed on to the love I saw in his eyes and hid myself in it, letting the darkness take me again.

A/N: Please review.