Chapter Thirty- Six
Hermione, Sam, and Andy sat in the walk-in cooler of Merlotte's Bar and Grill, talking amongst themselves. While they weren't could because of the Warming Charm Hermione had cast, they knew they couldn't stay there forever. And there was the fact that Maryann would be arriving to get Sam. That is if the people out in the main room remembering to with all the partying they were doing.
"Sam?" Jane Bodehouse's voice came from the door. "Do you know anybody by the name of Peanut Birch?" She laughed as her voice faded as she walked away, "I wish I could remember."
The three people in the cooler heard continued partying, along with moaning.
Hermione's cheeks went pink, "Oh Merlin, what are they doing?"
Sam smirked at the witch, "What do you think?"
Her face went red, "Good Lord."
"Merlin?" Andy asked.
"Yes," Hermione told them. "He was a real wizard."
They then heard Jason Stackhouse yelling from the main room, "Hey!"
Hermione frowned at the door, "What is Jason doing here!?"
"This party's over!" They then heard her cousin sound off a chainsaw. "Come on!"
Instead of people being scared, they heard laughter. They then hear Jason screaming and sawing something.
"What the bloody fuck is he doing!?" The witch exclaimed.
The sawing stopped, and they realized the music had stopped. People started complaining. The three in the cooler heard a nail gunshot and scuffling.
"Nobody needs to get hurt!" Jason shouted.
"Yeah! Nail her!" A woman shouted.
"Yeah!" Everyone was laughing.
Sam frowned, going to the door, "No."
"Yeah! Yeah!" Arlene was cheering.
"Wait! Stop!" Terry shouted.
"Jason must have Arlene," Andy stood next to Sam.
Hermione unwarded the door and amplified the sound outside the door so they could hear what was going on.
It grew semi-quiet at the sound of Terry's voice, "Don't hurt my special lady."
"Do it!" Arlene said. "I need a haircut anyway, baby."
Terry screamed, "NO!"
Hermione's heart pounded at her cousin's response, "Yeah, I'm gonna do it!"
"Time out!" Terry shouted. "Time the fuck out! All right, Stackhouse. Name your demands."
"Okay, here's how it's gonna be," Jason said. "Y'all gonna leave, every last one of you. Leave us alone, and then you can have her."
"All right," Terry agreed. "The order is to retreat. Immediately, goddamn it. When I give the order, you fucking follow it. Now get on out of here." He then shooed everyone with commands and a march cadence. "Alright, Stackhouse, you gotta hand her over."
"Keep moving, move!" Jason shouted. "The faster you move, the quicker you get her."
The only sound Andy, Sam, and Hermione then heard was doors closing.
"Sam, it's Stackhouse." At the sound of Jason's voice at the door Hermione cancelled the sound amplifying charm. "You can come on out."
Jason knocked on the steel door a couple times. Sam shook his head at Andy and Hermione.
"Look," Jason said. "I got rid of all them saucer-eyed motherfuckers."
"Bullshit," Andy replied.
Jason's voice grew more serious, "I swear on my gran's grave."
"He has to be okay," Hermione told the Shifter and the policeman.
Andy opens the doored the door to reveal Jason.
"Oh, Andy, hey." Jason waved as the older man shone his flashlight on Jason.
"Let's see your eyes," Andy told the blonde.
"My eyes? Oh." Jason showed them, "Now, get out here. I locked all the doors."
Andy walked out of the cooler, followed by Sam.
"Hey," Jason greeted.
"Thanks, Jason," Sam smiled.
Hermione walked out and canceling the Warming Charms on the three of them.
Jason scowled, "You were in there? Motherfuckers!"
"Just calm down," she told her cousin. "I'm fine."
Sam sighed, "I don't think they're gonna let up till they get me."
"If we're gonna get out of here," Jason said. "We're gonna need even a bigger divergence."
Just as Jason spoke, a keg crashed through a window with a person thrown in after. Terry then led people through the now opened window.
"There's Sam Merlotte," Terry told the crowd. "Get him."
"That ain't exactly what I was talking about," Jason commented. "But you work with what you got. Go."
The four went to leave out the back door but the crowd continued to come in the bar and soon they were surrounded.
Terry silenced everyone as he put Andy's gun on the counter and sat down, "Sam Merlotte. There's no escaping, Sam Merlotte. The God Who Comes always gets what he comes for." He lit a cigarette and began to smoke, "And as for you, Jason Stackhouse, not cool."
"Ain't no normal god gonna come nowhere near you people," Jason replied.
Hermione raised her wand at Terry, unsure where this was going.
"God ain't gonna be happy with you, Jason," Mike Spencer smiled. "I bet he'll eat you."
Hermione pointed her wand at the funeral director-coroner. "Threaten my cousin again and I'll hex you."
"And you too Hermione," Mike's smile grew creepier. "I always wanted to know what human flesh tastes like."
Sam turned to Andy, Jason and Hermione, "You guys gotta save yourselves."
"We'll get you out of here, Sam," Andy said.
"And then what?" Sam frowned. "She's not going to let up. Ever. No. I'm ending this."
Andy went to grab Sam and the Shift shrugged him off, "No fucking way."
"Maybe this will all stop with me," Sam backed away.
Hermione frowned, and grew frustrated when she could barely hear was Sam was thinking by the swirling snarly sound, "Sam, don't."
Sam then let people drag him out the kitchen window.
"No!" Andy shouted as he and Hermione were kept from stepping forward by Jason.
The crowd began chanting as they pulled Sam away and left out the front door.
"Come on," Jason gestured to Andy and Hermione. "I have an idea."
As they went out the back door Jason told them his plan and Hermione agreed it was good and added her own input. They went around the building and saw that Sam was placed on top of a low car. Jason grabbed flares, took his shirt off, and put on a gas mask. Hermione, Jason, and Andy then hid in the cab of a truck.
Jason lit flares and threw them as Hermione shot fireworks into the air. Hermione then cast Sonarus on her cousin as he got on top of the truck. Andy stood behind him with a spot light.
"Silence!" Jason commanded the crowd. "It is me, the God Who Comes! I have come, and now I am here."
The crowd grew quiet and looked up at him.
"You're the God Who Comes?" Mike asked.
Andy shone his light on Sam and the Shifter rolled over and made a gesture.
Andy was confused and whispered, "What?"
Having figured out what Sam was trying to tell them, Hermione turned to Andy with a whisper, "Horns, we need horns. Go get them."
"Sam Merlotte," Jason continued in a commanding voice. "You are my offering. People, your work here is done. Go home."
"Really?" Jane asked.
"Oh, yes," Jason replied. "He is the best offering ever. You will all have… great weather… and good crops."
Hermione whispered sarcastically to her cousin, "Really, Jason? That's the best you can come up with?"
Jason ignored her and gestured to the people, "Now leave."
"Bullshit," Terry challenged. "God has horns."
After realizing this, the crowd agreed.
Jason bent over, then stood back up with Andy holding a branch behind him. Jason let out an empowering shout. The whole thing was so ridiculous, had Sam's life not been in danger, Hermione would have burst out in laughter.
"Woah," Terry replied.
"Is that really god?" Someone asked from the crowd.
Sam crawled off the car, "Lord. Smite me."
"What's he saying?" Jason asked Andy and Hermione. "I can't hear in this thing."
Andy shrugged, "I don't know."
Sam grimaced, "Smite. Me. Lord."
Hermione swore, "Bloody hell, smite him!"
"I smite thee, Sam Merlotte!" Jason called out dramatically. "Die!"
Sam screamed and seemed to disappear with his clothes falling to the ground.
What the fuck did he shift into, Hermione thought.
Andy and Jason looked on in puzzlement as Andy shone a light on Sam's clothes.
"Where'd he go?" Someone asked from the crowd.
"What the fuck just happened?" Andy whispered.
Jason muttered, "I have no fucking idea."
"Just wait," Hermione tried to assure them. "Jason, continue."
Mike held up Sam's clothes and everyone cheered.
"There," Jason told them all. "Happy? Well?"
Terry nodded, "Yeah."
"Tell your leader I am very pleased with my offering," Jason gestured to the crowd.
Jane grinned, "Thank you God."
"You are welcome. You're all blessed. Now go!" Hermione's cousin commanded.
Terry whistled, "Squad, report to Maryann for debriefing."
"Anybody who wants to debrief me can do so right now," Jane said provocatively.
The parking lot grew quiet when the crowd left. Jason jumped off of the truck and took his mask off. Andy put the branch down and picked up his bottle as the three looked around on the ground.
"What the fuck just happened?" The police officer asked.
"I don't know, man," Jason answered. "I don't know."
The witch continued looking on the ground and muttered, "Did he turn into a bug?"
They jumped in surprised by a fire extinguisher going off behind them and turned to see Sam naked in a chef's apron.
"I'll explain later," Sam told Jason and Andy as he put an extra fire extinguisher on the ground. "Just help me put out the fucking flares before they start a fire."
When he turned around they saw his bare ass.
Andy took a drink, "That is the last drink I will ever have."
Hermine called out to Sam, "Is it just going to be common place to see you naked, Sam!?"
The Shifter chuckled, "You'll just have to get used to it, Cher!"